All Comments on 'A Cousin's Apartment'

I had the pleasure of fucking my cousin twice and we loved it .You dragged it out too much and the dialogue became repeticious and boring .

OOOOOOOh my, your stoooooooooory was

really booooooooring

You had a good story premise. I do agree with the others that it was a bit drawn out, it could have been more concise. I also think the finger in the butt was a little much especially when you brought it back from the butt into the pussy! That is when the woman would be getting a good case of vaginal and urinary tract infections. Don't try it on your own girlfriend!

You really could use a proof reader. Your story was great, but, was hard to keep up with because of the miss spelled words and wrong word mearnings.

1. Dialogue was stilted and unnatural, unless both of them were immigrants for whom English was a second language. :0)

2. Characters are undeveloped. Practically the only thing we know about either of them is that they were horny. Big whoopee. What motivated her to initiate sex just hours after he moved in? Why did she keep referring to the fact they were cousins, and at the same time fucking him? What was the history of their relationship? Had either of them ever expressed any special feeling for the other?

3. Too many wrong words, grammatical errors, etc., which make the story hard to read. "East writing makes damned hard reading." Did you even read this over after you wrote it? Was the first draft the last one too??

"Keep workin' fella

1. Dialogue was stilted and unnatural...

2. Characters are undeveloped....

3. Too many wrong words."

Do you read the absolute trash on here? Stop being an a$$hole editor and maybe give the author a pat on the back. You should like to your great stories mr. know it all.

You wrote: "no easy task "per say"" <-- you meant "per se" from the Latin. First sentence and a major error in usage!! Tsk! Tsk!

per se

   [pur sey, see, per] Show IPA

adverb

by, of, for, or in itself; intrinsically: "This candidate is not a pacifist per se, but he is in favor of peaceful solutions when practicable."

Synonyms: innately, inherently, indigenously, fundamentally.

typical grade school dropout story no background, no character buildup and no plot just a first draft that never should have been posted. delete and rewrite then run it through a good editor before reposting.

That was great. I wish my older cousin sister tracy was like that with me.

Great story.

This is the second time I've read this story, so I've been able to back off a bit and make some editing suggestions, in case you want to go back and tidy it up:

1) change "mouse" to "mouth" in this sentence : "After awhile I worked my way back up to her mouse").

2) drop the first "up" in: "up slowly going up and down" (about 7/8 of way down first page).

3) "slipped" : "As she lifted herself up a bit and slip her jeans down" (last paragraph first page).

4) "Brushing the little" : "Brushing any little bit of pre-cum" (about 1/6 of way down 2nd page).

5) "would like that too": "And I think your cock would that that too." (about 1/3 of way down 2nd page).

6) "inside": "my cum insider of" (about 2/3 of way down 2nd page).

P.S. I'm not criticising your editor, he/she is a volunteer (as are you) and I've seen far worse. Personally I think all stories should have two editors, especially the better ones where the editor can become distracted.

Any chance of a sequel?

Yeah, great concept executed poorly. This needs like 4 or 5 rewrites. It reads like a first draft.

There's definitely a better way to emphasize the taboo of first cousins having sex than just stating it deadpan. The buildup wasn't consistent or smooth. 😕 If you want to be better, read and follow Xarth. Learn from his examples.

The best that I could generously give you was a 3 since 2.5 isn't an option. I'm not going to waste any time reading part 2. It might be improved, but I'm not inspired enough to bother myself.

How many times must you reference her wet pussy and your hard cock. We get it your cock is hard because you fu king. Shifty ass writer. You completely ruined what could have been a good story

Dude, you lost me when you mentioned himym is a great show. Now seeing the other comments, I can tell why you liked it so much.

kind of sick, but I would enjoy in real life also

your hard thick cook was used to much

So good