A Beachport Reader's Guide

But, given her intense training schedule, going on the regular school digs proved almost impossible. Then, a weird opportunity arose. Advertisements went around for a short, odd off-season dig; pinned up unofficially on the edges of department message boards. Whoever was running it seemed very selective and not in a good way: the only ones of her peers who seemed to get signed up were the lazy and not particularly scrupulous ones. But, still, it was the only one that remotely fit her schedule.

On the day of her interview she was running late, and had to come back straight from practice still in her training outfit: which effectively consisted of running shoes, a halter top, and a pair of large black panties. Christina, by now long used to standing around all day every day in exactly that outfit, didn't see what the big deal was. But when she entered the room, every jaw dropped... and though they had initially been skeptical of her being 'suitable', she was suddenly added to the team on the spot. Soon enough she found herself on a plane - having to fend off the advances of a bunch of her horny team-mates, which she did pretty effortlessly by casually proving she was stronger than they were and could likely crush their skulls between her thighs - and soon she was out there, living her second dream.

But, things just didn't seem right at all. They were barely paying any attention to proper procedures. She was, bluntly, not the greatest student ever but even she could see a world of problems. They were unearthing some truly amazing artifacts - but all the really scientifically valuable stuff like pot shards were just getting tossed aside as if they didn't care at all. But her complaints went nowhere. The local authorities did not seem to want to get involved. Finally, skulking around on her own and deploying her feminine wiles (which she was not used to deploying, but her jaw-dropping body seemed to give her more than enough bonuses to make up for it), she learned the truth: the 'dig' was not a scientific endeavor at all, but a pillaging expedition on behalf of a shadowy supervillain - with she and her colleagues providing just a fig leaf of surface-level credibility so that the bribed local authorities could pretend they had been fooled.

The local cops already having proved untrustworthy, she decided she had to take matters into her own hands. The next night, she managed to get the entire team drunk - well, drunker than normal, as 'being drunk next to the dig site' is by all accounts a field archeologist's natural nocturnal state. Two burly men were still left guarding the artifacts but, given her figure, she had no trouble luring each of them away in turn on the promise of potential sexytimes, and then kneeing them both in the balls using her Olympian-tier thighs. They didn't move much after that. Sneaking into the unguarded tent, she stole the most valuable artifacts - a shield, breastplate, helmet, greaves, and spear, all apparently of polished gold but much much lighter - and made off with them.

But, still not trusting the authorities, she went out into the wilderness and then got lost. Making camp in the night, cold and hungry, she began to grow afraid. But then, something strange happened. In the night, she saw mysterious dark figures appearing all around her - wearing helmets and holding spears. They informed her that they were her ancestors, and that what she had 'stolen' was in fact hers by birthright. They told her that it was her duty to continue their heroic legacy. Then, with a gasp, Christina woke up, still huddled amongst the golden treasures she had saved. But, though a dream, she still thinks the visions themselves were real.

With the dawn of morning, she climbed up onto a nearby rock - and shivered. A local farmer had apparently ratted her out - she saw two jeeps filled with thugs from the dig site coming right for her. In an instant, she knew what she had to do. Donning the artifacts, she presented herself at a narrow defile, to face them.

Forming a line before her, armed and chortling, they demanded she hand over the artifacts. And, since the only other thing she was visibly wearing was the skimpy athletic panty she had used in her seductions the previous night, they went ahead and demanded she remove and hand over those too - if she knew what was good for her.

She replied with the same two fateful words her ancestors had, when presented with a similar request.

For a moment, they appeared unnerved. Then, the thugs shrugged. They tried.

They failed. Their bullets bounced off her. Thinking they had just missed, they advanced on her. This was a mistake. Her Olympian thighs surging, she smashed them apart one after another. At last, limping and crying, leaving their broken weapons behind, they fled from her. She had stood her ground - and won. Just like her ancestors had told her she should.

