A Bad Idea: The Straight Girl

Not necessarily "bad" daunted.

I found her vulva again, and I found her face again. At around the time I began a single unstopping tonguing kiss, I delicately matched what I was doing to her tongue with what I was doing with her clit. I stayed in that single kiss all the way to and through her orgasm, and without visibility of the room to make her bashful she gladly groaned and yelped into my mouth and then when the moment came just breathed irregularly.

We stayed there, we talked, first about the sex, then, while we put on some underwear, about whatever, and just chatted. She drove home at 1am. She didn't kiss-goodbye, but it wasn't awkward... I think a "kiss goodbye" would have solidified that she was a girlfriend.

There were several days with nothing. (Well, with not-her, I have a life and I'm sure she does too.) On day two I texted:

"Hi, just checking whether you're okay. I'm sure things are a lot."

"Hi! Things are not not-okay! Yep, a lot, heh! But intriguing. And I like spending time with you, either way."

"Do you need some time to think, or to not-think?"

"Not necessarily! I'll be in touch soon?"

A few days passed.

I was meal planning when my door knocked. This was common, everyone's friendly at the front door of the complex, people always find their way right to the apartment. I rolled my eyes and carried my cook book to the door, still open. I was even looking at the page when I opened it. Kassan had extremely combed hair and her most dazzling skirt. She looked sheepish.

"Hello! I'm sorry to spring something on you but I was in the neighbourhood? And realized I actually really missed you. And wondered if you wanted to chat or hang out?"

I closed the book, keeping my eyes on her.

"Sure, why not," I said, bringing her in. She asked about what I was doing, and I explained the meals I was going to set up, and she listened, her body closing in on my a little.

"So are you alright?"

She nodded. "Yes. I'm a strong girl, Sadah."

"You know I know you know I know that, K." She counted the you-knows with her hand and nodded her assent facetiously. I closed the cookbook. "This is a little more than an experiment in girls now, and I don't know whether you consent to finding out whether you're okay with that."

"Well I have no problems with it, it's just, new?"

"We can be slow if you like."

"Well, depends how you mean by slow..."

"So would you like to stay for one of these dinners, and take a walk after?"

She giggled playfully. "Actually if you like we could stay in? I think I've actually rather been missing you," she said, her face now close to my face, gleaming.

I decided to give her the frankness test.

"Mhm, so are you asking me to have sex with you after dinner?"

She blinked, bashful but playful. "Well that's one way to put it! Maybe, if you like?"

"You sounded a little unsure you were ready to want that recently."

"I know, and thank you for understanding. I think I'm interested in giving it a further go."

I blinked at her. We stood close, neither quite stand-offish nor teasingly sexual. Scratch that, both, not neither.

"Okay. We can do this again. We can do this. Before we do this, I have two conditions, and they're important. Are you ready for this?"

She raised her eyebrows, and moved her hands back and forth in a 'give me the spiel' gesture. "Okay, what should I know about what happens before we, uh, continue this experiment?"

"No it's actually about 'during', not 'before'."

She raised her eyebrows in intrigue. "Intriguing...?"

"First, this time, and maybe indefinitely, I haven't decided yet, anything that happens happens because you've asked me. No insinuation, no waiting for me to take the lead so you can shyly ponder whether this is okay. If we're in you're all in. Kassandra, I will do anything you ask me to do to you and you can do anything to me, I trust your desires and you can explore them to your heart's content with me, but you have to ask me." K had wide eyes.

I continued. "You have to either look me in the face and ask me or take it on your own initiative. Understand? I just can't make love to someone I'm worried doesn't really want to be there. I can't do that again." Kassandra stood there, nervous and flushing and bashful but deeply interested. I had her in active listening. She stretched her mouth sheepishly and nodded.

