A Gift in Disguise Ch. 19

"Tom, I'm so glad you called me on Sunday. I had been planning to call you to see how you were doing," Lorraine said in her warm and friendly and slightly sultry voice before her front door had even completely opened.

"I debated whether to call you or just work this out for myself," I said sincerely.

"Oh, Tom, you know you can call me about anything, anytime. Actually, I really have been hoping to see you again. And as I told you on the phone, I'm completely clear for the rest of the afternoon, so we can get caught up with no rush for time. Please, come on in."

On my first visit to her office to seek help for an unexpected onset of impotence, Lorraine had greeted me in a starched white below-the-knee lab coat complete with her name and title embroidered on the material above her left breast. That coat had been a very opaque, rather heavy cotton, tightly woven and shapeless, and clearly meant to present a professional businesslike image as a greeting. It had an almost coldly clinical look to it -- exactly the look one would expect a mature professional psychologist to be wearing when first meeting a client.

Today she greeted me at her front door dressed much less doctor-ly. While I had been secretly hoping she would be in something incredibly revealing and seductive, she wasn't. At least, not if seen from a distance by a passer-by. Knowing that she was eager to reveal her sexuality to me while keeping it out of sight to more distant snoops definitely intensified my desire for her.

Someone passing by on the street and casually glancing at her welcoming me in would have seen the perfect image of professional propriety in casual attire. They would have seen her in fashionable dark midi-skirt and a modest white sleeveless cotton blouse. Her hair and makeup would have been attractive but not exactly suggestive. Once again she presented the perfect image of a professional, middle-aged woman psychologist greeting a regular client at her home-office's front door.

Standing just a bit more than arm's length from her as I was presented a different image. Up close, it was instantly obvious to me that Lorraine had darkened her shoulder-length brunette hair and her eyebrows and had styled her eyelashes. She had carefully and perfectly applied exactly the right amount of beautiful, red lipstick. Up close, the dark skirt so plain-appearing from a distance covered her beautiful hairy legs... until she moved my body to block any onlooker from seeing it was slit all the way up past that dark hairy bush between her legs. The white blouse that any quick distant glance would have judged definitely suitable for work-casual was, in fact, a one-hundred percent silk, white, and up-close-see-through sleeveless that would have been banned without underclothing if the woman was working anywhere other than a topless bar. And Dr. Lorraine Theriault was not wearing anything under the blouse.

The overall effect was to make her appear to me to be not a younger woman but an exquisitely beautiful mature woman sending the unmistakable message I had learned to quickly recognize: that she was eager to be fucked.

Lorraine could tell from my reaction to her self-presentation that even my tongue was getting hard. Her seductive smile practically made me cum spontaneously while still standing on her front porch.

"Wouldn't you like to come inside, Tom? I've been waiting for you." she gently teased.

I could barely walk, my erection was fighting so hard to make a missile-launch exit from my trousers. She had not overlooked that, either. She backed gracefully inside through the doorway, all the time shielding any outside view of her body's charms while unashamedly revealing them to me as we moved.

She led the way past her home office and on to her cozy, private television viewing room toward the rear of her house. The room had been designed and furnished to be convenient for one or two people to view the large-screen television from the comfort of a daybed sofa. My engineer's ears told me the room had also been acoustically treated to make sure the sound from the television or any other loud sounds would not escape through the walls to attract attention from anyone who happened to be nearby, maybe not even to someone elsewhere in the house. Adding to the sound deadening, the opaque draperies blocked both outside light and nosy onlookers.

Seeing me assessing the room's design, Lorraine explained, "I often come in here to watch TV or nap quietly or maybe turn up the sound system with some relaxing music or sounds. But the reason the room is acoustically treated is that I often come in here to review and make notes about client interview videos. You remember that when you first started visiting me, Tom, I told you that I often did audio and video records of client meetings? Well, this is where I watch and listen without any risk of disruption or eavesdropping. And, of course, I can watch my porn movies in here in privacy, too."

It took a beat or two for "porn movies" to register with me, but when it did, my expression was her reward. She burst out in a laugh of satisfaction.

"Actually, Tom, I'm only partially joking about watching porno flicks. I have clients who ask for my help controlling their addiction to porn. Generally the client is someone whose spouse has caught them masturbating while watching and has given them an ultimatum to stop... or else. Those are the mildest cases of porn addiction and are also easiest cases to help.

