A Divine Gift

Hopefully everyone enjoys this. Fair warning, this has a pretty heavy religious theme so if that stuff offends you, you might want to stay away. That being said, I don't think anyone reading here is going to be particularly bothered. For those of you that do read it, let me know what you think. I always enjoy the feedback. And without further adieu... A Divine Gift

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Like a lot of people, I met my wife in college. We were in the same dorm and fell into that common dating circle trap where everyone is dating everyone. It wasn't until we left for separate grad schools that we realized how much we meant to each other. It's ironic that our relationship got more serious as we dated long distance but it worked well for us. I asked her to marry me when we graduated and we were wedded and honeymooning within six months.

I'd say our marriage was idyllic but that would be a lie. There was one issue that kept coming up over and over as a source of friction. My wife would tell you that we were "unevenly yoked". I would say, "She's religious and I wasn't."

We had discussed it (at great length) when we dated. I wasn't some militant atheist. Those people have elevated that belief to an absurd level. I was an agnostic. I believed that disproving God was as futile as believing in one. I remember one memorable conversation my wife (then fiancee) and I had.

"I kind of admire people of faith," I'd said.

She propped herself up on one elbow, looking at me with some excitement. "Really?"

I nodded, "Truly. I just can't make myself believe in something so... ephemeral. Unverifiable. You know?"

"You believe in my love, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Isn't it just as ephemeral?"

I kissed her, "No. You show me how much you love me every day."

"So does God. You just have to know where to look." The certainty in her voice was compelling but not persuasive.

I sighed, trying to avoid a fight, "I... I understand why you say that but I don't see it that way. I do see wonderful, amazing things in this world but I also see plenty of reasonable... non divine... explanations. On top of that, I don't see why Christianity has to be the only answer. I mean... Have you made an extensive study of all major religions? Maybe there's another out there that's more internally consistent than Christianity?"

She frowned, "Danny, do you think I only believe because of some myopic view of the Bible?"

"Uhmm... This feels like a trap," I said, grinning and trying to defuse the situation.

"It's not. Look," she said sitting up. Her pert little breasts were bare in front of me but I tried not to focus on them. She didn't help when she grabbed the gold cross that nestled between them and spun it. "This is just a symbol. The Bible is the instruction manual. But God is all around me. He talks to me. He saved me."

"I get that. But he doesn't talk to me," I said, frowning.

"Did I tell you about the time our house burned down?" she said.

I shook my head no. I was pretty sure I'd remember that story if I'd heard it.

"It was an electrical fire. My parents got everyone else out but I was staying in the loft at the time and the wooden spiral staircase was completely on fire. There was no way out. No window. Smoke building. I was coughing and could barely breathe or see."

"How old were you," I asked, imagining the scene with rapt attention.

"Nine," she said, "I was stuck up there and didn't know what to do. I prayed. I didn't pray to be saved. I prayed for calm and I prayed to God to at least make it not hurt. That's the kind of thing a little girl thinks of in those moments. Or at least I did. I wasn't afraid of dying. I was afraid of burning. And that's when I felt him in me. I felt God."

"What do you mean?"

"It's hard to explain but I knew two things. I knew that the smoke was going to kill me before the fire did and I knew if I trusted him, he would save me. He told me."

"Like you heard a voice?"

She thought about it for a moment, "No. Not really. It was like knowledge just flooded into my mind. I scrambled to the back of the room and reached for a vent. I didn't know it was there or what it did but there was a vent you could open that would create airflow in the house by sucking air out the roof. I only found out later what it did but somehow I knew I needed to pull that cord."

"What happened?"

"The smoke went out of the loft with a woosh but the airflow made the fire roar higher. I got scared again but I felt God's hand on me telling me that everything was going to be alright. I knew if I walked down the stairs, the fire wouldn't touch me."

"Pff... okay," I said, not thinking about how dismissive that was. "Sorry... I just mean, there's no way."

"I agree. There is no way. But I did. I walked down the stairs, the fire wrapped around me. But just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, it didn't hurt me. I got downstairs and ran outside to my parents. I never told anyone. I knew they'd think I was crazy. Even my parents. You're the first person I've ever told."