"Second: I want you to stay present with me. I want you to look at me. No 'descending into your body' bullshit. Kassan, If you can't do this I can't trust you want this. If you close your eyes I could be anyone. I could be any mouth on your labia, any hand grabbing your breasts. I could be a dildo. Kassandra, I've had people use my body to masturbate and I am not here for that. I realize you're going through this whole discovering-yourself am-I-really-doing-this thing, and that's legit, that's important, but I matter too and so here's my answer so you can like, find yourself: you're going to look at me. If I go down on you you keep looking at me. If I take my clothes off you look at my body. If I'm kissing you you keep your eyes open and on me. If you have to keep your hand on something only a woman has to remind yourself what's going on, I have plenty of those. I am a woman, my name is Sadah Hart, and you're about to have a lot of sex with me. Either you don't consent to that, which is legit, or you make yourself enthusiastically comfortable with that fact and take off my clothes and fuck me."

I talked a good game but I had the same deeply flushed face and jiggling knees that she did. I meant it though: there's a maternal affection in taking care of someone and loving them through their discovery, but I needed a lateral connection with someone that made me matter to. She still looked tight-lipped and quick-thinking. She wasn't at all used to being given a talking to, and I hoped it didn't come off as putting her in her place, because she's fierce and I'd kill anyone who tried to make her smaller.

Ultimately, she resolved something in her face and she closed her eyes to approach me and I made a sound that stopped her. We held a gaze instead as she planned whether to make a next move and what it would be. So we just stared. In some mountain-top retreat I went to years before this was called "the beholding": a complete gaze into someone's soul, taking turns fully seeing and being fully seen, and accepting what you saw. Finally, she was looking at me, and saw into me. I let myself be seen, proud chin high. When she saw whatever it is she saw she smiled a little. I looked into her and I saw lustre and thirst and strength but also just affection and always a little playfulness. I could have been imagining it. Her fervor was settling into a slightly less urgent version of itself, but still drilled slowly into me. She shifted her expression again, fluttering her lashes a little and cocking her head a bit. Half her hair hung as she tilted, and eventually she straightened up and came closer to me still.

Kassan raised her hand between us, pivoted it at the wrist, and breezed up my arm with her knuckles. She watched me gasp and sigh at it, and before my eyes opened again her fingers were on my face, feathering along my round cheek. It reminded me of our first touch, with roles reversed. Unhurriedly Kansan explored my face, neck, and scalp, lingering and elaborating the touch every time I sighed or swayed my head.

I felt a little something on my back, and it was a delicate pair of seeking fingers, which found a drawstring and pulled it, which pulled my ornamental belt around my mid-belly, which is turn slipped apart the two folds of my blouse away from my navel and back and away. She knew exactly what kind of unusual strap my bra had because it was loose and hanging in a snap of two fingers. Someone who knew the esoteric logistics of women's clothing was pressing the buttons to gracefully release them and that always thrilled me.

Licking her lips a little, she dropped her gaze to my torso, really looking at my breasts and belly, taking all three components of my torso in as a single unit, belly and breasts jutting out like my proud little chin was. This was the vulnerable power of a plus-sized woman reclaiming her features as power and my body was being beheld and... yes, enjoyed. She's looking at my body and she's enjoying it. Kassandra raised her hands tentatively and slid the palms and fingertips along my side, middle, up almost to the armpits, down down down to the hips and in to the folds leading to my vulva, then softly up the sides. I knew she was going to my breasts but on the way she was deliberately experiencing my tummy, and I breathed in shudders as she slipped her hands up passed my navel. When she reached the underside of my breasts she watched in great interest at her fingers arched apart to softly climb up their length, before bringing her eyes up to me. Her gaze looked that kind of determined that appears almost angry as she began to explore my nipples. By then I had abandoned my power pose as I let myself gently rock, very slightly thrashing my hips and shoulders and face, and only then did I realize she was still wearing her coat.

One of Kassan's upper front teeth nibbled her lower lip. The lip became free again and came close. I looked up and Kassandra's eyes, looking into my own, didn't close. She watched my open eyes the whole time she kissed me. We watched each other's reactions to the feel of each other's mouths, to the feel of her fabric against my torso.

She looked impatient with the logistics as I unfastened the many many buttons of her layers.

