A Change of Heart and Mind

He said, "Hey." The way he looked at me was of serious concern, I wondered if it's the same way he looks at Mandy when she's running a fever or skinned her knee.

I tried to say his name but the only thing that came out was a gurgle.

He turned to Dad and they shook hands. "Nice to meet you in person," Dad told him. "When you're done here, come get me, I'll be downstairs having a cup of coffee." Dad then left me alone with him. God is Charlie ever a handsome guy.

I tried to ask him where Mandy was, but more gurgles and Charlie Brown teacher sounds. My Charlie Brown must be related to the cartoon Charlie Brown because he somehow understood what I asked. "I left her with Bobbi. Mandy wants to see you real bad, but you aren't ready for a tornado yet."

"Hey," he asked, moving some hair from my face to over my ear, "Can I get you anything? Anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" I just shook my head, maybe this was all a dream anyway.

"I am so glad you are OK. When your dad called, I... I... I felt, no, I sensed, no, I know, that somehow this was my fault. Bigger than the guilt though, I... I..." He let out a big sigh and started over, "I've spent all week trying to come to terms that I would never see you again. Like I was seriously gifted a winning lottery ticket and I just ripped it in half. Then, in the back of my head, I figured that somewhere in my future I would have some kind of epiphany, either a moment of weakness or a moment of strength, and call you, so forever wasn't really forever. I know, I know, that doesn't make sense to me either. Then your dad called and told me how close it came to it being the end for you, like permanently. I panicked, I just... I just... I just..."

I lifted my good arm and stopped him, pointed at the water cup with the straw in it and he helped me get some down. I shook my head slightly, feeling the grogginess dissipate a little, the throb coming back to my head.

"You want to see me again?" Happy to finally get actual words out, tilting my head enough to make the errant hair fall back out of place.

He chuckled a little bit, "That is what I'm saying. We'll go nice and slow though, OK?"

"I don't do slow very well," I responded.

He chuckled, "Yeah, I know. Neither does Mandy."

He fixed my hair again and softly added, "Even on your worst day, you are still so very beautiful."

He made sure I was comfortable and that I didn't need anything before going down to see Dad, wanting to be brief as he was eager to pick up Mandy. He did give me a soft kiss on the lips before he left. Dad came into the room about an hour after Charlie left.

"You OK sweetheart?"

"Yeah, Dad. Everything is perfect. He loves me, he just doesn't know it yet." I'm positive that I fell asleep right then and there, but with a smile on my face.

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In the morning they took my IV out, and then I tried to eat a real meal using my left hand until a nurse took pity and helped feed me as I'm right handed. I turned down the nurse's offering of more pain killers, I was determined to just tough it out. I was still poked and prodded, a flashlight in my eyes countless times, and a lot of silly questions were asked to see if I was loopy or not. By late afternoon I was being discharged as is the way of hospital stays these days.

To my surprise it was Charlie and Mandy that picked me up instead of Dad. I learned that it was a group decision that didn't include my input and that I would be staying at Charlie's for the week. Julie picked up some things from my apartment and left them with Charlie earlier in the day.

Mandy could hardly contain her excitement when she saw me in the wheelchair ready to be discharged, but she managed to keep the cyclone to just a breeze, following her father's example of treating me gently as if I was made of delicate fine China. She still asked me a million questions at lightning speed, but all in a whisper, until Charlie asked her to hold the third degree for later.

Just being in the car with Charlie gave me butterflies. By the time we arrived at his house I was swooning. I also felt like I had fallen out of a 10 story building and hurt like fucking hell, but I convinced myself that it was a good hurt and would go through it all again for one more kiss from Charlie, not to mention spending a week with him.

Officially I was on medical leave for a week, right up until I was scheduled to hear my fate over the length of my suspension. Charlie took that whole week off of work and he doted on me the whole time. It was glorious.

He cooked for me and Mandy all week. Breakfast was usually simple, sugary cereals that Mandy would explain the virtues of, most likely learned from TV commercials, but sometimes Charlie would make bacon, eggs, and even hashbrowns. Of course the bacon was always burnt or nearly so, and the smoke detector would sound off every time, making Mandy go off giggling uncontrollably. Lunches were always sandwiches which Charlie got pretty inventive with at times using leftover meat from the night before. It was really too hot to turn the oven on, so dinners were meat, either barbecued or smoked. His smoker was homemade, fabricated from a steel drum as I should have expected from an engineer, but damn if the meat wasn't fantastic every time. I truly enjoyed sitting on the patio watching him endlessly fiddle with the coals to adjust the temperature while keeping one eye on a wireless device that was tracking the meat's internal temperature somehow. Whether it was pork, chicken, or beef, it was perfect every time.

He fed me. Even when I was sure I could myself, I still let him do it. At times when Mandy wasn't in the room while he fed me, I took the food from the fork or spoon as sensuously as I could with my lips. Sometimes exaggerating so much that he just had to laugh. I loved hearing him laugh.

