All Comments on 'A Leisurely Stroll'

Dumb shit... not much of a story... and not completed...,

Well written account of a shocking betrayal.

No need for detail of the divorce etc.. I would like to read a story or stories about how he recovers from this.

God, how I hate it when people write part of a story!

Is he calling his lawyer for a divorce, or to defend himself against the murder(s) he's about to commit?

Is he getting the gin to kill one or both of them, or to kill himself? But if to kill himself, why the lawyer?

Why was he so slow to realize they were fucking?

Finish the dam story or don't bother writing anymore. Totally ridiculous place to stop.

unfinished cuck shit.

Good start, what happens next? Write more. Xoxoxoxoxo Annette

So, what happens next?

but I think you dropped this?

A leetle too much time spent in the sex scene, a little light in the ending, I wanted more dialogue and confrontation. No murders or suicides, please. Four stars. Write another.

There are so many, they are so boring and predictable. Please follow up with a part two. After calling the lawyer to start the divorce, he should take a gun just to show Zack that fucking a married woman isn't so hot. Then send April on her way with just the (soiled) clothes on her back. It's his house, from his parents, and she has no claim on it.

I find it hard to believe that anyone who would call his lawyer, would also stand there and watch while the wife humiliates him. 3*

Clueless nerd husband finds his "loving" wife fucking a loser clerk. They perform a scene for him straight out of a porno movie finishing in a facial. No confrontation. No nothing. This is not a story. 2 stars

reasonable man

You write that they had a good relationship. Except then you run through a litany of facts showing that they didn't have a good relationship at all. Second, if the wife is that disgusted with him, then he would have felt it before, unless he's a completely obtuse clod. And completely obtuse clods aren't very interesting as story protagonists. Now maybe you meant that he thought that they had a good relationship, but that isn't what came across. You might have written that he felt satisfied with his marriage, and then found out that his wife wasn't. This is a start, but it needs more refinement, detail and polishing.

this seem unfinished.

Now finish the dam story

I gave it no rating as I also see it as less than half finished.

Nice writing, though.

So, a small cigar.

Use as you choose, lit or unlit.

I admit it. I don't get it. Obviously, the writer and protagonist were both aroused by the cheating wife, who cheated for no discernible reason, since we don't know anything about her or their relationship.

I get that.

Then, the protagonist feels ashamed for standing there watching his wife and getting a boner instead of doing something more "manly" like pounding the lover into submission.

Then, he slinks back to his cabin and grabs a gun.

Then he calls his lawyer?

So...he's going to shoot his wife and/or lover and needs a lawyer for the murder trial? Or he needs the lawyer for the inevitable divorce proceedings? I guess that's supposed to be the cliff-hanger that is supposed to leave the reader questioning. If that's the case, I think we needed a little more content in order to care about these characters.

Or April is gone... don't care if its a quiet divorce or the wrath of hell either way only success and happiness for the soon to be ex-husband while April goes down in flames where she will live forever in the ashes of her own destructive personality

No character development. No real plot, except for a whore wife, blatantly stupid other man and a shocked, clueless husband (haven't seen that before!). No satisfactory ending. Hell, almost no story at all! I'd say try harder, but positive reinforcement will probably only lead to more half-assed attempts at writing. There's already too much of that on this site as is.

i hope you will put a second part to this story. that bitch needs burnt.

And in the end he calls his lawyer. But there's no real confrontation between husband and wife. We don't have any idea who the "putz" is, nor any reason why she was cheating. And we don't know if he decides to shoot one or both of them, if they RAAC or they divorce. Those reasons make this an unfinished story. I dislike unfinished.

1 star

finish the damn story

is just starting over, TK U MLJ LV NV

A loud slurping noise was rhythmically smacking out of Aprils mouth with every pull of her lips. Aaron thought he heard her gag once or twice, and saw her eyes water a bit. Drool leaked from the sides of her mouth.

"Mmmm" April hummed, mouth plugged and gagged with a meaty appendage.

Right then, Aaron took the initiative and leaped onto April's back and neck. He pushed down and lodged Zac's cock firmly in April's throat. Her struggles to breath caused her to severely clench her teeth on Zac's member. Aaron's anger knew no bounds.

