All Comments on 'A Brave New World'

Oh snap, what an ending.

Good.

Different, but good.

It was going great guns and then slowly but surely slipped off the cliff. Again you put the male into a bad light and made the female superior.

Did not work as you tried to do.

All you did in the end was show why the colony will be destroyed.

Scores 3/5

This is a one. I will never find joy or satisfaction in writings about group sex, adultery, polyamory, or the like. Monogamy or celibacy are the only paths.

This one definitely needs a follow-up! Fantastic.

Extraordinary ….. it was a bit strange while reading but then like open a curtain and letting in the sun ray’s everything became brightly shining …… and your mind opening experience for Will and Janna you described simple Rigpa, Sanskrit = enlightening …… or it was close to , ok …… absolutely outstanding

Namaste …… 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝 🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏🌏

So what's going to happen when she's screwing some guy and feels her husband's rage? Because the rage WILL be there, eh? D

Great writing! Would love another chapter… or even a series. Thank-you!

Wow your stories never cease to amaze me, you are so creative, this storey is so different to anything else I have read. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The ending was a saving grace, I guess in a colony pretend eutopia the giving joy and happiness works. The set up is dumb though traditions loose value or use and are done away with. This tradition serves no real purpose. 3/5

@wargamer was right. You put the male in a bad light. However, he deserved to be put in a bad light. He was a hypocritical ass, until he was forced to open up and expose his real feelings. score 5/5

Didn't see the ending coming until really deep into it. Great story. You took a Loving Wives story and morphed it into a great Sci-Fi. Thank you for sharing your 5-star work.

Hooked

The clash of values is strong in this one. One man, Maher, standing alone, (again) not truly supported by his mate. Fights to the one yard line, then joins the other team. His personal guilt was valid, real, after as a naïve young man he did what his gonads and ingrown local society told him to. He was wiser later. He came to appreciate that he would be devastated, and then he had empathy for others in his later position, even when all around him were just going with the flow. Then the aliens taught him all about their bigger, groupy perspective. He bought it. Writing all this convincingly was a serious accomplishment in persuasion. I did enjoy the read, even though Maher and Janna actually lost something when they merged with the Borg or whatever.

Actual humans are of course not like the society in the story. No civilization in human history has worked that way, at least not for long. As long as humans are human, none will. That's good. In an economic analogy, one very smart guy has said, "If mankind were perfect, Communism would work!" (Think "New Soviet Man") So could such personal relations. If man were perfect. We aren't and we cannot make ourselves perfect. So we create institutions which do work over millennia, even if imperfectly, so we imperfect people can flourish the best we can.

Fantastic start, some really interesting ways you can take this story if you are intending to write more, which I hope you do. Many thanks for sharing.

Five stars. I loved it. I feel sorry for those who can't see that there are more ways than monogamy or celibacy. Sharing is caring. What a much better world it would be if caring and sharing were not the exception but were rather the norm. Eliminate selfishness. Embrace sharing. The author is the wise one.

Great story. Thank you for posting. Look forward to your next. All the stars. Randi.

Thanks for sharing...

Probably one of the best stories to be submitted in this challenge, right until the ending that is. Predictably, with a “smile & a quick kiss” your protagonist loses all dignity to the grater feminist cause.

An interesting and enjoyable short SF story---without any explicit sex, it could easily be seen as being Golden Age style, the kind of story that might have appeared in magazines such as Astounding Stories. Although the story stands well by itself, a sequel might be in order, not necessarily with the same characters.

I've got a couple of small quibbles. I know this is fiction but when giving your potted version of the colonisation programme, you could have given some kind of brief explanation as to how humankind was suddenly able to reach out to the stars. The history started in 2131, little more than a hundred years from now, and barring some miracle of scientific genius I can't see us being able to traverse the distances between the stars for centuries or even millennia to come. My other point is at the start Maher is addressed as Bairstow but when he and Janna face the Council they are addressed as Mr & Mrs Dvorak (perhaps that was your original idea and you decided to change it). Anyway, regardless of these points I enjoyed the story. It's five stars from me.

