A Beauteous Flower Ch. 11

And I can see that we're thinkin' 'bout the same things!

Is it all that hard?

Is it all that tough?

Well, now you've taken all my dreams,

Isn't that enough?

Well, I can see you baby!

Well, I can see you baby!

Talk to me, Yeah!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeell, I can see

That expression when the phone rings!"

The music faded into silence and Daniel's face stayed transfixed. Madison tried to speak, but found she had no voice to break the rapture of the song. This was one of those very rare times Daniel had ever shown her anything of his soul. For the few minutes the song lasted he let his guard down and gave her a window to his heart and she had seen something... pain. For just a moment Daniel had let her see that he needed someone. She hadn't ever considered that before. He was always so stoic and strong, and it had never occurred that Daniel might hurt inside and need someone to help him through it. One thing was for sure and that was that Madison, down deep in her soul, longed to be the woman in that song... to be that person for Daniel. But she didn't know how to even begin.

Daniel shook his head slightly and stirred. When he turned to her his dark eyes were cool and serene. Whatever spell this song had cast was over now, and Daniel's moment of emotion seemed like something Madison had imagined or mistaken. Madison blinked at the speed of his transformation. One moment Daniel was all there in front of her, open and vulnerable, and the next moment he had retreated back into his calm exterior, his inner self safely tucked away from her view. Like a shadow in the corner of her eye, it was gone.

"I'm hungry," Daniel announced with a genial smirk.

Gandalf stirred from his position on the desk and nuzzled lovingly at Daniel's hand.

"I think Gandalf and I will head in for lunch."

Madison nodded absently and checked the clock on the mantle. Somehow the morning had slipped passed her in the timeless comfort of the little cabin. Before she could ponder it too long, Daniel scooped Gandalf over his left shoulder and offered Madison his right hand. Madison suddenly remember she had forgotten something.

"What did you write about? That song?"

Daniel shook his head.

"No. It's, well it's a piece about a novel I read recently."

Madison waited expectantly, but when Daniel didn't continue, she prodded him for more.

"What book?"

"'The Ocean at the End of the Lane' by Neil Gaiman."

"What's it about?"

Daniel smirked.

"That's a good question. That's kind of what my piece is about."

Again Madison waited, but Daniel did not elaborate.

"Who's Neil Gaiman?"

"An author. A very good one, as a matter of fact. He writes mythical books about gods and heroes, and most of them have nuanced horror overtones."

Madison was intrigued, even though she didn't know who this author was or anything about his work. For the first time she could remember, Daniel had expressed a preference for something and she had to know more.

"He's good? What makes him good?"

"Well, his books are very elegant and familiar."

"What do you mean?"

Daniel thought for a moment and chose his words.

"When an author is elegant, they get their point across with subtlety, and treat the readers like they are intelligent. When an author is familiar, their work kind of plays in your brain, like a movie you have seen many times, even if it's the first time you have read their work."

Madison nodded even though she didn't really understand.

"Is your work an elegant and familiar?

Daniel's smirk broadened.

"No, I'm not nearly as talented as Neil Gaiman."

Daniel made to leave the cabin but Madison tugged on his hand to hold him back. She did not want to let this moment of intimacy go. She wanted Daniel to share more of himself with her, so she asked another question.

"Do you like Neil Gaiman?"

"Yes."

"Is he your favorite author?"

Daniel paused and a thoughtful look twisted his face.

"No, not anymore."

"Why?"

Daniel smirked.

"He ran over a kitten."

Madison blinked in surprise. She didn't particularly like cats, but the thought of a little furry and helpless kitten under the wheels of a car disturbed her in a visceral way.

"He ran over... a kitten?" she choked.

Daniel shook his head.

"Not really," he soothed. "In that book he wrote about how a little boy gets a kitten that he loves very much until his uncle ran it down in the driveway with his car. It's one of Gaiman's favorite parts of the book. I've seen a video where he read it to the crowd when he did book signing."

"Oh."

"I love cats," Daniel went on. "When I put them in my stories they always represent comfort and companionship. Now every time I think about that passage I picture Neil Gaiman as the uncle who runs over the kitten and I can't forgive him for that."

Madison shook her head in confusion.

"Wait. What?"

Daniel's face changed, like a ripple on a pond. For a moment Madison saw a touch of pain in Daniel's eyes. She wanted to yell "stop" and freeze time so she could examine it, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, lost underneath Daniel's characteristic equanimity.

"That's the power of the written word," Daniel explained. "Before that book, the horror in Neil Gaiman's books didn't really apply to me. It was just stuff that I read about and it was over. But after I read that passage, that wasn't true anymore."

"Oh?"

"If it had been a movie or a TV show, I could always take comfort in the disclaimer that says, 'no animals were harmed in this production.' But written words go right into a person's head and their imagination makes those words real. In my mind, there is no disclaimer to tell me that it is all right. So as a result, Neil Gaiman ran over the kitten in my mind."

"I... see."

"Let's eat."

Madison tugged Daniel to a stop again. She didn't want this moment of connection to end, but didn't know where to go from his last revelation, so she asked a tangential question.

