All Comments on 'A Gentlemen’s Agreement'

My god...it almost felt that each male caharacter in the story was vying for the position of ultimate cuck and wimp...

Boring dude time to change your name to boringly wimpy dide

Very enjoyable and you did a nice job of weaving things together.

You aren't Sam Spade trying to figure out a murder. And your characters are questionable at best. So many questions. Why would Naomi not ask for MUCH more in their divorce? Why would she agree to go to Joe's house EVER, when her husband illegally kicks her out of their house? Why wouldn't Karen go straight to the hospital and have a tox screen run, thereby sending Alicia to jail? I guarantee you Alicia ends up in the hospital or the morgue if she fucks around with Roger. I found it impossible to believe Naomi didn't know he was married given her relationship with her brother. And why, oh why, given Karen's background, would he ever consider getting married to someone with such a checkered past? Forget the yoga sex. Karen just has too much baggage and I thought that's what he was trying to rid himself of. This was a multi-layered train wreck. Try again.

2 stars

-1 star for the pointless temporal shifts

-1 star for the excessive use of second person pronouns making it harder than necessary to follow the story

-1 star for messing up the names of you character because of all the needless perspective shifts

-1 star for this drivel "And you're a sweet, nice girl that made a huge mistake,

she was a stupid lying cheating whore

I'm sorry, why does Joe get to get everything he wants?! And Naomi also gets a happy ending. What?! There was no justice or retribution achieved with either of them. I'm not saying anything extreme had to happen. But no, they didn't deserve happy endings.

From the numerous, rapid POV shifts. All in all, though, it is a decent revenge story.

Im missing the part where the 2 stories came together

It's good writing, but if you're going to jump back and forth with multiple characters, make extra sure not to mix up their names, because that just throws the reader for a real loop.

just some more manhating drivel. Its funny, the wife cheats, she was seduced. He's a skilled seducer, he's a predator. She's always a hapless little flower that was led astray.

Sorry, didn't work for me. Too hard to keep the stories straight. Couldn't finish second page.

No rating because I’m left very confused by this story.

A Korean War veteran wouldn’t just be elderly, but older than dirt. If you were 20 at the end of that war, 1953, you’d be 87 or 88 today. Yet he seduced a woman of childbearing age?

I found the formulation that he could have forgiven a six month affair, a pretty big thing, but not he planned pregnancy when the pregnancy never happened.

A woman of childbearing age would have heard that while elderly men still produce sperm, the odds of birth defects are greatly increased.

Fragmented and near impossible to read

didn't need the lesbian bsdm stuff, made no sense that naomi would have sex with the old dude. But a good read, anyway.

Well written story. Not BTB, not RAAC, just a fun little romp. I must admit that I was confused by who Roger was and went back to see what I missed - if I had known who the main character was, I wouldn't have needed to and would have (as I eventually did) figured out that I was reading two different tales that dovetailed nicely together.

Wow! Some folks did not enjoy this one.

I can admire an author who wants to challenge himself and expand his writing experience. It was a good effort. I've played with something similar and failed.

I do hope the first wife was a work of pure fiction. She will leave a lot of pain in her wake.

Very confusing with the character names, especially not identifying the lead character in the opening paragraphs.

what a shit !

There were perspective changes that didn't really work at all. It felt like just as the story was getting it's stride the perspective changed. To make matters worse, only knowing the name of Naomi and then changing perspective to a lady finding out about her philandering fiance was confusing until it was established that we were seeing a completely different story perspective. I think it could have been done better if you had introduced your characters before hand and told the story of how their lives eventually entwined instead of using vague pronouns. Confusing the names in the different perspectives also did not help.

I think there is a good story here, aside from the happy ending for everybody. Some may say that Naomi didn't get her happy ending because she couldn't be with the man she loved, but she got another man and another child to boot.

This reminded of an Abbot and Costello routine. Too many confusing POV changes. Otherwise, pretty good story. 3*

Revenge story? On who? How.? The Roger, Alicia Karen subplot made no sense. As a result the entire story didn’t make any sense. Two stars.

Unusual story line. He should have at least traded her for something he enjoyed drinking.

'Not sure about the complainers - this was quite creative! Great story idea!

2, 3, 4 or more stories for the price of one. It was like watching a tennis match back and forth back and forth.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. Using Morse code was a nice, original touch.

I really believe that it is an unwritten law, that Loving Wives authors intentionally switch names at least once in a story. I don't remember a single story where it hasn't happened once. That's one way to keep the readers on their toes...

I'm looking forward to a future story that includes semaphore!!!

5 stars

THANKS!!!

I quit reading after two pages. It was just too confusing to follow. Changing from one person to another with no lead-in made it much too confusing.

Really liked this story; 5 stars.

Hopefully Naomi is desperately unhappy in her new marriage and it's a total shame that Joe did not have to suffer for all the misery he brought to those around him. That's life I guess.

Well-written, great plot, believable characters. The way you separated, then combined the two different storylines into one, was brilliant!

