All Comments on 'A Boy and His Genie Ch. 09'

You have a great story here and your output is strong, however, would you consider taking a little more time between postings to add length and quality to your story. Your previous chapters, while short, were filled with content. This one is both much shorter than your previous chapters and missing much of its essential content. Especially with regard to the encounter between the main characters and the action characters (Jacob and Alex). Once you finish a chapter just take a little more time to step back, look at your chapter and say "is this chapter complete?" I hope you find my comment useful, helpful and complimentary.

I stated in my last comment that I thought your chapters were too short and your writing needed more exposition--deeper descriptions, longer conversations. You are getting your ideas across but there is so much more you could do with the situations as they occur. You also need to refine some of your grammar: sat, sit, sitting, lay lain lie, etc. Read out loud what you have written to see how it sounds to you--if it is off, then try another form of the word/phrase or another word/phrase entirely. If that doesn't satisfy then you can use editors at Literotica who are willing and able to assist as need be. "Practice makes perfect," and the same can be said for writing.

As for the story, itself, I expected Alex to get back at Matt and Sophie, and the manner in which he accomplished it is in keeping with his megalomaniacal character. People who have had power that long tend to treat others as nothing more than pawns in a game of their own devising--look at the present government in Washington, as an example. I imagine Matt and Sophie will have to recruit some of the other lamp owners to win out over Alex; but, then again, "two heads are better than one" although Alex has many more years of experience than the two teenagers up to this point. It should prove to be an interesting battle ahead (with more exposition, please!).

Roger.

Sorry Roger, but I'm going to have to disagree with you. You're being pedantic about grammatical matters which are unimportant. Things like "I was sat" and "I was sitting" are interchangeable, because "sat" is the adjective of being seated, which works, and "I was sitting" is simply the "was" being used with the gerund form of the verb, which is also accurate. Likewise, "lie" and "lay" may have different dictionary definitions, but in common English, both can mean "to prostrate oneself". They're not problems, they're you ignoring the fact that the rules of language are not set in stone.

Is there going to be a part 10?

Part 10 is being written as we speak.

Hey there,

I posted a few chapters ago that I was really enjoying this piece. Unfortunately, these past two chapters have seen my interest dropping.

My main suggestion is to expand - expand your scenes, expand your twists, expand your writing. Everything you are writing has good bones, you just aren't putting any meat on them. Your dialogue, which initially was snappy in the quick paced events you were running, has started to become an issue because you're taking on 'bigger' events without changing how utterly direct every line is.

My overall thought is that you should take your time with these chapters. Enjoy them and explore them, then use the Volunteer Editor program, or the Literotica forums, to find an editor to help make sure your ideas aren't just clear, but enjoyable to read.

~ Break.

I am really enjoying your story! I hope there is much more to come. (no pun intended)

Thanks for writing!!!

you and Roger are both correct and incorrect

for the wrong reasons.

Dear Roger,

Get your head out of your geocentric ass. Look at the profile of the author before making grammatical demands and suppositions. There are substantive differences between English and American English. And before you climb too far up the Ivy Coloured walls of the "I told you so" class room, accept the fact that English was spoken, written, and parsed, for centuries before being corrupted, adapted, and colloquially modified in the Colonies. (The Colonies include South Africa, Australia, New Zeeland, Canada, and many more). Each of the many diverse areas that today use their own variation of the "Mother" tongue, do so with the caveat that what they use is but a local modification of the language still practiced in the homeland.

It is also necessary for us all to realize that English is not universal even to all of the British Isles. Great Britain is an amalgam of England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland and other subcultures, and the language common among them all is used, spoken, and written in such a manner that a person from the Highlands might not be understood by an individual living in Essex. (If in doubt, read Chaucer.)

Ergo, it is silly and rude of you to make judgments concerning the "proper" usage and of verbiage of English without accepting the fact that English as you know it is not English.

rightbank

get over yourself.

There's an old joke about England, Australia, the United States, and even Canada (our next-door neighbor), all being countries separated by a common language...how true, how true! I wish the "grammar police" would just get over it and enjoy the stories...

I do agree with the others, though, a little more dialog would help flesh out the chapters.

Finally there is some acknowledgment of Matt's and Sophie's actions. Unfortunately, as others have pointed out here and in previous chapters, there not enough depth, not enough dialog and introspection. The bad behaviour is acknowledged but glossed over.

Good story, but the problem presented by Alex can be solved easily by having Matt and Sophie wish that their friends and families had endless sexual stamina or something. Amirite?

While this story is entertaining, the plot is kind of predictable and the two main characters Sophie and Matt are unimaginative idiots who don't seem to be able to form a decent plan if their lives depended upon it. It turns what could be a good story into just an okay story.