All Comments on 'A Boy In Babeland'

While the sex scene itself was rather hot, as well as the build-up, there is an overwhelming sense of incompletion to this story. All the exposition about the other sisters and the entire family's backstory seems to be a bit of foreshadowing. I get the feeling that you've got other chapters planned. If so, please try to avoid using the direct approach that April had- allow each of the sisters (and, perhaps, a pair of them at once) to discover their brother's "innocence" in unique ways. Play up the sense of *family*, that these people have known each other all their lives and that there ARE certain feelings/emotions involved with taking such a huge step in inter-family relations.

There are quite a few typos and grammatical errors peppered throughout the story- try to catch those in the future.

The dialogue, for the most part, is reasonably plausible, but still sort of contrived, almost formulaic.

I DO hope you continue with this in a series format! It does have a lot of potential for a solid story-arc, using this first installment as a sort of... catalyst. Try reading some of the more "popular" and highly-voted incest stories on this site in order to get a good feel for what does and doesn't work with plot lines and character development. Be aware of the essentials for scene-setting and narration. At one point you sort of "stepped out" of the narrative form into the first-person, which is a no-no. If it's third-person objective, make sure it stays that way througout.

Good start- needs refinement. Keep going!

enjoyed

Any chance for a sequel?After all,they're are five more sisters...

Can?t wait to read the rest.

Well done. Lee needs to be more of an Alpha Male but otherwise, good work. I hope there is more.

This was well written. It seems incomplete, and there are 5 more sisters so I figured you're gonna be going for sequels. If not, you damn well should be!

Another great story bud. The only reason I gave it a 4 is because I compared it to your first story line which was just incredible.

this is a great beginning can't wait to read chapter 2

Ive read both chapters keep them cumming until the whole family is involved an avid reader

Hi sweet thing, I just had the pleasure of reading this story, the first one i've read of yours and you are damn hot! Love the teasing, have to say incest is definately a new favorite for me.. I will be back to read much more.

Sxy

xxx

this is an incredible story, i cant describe the emotions this story awakened in me, very well written.

looking forward to read more submissions by you!

For sure, keep the storyline going. Damned good stuff!

Why does the Male always have to be the Alpha? Great story, looking forward to hearing the rest of the girls tales

That story got me so hot and wet. I loved it. Can't wait to read the rest in the series. Your a great writer, Hun.

I have followed this series through all 13 installments and have waited anxiously for each new one as it was released. Really enjoyed the story line.

This was one of the best incest storylines I've seen developed. Looking forward to the sequels in the installment.

Great writing. I haven't read all of your work, but be sure that I will. Love incest stories and have written a few as well.

A VERY GR8 STORY AND WHEN I WAS READING THIS I WAS WITH MY TWO COUZINE WHO ARE OF 15 YRS OLD AND I AM 18 THEY GOT TOTALLY OUT OF COMTROOLED AFTER READING WITH ME AND GOT IN ROOM AND START FUCKING EACH OTHER. THIS MAKE ME TO SEE MY COUZINE FUCKING EACH OTHER AND I ALSO JOINED THEM IT WAS THREE HOURS SEX WE HAVE A GREAT ENJOY BY GAY SEX.AHHHHHHHHHHH UMMMMMM

ME>IAMFEELINGCOOL_4@HOTMAIL.COM

Great story, had a sense of realness to it, that i enjoyed.

ur good in writing.its a great story either.hope the story will continue and please, write more and more stories such as this, mother-son, and father-daughter. Also include more dialog during orgasm.thank u.

shittiest story i ever read.

This was pure unadulterated horseshit. Too many sisters making it confusing and why April wanted to fuck a guy who was so ugly takes the cake.

AUTHOR : Don't give up your day job

I think thins is a great and possibly realistic story I can't wait to read the rest, I just read the first just now I'm going to get reading the rest right away!

nice story please continue to know the end and how about the other girls???

this was a nice introduction

I thought it was a great story and great writing style, and maybe should have a part two. this is my first time leaving feedback, so sorry its short.

hey very good story i have read the series multiple times and it is my favorite so far these people being rude is garbage not your stories keep up the good writin

really enjoyed the story...like your style....touch of class...

