All Comments on 'A First for Him'

But it ended with a pfffft.

And you need to avoid mixing up the present tense and the past tense. One r the other.

Gave it four stars for inventiveness.zmysz9

Arsenal

Lovely tale with inventive phrasing ('girthy dick') and an engaging raw immediacy. May your diary entries continue...

could really use a good edit. You started in the present tense, then had mixed tenses for a bit, and finally settled in the past. There were also some continuity errors where certain milestones were reached twice, both as if for the first time in the overall encounter.