All Comments on 'A Bitter Tablet'

For me I didn't find the story very credible, kind of schmalzy at the end. Undoubtably enjoyable in it's own way for lots of readers. Thank you for the hard work. I wish I could create stories. I admire anyone who puts themselves through the stress of creativity and brave enough to put themselves out there.

notusuallyshy

Thanks for leaving an honest review. While I always knew there would have to be some artistic license, I did my best to keep the suspension of belief down to plausible levels.

As far as emotions go, they were supposed to go all over the place: that's to be expected when two characters are driven past sanity. Ups and downs are inevitably part of the process.

Thanks again for the compliment about my hard work.

Very good story and love the thriller kind of spin on it. Wish you would go for a part 2!

This was written so well! I really appreciate thay you were able to develop a relatively robust, yet concise plot. I can tell that a lot of thought and research went into this and it paid off!

Fantastic! Excellent job of evoking compassion for Bob and Eve!

Nasty56

I'm glad you loved it. I'm seriously considering a part two, but I'm waiting to see which direction my readers trend towards. What do you think is the most realistic outcome?

Anonymous

I put a lot of thought into all my works so that my readers can enjoy them, so thanks for telling me you appreciated it.

While there were several artistic licenses, I tried to come up with a scenario that would only require a reasonable suspension of belief.

AngelRider

I'm sorry you feel that way, but you didn't provide more details. I take all constructive criticism seriously, so I'd really appreciate it if you told me why you didn't enjoy this.

Anonymous

Thanks and I'm glad you thought it was fantastic. I knew from the start that one of the challenges would be to make the audience sympathize with Alice and Bob without making them murderers. I did that by having Eve be the mother of two young boys who were seriously hurt while the love of her life abandoned her, while also trying to convey Bob's sense overwhelming pain and grief. In his darkest hour, when pure instinct took over, he gave in to lust instead of the urge to kill her. That shows his real character, and began the transformation of mutual hate to mutual love.

I liked the story - thank-you! I'd love a sequel. :) Story direction? I like happy endings, so if everyone "woke up" and lived happily in the same house, that'd be cool. I'm guessing Mary might be handicapped, maybe on Disability but able to help out around the house and with the kids, and maybe have her own daughter someday? You're the writer - you dress it up. ;)

don't like alice to come any harm as for him he is a dush bag

5, though was tempted to give 4 but ultimately how well written the smut was garnered the 5. Kinda sympathized with every character shocking as it is to say. They all had their reasons for doing what they did even if some of it was reprehensible. Bob and Eve did bad things, terrible things, but for I feel the right reasons, the people they love. An interesting and twisted road to happiness, kinda hope that trend continues if there is ever a sequel where the twins and Alice wake up and help the healing process.

Aredia

Thanks for reading. I'm definitely leaning closer towards writing a sequel as more readers ask for it, so keep an eye out.

Anonymous

I'm not sure I understand you correctly, as your comment isn't grammatically correct. If you are saying you don't think Alice should've been hurt, rest assured that I think she eventually recovered, and if I make a sequel, it will include that. One of the things I noted was that people in a vegetative state have a surprisingly high recovery rate.

FlynnTaggart

Thank you for giving me a 5. I'm currently sitting at a 4.4, which is lower than I expected after all the effort I put into this. I'm trending towards writing a sequel the more people ask for it, and it will definitely have a happy ending for all of them.

I'm glad you sympathized with Bob and Eve. From the beginning, I had to plan how to make the audience care about the characters when there was a crime involved. I eventually realized that one way to do it was to avoid anyone actually dying. From there, I wrote Eve as the most understandable thing in the world: a mother grieving for her children. The crime would be her poisoning Bob's wife by accident, and then I could portray him as slowly losing his grip as the pain overwhelmed him. That set the stage for a confrontation followed by happiness.

