All Comments on 'A Common Gathering'

"please bare with me,..."

- Dude, sure, but how about you ask me out for a date before asking me to get naked with you?

On that note: I stopped reading after roughly half the first page of your story. If you can't even be bothered to read it yourself before posting, I don't see why I should.

If you don't have anyone you can ask to proofread or edit, use Google Docs. They have probably the most sophisticated spell- and grammar-check available at the moment.

1/5 for dreadful writing.

I always try to think of something positive to say but you've beaten me. It's so bad it's virtually unreadable. A generous one star.

"to be continued" - please..., don't.

Literally can't even read it because of the punctuation. Holy shit stop using exclamation points as periods you idiot.

You really need an editor. One area that should be pretty easy to fix yourself if you can't find an editor is using quotation marks around your dialog. You closed the quotes too early, too late, or simply didn't bother to use them at all. In fact, the very first line of dialog contained your first quoting error, closing the quote before the end of her words:

"Well hello handsome, ain't never seen you here before!" You passing thru?

The very next line of dialog went the opposite direction, closing the quotes at the end of the sentence instead of the end of the dialog:

"No, I replied!"

Then, the next two lines of dialog simply didn't have quotation marks at all:

I actually live about 25 minutes from here!

So what brings your in here then?

Sorry, but your story is simply to roughly written to enjoy. It's not just the quoting. That was just the easiest to clearly address. I didn't even bother to skim it, so I skipped rating it but wanted to strongly suggest you put more polish on your work before posting.

OMG! An amazing sexy story and TERRIBLE writing. Almost every sentence ends in an exclamation point. Those should be reserved for extra special statements. When you use them all the time then nothing is special. The grammar and spelling are so bad that there were some things that I could not decipher at all.

Great beginning Looking forward to more!

...get an editor. Story was good - but, you must work on writing. While by no means terrible - it just needs some work. Try reading it aloud to yourself, you'll hear what we are talking about.

First, let me say thank you for all the good points, thank you for trying to point me in the right direction. But, you all should need to know that this is the very first time I’ve ever written anything like this. In writing it on an iPhone, didn’t really help!

In response to the grammar, I kind of understand where you guys are coming from, but it was all from the first person perspective with Full blown mixed emotions! I will definitely try to put it in a better perspective where the readers can fully understand.

Thank you again

@DeepDesiresForPlumpLadies - Word of advice: Don't.

If 87% of the comments under your story tell you that you screwed something up, it's probably not the readers' fault. There is nothing wrong with the perspective. The readers did not misunderstand or mispronounce anything. There simply is no reason to put an exclamation mark behind the info that someone takes a shower. Or that he takes off his work clothes after getting home from work. Or that he lits a cigarette. You simply used the wrong punctuation.

I must say that in my opinion, Sarkasmus is so right. I've stopped reading after about 3/4 of the first page. couldn't keep on reading with all the exclamation marks. sorry.

After reading some of the comments I'm responding before the story. One, I was attracted by your stage name. Two, after these negative comments, I knew I had to read your fantasy. Now to the story!

not4longbyme@yahoo.com

Storyline is awesome(as others have said); you do need to at least reread before posting. (How did Red become Rose in last para, etc.) You have a relaxed writing style, can develop this story and future chapters to be extremely exciting.

These characters have a lot to offer if developed a little more in additional chapters. How did Red and Bella get the pub and the 3 couples seemed like regulars to the point of almost a sex club by the innuendo you made of their actions when walked in; the drink chalkboard sharing, etc.

Each of these little lines needed to be built to better about the pub to fulfill the storyline as thick as you are trying to tell in your 1st chapter.

Thank you for you storyline. Keep up your hard work, it takes talent, and courage to put this much work into a story and post it. Many of the anonymous nay sayers have never written so much as the negative comments they give, much less the hard work you have done here. Take the positive comments of getting help to improve your solid work instead of the childish comments of how bad your work is before they completely read what you have done.

It’s bra not braw . Find someone to proofread before you post.

The story was amazing. Short of lack of editing, this is one of my new favorites. I would love to hear more of the story. How the bar is a sex club, the story of the shots board etc. And if this becomes a regular thing for them or just a great night

Proofread, dictionary and though already mentioned, wtf is a braw? The typos in this story take away from how extremely good it could be.