As Kassan's kisses drifted swiftly up my thigh, I didn't notice any hesitation or reserve. She noticed the affection and the overwhelmed sensation on my face and she appeared to want more of it. She was there now, THERE, and I won't lie, I won't tell a porno's version of reality, she was tentative and amateur in her first moment, but there Kassandra was, kissing my vulva as she stared into my eyes. She treated it as any first kiss, letting her lips feel another pair of lips, smooching once, smooching twice, and with a tiny flourish to her right she let the inside of her lips slide against the inside of the lips she kissed, exploring the inside a little. Exactly like a first kiss. She was giving a first-date goodnight-kiss to my outer labia. And I was so bashful, feeling quite plainly that because of her elaborate foreplay I was now thoroughly and conspicuously slick. What if she hates this.

Kassan had a momentary pause, analyzed her mouth with her tongue, analyzed my eyes, and I beamed with a look my consent for her to stop. You're allowed to stop. Kassandra nuzzled her mouth into my vulva again and I felt what must be her tongue. She was trying to French-kiss my vagina. It was sentimental and cute and lovely in its eagerness, but all I could really think of was the fact that her eyes, peaking up from my pubic hair, were fawning at me in emotional connection; my love for her and regard for her consent had opened something in her. It didn't matter one whit that she wasn't practiced in 3rd-person vaginal stimulation, because I was desperate for the touch of the woman who was touching me, who was now slowly but feverishly giving my vulva what reminded me of the upside-down kiss Kirstin Dunst gave Spider-Man, full-lipped and open, and watching her accelerated my desire.

She found my clit with her tongue, but stayed in little circles around it, escalating its need for touch without hitting the button, and I made some sort of undignified nasal groan and grabbed my breasts with force. I thrashed my head at the touch even after it finished.

"Okay what the hell was that," said an amused little voice between my knees.

"...FUN. Umpleasemore."

After a moment of exploring to find her pace, she looked at my vulva up and down, and started again, this time alternating between moments of softly softly licking the upper area where my clitoris perched, and deeply exploring within my vagina; nearly the whole time watching my face. She was watching me, and I may have been bold but this felt far more vulnerable than I expected, and I felt seen in the most embarrassing but reassuring way possible.

She came down to me again. Her tongue was wide, flexed taught enough to push in, longer than her kisses implied. It was low, very low, slipping along the floor of my vagina with each lick. On the third lick, she was deep enough that her entire mouth closed on me.

My gasps must have sounded horrified, but I was also giggling in a breathy heave with every exhale. She must have felt how much of my body was thrashing.

I watched her and she watched me. She was keeping her promise, eyes open and connected to me. I let go emotionally and just selfishly watched as a nose, eyes, and frizzy hair peaked over my pelvis, bouncing around with each motion into and around me.

I was extremely glad for her eye contact, I needed the affirmation that she was present with me, but as her stimulation began a clockwork of ongoing sensations, my entire head began exhibiting a series of rolls in circular motions, thrashes left and right, and, as I realized two fingers were within me crooking "come hither" motions deep within and her mouth had become gentle but constant on my clit, my hips began an uncontrollable thrash back and forth, with my whole weight behind it, my mouth wide open the whole time. I managed to gaze once more at her, letting the oncoming rush be accentuated by a moment of beauty: naked Kassandra, her ass and face visible to me below me, staring into my eyes and softly grazing my clit with the back of her tongue.

My libido had been fully awakened by this affair, this whatever-it-was. I was not about to be "spent", but I had waited too damn long since that first dare to kiss me to cum against this woman. It was right there, waiting for my consent to erupt. I needed the best possible moment to release it into. She was licking my clit, she was sucking it a little, she tried thrashing her face back and forth, and goshyes to it all, but there came this one moment where she began at the bottom, licking deep into the vagina, because while she dove into me her rather large nose nuzzled up onto my clitoris, and that was that: the poor girl was directly in the line of fire.

I didn't even realize I was going easy on the girl until now but I just couldn't anymore, seeing her eyes and her bum as she licked me was the last straw: my feet snagged around her neck and I released cum all over the bottom half of her face. Her eyes wide, she kept up with my bucks and nuzzled her mouth over my vulva for that last moment of decrescendo, making her cute little squirrel cheeks glisten too. A moment passed like that. Finally, a soporific effect cascaded down my body and my ankles slowly released her.

She had just accepted my orgasm into her mouth, and no look of regret manifested. She looked sheepish but... proud? The poor girl, everything below her nose shione with my cum.