From one author to another; You write well, and it started off great, where your research into tetrodotoxin and its antidote really shows. I also thing your dialogue is far above average! However, the second half of the story was worse than the first in my opinion, and that's supposed to be the 'sexy part'. It felt unrealistic and a little bizarre, and like things happened far too quickly. Another 5000 or so words would have really helped that part, I think. "Bob still loved Alice, but he couldn't deny that in the span of a few minutes, Eve had somehow earned a place in his heart as well. He wanted her—and only her—to be the mother of his child." - This, for example, felt like it occurred far too soon to make any sense, in my opinion. 4/5 for the stellar writing, and for making each character distinct!

Amazing story. I love all of the different elements to the story!!

As per usual, the long set up was worth the climax. You take your time in getting things done to properly set up the scenario to be believable, so I’m glad for that. On that note, post-nut clarity does make one think, and I agree with notusuallyshy that *part* of the story doesn’t make sense; I’d say that would be Eve and Bob’s complete erasure of their mutual hatred and grief for being madly in love with each other. Of course, I recognize that this is fantasy (a well written one at that), but nonetheless if Eve hated him enough to try and kill him then she would still try and resist even after the mind numbing orgasm; for Bob’s part, I’d expect he’d feel immense shame for both violating a woman whose marriage is about to collapse/has collapsed and his own betrayal of Alice, whose feelings on the matter we can only infer from Bob. Now, there’s a way this could all fit together, best explored in a hypothetical sequel: both Eve and Bob long had a slow-burning desire and longing for the other, and the chain of events that led to him raping her and after the madness wears off they’re both surprisingly okay with having done the deed is what broke the straw on the camel’s back. There’s any number of reasons they could have secretly been attracted to one another; Eve could have longed for a caring manly figure in her life, as apparently her marriage with Ted was put on the rocks when their kids were removed from the equation, and prior to Bob nearly killing her kids had held a burning desire for her best friend’s husband but couldn’t act because Alice *is* her friend. This is just speculation on my part. We already know what Bob finds appealing about her, visually and physically at least. If you do write a sequel, I’d love for a further exploration that led to the two of them mutually deciding to bury their grief and hatred of the other (especially a lot longer in Eve’s case) to instead unite and provide a ready-made solution to their problems. Also, I expect her two sons would be delighted upon discovering twin younger sisters, and Alice grateful that she and Bob could have kids through a surrogate and between two of the people she’s likely very caring towards (though the shock of her finding out her husband hatefucked her best friend into pregnancy will need to be gone through before she accepts). All in all, five out of five from this anon. (Incidentally, do you know of any way of putting in paragraph breaks in Lit’s comments? I hate reading giant-ass text walls and I realized I’ve typed up a storm.)

Devinter

Thanks for reading and voting. As far as the second half goes: it might've been a bit too fast, but I actually did because it felt accurate. Bob was insane in the sense that he legally was no longer in control of his actions or emotions. It's par course for there to be some HUGE emotional rollercoasters for that.

Thanks for the suggestion and constructive criticism.

Anonymous

Glad you liked it. I admit it was challenging to weave all these elements together, so I'm greatful people told me they enjoyed it.

Anonymous

Thank you and you raise great points. I'm definitely taking them seriously.

I think the reason for the (seeming) fast change in Bob and Eve's feelings towards each other was they were very much on an emotional rollercoaster. It had highs and lows in rapid succession. Not many of us have been put through the extremes like Bob and Eve have, so it's inherently subjective what we each think could've happened.

If I do write a sequel, I'll definitely take all of this into account.

I really cant give this one a 5* rating. Not because its badly written but with how it ended. Just imagine the moment when Alice wakes up and Bob has to tell her how he hooked up with her ex-best friend. Lets not forget that in the end it was Eve who made the pills and is equally, if not even more guilty than Ted. Without the pills Ted couldnt have placed anything. So lets conclude, Bob is now in a relationship with Alices poisoner, who is responsible for her being in a coma for who knows how long. While she was in a coma they went on having kids and Eve gets all the loving of the world instead of being in prison like Ted where she actually belongs. Are you really sure Alice will be happy with the situation she will wake up in just because she once was interested in Eve? My mind tells me no. I dont think anyone would be happy with that, no matter the history. Its more like a huge slap into the face. And lets not forget that not only Eve was grieving and not in control. Ted was the same. Eve made the plan to plant the poison. She actually made the pills and convinced Ted to do the whole thing. When Bob confronted her she was not even sorry about it. So claiming that Ted was actually the one to be guilty is kinda nonsense. You said it yourself, Eve is the 'genius' and Ted not so brilliant. So yeah still 4* because its a unique story idea and good writing. Just dont agree with the outcome and blameshifting or assumption what the victim would agree with or not.

