A Little Bit of Death

"We on for Saturday?"

"Hell, yes," I replied immediately with a lot of enthusiasm. "I was thinking about taking a trip down A1A to Saint Augustine. We can take off from here about ten and be there in plenty of time for brunch, and I know just the right restaurant."

"Sounds great, is Tina coming with us?"

"She can't make it this time. My mom and dad are taking her to lunch, and then for a tour of the Naval base where my dad works. She wants to go aboard one of the aircraft carriers. Dad arranged for her to see whatever she wants."

There was a bit of hesitation. "Okay, I'll see you just before ten." We talked a bit after that, but it was like I had to pull every word out of her.

"We going on a ride this weekend?" Tina asked.

"Nadine and I are. You and your grandparents are going to lunch, and then on the tour of the naval base you wanted."

"Why can't I come with the two of you?"

"I need some alone time with Nadine, so I can have a little personal talk with her, that's all."

"Dad has a girlfriend, Dad has a girlfriend," she said in a singsong voice.

"I wouldn't call Nadine my girlfriend, certainly not yet."

"Dad, all the new HOG members thought you guys were married to each other, for Christ's sakes."

"Watch that language, little girl."

"Dad, I'm not a little girl anymore, and I know she likes you, but for the life of me I can't understand why you don't like her for a girlfriend."

"It's complicated, that's all."

"What's complicated? If you both like one another, you should tell each other. Even the kids in my school move faster than the two of you."

"Well, you'll be the first one to know if we start dating."

"You two have been doing that for the last couple of months. It seems to me the only ones who don't realize it are you two. Now, what's for dinner?"

Saturday my parents arrived just after nine to pick up Tina. They didn't leave right away. Tina told them she wanted to wait to say hi to Nadine. My mom and dad wanted to finally get to meet her too. My stomach was doing flip-flops waiting for her to arrive. I felt like a damn woman, changing my pants and shirt twice before she arrived. By nine-thirty I was staring out the window watching for her like some love struck teenager. Tina looked at me and shook her head in frustration. Nadine finally showed up ten minutes after ten, putting me out of my misery. Since it was the first time she met my parents, I made introductions all around. Nadine told my parents how pleased she was to meet them and then turned to Tina.

"Tina, sorry you can't make it today," Nadine said to my daughter while looking me right in the eyes. The three of us walked downstairs. I gave Tina a hug and kiss goodbye. Nadine also gave Tina a hug imparting some words of advice. "Have fun with your grandparents, and don't you dare let them talk you into signing up for the Navy." After that Tina walked back up the stairs to our place to where her grandparents were waiting for her. With that done Nadine and I mounted up and were out of there.

It was a beautiful Florida morning as we rode south along A1A, the ocean road. For a while I almost lost myself looking at the water, remembering what it was like that first week we bought the house, before Lana got sick. With the windows open you could smell the salt air, hear the waves crashing onto the shore, and think about how good it felt to be alive. A beep of Nadine's horn brought me back to the present. She told me she wanted a pit stop, so we stopped at the next convenience store.

"My coffee went right through me this morning," she said, walking out of the bathroom and putting her sunglasses and helmet back on. I topped off my tank and two minutes later, just like the Willy Nelson song said, we were 'on the road again'.

Brunch was fabulous. Nadine did give me a bit of a hard time when I told her it was my treat. After we ate we did the tourist thing, walking up and down St. George Street looking in all the shops. I bought her a little trinket to mount on her bike, and she bought me a chocolate almond ice cream cone. We walked through the historic district looking at all the old houses and checking out a few bed and breakfasts that looked interesting. By two o'clock we decided to head back up north, saying the next time we'd spend the night so we wouldn't have to rush so much.

We couldn't have been more than twenty miles from home when it happened. I was riding on the right side of the right lane; Nadine was about a bike and a half length behind me in the left side of my lane. The signal light was already red when we approached the intersection. I had slowed down to almost a crawl when the light changed to green just as I hit the intersection. Two seconds later it happened. I had just hit the throttle to speed up—I never saw the car to my right speeding across the intersection until it was too late to do anything. He must have been going at least thirty when he hit the front wheel of my bike, destroying it along with my front forks and putting me into a one eighty spin. They say at moments like this time stops, or at least goes in slow motion—time didn't stop nor did my bike.