April asphyxiated on Zac's cock, which separated from his body as he screamed and kicked his way to freedom which eluded him as he bled out on the floor.

Aaron carefully arose, ensured that he left nothing behind, exited and closed the door as he continued his walk in the woods.

This is an incomplete story.

unfinished stories are pointless. either follow through, or don't bother at all

I liked anonys ending, after all dead wives tell no lies

Well, once you call your lawyer what do you think that means? To me it means he is done with the bitch wife. Still no conclusion....that is because you want the btb part...divorce is final enough for me.

A pointless end to a marriage. There is always a what if. !!!.

...at such things for a long time. So there had to be other behaviors and evidences, but IMO, he stayed, dumbfounded for far too long. Something that traumatic and abhorrent to a man in love doesn't usually freeze him stupid long enough for the whore to complete a brazen and highly offensive fuck show. She was openly taunting him. Most women would have also reacted with more shock and tried to hide themselves. OK, so she didn't, because she was a complete slut and a total puss-bag.

So the fact that hubby didn't cut and smash their faces in with the edge and back of a shovel (should one have been close at hand), is a minor miracle in this debacle.

Calling the Attourney was his most civilized move, but one that left him still a victim of a girl he never really knew.

Questions like, "Why did she never talk about her needs or her perception of his inadequacies...if he really had any?", so was he just a meal ticket and she a user and a schemer?

Finally, the argument. Nothing about what it was about, but two mentions of it... .all while hubby is locking himself into the house and retreating to the den and making the call. Better get the locks changed and request a restraining order.

Sadly, today, most civil authorities do not recognize infidelity (no matter how blatant or hurtful) as grounds for anything other than a (supposedly) civilized dance in family court, wherein the breadwinner gets raped in addition to being betrayed. That is assuming, as in this case, that wifey is the offending party.

I say, bring back the duel!

The first part seems to be written by the wife...why? Because the husband character is showed as being completly stupid, almost retarded. He only got his intelligence back in the last sentence...2*

loved the fact that Aaron chose the phone and not the gun safe....5

In good (well framed and structured) stories I delight in every word on the page. What will happen next? What will she say? What will he do? How did this happen?

I didn't feel that way about this story; I skipped to the end to find out which way it would end. Everything in the middle was inconsequential​.

Why? Maybe I didn't care about Aaron. Maybe I did not know anything about his wife. Zac was just some guy. There was no spark. There was no verve and excitement.

To short, no explanation about wifes history. You could have made this @ 3 page story. No character development .

Just finish it

but not that great of a story for me. If your goal was merely to have a one dimensional vignette of what a H thought as he observed his wife cheating, you succeeded. Many people probably like this. I would prefer more. Why did the W do it? How long had she done it? Did she know her marriage would be over? Did she care? Did she love her husband? Was she going to try to explain, and plead for understanding, etc.?

This story may be a legitimate format and was well written but not my style. Therefore, I will not rate it.

anon.1

but fell short. Shortcomings were already discussed, no further rhetoric required. 3*

Okay, it’s your first story and you did ask what we thought, so I’ll take a chance on pissing off some readers and offer some advice.

You have the basis of a good story here, and you seem to have the writing ability to deliver, so let’s get back to work. Others have already pointed out a major weakness, we don’t know anything about your characters; therefore we don’t give a crap what they do. It’s time for you to sit down with paper and pencil and do some plotting. Why is wife doing the dirty at this time? Why pick Zac? Why does she not care about hubby? Why didn’t hubby have some idea where the wind was blowing; you did hint about his not really listening, but is that reason for throwing away the marriage? It could be, but you need to develop it.

I agree with some others that you need to add more, but I’d even suggest you submit a complete revision, and make it at least two pages for ch.01.

Lots of luck cd

Nuff said, and Thwya said it first!

Coulda been a winner, however. Wouldn't need much more in the set-up, then a longer and better ending. In the set-up, Sweetie needed to be more dimensional and nuanced. Hubby would have to have SOME passion for something ... preferably relevant! Ending needed them to talk and get some shit out in the open (with Hubby actually attentive, for once!)