Thorlol

As I implied, Alice would actually be okay with her husband hooking up with Eve. I leave it to the reader to decide what the real ending is, but I think she will be happy with how everything turned out.

What Eve deserves is up for debate, but Bob didn't remove evidence of her guilt because he thought she didn't deserve prison. He did it because, as a father, he believed he had an obligation to make sure his child had a mother. If he/she was born in a prison, he might not even be able to see him or her.

In another universe, where Bob hadn't been driven mad by his pain, he would've handed over his evidence without even confronting Eve. He hadn't intended to impregnate her, but he was no longer in control when he did so. After he had, the emotion roller-coaster he'd been on had stopped. No more energy left to feel hate.

Insanity isn't a mathematical equation. Some people might go insane when other people who went through the same thing did not. Some parents say they learned to forgive the (almost always) man who murdered their child for the sake of healing, while others never forgive. I know I don't depict it (my mistake), but Eve was overwhelmed by grief, while Ted felt anger more than sorrow for his own children.

And as far as Alice goes: I haven't actually shown her yet, so the reader has no idea of what her personality is. Let's just say... she will be quite memorable if there is ever a sequel.

Thank you for telling me your true opinion on this story.

I would like to see a chapter 2 where They have to deal with the twin and Alice wake up and they have to deal with the crazy new life building in up together I don't know if you are planning that but I would love to see it.

Can’t wait for this he n dt chapter. Alice should recover and make eve her pet.

Really liked this story. Sure hope you do at least one more chapter. Would like some closure on Alice, and the boys. Also how the twin girl made out too. The story could actually have a happy ending, with everyone pretty much completely recovering, and living as one big happy family..

Anonymous

I still haven't decided if I want a chapter two, but comments like yours definitely encourage me.

Anonymous

Thanks for reading. I don't know about making Eve her "pet," but since haven't actually seen Alice in person yet, let's just say some people may be surprised by how strong her personality is. ;)

Anonymous

That's definitely what I'm trending towards if I write a sequel. I always love happy endings (don't those eggheads in film and TV production realize reality is depressing enough?!?), but I left the ending here open because I wanted to see what my readers. So far, 100% have been in favor of a happy ending.

An interesting storyline. Well written and conceived.

Arking

Thanks. I was really hoping this would catch on, but so far, it's only got 10k views and a 4.7 score, less than I was hoping for.

Regardless, thanks for reading and telling me you enjoyed it.

I thought it was great! Thanks! 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

RanDog025

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.

interesting....

TheArtfulCodger

Glad you think so. This is for the crime and punishment event, so it is designed to capture the reader's interest.

Asking your readers for 5 stars is cringe, Like the amazonification of reviews.

The story was good & you did use old tropes in a clever yet reasonned manner.

There is always a few who give a low rating no matter what.

My suggestion is endure. Your work in time will strike the right chord.

Also no honorable writer wants to ask for help, they know their work will speak for them, but that was true in the age of clay tablets & papyrus. In this digital age co-ordinated attacks are planned & launched all the time, for a simple reason. Free time, so I understand you reaching out for help.

ro707

Thanks for reading, but in regards to *requesting* readers vote, my stories often get down voted to around 3.5 during the first 20 scores. They all climb up after that, but the final score is still less than it could've been. For that reason, I ask readers to vote.

First of your stories that I've read. An interesting plot and well told story. 5* from me.

AS an anon-- reader, you have written an amazing story full of suspense and then you break down the clues and continue on with the punishment, good sequence . Keep up your writing

5 Big Blazing Stars for you my friend. I know how you feel. I write for fun but get 1 bombed myself all the time. LOL The critic's don't appreciate the hours we invest into writing a story from scratch. I like this story because I've always had a thing for Redheads. LOL Thanks for the 50 hours of work you did on this for no pay. Buster2U

I liked it, a great first story to read from this event.