You're going to leave us hanging like that?

I'd really like to see a follow up. Will the High Council get it's head out of it's collective ass and learn to live in harmony with Arkloss or will they endanger the colony.

When Janna has her mentoring week will Maher lose his mind feeling everything she's feeling?

When confronting the High Council about the mentoring tradition I'm puzzled why Maher didn't bring up the prospect of successful husbands mentoring the young women instead of wives mentoring young men? That would have been a more effective argument than saying I don't like it and don't want to participate.

I agree with demand er , The feelings of jealousy and rage will still be there, A decent adaption of the story No Reply, But not one of your better works 3/5

I would have known this was a cagivagurl story even had your name been hidden. A unique story but totally in your style. I really liked the ending - they just kinda got right down to the heart of everything in those sentences after they realize they're completely linked, no place for either of them to hide.

This story deserves a continuation. 5* all the way but how does Maher manage while his wife is educating a younger male? How successful are they dealing with the high council? I loved your story!

As you say, different world, same shit — same double standard. Nice job.

Sigh, Cagivagurl just had to ruin a good story with that last part. Every freaking story she writes, the man starts out strong, with good values, and then she totally obliterates a good story by eroding the man's values and having him succumb. I can't help but think that she's got a huge chip on her shoulder because that theme runs through each and every one of her stories.

I loved the depth of different cultures and life forms different than ours. The values conflicts are well presented.

Excellent story. 5 stars. This is a situation where it could happen. It would have been fun had Maher asked the high council when he would he be mentoring a young woman. And I have to ask that. Why, in this world, don't young women get mentoring in the ways to please their husbands? And then there was the guilt felt by Julie, I think. How did that resolve? How was the relationship between Julie and her husband a year later?

OMG! Wish for more!

This story has been done before multiple times. Fredoberto did the story "Gifted" satindesiers did "Traditions" Harddaysknight did "No Reply" and there are others as well. The question to ask is does this "new" version of the same tale add anthing new? I will say if you love Cagivagurl's other works you will love this. If you are a commenter that gets mad that 90% of the male and female MC in this author's stories are carbon copies just the "scenario" of the cheating are differnt you won't like this story either. There are a few themes in the story but one sticks out to me, majority rule and minority rights. You could easily read this story and say that the ends justify the means for the greater good of the community, people that are different (the minority) need to submit to the will of the majority for the good of the comuunity as a whole. Case in point they threaten both Maher AND Janna with exclusion from social/sporting events and voting even after Janna says she'll participate. The story never really explores deaper to say one way or another if this social exculsion is a good/moral punishment. I do wonder thou how the author would have written the story if couple were lesbians being forced by the High Council to participate in the "tradition" but it was said they had never heard of anyone refusing the tradition before.

I am sad for them both. In losing their so-called negative emotions, they have lost their humanity. In trying to become more than human, they have become less.

Janna just wants to have an affair and that opinion is from a woman.

Probably the most original version of the always interesting family tradition theme. Well done, great story.

Wow! That was an amazing story of all sorts of different themes including first contact, first sexual contacts. A very satisfying science fiction story. A 5* story.

Amazing as always ♥️

Maher...men, in general, are so insecure about sex and full of contradictions. With that being said, I am not sure everyone should know everyone else's thoughts all the time. So many things to sort out. Honesty, as hard as it can sometimes be, builds trust and relationships. Maybe the next chapters will take us to more interesting places. I enjoyed the story, Great Job! Please write more about Maher and Janna and the new friends they have encountered.

You tied in at least a dozen different subplots covering the meaning of sex between couples, societal norms and their origins/meaning, the purpose of government just to name a few. It followed the long tradition of sci-fi in many ways. the only flaw was the very end when Janna could feel the pain and reluctance of Maher yet was going ahead with the mentorship. Completely unraveled the lessons of being joined as one. Great work! 5*

I always enjoy your stories. I do feel like there is more, I hope so. But thank you very much for this. I also have to appreciate the irony of someone insisting their way of doing things is the only way to do things after reading a story about shaking the foundations of just such a dystopian society. Haha.