Hiding the artifacts in a cave, she eventually managed to make contact with her family and, via some of her father's relatives who had appropriate connections, got them smuggled back to Beachport disguised as 'plastic movie props'. Their extreme light weight helped a lot with that deception. There, with several other superheroines already active as an inspiration, it was no mystery where her path would lead. Soon, another shining figure strutted out onto the streets of Beachport, to meet all threats that would be foolish enough to oppose her. Just as soon as she finished applying her ancestor's favorite and most boastful phrase, to the only bit of actual cloth she would be wearing...

Special: Spartina's Spear: this is essentially an 'optional' part of her costume. While it expands her combat capabilities greatly, and allows her to use her trademark athletic ability, it also requires her to keep both hands occupied. Given how precious it is, she is very loath to set it down in the field. And as powerful as the spear is, the shield is ultimately the more important of her two weapons, since it's what keeps her and her comrades safe - and is also a fearsome close-combat weapon in its own right. So, generally, if she is not expecting an enormous amount of trouble or is anticipating needing to do things with a free hand, Christina will leave her spear behind. This is generally true if she's just out on a street patrol, or is just going to be standing around next to a dignitary during their visit, or is going to investigate a strange but not-immediately-threatening disturbance, or etc. The spear generally only comes out when she 'goes to war' - i.e. when she knows she's expecting an immediate and eminent battle.

Special: Molon Labe: okay, for the like two people who don't already know this and can't google it for some reason. At the Battle of Thermopylae, when Xerxes demanded the Spartans surrender their weapons, King Leonidas responded with this two word phrase. Has since become a popular slogan among gun enthusiasts. It translates as "come and take them."

Appearances to Date: Valiant Valkyrie in the Zoo, Ch. 6 and 8

STAR SHERIFF

Concept: Old West cowgirl turned into immortal cosmic enforcer by space aliens

Epithets: the Cosmic Cowgirl, the Star Warden (technically a non-unique title but many Earthlings don't know that)

Public Name: Susanna Boswell

Public Identity: the Star Sheriff - she hasn't had a civilian life on Earth in over 150 years.

Character Notes: innately confident in her own power, has seen it all (or thinks she has), extremely devoted to law and order, doesn't understand modern human society, tends to drop old-westisms occasionally, always brings her suspects back alive

Sexual Notes: Virgin. For over a century she very rarely had contact with her own species, let alone sex. Although she is very good at hiding it, because of this inexperience she tends to get extremely horny at the sight of attractive men - or women. Is a latent bisexual, but is in denial about it and tells herself she is straight. Is extremely turned on by the thought or act of being tied up, and also absolutely refuses to admit this to anyone, including and especially herself.

Age: 170, looks like she's a woman in her very well-preserved forties

Hair: Blonde

Eyes: Blue

Race: White (Texan)

Body: Extremely buxom, hourglass figure, highly muscular

Color Theme: Red and Silver (outside bikini), Red White and Blue (on bikini)

Heraldry: Texas Flag (true colors)

Costume: Texas Flag bikini. Surrounding that, cowgirl get-up consisting of hat, boots, gloves, and belt, all silver with red stars. Boots have stars on side, gloves have stars on back, belt has star on buckle. Carries a glowing silver lasso dangling down beside her hip - the Long Lariat of the Law.

Powers: Superstrong, nigh invulnerable. Can breathe in space, with the aid of the force bubble that comes down from her hat. Her magic lasso is invulnerable, unbreakable, and she wields it with superhuman speed and skill. Once wrapped around someone, it enforces the Law of the Masters upon them, as if they were in a Warden's Court; most notably forcing them to always tell the truth, and ensuring that all oaths are binding. No this is not similar to any other magic lasso in any other fictional universe, what are you smoking? Besides, she's a cowgirl, it makes a hell of a lot more sense for her to have it than a g*d-damn REDACTED.

Weakness: Has a 'Warden's Curse', which is a weakness imposed on her by her creators that takes away her powers, should they ever have need to do so. Each warden's is unique, hers is 'getting tied up by a man.' To answer the obvious question, the answer of 'what is a man' is 'whatever she perceives one to be'; and she's from the 1870's. So if something presents as a male human to her, or has a visible organ that she would recognize as a penis, it's generally going to 'count'. Crucially, she regards her creators as 'strange little men', and most other species not from Earth as not-men, so from their point of view it worked out perfectly; which is why they gave it to her.