I thought about her story. The impossibility of it. But her earnest belief wasn't something I was going to dismiss. I kissed her, "It's kind of a crazy story, babe."

"You don't believe me. I know. That's fine. But think about it, okay?"

"I will," I said and kissed her again. I was hopeful for another round of lovemaking. My wife is incredibly devout and spiritual but, thankfully, not particularly dogmatic. Sex before marriage wasn't off the table which I was truly grateful for in those days because, frankly, it was incredible.

"One more thing. I know you don't believe... yet," she added with a smile, "But I need to know that you're not going to close yourself off to this."

"What do you mean," I asked.

"I just want to know you'll keep an open mind. Maybe try out some churches with me from time to time. Okay?"

I nodded. I didn't really love going to church but I didn't hate it. Over the years, plenty of my friends had tried to convince me so I'd gotten used to it. "How about once a month?"

Karen smiled, "Plus Christmas and Easter?"

I smiled back, "Sure," I said and kissed her. We did make love again that night and in the morning. And the pledge wasn't forgotten. After we got married we tried out a bunch of different churches. Karen's lack of doctrinaire adherence meant that she was perfectly fine trying out lots of different flavors of church. She was always hoping to find one that I felt comfortable with. She prayed every night for me, often peeking out of one eye in a manner that made me think she expected a bolt of lightning to change me right in front of her eyes. We continued like that for years. We were happy but there was always this small little wedge between us. We both felt it and we both hated it but there was no changing either of us.

We moved to Seattle when we both found jobs in the area. I had just turned 29 and my wife's 30th birthday was right around the corner. We were both very happy and Karen now had a whole new batch of churches to try out on me. Some days I thought that was the only reason she agreed to the move. After about six months, she found this Presbyterean church just outside of the city. I think of it as the Goldilocks church. It wasn't a big mega church not was it a little dinky church. The congregation was neither geriatric nor were they a bunch of new age hippies. The pastor was impassioned but not fire and brimstone, us vs. them, burn the gays. It was one of the few churches that she'd brought me to that didn't make my skin crawl when I walked in. It felt like a family without feeling like a cult.

"I like this place," I whispered to Karen as we found our seats. A couple a little older than us greeted us. There were kids running around and just a general sense of community that pervaded the church.

I listened to a sermon that day that changed my life in ways I couldn't even fathom. If I'm being truthful, I don't even really remember the sermon, however. My mind wandered and I thought about all the different things that I'd seen and learned. Something changed in me during that hour and I knew I believed suddenly. It sounds cliche to say that the will of God worked its way into my heart but given what happened later that night, I think that's probably what happened.

What I do remember from the service was the pastor's closing prayer. "Lord, I don't know a lot of things but I want to know what you're willing to show me. Just help me learn how to know you, Lord." For the first time ever, I said the words silently but earnestly. They seemed like perfect words for me.

We drove home in silence as I contemplated what was happening. I was too terrified to tell Karen. I didn't want to get her hopes up in case it wasn't what I thought. Maybe I'd just eaten something odd the night before or something, right? But for the rest of the day, I felt it tugging on my mind. There was still uncertainty but now there was a quest for learning more mixed in.

That night, Karen knelt at the foot of the bed, just as she'd done every night since we'd gotten married and said her own prayers. "Lord, you know my heart. You know what I want. I pray for Danny and that you will work your will on him. And Lord, that other silent prayer that I've been saying for years. I'm ready for that too. I've been putting conditions on it and that's not right. Please Lord, I trust you completely."

That last part confused me. I'd never heard her say anything like that and never heard her pray for anything consistently other than for my salvation. She crawled up into bed, wearing just a t-shirt and snuggled up next to me. I resisted the urge to ask her about the odd addition knowing that prying wasn't going to score me any points. Within five minutes, we were having wild sex. She seemed much more relaxed than normal. Not that she was particularly restrained in bed. But our lovemaking generally followed a bit of a formula on most occasions and that night we completely deviated from it. We were rolling all over the bed, shifting positions multiple times like a porno or something. Eventually, we came together while I was slamming into her with her legs over my shoulders. We were staring into each other's eyes while she whispered, "Thank you. I love you," over and over. We drifted off to sleep feeling tired and sated but also weirdly excited.