Incredible thoughts and organization of material. Such an excellent presentation of outstanding ideas. Best I've sean from you, CagivaGurl

Very good story with excellent the world-building and getting to know the characters and their feelings, particularly with later having those feelings exposed, completely unfiltered, during the link.

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Their society and its precepts felt a little like Star Trek: The Next Generation's idealized concept of the future in the first few episodes, but it was only later that we see the inner recesses and learn that all isn't as perfect below the surface as one would have an observer believe and that people have their own thoughts, feelings, and desires even in a communistic-type system. I understood Maher's feelings and felt bad for him about the inevitability of his situation as he expressed his feelings on the issue. The ending left me with mixed feelings but was creative and gave me hope for and doubts about their future. Excellent work with the challenge prompt; thanks for participating and giving us food for thought.

Well done!! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Fascinating world building and a great story

Sorry this is not good.

CG has chosen to approach this writing challenge by creating a whole world/society. I doubt that many authors would do as well as CG, but ultimately I think that too much is new and too much remained unknown for the story to be fully successful. What is found in the story is quite intriguing, which is why many readers will call for sequels. CG’s creativity is always on display, but perhaps never as vividly as in this story. Thanks from someone who stopped reading sci-fi decades ago!

The ending seemed to be deliberately left hanging, especially with regard to their ability to persuade the High Council to act sensibly. Creating a new and more advanced society is fascinating concept and you have done extremely well.

A longer read but one I'm glad I worked through. This was the last of the invitational stories for me and a good one. I feel like CG could easily make this into a universe of stories, if the mood struck. As is,this was a great read and I thank you for sharing with us.

Rnebular

Just another CG Cuck story!

Why is it that in all the different interpretations of such a storyline, the same plot is always played out - mature women fuck with young guys, ostensibly in order to teach them to give pleasure to their future wives. Why is it never the other way around - teaching young women sexual pleasures with adult men? Or is it assumed that for wives in marriage, only their pleasure matters? Doesn't this smack of sexism and feminist extremism?

Wow a whole new planet, then it turns in the same old CG shit.....

Wow, what a wonderful attempt to create a great SciFi setting, only to use it to try an justify a selfish bitch's disregard for the pain she will cause her husband. I will give it 3 stars for the sheer effort of creating the world, even though it deserves barely 1 star for the underlying message.

Inka2222

I don't usually respond to comments, but for you I will make an exception.

It's laughable really. You totally missed the point of the story...

You seem fixated on on tiny element. The story was never about justification, or promoting anything. It was about whether people could live in a world where there rally can be no secrets....

To ask that question, I had to develop a secret

New day, same old CG shit.

Thanks anon...

You made my day...

You have written that same comment so many times. Pity you couldn't finish your story.

@caviagurl - first, thanks for responding. Takes guts to talk to people criticizing your work.

Second, it was a conscious choice to make THAT "tiny element" critical, and the secret that was the point of the story. It could have been any other secret. Hell, I read many SFF stories with similar premise (no secrets), where the secret was far many other things. In my opinion, choosing almost anything else would have improved the story and as I mentioned, could have easily made it 5 star as the worldbuilding was pretty good as was storytelling.

Third, and most importantly, my beef wasn't with the "secret". It was with the thinking process which followed the secret's revelation. It jumped from "You would have been tempted to take the same opportunity to fuck around if offered" (OK, legit point), to "Just because you would have been tempted, it makes it all right for me to FOLLOW such temptation, KNOWING just how much I'm hurting the supposed love of my life". And from "I sensed in your mind that you enjoyed your fling when you were young and NOT cheating on me and NOT hurting me with your cheating; so I deserve just as much fun even though i KNOW it will hurt you. Worth it for me". And (for completeness), in the first secret, from "I lied to you about things that are beneficial for me and hurtful to you, to make my life better at your expense", to "It's fine because YOU also lied to me, about something that didn't hurt me at all and was to protect yourself from embarrassment or harm". In all 3 cases, the things that were derived from the secret were in no way equivalent; yet the storie's - and your - choice was to MAKE them equivalent just because the secrets were there on both sides and because that equivalence promoted the desired outcome of him not just being forced to accept being a cuckold, but to be brainwashed into thinking he's in the wrong for objecting.

