A Cliche worth Exploring... Ch. 04

Rose sniffles a bit and tilts her head to meet my gaze. Then, slow enough to make a snail honk its horn, as tenderly as applying gold leaf to a Faberge egg, she presses her lips to mine. In stark contrast to our last real 'this means something' kiss, there is no ferocity. No lust, no burning desire. This was a confirmation, a thank you, an 'I'm sorry,' a thousand different meanings. If our first kiss was a love song, this must be an opera.

"Okay," She finally says, parting her lips from mine with a slight contented smile. "Let's get you back in the microwave then."

Rose opens the door to our apartment and throws her shoes off as I do the same. We both make a mad dash to the bathroom, Rose pulling me by my hand behind her. She throws open the shower door and we carefully help each other step into the tub, trying our hardest not to soak the entire floor.

Once the silliness of running through the apartment soaking wet wears off and we're standing in the shower, chilled to the bone, we both come to the realization that we have no idea what to do next.

"So... I'm... Freaking freezing." I finally say.

"Listen, I know we just had that whole conversation about this not just being a physical relationship but... I think this is an extenuating circumstance. Right?"

"What are you getting at?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"Lil... we gotta take our clothes off."

"I cannd. I'm d-doo fuggin' co'd." My words stick and round out in my mouth.

"If you don't get out of those clothes you'll catch a cold. Now come on, arms up." Rose starts lifting my arms at the elbows. I swear you could hear my joints creak like a rusted hinge. I don't resist, but at this point my heart is probably beating fast enough to heat me from the inside out. This girl's going to give me heart problems by twenty-five. How far is this going to go? After we just talked about never having sex, she wants to take a shower with me?

Rose grabs the hem of my shirt, pulling it away from my stomach. The air rushes in and leaves goosebumps all over.

She slowly rolls the hem up into itself, shortening the coverage until the soaked fabric sits just beneath my chest. She gives me one last cursory glance, and, seeing me nod slightly, she slides the shirt up and off.

She's seen my underwear before. I'm almost positive she's seen me at least mostly naked, though perhaps not full on. Yet somehow, standing here in front of her now something feels completely different.

Rose carefully presses my shirt out, the excess of liquid pouring from it and splattering onto the shower floor and into the drain. She gives it a quick shake and tosses it into the hamper.

My eyes don't leave hers as she looks back to me.

"That's a cute bra... I haven't seen that one before, have I?" Rose asks through chattering teeth.

To answer, I lean my head in, hold her face in my hands and kiss her hard.

"Not much of an answer, but that's fine" She says once I break the kiss. "Your hands are freezing."

"I th..thought I messed everything up-p tonight. Sorry, n-no, you ha-ven't."

"Did you get it just for tonight?" Rose is shaking, but maintaining her composure much better than I am.

"Aren't we su...supposed to be getting wa-rm?"

"Help me out here. I'm pretty sure this top is ruined, but I want to see if I can save it."

Rose holds her arms out straight, prompting me to hold the sleeves while she gently wiggles her arms free, careful not to stretch the lace. Once her arms are inside the torso of the top, she crosses them and pushes the neckline up onto her head. The wet fabric catches along her back.

"Ok, now lift it gently from the bottom." She instructs through the wet cloth.

My hands are shaking as I gingerly pinch the hem of the shirt with two fingers and pull up. I have no idea why, but my gaze is trained so intently on the center mass of the shirt, trying desperately to avoid looking at her bare stomach as if; one, I hadn't seen it before and two, seeing her bare skin would damn me somehow.

Rose is straining herself against the weight of the soaked fabric sticking to wet skin, putting even pressure on the neckline. I'm so focused on delicately lifting with my two fingers that I hardly notice the other three sticking out.

"Alright. We lift, same time, on three. Ready?" Rose asks. "One... Two... Three."

Rose applies a bit of extra force to the shirt, causing her to hold her breath as one often does when forcing something.

I raise my hands in concert with her pulling and the shirt slides up and over. However, as I lift, the three errant fingers of my right hand get a bit too close to her. My fingernails barely drag along the length of her left side.

Rose releases her breath in what can only be described as a shivering moan.

With the shirt now off her, Rose is stood in front of me in just a shiny sage green bra, her eyes wide and her cheeks red as her name.

A few moments of silence before Rose clears her throat and regains her composure.