The next thing I remember, I was in an incredibly lucid dream. I was walking along the bank of a river. The moss covered pebbles crunched under my feet as I looked down and realized I was completely naked. Somehow I wasn't particularly bothered by that. The temperature was perfect. The sun kissed against my skin while a cool breeze wicked away the hint of sweat. I could hear the river flow and the birds and insects in the forest buzzed peacefully. Something about the setting felt more perfect and relaxing than anything I'd ever felt.

That's when God appeared. Don't ask me how I knew it was him. I just knew. He wasn't an old bearded man with a robe. Nor a guy wearing a well pressed suit. Frankly, it wasn't at all what I expected. Out from the forest floated an ephemeral mixture of dust and fire and water. A swirling maelstrom confined into a vaguely humanoid body. The eyebrows were formed from small rocks, the mouth was a roaring fire. And the eyes. I swear the eyes were stars... or maybe whole galaxies.

It was magnificent and awe inspiring. Or it would have been if not for the Hawaiin shirt and Birkenstock sandals that the elemental construct wore.

"How do I look?" came a booming, commanding voice. It shook the whole forest, trees swayed and the river behind me sloshed violently.

"What?" I asked, confused and scared.

"Oh. Sorry," God said. "Is that better? I don't talk to a lot of humans these days. Mostly whales and elephants. They're the next big thing on Earth, you see." He laughed at his own joke though I was too stunned to reciprocate.

"What?" I asked again. Less scared and more confused.

"Sorry... sorry. Danny... Or do you prefer Daniel?"

"What?"

God sighed. He actually sighed. Frosty breath flew out of his mouth and dissipated into the wind before he said, "Calm down. Take a breath. I'm God. You're Danny. Everything's fine."

I did as he told me and felt a little less agitated but no less befuzzled. "Sorry... I'm just... you're God?"

"In the flesh. Well, my version of it anyways. Nice to meet you?" he said and extended a watery hand. I reached for it and felt my hand slosh through the wetness. God laughed at the look on my face, "Sorry, Danny. I love that joke."

"I don't understand any of this," I said and just sat down on a rock at the side of the river.

"I know. This is all new to you. I get that. But I've been following your wife for years. She's amazing."

"Yes she is... but what do you mean... following? Don't you pay attention to everyone?"

"Well, technically I'm omniscient and omnipresent and all-powerful and all that. But it doesn't work the way you humans think of it. I can see and know anything I want but only the stuff I really think about. Most humans have gotten pretty bad at worshipping me. They don't do it right. They don't do it out of a sense of love. They want something from me. Your wife is one of those rare exceptions. She loves me just for me. You can see why that's so appealing, right?"

I thought about it, "So basically humanity has become a bunch of gold diggers telling you they love you but really wanting your money?"

God nodded, flexing the sand in his neck and giving me a fiery thumbs up. "You got it. Not Karen. She's only been praying for two things that were for her and tonight she realized why she was wrong to condition them. She made that final, selfless step of praying just for me to do what I thought was right."

"So that really was you today?"

"Yeah. I knew she'd have her epiphany tonight so I made sure you had your own earlier today."

"How could you...," I started to ask.

God tapped his fiery hand against the hard surface of his skull causing sparks to shoot out, "I see the future, remember?"

"Oh," I said. That made sense.

"So why show up to me like this? Do all new believers get this treatment?"

God laughed. It was a joyful, musical sound that I could have listened to forever. "Oh no. Definitely not. This is kind of my little gift to Karen. To let you know you're not imagining things and you're on the right path. Plus, I can't really give her her other wish without talking to you first."

"What do you mean?"

"She loves you, Danny."

"I know," I said, confused again. Of course she loved me. I know a lot of people say that they know their spouse loves them but secretly doubt it. I never did. If anything, I always wondered if I loved her as much as she loved me.

"No. She really, really loves you. Nearly as much as she loves me, actually. And she's very traditional. Almost to a fetish."