Aegis Host Status: Shield Herald (the Aegis Host is by far her favorite group to contact on Earth, for various reasons, to the point she has been inducted to Herald status - but she is still not present 99% of the time so anything more formal is non-functional)

Aegis Host Rank: None; as mentioned above she's not present regularly enough to be on a squad.

Aegis Host Clique: None, see above, she's the weird high and mighty outsider who occasionally shows up, she usually doesn't even realize the cliques exist.

Relations: Katy Colt is her great-great-grand-niece, descendant of her brother boning her best friend; see Katy's section as well as the relevant backstory below for more details. Katy is the spitting image of said friend, and Susanna is therefore highly captivated by her. She visits occasionally and tries to give her advice; the very first such visit is what inspired Katy to become a superheroine. She also has an unusually close relationship with Valiant Valkyrie, since they share a perspective of being immortal outsiders - but if they are in close proximity this can also flare up into rivalry, as each is used to being obeyed, and they thus tend to rub each other the wrong way. In particular Star Sheriff's reflexive assumption that everyone, including Valkyrie, is beneath her in the super-hierarchy, really tends to rub Valkyrie the wrong way.

Backstory: Susanna was the daughter of one of the very first Anglo-American settlers in her extremely remote and mountainous patch of West Texas. Her father was repeatedly elected county Sheriff, but this was practically an honorary title, as their backwater town was too small and too poor to be much of a target for outlaws, and the power of the Commanche had been broken some years ago so native raids were not much of a threat either. The most her father usually had to deal with was helping a couple of the local drunks home if they had had a few too many.

The relative poverty did mean that things were, of necessity, quite egalitarian. From earliest childhood Susanna and her brother both had to chip in on the family ranch in equal measure, and as she grew up she learned to rope and ride as well as any young man in the county. As a young girl, she asked her father if she could grow up to be Sheriff too - and he laughed and promised she would. She took this promise seriously, and in her games with her brother usually played the lawgirl to his outlaw. Her father, amused, took to calling her his Littlest Deputy, and even gave her a little sheriff's star, which she wore proudly.

Meanwhile, as she got older and entered adolescence, Susanna started to pick up some new games to play. Early on, due to the tyranny of distance, her primary playmate was her brother. However, as she got old enough to ride off on her own, she developed a friendship with Abigail, a girl her own age on a nearby ranch. Like Susanna, Abigail was also an accomplished cowgirl of necessity. As they grew up into their late teens, Abigail pointed out the importance of training their skills to perfection, especially their rope-work - and suggested they practice. On each other.

And so, they did. Meeting up in secret - for, for some reason, Abigail insisted they keep their activities private - they took turns roping and tying each other up, and seeing if they could escape. "A cowgirl should never let herself get hogtied," was Abigail's explanation for why they needed to practice getting free - and though perhaps paradoxical, for some reason Susanna found herself going along with it. The two of them practiced - a lot. In secret. In the barn. At first they did so in their clothes. But later, Abigail found excuses to practice wearing less and less - "just in case" she said - and once more Susanna, though finding it quite strange, went with it.

As they practiced again, and again, and again, first in their underwear and then naked, Susanna started to get some inkling that perhaps this wasn't just about practice. But, she quickly rejected that. That was silly. They were both ladies, after all. I mean, the very idea was preposterous... of course...

Abigail's frequent visits did have another consequence. As both Susanna and Abigail steadily grew into more and more burgeoning and well-developed young women, Susanna's brother began to take more and more notice of Abigail. He began to make overtures to her. Abigail was not unreceptive - but her real attention still seemed to be on Susanna.

Then, tragedy struck. Three strange men came to town. Suspicious, her father took the family rifle and went out to talk to them. They told him they just needed some water. The moment he turned to get them some, they shot him in the head.

