by simpletimes
The basis of this story is sweet. However, the execution was a disaster. You mixed present and past tense sometimes even in the same sentence. Please decide if you are presenting a play by play account as it happens, or if you are recalling how the event happened. Then use the proper spelling of the words to convey the tale to improve your scores. 3 stars.
can be eyeopeners.
Nice story, a lot and at the same time nothing very spectacular happening, which in itself is pretty spectacular.