...Just to prove this is constructive criticism, here's 3 options you COULD have taken to make the same "what happens when there are no secrets" point:

1. Make the secret exposed to be the secret about the origins - and motivation ("we didn't want to piss off women who got used to multiple men"), revealed dramatically and perhaps even leading to Council's downfall, instead of that info being un-dramatically revealed as an un-important fact mid-story in a bored voice of an authority figure.

2. You kind of tried to play with it, but in the quest to force the cuckolding on main character didn't finish developing the thread of the secret of how the government was planning to lead the colony into a losing war against the Arkloss.

3. Or, if you absolutely insisted on secrets being revealed dramatically around cheating, how about that the council men's wives were excluded from the lottery, while their kids got plum assignments (I actually think someone posted a story set in UK around this theme, which I read recently, so no credit goes to my own ideas - called "Gifted" I think).

4. Or, for fairness/symmetry, how about the secret being that the wife planned to continue cheating even aftter the one week of custom-enforced cuckoldry, because she now realized from reading past memories via Arkloss how much fun having random sexual partners would be for her, leading to him dumping her for good.

...5. For more dramatic reveal, how about a secret that although in theory all babies are born from artificial insemination etc...., despite the implied intent of every citizen's genes being propagated, the reality was that only the power people got to reproduce

...6. Or that there were other opposition to the council in the past, who were... shuffled off into the cold sunset shall we say, and until Arkloss, it wasn't revealed.

...7. Or that his wife was actually in love with the father of the young man she was supposed to "teach", and only married main character as a "well better than nothing" second choice, and was using the custom as a way to "substitute" the young guy for his father.

I'm trying to intersperse non-cheating-related secrets with cheating related ones, BTW.

Saw it coming and then quit when being confirmed.

Polyamory etc All cheating

Cagivagurl,

This story is wonderful. I love the premise and have never read a more unique tale. I, as a younger man, have often wished I could read the minds of women, especially my wife. To this day, I find the opposite sex inscrutable. Perhaps it is a foolish wish, but I wouldn't mind knowing what my wife wants before she asks. And if she could know my thoughts, she would truly know how much I adore her.

Please consider continuing this story. I feel there is more left to tell.

What happens next?

What happened/happens next?

Just ... what happens next? How does Maher ... respond ... to his wife's having sex with another, younger, more virile man? He doubts himself already. Will he survive the encounter (being crammed down his throat)?

Great story!

I wouldbgive it a score. But this one seems to need abfinish of some sort.. oh. Well.. thks anyway.. 🙋🤷👍😉😁✌️👋

Amazing story! I feel you’ve only scratched the surface here, laid a foundation for a much deeper, wider-ranging tale. Tremendous concept and execution - thank you!

Here I thought the regular LW stories were absurd. So, a colony of cucks that despises adultery... encourages adultery. Also, Janna, after seeing and feelibg her husband's angsr, decides to ho above and beyobd by fucking more 18 year olds. No matter what planet you're on, your stories suck.

That was hot 🥵 uncomfortable but hotter than hot. I want to go to there. You have earned many comments are they better than ✨ stars. Be honest with us, although you haven't hidden you desires from us in other stories. Ok I'm off the rails here

Thanks for the same old thing just a different planet 🌎

Next time don't bring the cuckers along.

I have wondered how different sex is for each of use. I don't think I'm alone here. I had some nasty things to say but since I can, I will.

Thanks for a good story

Pretty good story with a dumb ending. Liked your version of this theme and have no idea why you reverted to a cheating slut and weak cuckold ending.

Good story, though Maher is lucky of his enlightened colony. I was surprised the Council didn't attempt for Maher to have an "accident" early on at the dam site. He certainly annoyed me enough to want to snuff him lol. But no, he ends up being the hero, Drat! Well at least he realized the error of his ways at the end

There is definitely scope for further stories based on this. 5*.