A Letter to My Fantasy Lover

Sweet lady,

It has been 14 years since you wrote to me for the first time. It came out of the blue. I wish I had saved the email, but alas, I did not. I felt an intensity in you that was both gratifying and a bit scary. We were so far away. How could we maintain intensity like that when we were thousands of miles away? It ebbed and flowed, waxed and waned. I felt guilty at times when I was not able to reciprocate the feelings. The connection stuttered and stopped, ended, and resumed several times. There was an effort, but not enough. But you kept trying. I was amazed. You touched me, but it seemed like we were insurmountable worlds apart.

But somehow, we did connect. For a while. For a very precious while. The emails, the letters, the thoughts, the feelings, the desire, and the passion flew back and forth across the miles with an intensity that is incalculable. We entwined. My day was made many times by reading your letters, feeling your feelings. I craved you. Your pictures made me dreamy, your voice made me float in the air. I felt you. We were going to meet. I ached for it. I craved the intimacy with you. Then it broke. Like crystal glass, it shattered on the fireplace. I cried. I shattered too. Gone. Lost. Depressed. I came to acceptance while pacing the road. It had to be. It was necessary. You had to protect what was important. I understood. Yes, I understand. My brain convinced me. But yes, my soul still yearns. I still ache now and then with the desire and thoughts of what was wanted and desired by both of us.

I still have orgasms with you in my head. I still say your name as I lose control. I still think of you in my fantasies. I still think about fucking you, kissing, you, tasting you. I think about all the kinky thoughts and ideas we shared. You wrote me once: ""I have come hundreds of times thinking about you beating my ass and fucking me in the last 12 years". I savor the words, letting them course through my mind over and over, for truly I have never experienced the depth of intimacy and desire that I have felt in those words. I want to consummate, to complete the feelings so openly confessed in that simple statement of desire. I still think and dream. Yes. I have kept a diary that I make an entry in when the desire runs high. You shared it with me, I will share it with you.

June 8

Write to me, girl! Let us share the intensity again. Yes, I think about you. Yes, I feel heat over you. I want to spank you. I want to connect, to feel you squirming in pleasure. I am waiting. I know you are thinking; I know you will write. Don't keep me waiting. I want to put my hand inside you, fist you. I want to see the pain in your eyes as I penetrate you. I want to see you accept that agony for me. Come to me! Let's join again! Tell me your secrets again. Tell me your desires. I am waiting.

October 23, 2022

Thinking about you. Looking at your pictures, daydreaming about having your body next to mine, fantasizing about fucking and spanking you. Your body is so beautiful. I think about having your breasts cupped in my hands. I think about kissing you. I think about bringing you to orgasm, watching the look on your face, listening to you losing it. I think about coming with you, in your pussy, in your face, in your hair, on your tits. I would love to kneel over you, looking into your eyes right before the trigger is pulled, squirting my juice onto your tits. I still masturbate thinking about you. I think, I do think that now and then you masturbate over me, secretly, when you are sure you will not get caught. Secretly when you will have the time to let your mind go where it wants to go. You have not forgotten me, I am certain. In a part of your heart, I am still your Dom. In a part of my heart, you are still my submissive.

I send you my thoughts. Feel them, baby. I am still thinking of you. I know you must do what you need to do but please know I am thinking about you. I still feel that someday we will communicate again. Someday we may still get together as Dominant and submissive.

"I have come hundreds of times thinking about you beating my ass and fucking me in the last 12 years"... God, how I love those words! I don't think a woman has ever uttered more beautiful words to me. The intimacy of them. The secret kept locked for so long. No, you have not forgotten me.

November 12

You wrote me once:

"If we never had any contact again.. you would still be the object of my desire. The object of my fascination. The object of my wants and needs and secrets being explored. I think about you touching me in ways I never knew I want and need to be touched. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Your poems and stories are obviously what attracted me to you for so long. I have a few memorized and fantasize about being the object of your effective often. But the way you read me and demand my attention in our brief interactions is what keeps me here. If I were in front of you I would have been on my knees, in front of you, palms down, eyes down, heart beating, waiting for you to command me... for so long. For so long I have wanted to feel you turn my ass a warm bright red and fuck me until I cant speak. I envy your subs. I crave that."

Do you still feel this? I do. God, how can I not yearn for someone so expressive to me?

December

You wrote these lines to me:

Sir,

I am devoted to you

You give me a safe space

I am learning a lot about myself

I will only submit to you

You make me feel beautiful

I enjoy exploring my fantasies with you

You are my first Dominant

You're the only person who knows how many men I have slept with

I am honored to be wearing Your collar

You help me to explore new kinks

I want to please you

I want to fuck you

I am looking forward to anal with you

I love that you're creative

I want to be in the Position now

I feel comfortable telling you anything

I turns me on that you are 25 years older than me

My ass craves your beating

Your eyes are amazing, ocean eyes

Your sexuality is so fucking hot

I want my ass to sting every time I sit down and think of you

Your photographs are stunning- you have talent (I always wanted a photo lab in my house)

I want to lick your boots while staring into your eyes

I have come hundreds of times thinking about you beating my ass and fucking me in the last 12 years

I am so excited about meeting you in June

I like my toes sucked

You impress me consistently

I love that every time I wash my hands, brush my teeth, walk past a mirror, I see my collar

You write very passionately

I feel confident because you see me

My ass aches for your touch

83 days since your first email to me

I love listening to your voice

I want to feel your teeth biting my skin

I am proud of my submission

My submission is helping me heal

I want you to come on my tits

I long to feel your breath on my skin

Just some thoughts for today

What a beautiful email! I will cherish it forever.I don't want the passion to die.

April 13, 2023

sweet girl,

I miss you. As time goes by, I think about you and I wish we were still communicating. What a fucked up mess we created. We have this desire but we can't consummate it. You have things that are so much more important. You must take care of them. I know, and part of me hopes that you stay away and find happiness somehow in your life. That is far more important than this absurd desire. Yet, I still hold onto a piece of it, secretly hoping that maybe someday the fantasy can resurrect again. You are fucking beautiful. You kept me in your mind all those years. I didn't understand very well then, but then we connected. It was so good getting into you, sharing with you, opening up with you, feeling you, touching you, reading you, knowing you. We connected on so many levels. Then you were gone. I am still sad. I still yearn. I still hope. I keep this diary to just keep the thoughts alive. I hope you remember me.

Then, sometimes I want you wickedly. I want to spank you. I want to scream at you as I burn my hand across your ass. I want to paddle you, whip you, beat you lovingly. I look at all the pics you sent me. My god! The way your eyes come right to me. The glow in them. The desire I see. I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you dirty. I want to fuck you filthy. I look at the pics you sent me in which you are clearly showing off your tits to me. You know I want them. You offer them to me. That pic in the pink top. My god. I want to reach out and feel them through the top while looking into your eyes. I want to touch them. And yes, sweet little girl, I want to kneel over you and jack off on them. Yes, sweet little girl.

The desire lives.

August 7, 2023

What a crazy thing to do, keeping this diary. I miss you. Strange. There is just a feeling like there is something there, hidden in time waiting to bloom. You are beautiful. Do you know I think of you? We connected in fantasy, in thought, in dreams like smoke. We met in the sky among the birds flying free.

=============

Words blowing in the wind.

For now.

your loving Dom