All Comments on 'A College Prom Fairytale'

Where's the story. This page of disconnected thoughts isn't worth the time to comment on any further. 1*

So why don't you put your expertise on display, Overcritical? I was going to see how it's done, but since you have not published anything, well...

To Everyone Else: This story started along with about a dozen others. Sorry it's not "spank material"; it was intended to tell a story. I always swing for the fence. Sometimes I hit one out, sometimes I get a base hit, sometimes I miss. I always appreciate comments and respect my fans and followers, but if you've never tried this before, think twice before being an ass.

I've read from you before. Even follow you on here. This seems like a throwaway. You have a good first three chapters, then a bunch of nonsense. Why even bother?

Short and to the point! A well told tale!

StoryCentral,

Sorry you feel that way. I respect your opinion and will try to make you happy with my next few.

I have one that the finish is giving me fits. The buildup between the two characters was fun to develop in my mind but needed to keep it short because I like a good 1 or 2 page story. I know HOW I want it to end, but not sure of the best way, and out of respect to my followers I want to get it right. Same with this story- I could have made a good novel or movie. But a short story was tough. I added the "years later" part to try and close it out.

I have one more that is fresh in my mind also. I love the concept but it's a change from my normal recipe. Kind of. But I am pushing through and hopefully you guys will like it.

Plus some that are okay, some sequels, some bombs in the sketch process.

I love feedback, constructive criticism, help, advice, ideas. Anyone can email me and I have asked others in the past if they would like to collaborate and no one has taken me up on it. I was like many of you- I gave ideas out and someone encouraged me to write and I did the "Mandy" trilogy. I loved that story for a host of reasons and Mandy has been a tough act for me to follow. I compare everything to her.

Anyway fans, thanks for supporting me. And for the haters, take the advice a friend gave me and try and write. Put yourself out there. Tell a story. Try and improve with the next one.

Brad

It’s a sweet story. It could probably use conflict. Less explanation. More focus.

It’s a few different stories: high school girl; cam girl; soldier’s girlfriend; new mom. For the story to work, you have to pick one climax—you don’t get multiple orgasms in a short story.

For my personal jollies, I’d like to read about a good girl getting licked by her slutty roommate and fucked hard by a huge cock online, for money. What’s up with that? And how does that relate to the hard.core swimming and the soldier? More about how you get off on exhibitionism, maybe, or overcoming challenges??

Oh, and no need to get to extremes, especially if it’s unlikely. Whoever beat Katie Ledecki in most races would also have been on the team (and a superstar), and the highest awards just don’t go to 19 yr old soldiers very often. Those details don’t add to the story.

Good luck!

really great story