"Th..Thanks. Your hands are freezing." Rose says.

"Sorry, sorry. Did I scratch you? Are you okay?"

She clears her throat again, lightly rubbing her shoulder and arm.

"Nope, yup, I'm fine, I'm just still a bit wet... like, the rain, I'm still, I'm... Let's just turn the water on and get it heating up." She stammers over her words for the first time I've known her. Her usual calm cool demeanor is lying on the floor with her top. She picks it up, lightly folds it and squeezes in gently, then hangs it over the shower door. What the hell is going on?

I point the shower head as far down as it'll go and turn it against the wall. We both back up from it as much as we can as I push the handle over to hot.

"Do you wanna take... turns... or..." I ask, unsure of where to go from here.

"I think... we should... You know, save... save on water and all that. Maybe just..."

"Oh.. Yeah"

We're speaking over each other.

"Yeah, just... at the same... I mean were already..."

"To same time... maybe. Both already here, so."

"To save on the water bill."

"The bill. Right. Right, yeah."

We both stop talking. As I look at her, I can't help but crack a smile. Rose starts grinning too, making me laugh, which makes her laugh. Soon we're both laughing like idiots.

We don't pay the water bill.

"Well, the waters ready. Should we uh... finish the job?" I ask, motioning up and down at our pants.

"I think it'd be silly to take a shower in jeans, don't you?"

I fumble with my jeans button, my hands trembling from the cold, plus nerves, plus the stupidly small button they seem to insist on putting on all jeans.

"Here, let me help you with this too." Rose says, slightly condescendingly but still sweetly. She is already halfway out of her own pants, trying and failing to maneuver the wet fabric down in these close quarters.

I let out a resigned huff, nodding with a pouty face and letting my arms and shoulders go limp.

She tries to get her arms up to the fly but with both of us stuck between the hot water and the shower wall, I end up having to put my arms past her in a sort of half hug while she stands basically chest to chest with me. I hold my arms out like a mummy against the back wall, the other option being resting them on her now mostly exposed butt.

We've basically been glued together the last three weeks, even doing a fair share of feeling each other up and yet now somehow it all feels so... real. Like it's the first time we've ever touched.

Rose undoes the button, either being careful not to damage it or maybe just nervously, she unzips the zipper fairly slowly. As the metal disconnects from itself, the two halves peel away, revealing the top of my panties. A light red silk lace with a small black ribbon just below the top that matched the top. To be honest, most of the budget for tonight went to this set.

She looks up at me. My face flushes, noticeably warming up. I stare up and away at the ceiling like I'm looking for cracks.

"Boy, that steam sure feels nice, huh?" I say with all the commitment of elevator small talk. My view finds its way back to Rose and I realize she's just been staring at me for a while. "God, sorry, I feel like a teenager again. Why am I so damn awkward." I pause, realizing I've just made it even more awkward.

"Sweetie, you're fine, seriously. To be honest, this is going to be new for both of us. I know I've joked around before but I've never... you know... actually had... like a real girlfriend."

It's the first time she's called me her girlfriend. My heart flutters and my stomach tries a jumping jack. I move my arms from their mummy pose and wrap them around her, pulling her in close.

"Wait, Lil, is this real silk?" Rose practically yells, breaking the silence. Her eyes go wide and her mouth agape. Aw man, what did I do now?

"Yeah? Like I said I wanted tonight to be..." I stop myself before I say anything that could possibly be stupid. "What's the problem?"

"You have to take them off, you have to get these dry right now. Oh my lord your new undies are going to be ruined!" She admonishes me like I just threw spaghetti all over her.

The way she's moving and speaking I don't have time to fully process the implications, I just sort of panic and frantically start trying to peel the denim off me like its covered in acid. I hadn't even noticed her hands behind my back undoing my bra straps until I felt the loose cups fall halfway down. I instinctively catch it and hold them onto my chest.

"Rose!" I say, startled back to awareness. She looks up at me, still in a state of hurry. "Ok, I think we need to talk about this. What exactly are we doing? Where exactly are we drawing the line here?"

