A Hug Progressed

My son is 33, I'm 59. He's a wonderful man, he's handsome and charming and thoughtful. His wife died a few years ago, before they had kids. It's been very hard on him, but after a while he started dating again, and I've met a couple of the women he's been with at various family functions, they've all seemed lovely, but those relationships don't seem to have lasted all that long. He and I are both private people so we don't really talk about the details, he'll say something like "it just didn't work out." I guess I think that he's maybe not ready to fully move on.

On my side, I've been alone for 8 years since Mike's father died. He was almost 20 years older than me (workplace romance!), and the last few years of his life there was very little in the way of sex. I've dated here and there but i just haven't really found anyone that I've felt compatible with. I don't really crave having a man in my life, I've been enjoying my work and friends and travel, and the bit of dating I did just didn't seem worth it.

Anyway Mike and I see each other maybe once a week, he'll pop over my house to say hello, or sometimes we will have supper together. It's always nice to see him, and we talk about his work, politics, that kind of thing.

It never in a million years occurred to me to be sexually attracted to my son, but in September he came over and we talked about all the usual things, but when he left we hugged. Normally when we hug it's just a quick embrace, but for some reason this one was longer than usual. And after a second or two I noticed the feel of his body, and then I was just overcome with that tingling sensation, like our pheromones were intermingling or something. There's a feeling I probably haven't felt in 20 years, when you just KNOW that you could sleep with a man you are talking to, like your nerves kind of reach out and tickle each other. My stomach fluttered and I felt my heart racing, and my brain was screaming "what the hell is going on?" Finally our hug broke and I was just so flustered I didn't know what to do or say. I couldn't tell if it was all in my head or if Mike felt it, and even if he did I'M HIS MOTHER!! I was very confused to say the least.

Mike said "Well, ive got to be going!" And then gave me another quick hug, at which point I almost melted into a puddle.

When he left I was speechless, but my whole body went into overdrive, and I don't think I'd felt anything like it since I was a sex crazed teen. Or ever for that matter. The next few days I spent seesawing between furious masturbation and incredible guilt and shame. I couldn't stop myself.

***

After the Hug, he was away for a couple of weeks travelling for work. It was a torturous time.

I had so many different thoughts of what I might do next: should I be more flirty in hopes he would do something? Or just tell him what I've been feeling? Or strip naked in front of him the next time he came over (I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be my approach though I spent one glorious evening thinking about it and touching myself).

Finally I decided what to do: nothing. I will take some cold showers, and I will consider trying dating again (the horror!). But, I won't push things any farther with my son. It was a relief to have this decision so clear after the emotional and hormonal whiplash of imagining every option in detail.

Well, he came over last night for supper, and I was completely neutral when he arrived, a total professional mom. "How was your trip," I asked him, and I gave him a regular mom smile, and listened to his answer. I was feeling very stable and normal and non-sexual. To be honest I was proud of myself.

Then he hugged me. It started fine, everything stable and under control. After a second, I tried to pull back from the hug, but he held me tighter. He's about a head taller than me and has strong arms. I didn't fight it. It felt so good, I can't tell you. I really can't. But at first I thought, "No this is OK, you can do this, just breathe. It doesn't have to be weird it can just be nice." It worked.

Then he touched the back of my neck gently and said, "You know, mom, you always smell so amazing." And that was it, I just felt it all racing back through my body, I just could not stop it. I buried my head into his chest and inhaled the smell of *him*, and it might as well have been sex potion because, the smell of this man, my son, just made my head spin. My nostrils flared and I felt that squeeze in my womb like a flutter.

I panicked then, really panicked and I pushed myself away pretty aggressively and without thinking I just blurted, "No no no no no stop making me feel like this!" As soon as that slipped out he stared at me in total shock like I was having a breakdown, which I guess I kind of was? "Mom what do you mean? Stop making you feel like what?" He looked so genuinely confused, and for some reason that made me so angry, and then I shouted, "Stop making me feel like I want to ... kiss you!" I was in a panic but somehow I had enough wherewithal to NOT use the word that first came to me, but once i realized what I'd just said, I slammed my hands over my mouth, and then ran like a coward into my bedroom and slammed the door! Never in my life have I felt so crazy, so mortified. I cannot cannot believe I said that! "Forget I said that," I shouted to him, and then I actually hid under the covers of my bed I was so embarrassed. I felt like a teenager having a tantrum. He knocked, "Mom can I come in? Please." I relented eventually.

He sat on the edge of the bed and I turned my back to him and put my head under my pillow. He touched my back, and his touch was so soft and tentative, so caring I could feel it in his fingers. We sat for a long time not saying anything until he gently got into the bed with me and spooned me from behind. His arm, his long strong arm wrapped over top of me and he lightly held my wrist, gently caressing the top of my hand with his thumb. I hadn't felt this enveloped and protected by a man in 20 years. We didn't talk, we were probably like that for a half hour, but eventually I turned to face him. He touched my cheek, this fine strong good man who is also my son. I don't know if I kissed him or if he kissed me but we were kissing and that was it.

Eventually, I unbuckled his belt and then like a couple of teenagers we shuffled out of our clothes under the covers of my bed. I felt like a teenager too, terrified and guilty and uncertain. And indescribably horny.

There was no foreplay and no talking. I was on my back and I was so wet and ready, and I gasped when I first felt him press into me. I let the guilt and terror go, let it go and just gave myself completely to the moment. I felt the love of a mother and lust I had never felt. He was slow at first but incredibly firm, i could feel his power, pressing down onto me, onto my pubic bone, the feeling of his cock full in me and his body pressing on my clitoris. I felt my insides opening.

I have not had a huge number of lovers, but there are a few where the bodies just fit right, it all just works. My sons body was a perfect fit. It was slow at first but soon it was getting faster, and faster. With every plunge into me my soul just shimmered, my toes, my scalp, everywhere. I don't think the sex went on for that long but the buildup was just a straight line, with each gasp and grunt it was just closer and closer and when I finally got there, with my legs shaking and my whole core contracting he just let out the most amazing long grunt as he filled me completely, that put me over the edge and my hips just bucked while I joined him with a long guttural grunt-scream. When my heart finally slowed down I started to laugh almost hysterically. He joined, and we both coverer our faces and I said, "What did we just do." And I don't really know yet.