It can get worse... much worse... than that, and when it does, I need to dig deeply into the content of the porn each particular client is addicted to. I'm hoping to learn what is the attractive or motivational 'hook' in that particular genre of porn that so forcefully grabs and holds the client in its grip."

I started to reflexively lie and say I didn't watch porn, but before I could say anything, Lorraine saved me from myself, explaining, "You see, Tom, nearly everyone today who can be sexually aroused has watched or read porn material readily available on the internet. You have, and so have I. A few people are genuinely repulsed by it from their first exposure, but the vast majority of adults will tolerate its existence and use as long as they are not forced to see it or admit to their own occasional curiosity and arousal by it. Addiction to porn is much like addiction to any substance like tobacco or drugs: The person addicted doesn't see himself or herself as being really addicted."

"So how do you help your clients break their addiction?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"To porn, you mean? Well, the first step is to get the client talking comfortably and honestly about their sex life -- or lack of it. My objective is to see if I can find out precisely what is missing in their sex life that their particular porn selections are replacing. One way for me to do that is to convince them to loan me their porn collections for me to review. They box that material up and bring it to me. I'll store it safely and return it to them when and if they want it back. Usually they don't.

The best treatment for porn addiction is to encourage and facilitate a patient's coming to develop a comfortable and reliable sexual relationship with a willing partner. Once that happens, they are less likely to need a porn substitute again. With their permission, I've kept most of the stuff to use as a reference library.

But you didn't come here to talk about porn, Tom. How can I help you?" she asked as we both sat on the sofa.

For the next hour and a half, I did most of the talking, explaining to Lorraine about my apparently sudden and unexplained attraction to transgender women. She very eagerly elicited all of the details about my sexual encounters with Kerri Kavanaugh and Misako Sato, and as she listened, she made no effort at all to hide her rapidly growing arousal."

Although I was surprised to find myself becoming quite aroused by my own words and recollections of sex with Kerri and then with Mikki, I was not expecting Lorraine seemed to be showing even more obvious signs. More than once she reached up to pinch one of her hardening nipples beneath the silk blouse. Her breathing quickened and her neck would redden from time to time. By the time my explanation was drawing to its close, she seemed distracted, or maybe almost hypnotically entranced would be a better description. I stopped talking, and it took a second or so for her eyes to return from wherever her mind had been taking her.

"So what do you think?" I asked her when I finished. Again, it took her a moment to get her mind refocused on my question.

Once her mind was back in synch with her and with me, she said, "Tom, exactly what do you believe is so unusual about your sexual attraction to two very emotionally mature, intelligent, articulate, and beautiful women? Why are you concerned?"

"Because they're not women; they're men, with..." I paused, and Lorraine jumped right in to complete my thought out loud for me, "Cocks rather than pussies?" Her expression had turned unprofessionally lecherous, revealing her own arousal even more.

"Well, yeah," I answered as if it should have been obvious to her.

"Tom, in just about every visit you've made with me, you've told me in so many words that you're straight, not gay. I get it; I just wish you would believe your own words.

Tom, your being sexually attracted to trans women does not make you gay any more than my being sexually attracted to some women makes me a lesbian. You and I both have very healthy sexual needs. We're not alone in the animal kingdom when it comes to craving sexual satisfaction.

There have been many very credible scientific studies which have shown that same-sex behaviors are extremely common across nearly all varieties of animals, not just primates like chimpanzees and humans.

And you will probably be shocked to learn that scientists have discovered that only we humans engage in outwardly anti-homosexual behavior, what we call homophobic behavior. Only humans reject homosexual behavior and its resulting pleasures as being culturally unacceptable."

"So you're telling me that homosexual behavior is really normal?" I asked bluntly.

"Pretty much, yes," Lorraine confirmed. "Only man concludes that any and all consensual homosexual contact must be bad. Does this make sense to you?"

"I just want to make sure I understand, Lorraine. You're telling me that my being attracted to a trans woman is actually normal?"

"Tom, haven't I told you a dozen times that I'm a psychologist; we never use the word 'normal'!" she said laughingly. "Actually, if you insist on scientific accuracy, it is more accurate to say your attraction to trans women is biologically understandable and consistent with science. It doesn't mean that you absolutely must engage in same-sex intercourse, but it unquestionably means that you should not be concerned about there being something wrong with you if you do want to. And frankly, Tom, from what you've told me about your contacts with the trans women Kerri and Misako, your body has already come to that conclusion. I just wish your mind would catch up with your body.