"I... I'm sorry. I just," She pauses for a while, seemingly searching for the words. her eyes fixing to the shower floor. "I feel awful about what I said to you. Since our date in the park we've been so close and now I feel like I've been teasing you or leading you on or something... and I want to be with you in that way, I do, but I've just been so worried that it's happening all over again and I just. Lily, I don't think I could handle it if I lost you like I've lost all the others. And now that I said all that stuff about never having sex I made things awkward and I don't want you to feel like you can't be like that with me! I really like how I feel when I'm with you and how you... how you treat me. I put myself in this weird spot where I want to be intimate with you but... I'm just not ready to take it the full way yet, which isn't fair to you and it wasn't fair to blow up at you with all my past stuff just because you wanted to... and... oh my god your pasta! I ruined your fancy garlic pasta dinner that was so good and now its cold. I'll still eat it, I swear even if..."

I softly take her head in my hands and look into her eyes, hoping to get a word in.

"Rosie, you're starting to ramble like I do. I'm not upset with you, really. I'm more upset that you didn't talk to me about this earlier, but it's okay. I'm so sorry you went through what you did and I completely understand why you need time. Trust me, I know how awful those small town circles can be. I hid myself behind lie after lie until even I thought I was somebody I wasn't. But it doesn't have to be like that anymore. Do you remember what you said to me that day? That I didn't have to explore just because I was reinventing myself? You were wrong. I'm not reinventing myself. I'm finally getting to be who I knew I was, who I was hiding. There's this whole world that was taken from me that I'm just now getting to see. But I don't want to explore it with anyone but you, Rose. So we can walk at whatever speed you want, take it however slow you need to. I can wait. If its you, I could wait forever. This isn't just a one night stand to me, I mean... How could it be? So if all you want to do right now is cuddle, or kiss, or even if we never actually take things further, I'll manage. I just need you to tell me where the line is so I can respect that."

We stand like that for some time, the running water providing background noise as we face each other, me looking at her, her looking at the floor. Somewhat awkward in the confined space, but being next to her always feels right.

"Then... Obviously I love kissing you and I'm okay with you seeing me in my underwear... and I like it when you hold me." Her voice gets quieter. She puts her hand gently over mine. " And when you touch me. I promise, someday we can be... fully intimate." She pauses for a few seconds. "Maybe for now we can go... just a little further?" Her eyes dart to my hands holding the fabric on my chest, then back up to my eyes.

I stare into her beautiful brown eyes looking for confirmation.

"Like... This far?" I ask coyly. I let the fabric drop from my hands and slowly hang it over the shower door.

"Maybe... a little further." She responds.

Her eyes don't leave mine, though a wry smile appears on her face. I slowly put my hands on her hips, sliding my fingers down to the hem of her leggings, between the wet fabric and her legs. I lower my hands carefully, separating the nylon from her skin and ever so slowly push her pants down her thighs.

I reach mid thigh and bend at the knee to continue, her teeth gently tugging at her own lip as my eye line begins to lower. I'm now looking up past her chest, still into her eyes as I continue the rest of the way down her legs. I feel my own warm breath against her bare legs as she remains just inches from me. A shiver runs up my spine.

I step out of my own jeans, admittedly ungracefully, and gather both pairs of leggings, throwing them both into the hamper with a wet thud.

While I'm crouched on the shower floor, she reaches her hands behind her back and slowly, deliberately, undoes the straps of her own bra. She removes the straps from her shoulders and lazily throws it up and over the shower door. My eyes never leave hers.

"This far?" I repeat the question.

"Just... a little further." She responds.

I slowly hook my fingers into the hem of her underwear, waiting for her to stop me at anytime. I continue to arduously pull them down, millimeter by millimeter until they rest just above where anything good happens. I raise my eyebrows as a silent double check for permission. She only slightly nods her head forward in approval.

With all the willpower I can muster from every corner of my body, I resist taking my eyes off hers for even a millisecond as I slide the fabric down her legs, past her feet. In the position I'm in, there is no possible way for me to not be seeing every part of her out of my periphery. I make absolutely sure she know where my eyes are at. Something about it feels more intimate, like I'm seeing more than just her full glory. I watch the love, with some lust, but mostly the care for me in her eyes shine as plain as day.

I stand back up, both of our breathing much more deliberate than it was a few minutes ago. She whispers, just barely audible above the shower,

"Your turn."