We played games, taking turns to pick the game but I always gave over my choice to Mandy. I was surprised when Charlie chose to play poker and Mandy knew the rules as well as I did. This was a smart kid, but lucky for them we didn't play for money as I knew when they were bluffing every time. I held back on beating up Mandy too badly at cards, but if I had the chance to trounce Charlie, I took it. I never really did like playing cards, but doing so with Charlie and Mandy made it more fun than I ever remember.

As she insisted, I read to Mandy before bed every night. One of Charlie's arguments he made that we shouldn't see each other any more before my injury was that he was worried Mandy would get too attached to me. Maybe, but he had no idea how attached I got to this little girl and every night that I read to her, I got even more so. I would take a bullet for this kid without hesitation.

I followed them around in the greenhouse a couple of times while the two of them harvested Charlie's vegetable garden. Most of what they picked went into a salad or roasted on the barbecue. The cherry tomatoes, one of my favorites, I insisted that Charlie feed me and in the process I managed to suck on his fingers whenever I could. This whole seduction thing that I was working on was new to me, but I just went with whatever I felt would be hot (and a little slutty).

I actually felt a little sorry for Charlie a few times when I could tell that I got him hot and bothered, a telltale bulge in his pants. He would make all kinds of moves to hide it, and he would stammer, unable to concentrate on whatever he was doing. I have to give him credit though, he was fighting it really hard (no pun intended) and had yet to let it overcome him. He was a perfect gentleman at all times, dammit.

The first couple nights, Charlie slept in a guest room upstairs, giving me his downstairs master bedroom. I tried to take the guest room but he objected and fought for it, threatening to take the couch and then no one would have the king size bed. It was actually our first fight, but he was damned cute about it and we were over it quickly after I gave in.

On the third night there, I snuck into bed with him in the middle of the night. I shocked the hell out of him to be sure, whether it was just general surprise at having someone climb into bed with him or the fact that I sleep in the nude. Either way, he held me, taking care not to upset my bad and heavily bandaged shoulder. Waking up while spooning was wonderful and is the way I want to wake up every morning for the rest of my life. After that he just gave in and joined me in the master bedroom every night.

By the end of the week, I think Charlie was ready to burst. I might be inexperienced at the whole seduction thing, but it clearly had an effect on him. Friday evening I was ready to test the nuclear option.

Julie dropped by that evening to see how I was feeling. She stayed for a glass of wine before having to leave, passing me a bag with something I texted her for earlier. The exchange was made without Charlie being the wiser, though he probably wouldn't have picked up on it anyway.

After we put Mandy to bed, we snuggled up on the couch and watched a couple of innings of Dodger baseball before I excused myself to put on my pajamas. I actually used the clichéd line, "Let me slip into something more comfortable."

When I returned to the couch, I thought Charlie's eyeballs were going to pop out of his head. I had put on what I asked Julie to bring me, brand new from Frederick's of Hollywood, a see through teddy with see through panties underneath. That and my arm sling and bandages. I wasn't able to think of anything sexy for that.

I went to sit on his lap, but he pulled himself together enough to croak, "Wait!" He motioned me to one end of the couch and he pulled himself together on the other end, trying to look small and further away. "We need to talk."

I knew this wasn't a talk I wanted to have, nor did I have any patience for it. I was overdue to have him inside of me and that couldn't happen from opposite sides of the couch.

"Look," he started, "I know that sex is inevitable, we've been driving towards that all week. I get that. And I want to. Really, really badly want to. It's just, well, I haven't ever been with anyone other than Marisa. She was my first. Up until now, I thought she would be my last too. So I'm not that 'worldly', you could be really disappointed."

"Is that what this is all about?" I got up, ready to drag him into the bedroom by force if necessary. "Mandy is yours, right? So I know you know where to put your thing. Honey, we're so good together with our clothes on, we can only be fantastic in bed. Now get up. I need you." I reached for his hand and helped pull him up until he was standing in front of me, our faces inches apart.

"I don't have a condom."

"I'm safe, I was tested while in the hospital, and I get injections for birth control." I didn't tell him why though, that I used to have nightmares about being raped by some creep while working. A possibility that comes with my job, and it made me sick thinking of some prick bastard growing inside of me.

I started tugging him towards the bedroom and he still resisted, "Wait. I told you before that I was worried Amanda would get too attached to you, but the truth is that I'm worried that I will. If we do this, I'll be even more destroyed if you leave me. Every bit as much as I was when Marissa left me."

I put his head in my good hand and said, "Oh, honey. I love you so much. I'll never leave you."

"Sometimes you don't have a choice."

I could physically feel the magnitude of what that meant. It made me realize that he needed this more than I did, and I needed him something fierce right now. "Stop thinking so much. Let's finish fixing each other, OK?" With that, I finally got his legs moving in the direction of the bedroom.

"What about your shoulder?" He asked tenderly.

I shushed him and we got undressed. When he looked at me, I could tell he liked what he saw. Likewise, Charlie was beautiful.