You have the technical writing skills, but you need to work on the craft itself. Disregard the unconstructive comments. Try to understand the good intentioned ones.

I wouldn't spend any time at all rewriting this story. You'll learn a lot more by writing another one. With each one you learn a little more about the process. Certainly try to examine why this story worked or didn't work, but put that newfound knowledge into a different story.

Its only a frantic motley crew of contending feelings!!! Nothing is said about the fallout!! Beyond my understanding why you are not completing that story?!

I don't think anybody has a problem with you giving sound advice to a new author, it's when you start insulting other readers who don't agree with your take, is when the shit hits the fan. I agree with you,this could have the making of a good story. I'd recommend help from an editor. A second persons evaluation of plot and proper grammar goes a long way in making a story readable. As to the questions you're asking about this story about why the wife is doing dirty, or why doesn't she care about hubby, or why doesn't hubby know where the wind was blowing, I bet you can read a many a story in this category where those questions never get answered. The reason wife cheats, is often just skipped over lightly and often as not the husband always seems clueless. Now you're dealing with psychology and I doubt very few amateur authors understand human behavior. Personally, I would prefer to read about a solution, not one of those endings where the readers has to imagine a finish. I don't know why, but I like to be able to say. The end. Keep trying and thanks for the effort. (signed ML)

P.S. No insult intended carolinadreamer, but if you review some of your comments, especially some of the recent ones, you may see where I'm coming from. Let's just say we can agree to be disagreeable at least some of the time. ML

Gave it a 2* cuz to me it's incomplete, no ending.

Thanks.

Thanks, guys for all your feedback. This was my first story and I know I have a ways to go before being a decent writer. I have a three act story for this that I haven't got to writing yet, but It'll need some heavy rewrites. I'll approach it later on and try to improve it.

For now, I've got some other ideas I'll get working on. I'll take all of your advice to heart and do a more thorough revision on future works.

Thanks again.

It's very difficult (and perhaps impossible) to craft a story that centers a wife's infidelity as the major plot element and which simultaneously presents the husband in a way that makes it completely unclear whether his age or his IQ is the higher number. It's a common device in many stories where the husband is "frozen" or "totally surprised" or incapable of processing any/all rational thought over the wife's actions. It's just a lazy and fast (one or two sentences) way to allow the plot line to continue its predetermined trajectory. I suppose there are men who would be "frozen" while at the same time feel erotic excitement, but that's hardly a very reasonable premise, I think.

You used the sentiment "stupid" to characterize the husband's actions or state of mind. You're right! Do you enjoy reading stories about people who seem to be genetically disposed to "stupid?"

Looking forward to a no wimps ending.

Ruin the cunt , liquidate as much as you can , mortgage the house to the hilt and hide all the cash you can then dump her with as little for her to get out of you . Maybe show a bad gambling problem to cement the money loss. Normally I wouldn't be so mean against a hubby or wife but that is total humiliating disrespect she had for him and the courts don't care.

Please let us see the ending !

I cannot believe you had the guy standing there watching. What a load of crap!

"I have a three act story for this that I haven't got to writing yet, but It'll need some heavy rewrites." - The fact that you posted a first act or a prelude for a three act story that you haven't even written yet, is enough to put you on my "only read if there's nothing else" list.

Particularly where it wasn't even that good!

It starts out OK, not a whole lot of character development but it's OK, but then the ending is horrible. She needs to push Zac out the door, and then invite her husband into bed and fuck him with Zac's cum on her face, and Aaron needs to realize he likes this kinky side of her he never knew before, and that it's better he found out because their sex life was too boring before.

If he has the brains to be a software engineer the why make him so stupid. He stood there not having the mental capacity to understand he has a heartless Cunt wife. It doesn't take much brain activity to figure that out. Pathetic!

The only good part was the last line.

It is terrible writing to build up a character as being of good or brilliant intelligence; then have him frozen while he watches his loving wife engage in sex with some lowlife degenerate store clerk. Husband knew he had a gun safe. He knew he could outrun him back to the house. If he had the intelligence of a fifth grade student, he could have got his gun and run back and made sure that Zak never touched his soon-to-be ex-wife ever again. A most horrible ending as well.