"What do you mean? She's not particularly traditional about stuff that I've noticed."

"That's because she knows you're not looking for that. So she's kept that little part of her hidden lest it bother you."

"What do you mean," I asked, still not understanding.

"She wants to serve you. Completely. She wants to be perfect for you in whatever way you want."

"Isn't that true of everyone that truly loves their spouse?"

"No. Not really. Think of it this way. Would you kill someone if she asked?"

"Of course not. Would she?"

"No. But she wants to."

I was startled and really bothered, "She wants to kill someone for me? What the f..." I stopped myself from swearing in front of God.

He laughed. "Don't worry. You can swear. I invented all the words, remember?" he said and patted me on the shoulder. Somehow his fiery hand didn't burn me, though I still flinched. "No, she doesn't want to kill someone. She wants to be so devoted to you that she would if you asked. But she knows you never would. Understand?"

"Not even a little," I said truthfully.

"She wants to be able to be literally anything for you. If you want it from her, she wants to be that for you."

"Ohh... I get it. Like she wants to like computer games and watching basketball even though I know she doesn't like those things?"

God nodded, "Exactly. It's how she thinks of being a good help-meet. She wants to literally be anything you want. And that's what I'm giving her... well... I'm giving it to both of you."

"What do you mean?"

"When you wake up, you'll be able to change anything about Karen you want. Forever."

"Permanently?"

"If you want. She'll be able to be molded in whatever way you want for the rest of your life. Want her to like Basketball? Done. Want her to hate Basketball the next day? Sure."

"Why not just change her into my perfect girl? Why give me all this power?"

"Three reasons, Danny. First, that's not what she wants. She wants to be malleable and flexible for you. She knows that people change and she doesn't want to be perfect for you in this moment and terrible for you years from now." God ticked off one stony finger as he talked, then sprouted a little twig as a second finger, "Second, I needed to talk to you about this so you'd understand. So you'd believe and would appreciate that this is well and truly what she wants at a deep, fundamental level. She finally let go of conditioning it upon your salvation and that was the key but she's always wanted it from the day she met you."

He smiled at me and I saw one of his eyes twinkle, "And third, I like to have a little fun and watching you two will be just that. I'm curious what you do with the complete control of another human being. Daunting isn't it?"

I nodded as a million thoughts and questions rolled through my mind.

God smiled at me again, "Don't worry. I know it'll be fine. I can see the future remember? Oh... one thing. There is one limit. No matter what you change, she'll never stop loving me. That's key to her and one part that you can't change. Not that you'd want to, I know. But just to give you some peace of mind."

I nodded again. The dream started to fade a little and I could feel myself waking up. "Wait!" I called. The elemental deity turned to gaze at me with those piercing eyes. "What can we do for you?" I asked.

He smiled, a blazing smile of warmth and serenity. "It's a good question Danny. Find your own way. Love Karen. Love others. Put love into the world. That's my greatest commandment. All the other dogma that religions attach to worship are just fluff. Love is all you really need."

He started walking away, his strange footwear crunching on the pebbles as he walked. But then he paused and as I called out, "Really? That's all? We don't need to convert people or something? Preach your message?"

"For crying out loud. Why does everyone think that? Sure, tell people about me if you want. That's your call. Remember, I'm the one in charge. If I wanted more followers I'd snap my fingers and it would happen. I want you to make the world better in whatever big or small way you can, Danny," he continued walking and the dream began to fully fade. I could feel the haze lift as the morning light broke through my eyelids, ripping me from the verdant dreamscape that I truly didn't want to leave. As I started to stir, I heard the voice one last time, "Oh... I gave you both a little gift that I think you'll really enjoy."

I tried to call out to ask him what it was but my mouth wasn't working. Suddenly, I bolted upright, the dream gone and already fading from my short term memory.

"What is it, honey?" Karen asked, my sudden movement having woken her. Karen was a very light sleeper which was pretty nice when I woke up feeling frisky. Of course this morning, I was only feeling perplexed. Had it been real? Was it just a crazy dream? Surely it was just my imagination... right?