Well worth 5/5

BuzzCzar

Glad you enjoyed it. I hope you find my other stories interesting as well.

Anonymous

Thanks. As long as people keep reading and enjoying, I'll keep writing.

Buster2U

Much appreciated. I'll check out your stories when I have a chance, especially since I also have a thing for redheads. I always put a lot of effort into planning and refining every story I write, which makes it disheartening to receive 1 stars. People like you are why I keep writing, so thank you.

Wargamer

Thanks for the five stars. I put a lot of effort into planning the mystery, so it makes my day to hear people say they enjoyed it.

Very good read…thanks !!!

Roktot

Thanks for reading.

very complex and in some ways just shows that life can and does go on even after tragedy strikes .

Anonymous

Thanks for reading and for the kind comment. That is indeed a major part of the story, learning to forgive and accept in order to heal. By the end, Bob and Eve have let go of their anger and decided to accept their mutual feelings for each other.

honestly? That's a fuckin weird story. I dig it though

coolstrangeravenue

Glad you enjoyed it. Would you mind elaborating on what you thought was weird or unrealistic?

Wow, that story was such a rollercoaster! I've very rarely enjoyed stories written from a male pov but this was perfection! And I love the fact that Bob wasn't just some grieving perv who tried to fuck any woman who came his way. Poor Alice though. Rip. Better to die than to come back and have to make this weird blended family work.

IndianDarling

I wanted this to be a rollercoaster from the beginning. Insanity is rarely portrayed accurately, so I wanted to make sure the audience could understand his pain and where he was coming from. A large part of that is that Bob was loyal to his wife. I didn't want people to think he was just moving on without a second thought. But I did think that the intense emotions of the moment could provide an opportunity for the transition from haters to lovers.

I wouldn't say Alice is better off dead. She might actually be pleased by Bob and Eve hooking up. I avoided ever depicting her or quoting her for a reason, you know.

Thanks for telling me you enjoyed my story. I put a lot of effort into editing this one, so I'm greatful you told me you enjoyed it.

The story definitely did not go the way I thought it would but the unexpected twists and turns made it fascinating to read.

Anonymous

Unexpected twists and turns are a staple of crime fiction, even though most criminal cases are anything but complicated. I brainstormed quite a bit to come up with a plausible way of keeping the reader hooked, so it makes me glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for letting me know.

Very good read, pace of story development, depth of characters and detail. Good “believability” (hope that word even exists, English is not my native tongue) meaning the feeling that this might be possible in reality. Also great to read a story with some serious and truly unexpected twists. However I admit I like happy ends as in real life there is enough unhappy ends and I like when a story leaves a good feeling. So for me, the icing on the cake would have been all loose ends finished, e.g. the boys back to normal or on their way and maybe Alice moving on to eternity, Eve divorced and starting a new life with Bob and the babies.

Just my liking, knowing that many people dislike happy ends and think they’re boring. Thanks for that good work, much appreciated.

Wrstkrfft

Amen, brother. I fully share your beliefs on happy endings. I would love to be able to deliver this message to the writing industry: If I wanted something dark and depressing, I would turn on the news.

Your preferred ending is the same one I envision: Alice awakening and fully approving of Bob and Eve's new relationship, and the twin boys awakening. Alice might have problems walking and the boys might have some developmental difficulties, but everything would work out. And you may rest assured that one way or another, Bob and Eve will be starting a new life.

That was always the ending I envisioned, but this being a crime story, I thought it would be best to leave enough room for readers to decide what their ending would be. So far, every reply has been in favor of a happy ending. Had I known that, I might've tied up all those loose ends.

Thanks for telling me you enjoyed it. This was one of my hardest stories since I had to tie together so many different things, directions, and characters while also being relatively believable. There is some artistic license, of course, but I wanted to keep it to a reasonable level. It took a lot of time and planning, so hearing that you enjoyed it is very satisfying.

I may end up writing that happy ending as a story one day. I've got plenty of other stories in the works.

Twisted! 5 stars.

USMCVet

Much appreciated.