Susanna and Abigail had been playing their usual games in the barn, when the shot rang out. Abigail had just finished taking off her clothes, in preparation for their usual session. Not realizing anything untoward had occurred, Susanna took her leave for just a moment and went to the barn door to see what had happened. She was horrified to see her father's body lying on the ground. The outlaws - for this is what they were - were at that moment going into their house, in search of valuables. The house was empty - her mother was away, and her brother was tending to the herd.

As soon as the strange men had vanished into the house, Susanna warned Abigail that someone had been shot, and then rushed in a blind panic to her father. He was already dead. Then, hearing a noise from inside the house, she hid behind some bushes.

Fortunately, she had not been seen. Unfortunately, someone else had been. Rather than immediately hiding, Abigail had gone back to her clothes and started putting them back on - not realizing that in doing so she was visible, through the cracked barn door, from the house. From her hiding place, she watched in horror as the criminals emerged from their house and, eager leers on their faces, went to the barn.

There was nothing she could do. One of them stayed outside, standing guard - holding her father's own rifle. The other two went into the barn, chortling at what they found trapped within. The two criminals proved to be far worse with a lariat than she was - but that didn't matter. Abigail was cornered and unarmed, and they eventually managed to rope her down. Giving in to her terror, the half-stripped beauty finally allowed herself to be bound. Draping the squirming helpless girl over their horse, along with a few bags of loot from the house, they took off.

As soon as they had gone, Susanna's brother arrived, having heard the shot from the fields. He asked her what was wrong. She didn't take the time to talk. Yanking him down off his horse, she seized up his lasso, climbed up herself, and took off riding.

With her keen knowledge of the local terrain, she knew exactly where to go. Taking a shortcut along a narrow trail through the hills, she came upon them at a spot where the road passed between some rocks and a deep gorge - a natural ambush point.

She took them by complete surprise. The first one had had the gun yanked from his hands before he even knew what had happened. The first to get a shot off missed her, but hit her horse. Her horse went down, she leaped clear. She got the second one's gun away before he could get another shot off.

She almost made it. Just as she was gathering her lariat back for another throw, the last one got her right through the heart. She toppled backwards, and plummeted into the gorge. Abigail screamed.

The last one chuckled and, going over the gorge, confirmed she was gone. Then, still celebrating his victory, the outlaw turned around... and swallowed.

Having grabbed up another horse, her brother had followed her. He was holding the first gun she had snatched away - pointed right at him. The outlaw took a deep breath, and then raised his hands, grinned, and said he surrendered.

Her brother promptly shot him through the head. Then he shot the other two, too. Then he shot them all again, just to be sure.

At last, having ensured they were all extremely dead, he went to Abigail. He untied her, and asked if there was anything he could do for her.

People deal with shock and trauma in strange ways sometimes. She seized him, pulled him down to her, and put her tongue down his throat. Still in more than a little shock himself, he went with it. In short order his pants were off and they were going at it, quite furiously, in the middle of the sea of corpses.

But, unbeknownst to them, despite being surrounded by lifeless bad guys, they still had an audience. For, though a bullet had gone through Susanna's heart, she was not dead; and though she had fallen into the deep ravine, she had not hit the bottom.

Some strange men had been watching the whole thing. Like prospectors out panning for gold, they were on the lookout for something rare and valuable. They were prospecting for people that, like raw ore, was ready to be refined into something useful to them. What they wanted wasn't specimens who had power or might - for the lack of that, they could readily fix. They wanted people of exceptional courage and will - and they thought they had found one.

From the people prospectors' strange craft, Susanna watched her brother and friend. She asked the prospectors if she could say goodbye. They told her no. Then, they left.

Taking Susanna up into the stars, the strange beings remade her. They took her body, and they transformed it into something that was far more powerful. They took her trademark weapon, and they created a version of far stronger might. They made her pick a unique symbol. Not being particularly creative, Susanna's first suggestion was the flag that flew over her family's house. They didn't need to ask her for a second suggestion.