He kissed me, then made a move to try and lower himself to go down on me, but I just told him that there would be plenty of time for that later. I pushed on his chest until he backed into the bed and I had him lie down on his back. I didn't waste any time and straddled him, guiding him inside of me until I was seated on him, balls deep, my back straight up like I was riding high. He closed his eyes and groaned.

I then leaned forward until my tits were pressed against his chest and kissed him. I moved up and down, slowly at first, with passions rising. Once quickened he put his hands on my hips and met my thrusts in perfect time. I came quickly and he followed immediately after my waves subsided.

We cuddled after that, as much skin on skin as we could physically touch against each other. He told me he loved me, and I knew it to be true. We kissed some more and deeply. It wasn't long before I got another rise out of him, but this time we went slow and made love with more purpose than I thought could ever be possible.

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EPILOGUE

A year after my injury, we were married. I was happy to give Charlie a son and then twin daughters. Mandy went over the moon with the kids and was a great help with them when they were young. Mandy and I got so close, I felt like she was my own flesh and blood, my daughter after all. She started to call me, "Mom," after her brother was born.

I would love to say that it was a fairy tale ending and we lived happily ever after. For the most part, that is absolutely true. There were a few bumps in the road along the way though.

For starters, after our son was born, I left the force. After going back to work following the maternity leave, I would drop our son off at daycare. After a couple of weeks I started finding bruises on the boy's chest and gathered that some of the toddlers at daycare were poking him. That didn't sit well with me but I couldn't prove it. It was going to be either my job or Charlie's, one of us was going to stay home with the baby. Because of the danger inherent with my job, and even though I had great confidence that Charlie would be a great stay-at-home-dad, I resigned from LAPD. Charlie's sizable salary made it totally possible.

Even before that though, around Christmas time in our first year of meeting each other, something happened that could have ended everything. We were dressed in formals for AMM's annual Christmas party where the drinks were flowing and following dinner there was some dancing. At one point a colleague of Charlie's asked me to dance, and we said OK. At first there wasn't any problem, until the creep grabbed my ass. Almost like a reflex action, I put my best move on him, a combination of my martial arts and police academy training and the creep went down to the ground, trying very hard to breathe. Everyone on the dance floor froze and the music stopped, then I realized fully what I had just done. I looked at Charlie who just looked back at me with big eyes, mouthing "oh, shit," just like I was doing. The spell was broken by Charlie's boss, Andy, who started roaring with laughter. Andy came over to me and complimented my actions, "Should have happened years ago," he told me. Then he went to the creep and asked him to leave and to report to his office first thing Monday morning.

Nearly nine years later history sort of repeated itself. While at Mandy's homecoming dance that Charlie and I were chaperoning, a boy went down on the dance floor. I looked to see what the commotion was about and there was Mandy, her fists clenched, standing over the scared boy just daring him to get up. I went to calm her down and remove her from the situation when she told me that the boy had been grabbing her all night and that she just couldn't take it anymore. "I did it just like you showed me, Mom." I don't think I could have been any prouder.

Charlie and I generally didn't argue, though we had our moments. I don't remember now what we fought about, but I clearly remember the make up sex. Sometimes I would pick a fake fight just to get to the steamy make up though he always knew what I was doing. Charlie could play my body like a Stradivarius violin.

One time, Charlie brought home a minivan. Driving the kids around to school and back in the Jeep was giving me fits, so Charlie picked up the new vehicle without even talking to me about it. As soon as I saw it I went to rip Charlie's head off and he threw up his hands in defense and laughed. He was just joking, picked up a loaner for funning with me, and promised to take me SUV shopping and that I could pick out anything I wanted. I even got to pick out the biggest, most expensive one I could find. Black with tinted windows. Kind of backfired on me though as parking that behemoth in a California sized parking space was such a bitch. I'm still not proud of the language my children learned at very young ages.

Dad did find a nice woman and they moved in together. They were happy right up until they were in their late 80's, passing away within months of one another.

Charlie was made partner by age 45, and Andy turned the company over to him by the time he was 50. Charlie worked right up until he was in his late 60's, it was hard to get him to retire, he loved that job. He took that enthusiasm into retirement though, and we had a great run of more than 20 years retired together until he finally passed away in my arms at 91.

In all those years together, he never lied to me. Not once. One time he told me that he thought about throwing me a surprise party when I turned 40, but knew I would sniff it out so he didn't even attempt it.

The kids learned early that they couldn't lie to their mother so it was fairly easy to keep them in line as they grew up, though inheriting Charlie's disposition was probably the bigger reason. My super power skipped our son, but the twins got it. They even used their power to set their older brother straight when his college girlfriend wasn't being true. It made me proud how all the kids looked after one another and then looked after me and Charlie when we got older.

I look back now and still can't believe it all, and how happy I am that I was effectively picked up in a bar all those years ago. By a unicorn that was actually real, and one I got to keep.