by kimbalee
Your descriptions and the loving passion the couple possesses made the story extremely hot.
Please read my feedback. I don't want to give anything away to future readers. They'll just need to discover it for themselves. Very well written with excellent word sellection... and very HOT!
Inspiring and real, I could imagine it all happening. Very erotic. Nice pace. You're not writing anymore?
Oohhh, you can write letters and post them here anytime! Wow. This was so easy to visualize as you used words so well and what an intense build of action. "growled", "wince", "jabs" "pulsing" so many words used so well! That "poor" narrator wasn't the only one screaming. I am impressed how as a male I can still appreciate what the female narrator is going through as your descriptions are so well done. Once again wonderful writing.
... it breaks so many of my preferences, but still worked for me.
First, I hate the 'You' convention, but simply the title broke down that barrier: it's a letter to her husband, so of course the pronoun she uses is, "You."
Next, the story doesn't just change tenses, but the whole point of view changes: the narration starts as if it IS a letter, describing wishes to her beloved, but by the end it is a graphic description of something happening right NOW!
Breaking both rules ought to mean it's badly written, but you've heard the one that says, "rules are for the guidance of the wise and the obedience of fools" haven't you?
Being able to break rules and still write an enchanting, and very sexy story, shows real talent.
Can't write more, I'm off to read her others...
I've read two stories from Erotic Couplings. They're both yours, and both remind of what counts. I'm playing Celine Dion as I read and now I'm sitting here floating around in romance wonderland.
I loved the story. Incredible build up. Had me wanting more. Very sweet, very passionate
I found the link to your stories in the AH. This was a very hot, very erotic tale. Nicely done. Off to read your other work.
Excellent on all counts: sensual descriptions, realistic inner thoughts of the characters, marvelous development from thought to action. Thank you for the enjoyable read!
- curl
Any words I add her will seem so inadequate in comparison to the ones I just read. After finishing this story I immediately got up from the computer, went to the next room and kissed my wife. You truly captured a moment that was so familiar and breathed new life into it with your loving touch; like stumbling across that old photo that stirs up the images of a precious moment from the past. Nice, kim.
I think its great that this started as the inner "I want" and as it progressed it became more and more outward action. Superb.
...what a man's gotta do....smiles... nice erotic walk through of an encounter, both physical and mental. Love the way he toyed with her, well done!
amicus...