All Comments on 'A Hypnotist's Birthday'

Yeah right, he didn't fuck her.

You over-complicated the story with too much frantic activity going on. It lost focus and direction. The whole 'couple fucking on her bed and the aftermath' segment just was a distraction. Put it in another story.

What is the motivation? Does he hate Anna? Why embarrass her? Make her a sex toy or do some party tricks with her, but I for one have no patience with this mindless humilliation theme.

You need to have an editor clean up the typos.

Thank you to everyone who has commented here, and yes I know it isn't that good. This is the first thing like this I have ever written and I don't have much experience writing stroies. This was more of a rush job I worte between 1 and 4 in the morning because I couldn't sleep. But after publishing this I suddenly got an urge to write more and to put more effort into my writing. All your comments have really helped and I hope to do better in the future.

Despite the other two rather harsh comments, I enjoyed the story. Not every story needs to be super-moral or justified. With that said, if anything, I wish you'd have taken it further. Make her a sex slave. Corrupt her. Etc.

Your tech writing is poor: fractured sentences, spelling, grammar, missing words...

The premise is weak but has potential. Keep working on your skills.

Loved this story, great humour.

Write more mind control.

looking for more