A Closet Homosexual

NOTE: All characters portrayed in all scenes are over eighteen years old and are of the age of consent.

Robert had a secret. He was married to his high school sweetheart, Emily, and they had two teenage daughters now in high school. Emily adored Robert and they had been best friends from the time they started dating. But Robert had a secret. He was a closet homosexual. At 37 it was not something he had been all along, but it had been inside him all along, from the time before he met Emily.

At five foot nine, Robert was taller than Emily's five foot five and both had nondescript sandy brown hair. Both were thin and athletic and more than once they had been mistaken for brother and sister. Emily was cute, Robert was cute also, in a boyish way and even at his age he was not overly masculine looking. Robert worked out at the gym 2 or three times a week. Going to the gym helped him to feel fit and worked off some of his frustration of his rather mundane job with the city. The money was good, he had a good house and home with Emily.

Something was missing in his life, however. Robert's libido was quite high, and while Emily was still attractive and sex with her was okay, even satisfying at times, their sex life was rather mundane. I suppose after being married for so many years the comfort and familiarity with each other and the stresses of work and life tend to douse the marital flame. Sex with Emily was once a week, if that, less often of late. Their sex life was like something on the "to do" list, usually the same day of the week at the same time, something to be crossed off like laundry or taking out the trash.

Robert's sex drive was off the charts. Sometimes it bothered him that he was so horny all the time. Some nights he would stay up late after the family had long since gone to bed and surf porn in the study and masturbate. If everyone was out of the house and he was alone for a while he could easily masturbate two or three times in the span of five or six hours. These were dramatic, exciting jack off sessions with some of the most powerful ejaculations he had ever produced. His secret masturbations were like a drug, like an addiction to Robert.

While he still had a strong desire to have sex with Emily, it seemed that the more interested in sex with her he was, the less interested in sex she became. His clandestine masturbations were very satisfying, this drove his sexuality to many wonderful places in his body and his mind. Sex toys and feminine articles of clothing found their way into Robert's secret world. It would come as no surprise when Emily took the girls to visit her parents over spring break and would be gone for almost ten days, that Robert was elated about having the time to himself.

That first night Emily was gone, Thursday, after work Robert went to the gym and worked out. Normally Robert would shower at home, not at the gym. This night however, there were a lot of guys in the locker room and a strange feeling came over him. In this neutral environment he tingled inside and felt a very powerful desire to be naked in front of other men. A rec league basketball game had just ended and there were a lot of guys in various stages of changing and showering. Nothing happened really, but inside it was exhilarating to nonchalantly walk around naked in front of other men, some of whom were also naked. As Robert was dressed and leaving there was man, probably about six foot two and a very toned 200 pounds drying himself with a towel.

It was just a flash glance, but Robert and the man looked in each other's eyes and one of those instances where they held eye contact for perhaps longer than would seem appropriate, then Robert started to avert his gaze as the man gave a wry half smile and looked down as he was drying himself and Robert turned to leave. It was nothing Robert thought, as he drove home. Still, he had a funny tingle and truth be known, seeing this man naked, seeing his hairier body than his own and seeing the man's flaccid hairy penis and balls gave him a strange tingle. He was certain he had seen the man before at the gym, but seeing him naked made somewhat more of an impression.

After catching up with Emily on the phone, he had the whole night (and many to follow) to indulge his masturbation fetishes. He had the time and privacy to actually do things that he rarely could do with the wife and kids around. He had been dallying of late wearing Emily's panties and lingerie, but he had to be careful, and he never got to enjoy it as much as he had liked. Now he could "go to town". That first night Emily was away, Robert did "go to town" on his fetish. He hated work and things at home were somewhat "blah". He needed some "me" time, just like women do when they go to the spa. He poured a big glass of wine and started a hot soapy bath.

