by graymangazer
Was hoping to read that Carmen ends up with her throat slit, preferably by Hannah (to protect her daughter).
The mind controlling sex predator deserves death.
the story in itself is very good but you jump far to much around and often you leave the reader with a ?. first of how did Carmen become their mistress the very first part of chapter 1 was so well written and the beginning scene was great then all of a suddent hannah get a call and then we get confused because suddently her name was shandi without an explanation of why. then suddently we get back to Carmen who is now suddently the mistress but the main describtion of your story is about how they meet how they began and suddently it has happend. part 2 went even more downhill emma suddently change name. however you should keep writting cause the story in overall is good but you could benefit of finding a co-reader before your publishing.
There is much here I want to grade as 5 stars but I can't. Like Pt1, there is far too much jumping away to lay future plot lines. The excellent parts compensate for this only if the author delivers the future parts. Four years after posting, the author has let us readers down in this.
As a plea to all authors, please do not post only the opening chapters of what is clearly intended to be a longer work. I feel cheated.
V.S.
Great story, I don't know if there is a third one planned, but with the little bit about the pimp being upset with the 'slave girls' poaching on his territory, things might get interesting.
As usual with this author, it's well written and very good.