All Comments on 'A Forbidden Love'

Great storyline, from a personal perspective the story resonates with some realism. Well done. Per Ardua Ad Astra.

A bit workmanlike but good. He faced a bunch of challenges and handled them well. He was a good soldier and dealt with the setbacks he faced. In the end, he married the woman he loved and raised a good family.

Story is written OK, but there is nothing new or interesting. Just old motifs cobbled in along a standard pattern.

Also, just in passing, husband has no right to throw wife out of the house, who has same rights to home as he does regardless of anything.

Nice, pleasant read. Pretty straightforward without the burden of hysterical dialogue (thank you). This piece could have been submitted in the Romance category as that is what it turned out to be and as such was quite nice.

LW is a tough category to get high marks.

I enjoyed the story and that's the important thing. Sure it needed a second pass for some grammar but live and learn. The story had drama and a sweet ending. Thanks

Agree with OW that I enjoyed the overall storyline, especially as I served in the USAF. Some of the story flow and plot lines didn't flow well. My guess is the extensive use of narrative over dialogue was the reason. 3.5*

I too am retired military, enlisted. I can fully relate to your tale. I've lived parts of it myself. thanks

Enjoyable. The pacing felt rushed. There was a lot of depth that could have been added but, was just kinda skimmed over.

No repercussions on Greene? Adultery is not a criminal offense in the UK military as it would have been in the US military, but one would think that Greene's history of harrassment against a fellow service member, followed by a revenge-motivated affair with that member's wife, would constitute a pattern of behavior that "adversely impact, or are likely to impact, on the efficiency or operational effectiveness of the Service" under the Armed Forces Code of Social Conduct. Greene's military career should have been further "ruined," if not ended entirely.

The story fits LW like a glove.

It feels real too.

Thanks @SimonCW

Good story. It covered all the BTB bases and had a happy ending.

didn't hate it for being a laundry list of a story. You need to start fleshing out the characters more and working on dialog.

A beautiful love story. Thank you for writing it.

Weak

A solid tale, written well but lacking in passion. Still, well worth four stars.

JPB NOT BOB

I enjoy your writing style. It’s quirky in its directness and you have a good ear for dialogue. You can’t structure at all. A story like this needs to have frames, like there’s a first part where he’s looking back and that enables him to tell the story up to where you are now. Then you have a natural extension into the next bit of action. In your story, you have a natural break where you insert this other structure, that some time has passed and your story is now over here. Use that separation to stick in what you want. Once you get that down, then you can use the device anytime you want. That lets your characters develop in natural asides to the flow of the story itself. Have fun!

Grammatically piss poor, narratively kind of stutters, but I liked the concept of forced loss and eventual reunion. This author is definitely on an upward arc. Keep at it.

Not bad. A bit like an outline in places.

You are good with plot and will be a great author.

Excellent.

A thoroughly excellent offering. I feel that some of the comments posted here are a little harsh on the author and I would like to offer my commendation for a well written and very enjoyable story. Well done, sir!

JR

Lots of grammatical mistakes.

Someoneother, normally I'd agree with you, but this happened in married quarters on base. As the cheating slut wasn't in the military, he had every right to kick her out.

A so-so read at best. 3*

pretty much a nothingburger. Cum dumpster/skank cheated, ruined two marriages, everybody involved moved on. Yawn. What's the point of writing this? To describe the typical divorce?

Enjoyable story!

5

I thought the story was well done. There are some grammatical errors but otherwise a good story

Thanks for writing

This is a good first start, it's a little formulaic but within those limits it is good. Well done and please write more.

People don't really get the nuances that make a good Loving Wives story. They too often opt for all to lengthy and sordid sex scenes between a cheating spouse and their lover that adds nothing to the stories.

Too often they resort to the more profane ploys turning the wives into absolutely scummy sluts, shot full on by fully automatic Martian Slut Rays! They're portrayed as greedy little white goblins scrambling for big black cocks! Or they are demented dominants with no moral or ethical boundaries. They heap humiliation and scorn on their weak willed husbands while splaying their legs in front of him to get shafted by their over endowed bull.

This story is more applicable to Loving Wives than the majority of recent submissions. Well done.

A very nice story, more of a romance than a Loving Wives story. Nothing very compelling or dramatic, just a worker bee living his life and making the best of opportunities. Thanks for the effort.

A very straightforward story. Pretty good I must say!

It's a good story. It actually read like you were recounting a real life experience. Maybe not as exciting as some other stories, but certainly more realistic. For that I commend you!

Good overall story, what i would recommend is to find an editor, otherwise all good

Others have picked holes so I’ll stick to the service problems. Completed his aircraft branch training in six months? I wouldn’t want him working on any aircraft I was flying. An LAC already when he posted? Court Marshall is a bloke driving around a golf course to keep people moving.

Other than that, it really was crap.

Emotionless

Keep at it and thanks for sharing.

It read like a children's book, no emotion and lousy grammar to top it off. Sorry, you need an editor.

#Anon - Damn those Marshalls keeping us moving when we want to stop and Court is definitely the worst of them. Otherwise it needed some emotion

It was like reading an instruction manual …..

Too flat, barely any emotions. When you write a blatant unapologetic slut, turning them into some regretful nun is weird. It felt like you had a checklist of LW tropes and you just had to tick the "obligatory forgiving cuck" one. In truth that whole scene was useless. When someone barely registers in your thoughts, the whole "closure" shit is pointless. You already had closure by erasing them from your life, making any further interaction pointless. And purely for the slut's benefit. MC could have never forgiven her and literally nothing would have changed in his life, since she had become completely irrelevant to it.

A good basic storyline. I agree with anonymous that it’d be better with more emotion. It seemed like he wasn’t affected much when the RAF split him and Lisa. He didn’t seem to miss her much, and only for a very short time. Then years later they’re still in love. It makes me question why they didn’t discuss one resigning, to allow their relationship. As for Greene… he held a higher rank. I’d like to think that back in the day, he’d violated codes of conduct by interfering in a subordinate’s marriage. I like that he held his ground with Karen. Forgiving her after many years, IMO, was taking the higher road. He wasn’t going to gain anything through more anger, so he just allowed her some peace. Nothing wrong there.