You write very well. I agree with some of the other commenters in that you need more character development, and that your writing will get better as you continue...please keep writing.

You write well, and I only found one word mistake. Looking forward to more and longer stories that are developed.

Aaron should have had that handgun in his hand when he went in the guest house. He might not have killed them, but he sure could have scare the **** out of them as he emptied all the bullets all around them. Then called the lawyer.

5 *'s

A load of cucky crap! Wish I could give it NO-STAR! First class rubbish!

Did you all know Anony the asshole of LIT was a cuck one . Yep, his dead wife now, cheated on him their entire marriage. he has no idea who much man cm he drank. That's why he is so insanely mad

You are insane to find anything remotely entertaining in this "NO STAR" rubish. Even cucks whine this fool did nothing said nothing and didn't have any reaction at all. 337

but needs an ending. a great betrayal but now we need the whole story, sounds to me like she saw a provider and a potential cuckold, someone she could mold and bend at will, is she a real life cruel cuckolding bitch? or is she just a dumb cheating slut? will she try to keep him in line or will she try and destroy him? or will he burn the bitch? too many unanwered questions. chapter 2 please!

I agree that it needs a ending as other voters said.

Aaron appear as thick as two short planks, at least he has called his lawyer, the problem is Aaron has no evidence.

Gave 3 stars hoping the writer will complete the story.

forget evidence she clearly doesn't want him and he never going back to being naïve. this is a nice setup for the guy to hit rock bottom pick himself up and comeback bigger and stronger grow abit be wiser and more aware hopefully the story will continue I would like to see how this guy grows unless he become the cliché husband in the closet watching then the story becomes a standard copy and paste story of fetish.

Please tell me you are going to finish this story!

Only for the real pervert brain sick ones!! Would you allege that the wives at your milieu are idiots like your protagonist??? Or is it your usually attitude against wives!

Typically male!!!

Could have been a good story if you had not quit on it.

FTDS

Might have been good, but you clearly wanted a cuck story and to save face you tossed a worthless and unfinished ending on it.

Epic fail of an attempt there Gomer, this wasnt written for any other reason. Takes about 3 usable brain cells to figure that out.

I disagree with the readers saying there is no conclusion. I think it's clear to anyone who paid attention. The wife is truly hateful and about to be divorced. Words for me.

Seems to miss the mark. Why does his wife hate him? Why is he so stoic and weak? Why is there no consequences of any real recourse for lover boy and the slut. Is this a form of British Cuckery because it sure does feel like that’s where it’s going. Ridiculous

FTDS!

That the best you could do? Leaves so many things unanswered, no proper confrontation, possible revenge, or resolution. Like others said, finish the damn story.

sort of hot. maybe April should have walked over to Aaron and kissed him, then offered her tits to his mouth?

It is impossible, and therefore exceedingly common here, to write this sort of thing without an incredibly stupid husband that cannot act or think under pressure and so just freezes. That is such Ann unlikely scenario, but yet it is a trope that is used here seemingly every third page. Nope, frozen inaction is not a standard response. Neither is the inability to recognize your own wife, or figure out what is happening. Simply a stretch too far….

Femdom agitprop. You would be surprised how often this happens every day. Men and women both have psychological blind spots which the other can drive a van through undetected.

Good choice at the end.

5 Big Blazing Stars! Ignore the hating Morons. Obviously The Hubby was considering shooting both of them. I would have myself. I always have my Colt 1911 .45acp on my in my Concealed Holster. Some guns are in the gun safe, others hidden around the home. Always Ready! Story is interesting, and it is a shame the level of disrespect the wife shows Husband. A bullet or a lawyer can quickly solve that problem. Great Writing. Thanks, Buster2U

FTDS

Finish the goddamn story. What a lazy author. Don't start unless you intend to finish. Just another wimp cuck story

What stupid cuck shit! Ur name needs a change to mouser

Well.

I read that.

I guess you dig this shit...Bet you get pegged every night..Huh?

Well, at least he didn't jerk off to it.

I don't get why the trope of the weak and stunned husband is so popular among writers when it's so hated among readers.