It was very difficult to read. The story jumped to different stories. *

Thank goodness it was only a story hate to be with that bank that gives out personal bank information

You mean Naomi. The diagnosis of high functioning Autism was devastating to Karen. Joe was no comfort to her, and seemed less and less interested in her and Devin, almost to the point where they were cohabitating. Arguments were common, and she stepped down from full time teaching to be a substitute.

I respect your wanting to grow your craft but this style was lukewarm at best. The BDSM side story about Karen was a waste of time. It essentially added nothing to the story other than, maybe, cast Karen as a possible Naomi in the right/wrong circumstances. 4*

Well that was weird and entertaining. Thank you.

I do wish Joe would have had to drink some bitter herbs though.

Got too weird. Didn’t finish it. Friend m what I read, he should never pick his girlfriends. Flip a coin, throw a dart blindfolded. Anything would be better than his judgment and luck. Good trade for the scotch though. That WAS funny.

Boring, confused drivel.

Good story there, somewhere. Personally I found going from story A to story B, etc, annoying.

But that's just me.

Thanks for your hard work.

One of the few truly sure things in this world:

If someone says that, they will soon repeat the misbehavior.

I'm just going to say I don't like it and leave it at that.

And quite interesting, it wasn't too difficult to follow the split stories, they just didn't meld together as well as I was expecting. Brave enough to try something different deserves an extra star really, I saw luejohn have 1* x 4 so I'll give you 4* as well. Thanks for your work.

B

A

D

Simply put... just bad

I honestly cant even say anything that could be constructive about this.

Confusing. Your meshing of two stories did not work. The morse code was silly. Phone call? Text? Skype?

I'm a pretty good reader, but this one was just too much for me. Whatever it was you were trying, it failed. Good Luck in the future! cd

Oh Yeah--a good solid 2 star story.

P.S. Naomi was the real retard in this story. LoL!

I enjoyed that story very much. It was in an experimental form, but not so much as to render it unreadable. In fact, I found it very readable indeed. 5*, a very good effort.

The use of Morse code for a cheating relationship? A touch of pure genius. I liked that.

Very confusing. In fiction, one should not have to read and reread a passage in order for it to make sense. To my limited understanding nothing made sense until the end.

Get yourself a backhoe and bury this one deep. And while you're at it stick old Joe and Naomi in the same hole.

Naomi was morally and ethically dysfunctional, plotting to cuckold her husband and welp a bastard child upon him. Then she got mentally dysfunctional when she moved in with a senior asshole, let him knock her up without any marriage or financial arrangement, then expected her ex husband to just overlook all the betrayal and deceit and remarry her?

Just too ridiculous. Either Naomi was shot with Martian Slut Ray or the dumb ass husband got what he married, and it serves him right.

And throughout this whole saga good ol' Joe just keeps fucking along without a care or a consequence in the world. Love the peaceful nonviolent snowflake behavior. Wonder who's fucking Karen when this wimp is out saving the world?

Thanks for the effort.

It could have been a decent story, but the stupid non consequential side story detracted so much that it made a mess of the story. Main character has no name. Just for that alone the story sucks.

Story was more boring than Boring Dude. It should be a two starts, but I gave it three starts for the effort.

Kind of like a David Lynch movie....artsy, but hard to follow the plot

Too much jumping around. Hard to follow.

I really feel that one of the worst and rudest things an author can do is to mix up the names of characters in a story. If you can’t keep them straight then how in the hell can you expect the reader to do it.

Way to confusing. Jumped all over the place. Lost interest several times reading it.

Boy do I have have a headache reading your story. Definitely not worth a star.

I could see what you were trying to do but, I'm sorry, it didn't mesh correctly. It felt like you were padding it out and we were left to try to put the padding together with school glue. Kind of like a gingerbread house that is too dry but we know it's supposed to look nice. It just didn't work.

with the main choice for you to come out ahead or at least not to far behind. TK U MLJ LV NV

Enjoyed it. Though a bit confusing at first I liked the writing style and the way the two stories met. Really good.

That was confusing. You need to give some pointers about each scene and time change.

I am glad my bank doesn’t give out details of my financial transactions to complete strangers over the phone. Apart from that a very confusing and mixed up story.

confusing, disjointed, boring read. Appreciate the effort but definitely don't quit your day job lol

I liked it. Couldn't figure it out or make sense of it until I got that it was different stories and you were jumping from one to the other. I liked the way the two time line ran parallel but you needed to create a way of separating them when you switched. Maybe a triple line spacing between the story your telling and the other story. Just staring a new paragraph isn't enough separation. 4 stars I would have given it 5 if I hadn't been confused to start.

Very challenging to follow

Far from boring! This was much more sophisticated than the usual drivel. By that I mean the usual "nuke the bitch" or "worthless cuckold" stories that seem to be written by people who only read LW and have absolutely no imagination.

I liked the variation and styles that, as I suspected, would eventually intersect. I also liked the conversational style, made things seem more real.