Robert was fairly smooth with light hair on his body and now with more than a week to himself he could do the things his fetishes willed. Like shaving his legs. And his underarms. He had been shaving his balls for years and keeping his pubes trimmed short, Emily never said a word. Tonight, he might shave off all his pubes or perhaps just leave a tiny "landing strip". After drying off, he put on a robe and sat at the vanity. Emily never wore a lot of makeup, but she had enough for Robert to experiment with. Back in high school his very pretty sister wore a lot of makeup, sexy hottie teenager makeup to get noticed by the boys. Robert had seen makeup applied by the women in his life to have a better than a vague idea what to do. With eye shadow, mascara, rogue on his cheeks and the sexiest shade of lipstick he could find, a pinkish plum color, he looked remarkably feminine. He looked like his sister. She was sexy. Now he was sexy. It was exciting. He felt gay.

It felt wonderful to look so feminine, Robert trembled in anticipation. Digging through Emily's lingerie drawers he found some sheer black stockings. Emily never wore stockings or pantyhose. These were stockings that he had given her in a lingerie set, long ago when sex was a little more exciting with her. Often men who are infatuated with lingerie like Robert was, they give their wives or girlfriends lingerie that they secretly wish they could wear. Or they find a way to wear these lingerie gifts themselves. That was the case with Robert. Most of the lingerie he had gifted Emily the past few years, Robert had secretly worn at least the panties as his secret crossdressing desires grew along with his obsessive masturbation.

The stockings felt heavenly on his legs. When he pulled on a pair of pink microfiber string bikini panties, his hard penis ached and droplets of pre-cum left wet spots on the panties. One of the sexiest, flimsiest pink baby dolls he had given Emily and he had longed to wear, Robert then put it on, and Robert was smitten. This is so hot he thought to himself. The only thing missing were high heels. He had tried to put on some of Emily's at one time, but they just were too small, and she really had so few pairs. Maybe he could stop by the thrift store and find a pair that fits on the way home from work tomorrow, he thought.

Robert traipsed around the bedroom and bathroom admiring himself in the flimsy pink baby doll and pink bikini panties. His penis ached hard in the panties. He had waited so long to indulge himself like this, to be alone by himself with his secret. It had been so long that he had done this, dressing up in lingerie and putting on makeup. It had been so many years since he had worn makeup. Back then it was different. It was exciting then, but the circumstances were different and there were other factors in play, there were other demons hidden in the closet. These demons were now knocking to get out. Life, college, marriage and work had helped to keep the demons locked in their cages in darkness and neglect. Now that they had seen a little light, they were rattling their cages to get out. Robert knew in his heart that it would be difficult to prevent these demons from escaping.

Robert stayed up late that night, masturbating to three powerful climaxes. Actually, two masturbations that night and another again after the alarm went off in the morning. His first climax came fairly quickly, while bringing his laptop to bed and getting aroused to his favorite porn. He had grown to love many types of offbeat porn that was certainly not straight porn. Sissy porn, sissy hypnosis, Daddy sissy porn, fem boi Daddy porn, gay porn, shemale porn all fascinated him. He had spent many hours in the past few years soaking it in, relishing it, masturbating to it. His favorite genre of porn might be surprising given his proclivity to masturbating in panties and now blossoming in makeup, panties, stockings and a baby doll.

The porn that aroused him above all others? The porn that made his psyche ache with desire and longing? The porn that always hit the sweet spot and tipped his masturbation over the edge? Twink porn. Yes, twink porn. Pics and especially videos of nubile young men, boys really, smooth, naked and nearly hairless on their tender bodies, cocks and balls often completely shaved, kissing each other, sucking each other's cocks, one or the other fucking another boy's smooth tight ass. Seeing two naked boys kissing as they fondled each other's hard lovely cocks was often the trigger to ejaculation after Robert had edged for the longest time to a myriad of homosexual pornographic stimulus. Boy orgies or seeing one submissive boy servicing two, three or more hung twinks, also were powerful keys that unlocked the deepest stimulation of his hidden sexuality. One twink porno called "Bareback Study Group" was among his favorites. In that video, one boy serviced four of his friends. He longed to be the boy on his knees sucking the other boys' cocks as those boys themselves were kissing each other. Robert's demons were close to running free.