"Who is your favorite author?"

Daniel smirked broadened.

"Neil Gaiman," he winked. "I also enjoy Garrison Keillor, Gertrude Stein, Harper Lee and Mark Twain. I like Willa Cather too, but only in small doses."

"Why... why Willa in small doses?" Madison mumbled in a stupid effort to keep Daniel in the conversation so he could give her more.

Daniel only tapped his heart in return and tugged on her hand.

"I'm hungry."

Madison tried to process all this, but Daniel distracted her with a smirk and towed her by the hand out the door and up the path to the kitchen door. As Daniel opened the back door and stood aside so she could enter the house, Madison took one glance back at the little cabin and decided that she was glad she hadn't pushed for it's conversion to a pool house. Something scintillatingly intimate resided in that little cabin, snug and warm, yet skittish and afraid, and waited with trepidation for... someone. Madison felt a chill of wariness, but her want for that someone to be her burned it away quickly. More than anything she wanted to be the woman who finally saw the deepest and secret parts Daniel hid from the world and for the first time in their relationship Madison considered that maybe, just maybe, there was more to love and marriage than the fairy tale of granted wishes and satisfied desires.

Then, just after she entered the kitchen, Madison's phone pinged a group text from Ivy, Adalina and Deva that read "How goes life in the big house, boss bitch? You getting that bag?" Upon reading it, Madison stopped by the table as Daniel continued on to the bathroom to wash his hands for lunch. As she looked up from the text, Madison felt a conflict stir inside her. It seemed that her brain and her heart weren't quite in alignment and it disturbed her.

Her brain knew she should look out for herself and take care of her interests. She had intentionally chosen the path of a trophy life and she had tuned her thoughts and actions to that course. She had done everything she could to set herself up to have a pretty life, with a pretty man and a pretty home and a pretty family surrounded by pretty friends and admirers. That was what everyone, including her, had expected from her since she hit puberty. She was to have a big, bold and showy pretty life as Mrs. Somebody, like one of the Real Housewives on television. That train of thought was as familiar as a favorite pair of shoes and she was right on the cusp of it. All she had to do was mold a few more aspects of her life with Daniel to her expectations and she would have what she, and everyone else, expected her to have out of life; a glitzy and glamorous life of comfort and privilege and ease that would dazzle and be the envy of everyone who expected someone like her to have. All those wishes and plans that had been a part of her life since High School were now within her grasp and all she had to do was close her hand and seize it. Her head and her friends and the world told her that this was the correct path for her to take. How many times had she been told and told herself that a girl had to take care herself in this world? And in exchange for her trophy life Daniel gave her she would be the perfect trophy wife for Daniel. That's was the deal between high value men and high value women in the professional game. Right?

Yet with Daniel she had glimpsed something different. She had seen a different type of life, a quiet, temperate and secret life where it was possible to be another person's someone that made them feel safe and warm and secure, the way Daniel made her feel when they were alone. Daniel treated her with gentleness and kindness and made her feel special and unique and safe. He never treated her like a trophy, like something he achieved and possessed and showed off to the world. Life with Daniel had given her small impressions, flashes really, of this secret and quiet life of companionship and and appreciation and warmth, of openness and caring and giving. In spite of her, and everyone else's expectations, and Madison's heart yearned for that life with Daniel, even though it defied all of her, and everyone else's, expectations for her life. Maybe her heart desired that life because it defied all the expectations she and everyone else had for her life, but for whatever reason, Madison's heart wanted to be Daniel's someone.

So which was it to be? Did she want the trophy life, or something else? Was she a boss bitch or a silly romantic? Did she live up to the expectations or defy them? Did she want the big pretty house, or the tiny, nondescript cabin? Did she want to be Mrs. Somebody that the world envied as everyone expected her to be,or did she want to be Daniel's someone who cared for Daniel and helped heal the secret pain he had just shyly and cautiously shown to her? Did she follow her head, or follow her heart? Alone in the kitchen, between the cabin and the group chat, Madison hovered uncertainly between choices.

Another text from the group chat beat Daniel back to the kitchen.

"You still with us?" it asked expectantly.

Madison hesitated as her mind and her heart struggled. Finally her fingers moved in answer.

"Life is great! He's all mine!"

It was the safe play after all. It was the path she had chosen long ago, and the culmination of all the efforts and expectations. Madison gave her head a mild shake and banished those thoughts on the cabin and the little midges of shame and doubt in her chest. If she ever gave public voice to those thoughts, her girlfriends would tell her in on uncertain terms that she was crazy, and Madison, in her head, kind of definitely agreed with them. She was a professional, after all, and that came with certain rewards and carried a weight of certain expectations.

"Righteous," texted the group chat.

As she scrolled through the rest of the ensuing conversation, full of thoughts on pretty curtains for the living room and plans for a pretty lunch at a local Bistro, all on Daniel's credit, Madison reminded herself that this relationship was all about her and Daniel had a part to play, not the other way around. Daniel could keep his little man cave cabin, but outside of that, Madison determined to stick to the boss bitch script, as she and everyone expected. Madison came here to be Mrs. Somebody, and. by God, that was what she would get.