A Little Klondike Tail

This demonstration of Arctic Nature in the raw was witnessed by a relative of, Christian Isaly, who when he passed this intriguing tale down to his descendant's, resulted in one of them creating a famed chocolate covered treat.

Thus the Klondike bar came to be.

Then Gertie disappeared into her natural home, the boreal forest. Some say that her descendants, who seem to have acquired the curious habit of stealing any carelessly unattended beer, still happily and freely roam that wilderness to this day.

*****

Grandma Ling

I had been bought out of a Shanghai brothel and smuggled into San Francisco as the favorite sex toy of an American confidence schemer. Then one of his schemes went south, he was arrested and sent to prison where he tried conning the wrong prisoner, with predictable results. I was pregnant, with limited English but fortunately with a knowledge of where he had hidden his money stash.

I opened up a laundry service because it was the only other skill that I could use as a Fresh Off the Boat, immigrant for one of the many California Gold Rush booms - no matter where you go chasing gold, there are always lucky miners willing to pay good money to have their laundry done. But during the bust, I soon fell back on what I was the most skilled at and besides I knew that there was much more money to be made cleaning men's whistles rather than just their laundry.

Thus was the phrase, 'Whistle while you work was coined.'

I have decided that this would be my last Gold Rush, I am 65 years old as near as I can figure and getting too tired of this Merde, to use the new French word that Rose had taught my 18 year old Granddaughter, to work this hard any longer.

We went along with all the rest to, 'The New Chance,' were I organize the girls' clothing and costumes and yes have a new young FOB named Li to do the laundry. Miss Rose is still looking for a suitably wealthy patron to take Lotus's precious, 'priceless pearl.'

*****

Willy and Brooklyn Bridge Slim

Both of these scoundrels decided it was too lucrative to leave the Yukon just yet, especially with all of the delusional, gold-fevered idiots still hanging on. They thought they would give it another year before pulling up stakes and skedaddling with their ill-gotten gains. They bought out Sam, Crystal and the original girls stake in the, 'Last Chance Saloon,' and just kept on taking in the dough.

After the next year, with the gold running out in the Klondike and the newest rumour about being able to just pick gold up off the beach in a little known town of Nome Alaska, siphoning off the gold-fevered miners, the pair of shysters returned to the US and lived out the remainder of their days.

Winnie went to Washington where he invested his gold shrewdly in a newspaper and hired struggling dime store novelists to create a Cinderella fantasy starring Winnie as having almost singlehandedly tamed the lawless Canadian town of Dawson City, which he unashamedly published in his newspaper. And thus suckered enough voters to result in an illustrious career as a Senator. He felt that he had finally made it and was, 'looked down upon and ignored - no more.'

Winnie became famous for his line, in the halls of the Capitol, "Just so's y'all knows, I ain't votin' for that thar bill!"

And that was when a frustrated and infuriated member from the opposing party, that had worked for weeks promoting the bill shouted out, "Will you shut up man! - you Whinie-Weenie!" and punched him in the nose so hard that the blood spatter was universally agreed to have reached the furthest extent ever seen in a debate. And inciting a general Donnybrook.

Thus was the First Filibuster invented.

B-B Slim had returned to New York running his old con games again, scamming people out of their money by repeatedly selling the Brooklyn Bridge. That is until he unwittingly sold it one day to a fella called Don with some - unpronounceable, by Slim - Italian last name.

His obituary sadly noted that the good city fathers should do something about people committing suicide by jumping off said bridge.

Thus the fine new tradition of un-prosecutable Mob hits was invented.

*****

Rose

Happily working in the, 'New Chance Saloon.' Young, Footloose, Fancy-Free and loves to Fuck - what could be better than that!

Thus was the first San Francisco, 'Summer of Love.' Invented.

*****

Crystal, Sam and the Girls

When they returned to San Francisco they had opened up a - what else - Saloon, dance hall...and more, called, 'The New Chance', complete with a Can-Can chorus line featuring Crystal, Rose, Cloe and Dike Lover and the rest called the Golden Nuggets.

Now for the romantic HEA moment...

All of the girls -as girls are wont to do - had a great time planning Crystal's and Sam's nuptials, again. And this time they vowed to 'get-'er-done,' as they say.

And, luckily for the happy, Golden Couple, they did.

*****

Bertha and Morton

(Or BM as they were affectionately known)

Morton lamenting to the gentlemen (?) lined up at his bar in the, 'The New Chance.' "Boys, maturity is a feeling that comes over you when you look back over the years of your married life and realize you were wrong on just about everything!"

Bertha bellowing from her new kitchen, "Morton...!"

The End of This Little Tale of The Klondike.

Author's End Notes:

Although most of the historical details as written down in this story are factually correct, there are some that I freely admit are exaggerated or just simply cut out of whole cloth in my imagination, as I saw fit for dramatic purposes; most notably the Mounties allowing fire arms to be carried openly in Dawson City. Certainly not in a Saloon - they just simply would not allow such behavior. Anyone foolish enough to do something like that would have their weapon confiscated and find themselves arbitrarily sent down the river. Unlike Alaska, in that last frontier time, law and order was rigorously enforced in the Yukon by the Mounties, not the mob, including closing all businesses and Saloons on Sundays.

Secondly: It might seem that I am being unkind in my depictions of both Canadians and Americans while trying to be humorous. Let me assure you I am, in fact fond of Canadians - well most of them. And Americans - well, maybe them too.

Anyhow, Have a Merry and Happy Season.

Al Tend

Copyright© by the Author, All Rights Reserved