Damn wat a lucky cunt! that was a great story, i thought it wouldnt be verry good at first but then i got really into and i loved it! so did my dick =)

nice writing, alowing the viewers to Visualise :)

Krit =D

Nice story. LOves it when she seduces her brother. I'm looking forward to reading about incest orgies with his beautiful sisters. Mom should be a special treat.

Why did you end there? There could have been soooo much more. Sister on sister, brother with a different sister, you left sooo much to be desired, and it was so hot.

Would have preferred more description of Lee's orgasm, but all in all, it was a great read. Polish his description off and you'll really have it all perfect.

makes me wish i had a brother...great story

brilliant i wish i had a sister like that now

Insane Story dude! made my cock soo hard! makes me wish i had a hot sister i could fuck.

keep it up.

Sexxyboyluvspussc@yahoo.co.uk

good story but you should have made his dick biger maybe 7 or 8

No oral? Awwww... Oh well! More sex for us/them :)

usually wouldn't a more experienced girl push a little foreplay? It's a bad habit to risk showing him it's not necessary to get some loving.

but I cant wait to read the rest thank you nemasis lots more sisters to do I hope.

I've never been so horny reading a story on this site, you hit every single one of my likes perfectly!

I found your story not exciting enough. There is no intensity between the characters. They said they want each other but I did't feel it when I read it.

I think the story is good (but not original) but it's lacking of eroticism. Where is the heat?

But perhaps it's just me.

Good Story Read This When I First Came to literotica still enjoy it

this story has been plagiarised by a writer named collin hobbs on smashwords thought u may like to know

https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/455767/2/a-boy-in-land-of-babes-incest-taboo-temptation-story-series-between-brother-and-6-sisters-and-later-on-with-mother-part-1

I've only read the first part so far. I recall reading a story with a very similar premise. The story was titled Party of Five. I'm interested to see where the story will go from here!

I find it intriguing that all your female characters have nearly 'perfect' bodies but your male leads seem blah at best.

I think your story is fresh, you can take this theme several different directions, I hope to read more.

Any 18 yr old boy who got this lucky to have 6 drop dead gorgeous sisters would most likely not stop at just one sister. Them getting caught would be the start of something much more.

I loved it

It seems to me April is as the authors description is right on the money,April isn't the most loving,caring type of sister to Lee,she just demonstrated her arrogance by using him for sex and basically calling him a "Messy Boy",to me April is nothing but a spoiled immature 24 year old bitch who doesn't give a shit about her brother Lee,she just emotionally used him to get her jollies from him and left him to clean up and to point out April was just as responsible for the mess as Lee was,and if she were a decent sister she would have helped clean up the mess.

Honestly speaking,Lee is the purest,least vain or arrogant of the whole lot,all his Sisters seem to be Gym Obsessed Anti-Feminist Air Headed Bitches that don't give a shit about anyone,much less there little brother Lee.I see the author continued the story with more chapters,and just hope poor Lee doesn't have to live with 7 Sex-Crazed Tramps that Lee winds up hating the whole lot of his Sisters and Mom,but who knows,maybe some aren't the mean-assed Sisters from Hell like April is portrayed,but we'll see.

What a great trip back in time for me, only my sister wasnt older, she was 2 years younger.

It was pretty obvious from the beginning, older sisters, young boy equals Lee the 'boy toy'. I hope he grows up fast. He won't last if he doesn't. What a way to go though. lol!!

I hope RodimusMike is okay. He sounds suicidal from a sex story lol. And there was nothing bitchy bout any of the characters. I love how he is projecting some weird insecurities onto this sex story. I can't. lol

Excellent story. Well done!

Nette Geschichte, aber unrealistisch.

Bei seinem Ersten Mal können beide froh sein, wenn sie es 2x auf und nieder schafft, bevor er abspritzt. 😉