I don't remember my bike being spun into the side of his car, nor do I recall being hurled over the trunk of his Toyota Camry either. I'm told I rolled about twenty-five feet before coming to rest on my back.

The whole accident, start to finish, didn't take more than ten to twenty seconds. I must have gotten knocked out on impact with the car and if not then, when I was thrown from my bike and hit the pavement. All I can say is, thank God I had leathers and a helmet on and my crash bars did what they were supposed to do—take the full impact, instead of my leg.

The car finally stopped along with maybe ten others. Everyone had a phone in their hands calling 911. I was stunned, not even too sure what just happened other than I knew I wasn't dead or too badly hurt. That is, at least, what I hoped.

Loud shouting and yelling is what I heard. All the while the young kid kept saying over and over again how sorry he was. Around me people were telling me not to move because I could have internal injuries. But after testing each leg and then my arms, I knew they worked and were intact.

"Nadine!" I screamed just as the first squad car arrived, sirens blaring. In the distance I could hear at least one more, but right now I had other things on my mind, not knowing if she also had been hit.

One of the patrol officers was attempting to keep all the onlookers back when I finally spotted her out of the corner of my eye. She went under his arm and was next to me a second later. Her tears flowed. We just looked at one another, saying nothing, until she wrapped her arms around me whispering in my ear, "I thought you were dead."

"Only the good die young," I replied, trying to make a little joke to lighten up what was probably a traumatic moment for her. Me, I was trying to be the tough guy, but realized rather quickly that, although I may not have any broken any bones, I had plenty of road rash, with probably more bruises than I could handle.

My head was starting to clear, and besides wanting to see what was left of my bike, I just wanted to get the hell out of there—that was unlikely to happen any time soon.

"Mr. Moore, please stay still until we get a chance to make sure you haven't broken anything," the paramedic said, putting gauze pads on my elbow, knee, and shoulder. My helmet and sunglasses were missing, but I still had what was left of my riding gloves on. Nadine never moved a muscle. She just sat there looking at me with her big, dark brown eyes and this blank expression on her face.

"Nadine, are you all right?"

She said nothing.

"Doc, can you please check out my friend? I think something's wrong with her."

They did nothing.

"Damn it, something's wrong with her! Nadine, can you hear me?"

Still nothing. I lost my patience. I sat up and reached for her, putting my arms around her. "It's okay, do you hear me? I'm okay, we're okay, do you hear me?" She just sat there with this far away look in eyes. I kissed her. It wasn't some huge passionate kiss, more one of someone conveying affection and assurance.

The kiss I got back surprised the hell out of the paramedics, and me. It was passionate, overflowing with feeling and emotion.

"Well, it looks like your girlfriend is also okay," he said with a laugh. "We're going to transport you to the hospital. She can either ride with us or meet us there." I took one more look at her.

"I think it would be a good idea if she came with us."

One of the two policeman said that both bikes would be transported to the impound lot.

"Is there any way possible someone can get my girl's trike to the hospital they're taking me to instead?" The two looked at each other and said they'd find someone to do that for me. With that we were loaded into the back of the ambulance, and with the sirens screaming, we were off.

Nadine never left my side throughout the exams and numerous x-rays. I held her hand, touched her cheek, and kept saying it was going to be all right. I wasn't a damn doctor, but I could swear she looked like she was in shock.

It took me almost two hours to get someone to finally take a look at Nadine. I was the one they were concerned about, but I was now more worried about her than I was about myself. I was banged up pretty bad but would live, however mentally I wasn't so sure about her.

"She lost her husband when they were in a motorcycle crash a couple of years ago," I told the doctor as he looked into her eyes, checked her pulse, and gave her a once over. "I think seeing me sprawled out on the ground brought back all those memories."