Incidentally, Tom, that your attraction is only to trans women or crossdressers does not contradict or conflict with your selectively rejecting homosexual contact with men who appear as men. Even among other animals, rejections of same-sex advances occur regularly. This just shows how complex our own sexual responses can be."

I paused to try and digest the information Lorraine had given me. She sat quietly and patiently before speaking again.

"Tom, do you recall on your second or third visit to me, I showed you several images of men and women in various stages of undress and interaction?"

"How can I forget that? You hooked me up to an instrument that measured my response to each of the pictures, sometimes before I even felt a response. I don't remember what it was called, but you said it was kind of a sexual polygraph."

"Very good, Tom. The penile plethysmograph actually measures very small changes in blood flow to the penis, the degrees of change corresponding to sexual arousal in response to controlled stimuli."

Lorraine had flipped through the notes she had made in my case file as she was talking.

"Yes, here they are." She read through the notes quickly until she found those specific notes.

"Tom, please understand that my conclusions about a client's sexual preferences are never based exclusively on the results of penile or labial or vaginal plethysmography. A client's overall health as determined by an internist or detailed medical history is usually a much larger factor when considering sexual function and dysfunction.

Your medical history was unremarkable which is actually a good thing, because it tended to lend greater credence to the results of the penile plethysmograph measurements. And I have to say that my personal interaction with you also supported the results of the instrumental test.

"When I showed you images of biological women in various attire, stages of undress, and poses, your reaction was completely consistent with that of a sexually healthy male of your age. Clearly you were more aroused with some than with others, but that is to be expected.

Likewise when I showed you images of biological men, you reacted similarly. You did show some mild interest instrumentally in a few of the men, but that is to be expected.

However when I showed you images of acknowledged trans and crossdressing men in their crossdressing and trans lifestyle, attire, and poses, you displayed a more measurable sexual arousal to those trans men who presented themselves as remarkably passable women. For example, I showed you two images of trans men in one-piece women's swimwear. Neither had undergone genital transition surgery; they had been completely gaffed so there was no distinguishing penile bulge, and they had been working out in a way that presented a very passable feminine figures. In other words, Tom, to even someone like me trained to look for the tiniest appearances of sexual inconsistency, they both looked like women. And your reaction to them was consistent with what your eyes were seeing -- beautiful women."

"But when I was with Kerri and Mikki, I knew they were trans women, not biological women. So why was I sexually attracted to them?"

"At your first meeting with them it is likely that your first impression of them was dominated by your knowledge they are trans. You had your sexual guard up a little higher to defend yourself against allowing yourself to admit your sexual attraction to them. But as you got to know them, like them, and respect them, you became very comfortable with them. You began to let your sexual guard diminish, and at some point you acknowledged that you were sexually attracted to them.

Equally important, Tom, is you realized they genuinely liked you and were sexually attracted to you, too. Consequently, at some point you and they reached points where there was enough comfort to become intimate. Your relationships with Kerri and Mikki had gone far beyond sexual rejection to lust to trust and finally to a genuine and deep-seated desire to sexually please each other. Sex became the reward, not the motivator for very enduring and healthy personal relationships."

Lorraine's explanation actually made sense, and though I was left speechless, she clearly saw that she had finally gotten through to me. I began thinking about all she had said.

Again, she was very patient and remained quiet, but after a few seconds or maybe even minutes had passed, she gently said, "Tom, do you remember the four words advice I gave you to summarize why you had experienced situational impotence from time to time several months ago?"

"Ummm..." I didn't remember them.

"I said, 'Don't think too much.' And Tom, it's still good advice today."

She saw the look of recollection spread across my face as I looked into her eyes and saw something else.

"Now I recall," I said, "And I also remember what we did immediately after you spoke them."

"I hoped you would," Lorraine said in her slow seductive suggestive voice. She stood up from the sofa and remained standing just a few feet from me while she slowly and very suggestively removed her blouse. Then she unfastened two concealed snaps where the skirt's slit was held closed at her waistline. Her skirt fell quickly to the ground around her ankles, revealing that she had been wearing nothing at all underneath it or the blouse.

She spoke only three words which unmistakably signaled that our doctor-patient relationship had ended.

"Your turn, lover."

And for the next several hours, Dr. Lorraine Theriault and I, her much younger lover, fucked each other until our bodies begged for rest.