I slid swiftly along the floor down her body until, under her, my open legs grabbed around her waist, and I and deeply, deeply kissed her, drowning the sounds of the last little moments of my continuing orgasm, tasting myself in accord with the familiar taste of her mouth and the unique scent of her shoulders and damp armpits.

"Think big Kassan. I'm going to give you the orgasm of your life now but I need the benefit of your imagination."

"Um you already did, remember? Our first time? Gosh, we have a 'first time'..." She was laughing. She was giggling with my cum on her face. What. A. Sight.

"SO FAR. You know me, I break my own records because everyone else is far behind. Now tell me how to fuck you, and don't be conservative about it."

"Hoboy! Hokay... so... there was this one time when I was a teenager and, um... noticed I enjoyed some things happening on... both ends?"

"Okay I'm lying down for this one. You're not." I was grinning. Kassandra looked at me in a humoured kind of horrorified curiosity. I took her thighs in my hands and led her up my body. I stopped her when she was officially straddling my head, hanging over me by an inch.

"Look at me." She was already looking down but she really looked when I said so, blinking several times. She got one side of her hair out the way behind her ear, and watched my face below her hips.

A few fingers in my left hand slid inside her, and she gave me a very serious and determined face. My fingers came out. Soaked now, one finger gently, affectionately tickled a very accessible asshole. I slid around its inside, not entering even though it invited me. It was in the moment Kassan was unable to open her concentrated, overwhelmed eyes that I pulled her pelvis down to my mouth. For the next few minutes, I sucked gently on her clitoris as my hand went "Come Here" inside her ass.

Kassan was a new octave of high little moans as she fucked my face. After a minute, she opened her eyes, found me, grabbed my free and made it squeeze her right breast. After one last thrash of her head, she tossed her hair to my left, looked down at me, and gave me a new tempo of licks with her humps.

But I was the one exposed, not her. She looked in my eyes and her face melted. Shit, I thought. She found the love in my eyes. She sees it. I'm all open. Kassandra fawned at me, touched my cheeks with one finger, started whispering something to me, and then-

She interrupted herself. Something had unlocked, and she yelled in vulnerable heaves. Her eyes closed and her humps became rapid and then still. My finger in her ass was hooked and still, and I released her with the softest series of slick licks on her clit. Her body thrashed once more and settled into her little orgasm belly-dance.

It took quite a long time after her sexual trance had completed for her to remember that she was sitting on a woman's face.

The next time we saw each other, it was to "hang out", on one of my walks and then back at my place. It didn't escape my notice that outside she had held my hand, and once inside Kassandra watched me make lunch while giving me a little cuddle from behind.

After lunch:

"You ready for something new?"

"Um, really? Last time I saw you, I mean saw you naked, I went down on you. How much further down the rabbit hole is there? I mean I'm not getting TOO freaky, just putting that out there. No electrodes, okay??"

We laughed.

"Totally. There's nothing freaky in my home waiting to terrify you. But there's one little thing that occurred to me."

...Okay?"

"So I just can't get over this whole thing where you can't make yourself cum. Can we... look into that together?"

"You... want me to masturbate right now?"

"I'm not going to objectify you or anything. I can too, if you're okay with that. Maybe it'd be fun, seeing how we do it." I was actually bashful too. It's actually really private, really intimate, how a person fucks themselves, it's not being particularly dignified and it's not a performance. I've been known to hold a teddy bear and pretend it's a person fucking me. I've been known to hold my own cheek like someone's holding my face, and whisper what I want people to say to me as I cum. I... wasn't going to be doing any of that in front of another human being. But...

"Well like I once said, I kind of prefer the interactive version! It's kind of what it's all about for me." She giggled politely.

"Okay! That actually gives me an idea..."

K gave me a dubious look.

"Come here for a moment? Wanna try something?" She took my hand, smiling but quizzical, seemed to like that I brought her to a bed, and seemed to like that I proceeded to take off my bra. As I slipped my hands behind her back to take hers off, not only did I check to seek and find some happy consent, but I noticed that she bit her lip a little and enjoyed the moment when our breasts touched. We'd come a long way together, but I liked the reminder that she was attracted to my body, that she wanted it.