My heart skips a beat and I catch a lump in my throat. This is absolutely what I want and more. I want more... That realization gives me pause for a second. Was this really just convenient? Maybe I really am just horny. What if we do eventually have sex and the spark dies? How can I be sure, after just three short weeks, that this girl is everything I think she is? That I'm everything I think I am. Maybe she's just what I want her to be, what I need her to be right now. Am I really seeing her through rose colored glasses? Heh heh, that's pretty good, I might have to use that one... Oh god, am I a terrible person?

Rose stares up at me, having fully removed my underwear while I must have been glazed over in my panic. I missed that whole sweet, tender moment.

"Sweetie?" Rose asks. She must have seen my eyes drift.

In that moment I remember every day we've spent together in this short time. Hearing her voice, hearing her call me those sweet nicknames. Knowing there's this girl that feels safe enough around me to tell me her embarrassing secrets, her inner thoughts. Remembering how she makes me feel even when we're just hanging out. I consider a life of celibacy and realize getting to see this other side of her is just a bonus. 'Just gravy' as my dad would say.

That series of rapid realizations and emotions culminate in one beautiful profession of my love to her.

"I'm afraid of bats." I say somewhat hesitantly.

"Sorry, huh? What?" Rose asks, slightly shaking her head, silk panties in hand.

"I'm afraid of bats, and I'm not particularly fond of birds in general. It's silly, I know. One day I was talking to my best friend and I told them about it. They told everyone in our class and word spread quick. The people in my school, people I thought were my friends, would tease me relentlessly by putting little rubber bats in my locker, in my school bag, or sometimes they'd just throw them at me. They'd draw bats on my notebooks and in my yearbook... It was constant and it went on for years. Every time they did it I would cry or scream and I'd have to spend like three hours in the nurses office, calming myself down by hugging this stuffed rabbit she had. I never got over it."

Rose continues to stare at me slightly stunned.

"Eventually they just sort of stopped or forgot about it or got bored with it, I don't know which, but I had to go on pretending to be friends with all those people. The same people who made me terrified to open my locker every day. They made me afraid to have anything unique or different about me. So I lied about stuff. Said I liked what everyone else liked, didn't like what everyone else didn't. Dressed how they dressed. I didn't even think of it as lying, I just told myself I was 'being normal'. Now that I think about it, that was probably a big reason I never had the confidence to even question whether or not I was gay, or bisexual, or anything other than what they deemed acceptable. It's weird, I know but... I never told anyone about it again. Not even when I got a boyfriend did I trust him enough to tell him that. Rose... I'm terrified of bats."

She joins the set on top of the shower door and there we stand. Staring into each others eyes, completely exposed to one another in more ways than just one. Feeling a little exposed, I try to change the subject.

"I think the water's... ready."

I awkwardly reach back and angle the shower head so that it finally makes contact with my back. The warm water feels incredible and my skin immediately goosebumps. Rose quietly steps in closer to get into the spray, our bodies now just inches apart.

"Lily?" Rose asks, her lips within an inch of mine.

"Yes?" I respond.

"We can go a little bit further."

She kisses me. Deeply. Slowly. Her tongue taps and teases my lips. She pulls me in close and our bodies touch for the first time, sending a brand new sensation radiating out from my chest as her soft breasts slip over mine through the flow of water. That pressure creates a longing, a desire that burns in my chest and drips down my stomach, dissipating like burning alcohol before it can give me any relief.

With every soft graze of her firm, yielding points against mine, the drip increases. The needy longing builds until it is a heat that rivals the the waters facilitating it. We move like this for a few minutes at least, each second the feeling builds on itself like a rolling snowball. Being so fully aware of this sensitive part of my body, the ceaselessness, the unending building of pressure is nearly too much for me. I have to part from the kiss and try to put a gap between us to catch my breath and calm down. The warm water flowing over us both is in such stark contrast to where we were just minutes before, standing in the cold rain.

Rose apparently does not get the memo. She keeps the contact between us and uses her now freed mouth to slip a sneaky nibble just below my earlobe, where my jaw meets my neck. This distraction from the feeling on my chest only brings it back with a renewed vigor as soon as I feel her against me again. Another nibble further down my neck and the process restarts. Every kiss is a carefully placed distraction making each of her movements twice as impactful. Like a boxer throwing jabs before haymakers, over and over again. Each blow landed is another hit of pleasure rather than pain. Another few of these and I'll still be down for the count.