All Comments on 'A Fortunate Rescue Ch. 01'

It could be me, but the way you wrote the first several paragraphs was confusing. You talked about today, then shift to the past, then shift again three of four times. However, the way you wrote it was unclear that you were not talking about the present. I had to read them several times to work out the clarity of the timing.

Something to think about.

KB

Thankyou, I will review this chapter as soon as I can

In the first paragraph they were arguing about if they were going to get engaged or not. Then later that same day you had then calling each other husband wife. WTF?

Sensual topic and the situation developing has promise. We will see if the opportunities in the next chapter can intensify the characters, story and the readers' interest.

The writing is quite good but I wonder about the pace of developments. The early part has some methodical detail needed for time, place and situation development but it seems we don't learn enough about the participants' character, emotion, drives, etc., We understand some feelings, but we need the internal elements to understand why things are happening or why the character react to development. The elements are all here and I am hoping that pasionwriter develops more of the readerpassion.