R.

Very confusing read, jumping around, all these new names popping in. I'm not sure who alicia is...I think I got sea sick reading this. But thanx anyway

Loklie

I understand what you were doing but it was difficult to follow and not worth the read.

Really hard to follow.

I agree it was hard to follow....until I saw what was going on and got the actors lined out in my head. Turned out to be a good story. With some humor as well.

Thank you, Mr. Dude.

@lujon2019, so with all the one star votes you showed on the points you made, I would say you gave this story a score of 4 Stars.

@JustOneMansOpinion, ..." you needed to create a way of separating them when you switched. Maybe a triple line spacing between the story your telling and the other story."

There WAS triple line spacing as well as asterisks separating the story lines.

..."

Hard to follow in the beginning. There is no need to BTB but he was far to civilized. There was an interesting story in there but the reader has to dig it out.

Storyline was interesting... but hard to follow.

Enjoyed the blend! You needed to add one final episode: how did Roger bear Alicia's Strapon?

Very interesting read had to reread some of it but , it's still a entertaining read. But I would not try to do a story report on it!!! Thanks for sharing.

I didn't rate this. Once in my life I was tested in the 80 percentile in. I say that to say, I liked parts of this story but also felt dialectic . W/O the changing of dialogue it would have been a 4.5

Not boring this time. Still too much cheating, but getting better.

Gave up afNaomis husband's name was never mentioned.ter page and a half,as I didn't know who was who.In that page and a half

Well-told story, even if I sometimes had difficulty following the erratic inserts. What amazes me again and again with these stories is that you portray the cheating women as if they were mentally not very up to date. Or does a woman really believe that after a year-long affair and cheating on her husband, she can get back together with him? Nobody can be that stupid. Thanks for posting!

The "splicing" didn't really work. Apart from that, why do authors feel that they need to virtue signal by having their cucked husbands demonstrate a pernicious, misplaced chivalry being being "fair". The following is paricularly offensive: "I did give her a generous settlement, while I got to keep the house. I had promised Bill I would take care of her, and that was something I could do easily."

She deserved nothing. "Fair" would be making the adulteress pay significant damages for the emotional and life harm (she wasted several years of his life). This is, of course, not the law, but it is what would be fair and just. The unmerited generosity authors obsessively write into their cuckolded characters regarding property settlements to their slut wives is absurd and offensive.

The jumping around gave me a headache and I had a difficult time understanding the whole story

The story was interesting. The style was different, but it worked. I enjoyed it, until he told Naomi she’d made a huge mistake. Nope. Mistake is a one time lapse in judgment. Her mistake was early on, not discussing the little things with her husband. She mad many decisions over an extended period, and ultimately tried to have another man’s child. Not a mistake. It was deliberate.

too many characters and plots, plus a very difficult read.

This is one of the more interesting stories here. I enjoyed how the two stories worked toward each other, but judging from earlier comments, I guess not everyone did. Still, great effort! Thanks for sharing!

it was interesting, but at times difficult to follow the plot. I see stories as entertainment, and from my point of view, a story that is easy to follow is best...keep up the good work.

Spider dominatrix for a cop? Dude, that would not work, it sounds phony. Morse code is a nice original idea albeit a bit far fetched. The writer puts "I don't hate you I wish you good life" hypocrisy as it is usual on LW while making the story as miserable as possible for "Naomi." The fact is when people split because of cheating it is 50-50 who would get ahead and very often the ones who get ahead are cheaters.

this is one of the most conveluted stories I have ever read. 1*

If i was the bitchs brother id be getting her into therapy, obviously some deep seeded issues there.

The morse code bit was clever and very entertaining. The parallel story got confusing with Alicia and her seduction of Karen. Had she just been the spider for Roger and let Karen in on his demise might have not been so distracting

Very well done. The plot probably won’t make anyone’s list of “most favorite” stories. The back and forth between the two story lines could perhaps have been made a tad less confusing. Reading this again, I’m impressed how much happened in a fairly short story, especially compared with some in which that cheated upon main character dithers on and on for three or four web pages. Some fine writing, sir.

Yup…boring dude…boring story…confusing writing…could never know who was doing what..

And the pace and non emotions …wow…helped an insomniac sleep

It's certainly true that the older the father, the more likely it is that the child might be on the autism spectrum.

I enjoyed this. Clever but rough. Characters need more development but you obviously gave a lot of thought to the dual storyline. Narrative style remained me of JimBob44. Hope you keep writing.

When I was a kid maybe 1970 or do there were two kids in my neighborhood that would “talk” to each other after dark by using Morse code with their bedroom lights. Their houses were maybe 3 or 4 apart and their rooms faced each other

Interesting story brought that memory back

A good idea with two converging stories, but not executed well. Still gave it 4 stars.

2starrs. Because I still don't understand why husband did what he did. No sympathy for guys like him, they deserve everything bad that happens to them because they are born being victims and cuckolds

What became of Roger? His “training" was promised but not delivered.