There were other hidden elements that had long helped Robert 'tip the scales' in his masturbation obsession. From his teenage years many of his ejaculations were while wearing his sister's panties and sniffing her soiled panties. Often after cumming, he would sop up his semen with the pair of pussy soiled panties. After repeated ejaculations into a pair of pilfered panties they would get quite crusty. From this he learned two things.

First, was that when retrieving the pair of panties for another jack off session the scent of the semen crusted panties was a massive turn on unto itself. The scent dry, crusted semen was every bit as intoxicating as the scent of his sister's soiled panties. Soft cotton panties were the best for this. When the scent of his sister's soiled panties coupled with a few blasts of his semen aroused his senses while masturbating, these orgasms were mind bending. Copious amounts of semen were ejaculated to invariably end up sopped up on the panties again.

The second thing Robert learned about semen and panties was with a pair of pussy scented panties already crusted with dried semen, that the newly ejaculated scent of damp semen was an intoxicating scent in its own right. The scent of damp semen on top of dried semen and sometimes girly sister scent drove the boy crazy with arousal. Pulling on his penis while wearing panties and sniffing damp cum laden panties led to many excruciatingly wonderful ejaculations leading to an endless loop of sniffing semen soiled panties while masturbating, to ejaculating more semen to be sopped up and sniffed later while masturbating again. And again. And again.

And so, it was now many years later Robert had reintroduced using the scent of semen crusted panties to assist in getting off during his masturbation flings, usually having a pair of his wife's semen soiled pair of panties stashed in the drawer in the study and one in the back of his closet. With a pair of semen crusted, semen scented panties pressed to his nostrils, his first ejaculation that night with his wife out of town was remarkably quick. All the buildup bathing, shaving, applying makeup and wearing lingerie was just too exciting after being repressed for so long. Having edged only for a few minutes Robert could feel his climax rapidly approaching.

Jacking firmly on his cock as his climax neared Robert then did something often portrayed in sissy porn or femdom porn. He swung his legs up over his head onto the wall behind the bed, so his hard cock was above his head pointing down right at his face. It was awkward but exciting and effective as his ejaculations rained down from his penis onto his face, chest, pink baby doll, the pillow and bedding. Though hoping more cum would have hit its mark, his open mouth did catch a splatter or two of semen as Robert swung his legs back off the wall, returning to laying down on the bed.

The smell of his semen permeated his nostrils and the tangy taste of his own cum intermingled with the taste of lipstick. He would have to wash the bedding and lingerie of the semen and smeared makeup, but it was a fun jack off and he still felt possessed in his femininity. As he was coming down from his orgasm, Robert still felt free, like all his sexual demons that were repressed and pent up for years, that these desires were now allowed out of the cages where they had been locked up for so long.

He drank some more wine. Taking off the stockings, Robert decided to paint his toes. He had longed to paint his toes for quite some time, now was the opportunity. Rummaging around he found some cherry red nail polish. He would have preferred bright pink, but once he applied the red to his toes, he was satisfied. His red toes looked so feminine as he wiggled them in admiration. He would find some high heels tomorrow, he told himself. He knew his toes would look stunning in the right pair of high heels. Robert changed panties and took off the baby doll. His new panties were hot pink silky bikini panties. Robert loved this pair of panties. Emily never wore them. Like so many panties and lingerie in her dresser, she might have worn the item once, if that. Robert on the other hand had many favorites that he would masturbate in time and again.

With the laptop next to him on the bed Robert surfed porn site after porn site. He had one of those sex blogs where he could post sex pictures of his own or re-blog arousing sex pics of other users. He loved sex stories as well. Most were poorly written, but he saved the links to the good ones. One was called "Trading Pics" a story about a boy who loved wearing panties and ended up cheating on his girlfriend with a 'daddy' type where he dressed up in the guy's wife's panties and clothing and had sex with him. Another one was called "The Gaymaker" where a girlfriend catches her boyfriend cheating on her with a girl and she puts him in pink panties and makes him suck a guy's huge cock to get even. And something in that story about being taken to a gay bar and being shown off as an Alpha's toy boy sent shivers through Robert's loins.

