All Comments on 'A Halloween Brotherly Weekend Pt. 02'

Very hot. Let’s get Bree involved.

I would love to see Bree join in and become the “official” girlfriend, and perhaps wife, while sharing him…. Love to see him get both of them pregnant.

Getting better !!!!

5 Stars. I can't wait for more. Bree is awesome!

Excellent story please keep it going!!

Okay, the ending for this installment totally reversed my feelings about Bree. I'm looking forward to reading the next installment and find out where you're taking this story. So far you've done very good. 👍

Another 5/5 from me.

I only gave chapter 1 a 4 because it lacked something. But like the last commenter I felt chapter 2 finally raised its game, but only right at the end.

5/5 again. The romance towards the end added a lot and earned this chapter a 5. Keep Bree out of it....it will wreck the romance, which is what makes this story special.

This was so good that I felt compelled to read both chapters 1&2 all the way through again. But I wanted to also address some writing errors at this point too.

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There's several instances where you used "your" when you should have written "you're". When you are self-editing your work, any time you have written "your", it needs to stick out for you like a sore thumb. Carefully read the sentence and in your mind try to remove the "your" and replace it with "you are". If you can successfully achieve that and the sentence still sounds correct, then you have used the WRONG word. Switch it out to "you're" because that's the contraction for "you are".

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Quoted from your story:

"My heart sank hearing her words. What did she hear about us? Oh my god I will be devastated if she suspects anything about AJ and I."

Again, this is wrong and can easily be detected by the same 'replacement test' method. If you hadn’t included "AJ" in the sentence, it sounds totally wrong. You would have normally said "if she suspects anything about me", right? SO DON'T CHANGE THE PRONOUNS just because you're adding AJ into the same sentence. The CORRECT paragraph should read:

My heart sank hearing her words. What did she hear about us? Oh my god, I will be devastated if she suspects anything about AJ and me.

When you're trying to determine whether you should use "I" or "me", make the sentence SINGULAR by removing everyone else from it, then construct the sentence. "I" will ALWAYS remain "I" and "me" will likewise ALWAYS remain "me" even when you are adding multiple people into the instance.

I hope that this helps you get better with your writing. 😃 S.T.

More story.... PLEASE..!!

Bree deserves the love too.

more please

I read both stories and I really enjoyed them. But, this story needs another chapter or two. We need dto see where it all goes from here, good or bad.

more of these characters please

It would be good if we could see how the relationship progresses. More pls.

Mike-UK

Why do you leave your stories dangling over the end of a cliff???

5 stars and a well done!!!

Incomplete. I somehow was foolishly expecting maybe more involvement by Niki Maybe a three way? Instead it devolved into just another cloying love story.

more?