"You may be right, but there is nothing physically wrong with her. You're the one she saw, and you're the one she's concerned about. Keep giving her assurances that you're all right. As soon as she sees that and her brain understands you're okay it should bring her back. If that doesn't work, then there are other types of doctors who deal with those kind of problems."

Almost six hours after being admitted I was released. After giving the police my statement and finding out where I could pick up my bike the following week, we were finally done. With a bunch of pain pills in my pocket we made our way out the front door hand-in-hand.

We found her trike in the emergency room parking lot in a handicap parking spot. Nadine was still not quite all there. We were holding hands, looking into each other's eyes, wondering, I guess, what was next. There was no way in hell she was going to be able to drive us home.

I found her keys and helmet in the truck of her bike. Where my helmet ended up was anyone's guess. I put her into the rear seat with her helmet on, climbed aboard, and gave myself a crash course—not the best choice of words under the circumstances—in the workings of a Harley trike. It looked basically the same as an Ultra I once rode except it had a reverse gear. After two tries, I finally got us situated, and we headed up A1A towards Jacksonville and home.

More than once I felt her wrap her arms around me. I would have normally turned around and said something or at least smiled at her, but after the excitement of today, I was just happy to be in one piece and heading for home. I was going to warn Tina or maybe call Tommy, but I had my hands full right now, and what the hell was I going to say? Houston we have a problem? I think not. I was glad tomorrow was Sunday.

I pulled onto the driveway and parked in the rear of our house. I got off, pulled off her helmet and looked at her. Sadness was what I saw in her eyes. Things were not back to normal yet. I gave her a quick kiss on her lips, helped her off her bike, put my arms around her holding her in a tight hug before leading her into the house.

Inside I sat her down in a kitchen chair, gave her a soda, and grabbed one for myself. I was thankful Tina wasn't back yet. I knew my mom was waiting for my call to say we were home. I wasn't sure what to do. Nadine's eyes were following me around the room; she seemed to not want to let me out of her sight. Maybe a good night's sleep would bring her back?

I called my mom. "Mom, I have a big favor to ask of you. Would it be possible for you to keep Tina until tomorrow evening? "

"Sure sweetheart, we'd love to have her spend the night. Don't worry about a thing; we'll take good care of her."

"Thanks Mom, I owe you one."

"Just have fun," she tittered. Fun is not what I was having right now.

I called and ordered a pizza and forced Nadine to eat two slices. She was getting better, but there was no way I was going to let her drive home. It didn't matter that she didn't have anything with her—she was going nowhere.

I showed her where my bathroom and shower were, gave her a pair of sweats and one of my tee shirts, and closed the door behind me. It took a few minutes before I heard the shower start, which was a good sign. Fifteen minutes later she was done, and it was my turn.

I gingerly removed what was left of my clothes and threw them on the bathroom floor. I'd probably end up tossing them out, besides the new wear marks from the street; I was sure the bloodstains would never come out. I had wrapped cellophane on my knee and elbow to keep the gauze bandages dry, knowing I would have to hit Walgreens for replacements tomorrow morning. All I had were a few small adhesive bandages—sadly, I would need a lot more than that.

Looking at my naked body, I saw I was a mess. Scrapes and welts were visible, no bruises yet except for the ones on my right hip and shoulder. I knew they'd be bad because I could already feel the heat radiating from them. Others would probably pop up later, but like most of my other injuries I would be able to hide them from everyone, especially my family.

Even areas that weren't rubbed raw stung when the water hit them. I did all I could not to scream out in pain. I guess I wasn't a tough, hard ass biker after all. I carefully washed what I could before the sting of the soap, mixed with the warm water, got to be too much for me to endure.

Instead of wiping my body I just patted it down to remove what excess water I could. By the time I was done I knew that towel would join ranks with my clothes and eventually be trashed, it too was spotted with blood. I was hurting, but also saying a little prayer under my breath, thanking God—it could have been a lot worse.

Shorts, a sleeveless shirt, and sandals were all I could manage to get on. My left arm was fine, but with the bandages on my right elbow and shoulder, dressing myself was going to be a bit of a challenge. Like I said, I was hurting, though after popping another pain pill I knew relief was not long in coming.