It had been two hours since his last ejaculation. He felt so deliciously feminine as he sat down to pee. Soon Robert was hard as stone again as he minced around in the stretchy, silky, sexy pink panties. In the back of his closet, he kept some toys hidden. Fetching a hot pink vibrator and some lube he returned to bed and continued surfing porn. After a while he was so hard as he had latched on to some more twink porn, a video called "Daddy's Cumming Home". It was a video about a femboy in panties getting fucked by a daddy with a big cock while sucking the cock of another daddy.

Robert, in his pre orgasmic state, wished he had a daddy and wished he had a cock to suck and get fucked by. The scent of damp semen on the pair of panties drove him crazy, he had tasted semen from other boys earlier in his life and wished to again. These horny longings of desperately craving cock were always in his mind prior to ejaculation, though he knew he would never act on these longings in real life. Lubing up the vibrator, Robert slowly inserted it up his butt, creating an erotic sensation he was now pursuing with more regularity.

Sex with Emily was as vanilla as it came, though she knew fingering Robert's anus during intercourse would hasten his orgasm. He had tried once long ago to introduce sex toys in their marriage but with her conservative upbringing, that pursuit was shot down in flames. He was much too afraid to ask Emily to 'peg' him, knowing what the shocked answer would be and that she might think he was gay.

Robert fucked himself with the vibrator turned up high, humming up his butt. The visual images of a queer femboy getting fucked and sucking cock soon helped Robert reach the tipping point as he moaned in pleasure one hand jacking his cock the other fucking himself with the vibrator. It was a delicious cummie, that the porn, vibrator up his butt and damp semen scented panties helped to bring to climax. He sopped up the cummies with the panties once more.

In the morning Robert woke up with his cock hard again and he jacked off leisurely after the went alarm off. He still had panties on, and he dreamed of sucking cock as he pulled madly on his penis. Cum spurted out of his aching penis as he furiously masturbated. He was so glad to have time alone without anyone in the house so he could act out his sexuality. After sopping up his ejaculation in the pair of panties, he grudgingly showered and went to work. At work that day Robert tingled. With his legs and underarms shaved again in the morning shower, it reminded him all day of his innate femininity. Under his work clothes he wore a pair of silky bright pink bikini panties with frilly tequila sunrise orange trim, no one would know, and it was a constant reminder of how he felt inside and how much he was looking forward to more of what he had done the night before.

Robert took his lunch break going to a thrift store with his mind on trying to find a pair of high heels, knowing there was no way he could order them online or purchase high heels in a store and try them on. There was a thrift store on the far end of the rundown strip mall on the city line between his town and Tarryville. As to not be too obvious he found a pair of men's loafers in his size and roughly matched it with a pair of women's ankle strap high heel sandals. They were cheap, tan patent leather high heels and in buying both shoes roughly the same size he could hopefully have high heels to dress in that night.

He saw a women's cheap sleazy cocktail dress in a generic shade of burgundy that he hoped might fit without trying it on. He grabbed it and a few men's shirts that he did not care if they fit, he was only buying the men's item to make it look like he wasn't buying the women' clothing for himself. The Hispanic clerk could care less what he was buying as he paid cash and hurried out to his car. That afternoon, work drug on forever and when he finally was done, walking through the lobby to leave work, he was Scot free for an evening like the night before, an evening of crossdressing and masturbation.

"Robert, hi," a voice called before he could reach the door. "How are things? You look great," the voice called to him as he tried to place it before seeing who it was. Turning around he recognized it as Ben Jackson.

"Hi Ben," Robert replied, now feeling a little annoyed that this might delay his quest. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Oh, just pulling some permits from the city, keeping things moving," Ben related. "How's Emily and the girls?"

"They're fine. Thank you. Emily took the girls to Florida for spring break. I had to work. Johnson had seniority and I couldn't get the time off. How's Linda?" Robert offered, hoping to get out soon. He knew Ben but not that well. They were in the same high school years ago but did not know each other then. Emily and Ben's wife Linda socialized at one point in the past.