When I was done in the bathroom, I went looking for Nadine. After calling out her name twice without getting an answer I got worried. "Damn, I hope she didn't try to ride home." Then I realized I still had her keys. After looking around the outside I went back upstairs. I knew where she was. Grabbing two sodas from the fridge, the pain pills making wine not an option, I headed for the roof.

Struggling up the stairs, it didn't take me long to realize I was going to be one sore mother tomorrow. When I hit the top step and saw the open door I knew I was right. Nadine was sitting in one of the loungers staring out at the dark beach; the sun had set hours ago. The ocean breeze felt good on my face. She turned around, smiled, and I handed her one of the sodas before sitting down next to her with a thud. My body was moving like a crippled old man's.

It was quiet, dark, and almost peaceful, as we sat there together in silence.

"I thought you were dead," were the raspy words that came out of her mouth. Although it was dark I could see the tears starting again. I grabbed her hand and kissed it. She drew in a sob. "I couldn't move. You were hit and thrown over the top of that car before I could even stop. You were just lying there, motionless, and all my body would let me do was stand there and look at you. My legs wouldn't move, and my heart had already exploded through my chest. Everything came rushing back into my brain, NOT AGAIN! People were screaming, flocking around you, and I was totally useless. I am so sorry. When I heard someone say not to move you, I knew you weren't dead, but I was afraid to look. I don't even remember walking over to you or anything else that was happening around me. I just saw that you were alive and prayed that my mind wasn't playing some stupid trick on me like last time. I wanted to scream, shout, laugh, or something, nothing came out. You were talking, except I heard nothing. I'm still not sure what exactly happened. All I knew was that you were alive, and I hadn't lost you too."

I reached over, wiped the tears that were running down her cheeks, and gave her a soft kiss.

"I'm fine, a little banged up maybe, but fine, nevertheless. I'm just glad I was wearing a helmet and heavy gloves or it might have been a lot worse."

"Steve, you have no idea how worse it could have been." She was now talking louder. "You could have died. How could I have explained that to Tina? She would have lost both her parents, and it would have been my fault."

"Your fault? Nadine, I don't understand!"

"I was there and did nothing, just like last time. I stood there and did nothing. Greg died and I did nothing. And now you."

"Listen to me," I said, putting her face between my hands and turning it towards me. "There was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened. That kid was in too big a hurry and did something really stupid. I'm just glad I was far enough ahead of you, or you would have been hit also." I kissed her again with a lot more feeling behind it this time. "We're both fine and in a couple of weeks this will just be another bad memory to try and forget." This time she kissed me back.

It was some time after midnight before we found our way down from the roof and back into my place. I debated, walking down the stairs, where we were both going to sleep, but she made that decision for me. I gave her a new toothbrush I'd gotten from my dentist a month ago, and after we'd both done what we had to, she was the one who led me to my bed.

No, we didn't do it, and truth be known I don't know if I even could have. Between the drugs, and being as sore as I was, I may have been able to, but it wouldn't have been that memorable. What we did was kiss more than a little then fall asleep in each other's arms.

The pain woke me out of a sound sleep just after nine. I untangled myself from Nadine—that feat taking about ten minutes. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I took two more pain pills, and washed them down with a tall glass of water. A little swish of mouthwash, and I was easing my sorry ass back into my bed next to Nadine.

Curious, that's what I was. She had on my tee shirt and some type of panties but that was it. The sweat pants were off, and I thought about lifting the covers to look at her leg, but decided against it. No use pissing her off at this point—if she wanted me to see, then she would show me. The next thing I knew I was asleep again.

I was slowly coming out of a semi drug-induced sleep when through the slits of my eyes I saw a familiar sight. It wasn't Tina looking at me this time, it was Nadine.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Sore, but alive." She smiled. "You sleep okay last night?" I inquired rubbing my leg up against hers.

"You snore, do you know that?" she informed me, pushing me gently.

"I don't snore, never have."

"Believe me, you snore. I'm surprised your wife never said anything about it."

"Maybe it's the pain pills I took last night?"

"Yeah right, tell me another."