All Comments on 'A Loner Mentalist Pt. 02'

Great chapter. The story is becoming more complex and very interesting. The characters seem to come to live through your words. I'm looking forward toread the next part, whenever it's released. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the awesome work. ^__^

...I very, very rarely ever say this. I don't think I've ever applied it to a story on here. But I want moooore!

Your characters are actually *real*. It's insane.

Please give us more of this story!

It has very nice facets to it.

I really enjoy this new story. Personally I like stories about psychic powers more then stories about mind control it is just that the two overlap.

It is not a perfect story but it is intriguing and has reread value already and I think it has a lot of potential.

Using forshadow-fu I am guessing the TV psychic is the villain, and he will eventually be defeated by either physically kicking his ass while cloaked or using mob tactics with the protagonist's dogs. Either as a physical attack or a pack-mind psychic gestalt. He might team up with them or other mentalists and become more dangerous then a single attacker of vastly superior strength. It seems like he can still only attack or defend, he just does so more powerfully and quickly then normal. I just hope the story does not become too grim for too long as I can imagine could happen with this villain.

I've been a lurker for three years now and this story is the first to make me want to comment and ask for more. The amount of character dynamic, the fact that there is so much meat to this story is wonderful, and the concept is great. I'm greatly enjoying your story and want more as soon as you think it's ready!

I can't wait for the next installment. I enjoyed this one more than most I have read. Keep up the great work and hurry up with the next chapter. Lol.

Please give us a part 3 I'm begging this story needs to be finished

Very good, and certainly paced properly. What's going to happen next?

Whatever you do, keep the pacing like it is. I'd rather wait a bit for a new really long installment than have short blurbs coming in every day or so.

If the protagonist can install fear in someone's mind, can he also install pleasure? Will he use that to train his new girlfriend to become a better person? Will we see her start cleaning the house in a maid's costume?

Lots of potential to the story and I'm curious to see how he goes about learning more about his powers and abilities. He'll definitely need to practice more, and that means reaching out to the people around him to see how to tweak their personalities.

awesome work and i really really like this. looking forward to your next instalment

JC

this is the very first time that I read a story multiple times. And multiple is not 2 or 3 but more. And this is all for the very same story. So basically I can't wait for the next installment. This is truly awesome so far. Congrats!

This is by far one of the best "mind control" style stories I've read on here. The premise of how he does what he does, the amount ofnralisn put into the characters, and the reference of Over_Red all make this an incredible story. I am a tiny bit upset he's helping you instead of getting his own story done, but I think I can forgive it with this quality writing. Anyway, awesome story, can't wait to read the next installment.

It's about time we see a mentalist that isn't some deranged whack job that turns women into sex slaves, that's been overdone.

I read this story three times because I liked your characters. It also makes me think of how other people see me and how I see people. Everyone has a backstory and I shouldn't judge what I don't know.

Great story! Well thought out and great character development. :)

It was great to see an MC story, where the "hero" DIDN'T do the "wambam, thankyou ma'am" thing! I would love to read more of this story! :) How about a few more chapters?

i stopped by the MC pages tonight. Forgot you'd started stories here, or that this one might have been due. Excellent story, and i concur with some of the earlier comments: Great that he's Not making sex slaves. Weird thought.

Thanks again Sy

Love your story and i believe this is my second or third comment to yourself. not sure but eh, lemme get onto something that might help you get writing.

some of the most important part ofyour story has been our humble hero's intorspection and his action. looking around the world and making his choices, just like he came up with the idea to go into looking for other mentalists. But it might be difficult now that he has someone depending on him, if it continues in this way it might make actions and the plot slow down to much so just a friendly warning.

Your atad light on some physical descriptions, i looked into the outsider also and again its light on some physicality. its just you mention things once and we need to hold it in our head, not to say mention it constantly but maybe better to add in a hair movement, a shimmer in the colorful eyes, the adjustment of shorts that are to tight on a frame or a wiggle of something provocativly?

As for the people in the story, you have dad who isnt in play, mum who's barely in play, three friends who get a mention in at times, three major dogs (being the two german shepherds and his faithful spot) leaving us with the main squeeze and the ex-bitch cheerleader. That to me is amazing how you got so much of a story from that, but i think some other background charaters need some info. Other girls at school dont et mentioned, he isnt bullied but there has to be somethign else happening inside the school. Also his work is, mentioned but it doesnt seem to have much else to add, might be somethign you could add in to say whats the plan after school or something?

keep it up and i'll be checking back for a responce and new chapter

JC

It has almost been two years since I've just binged on a series like I have with this one.

Yes these may be short stories on a self titled smut site, you brought something that isn't constant sex or a quick one-off. However, brining in some resemblance of honorable virtues and a wonderfully slow build to a niche genera, is damn refreshing if not a little frustrating with the assumed subject matter that I associate with this site.

I will enjoy reading further in in this story-line as well dipping into your other titles.

Wonderfully surprised (more so now that I've written a response)

~This Random Anon,

Ps. I think there was a double negative in one of the paragraphs when the Main Character was arguing with his friends. It caught me for a little bit. Although it may be this late hour, but you have earned to know.

Get on with the story already. After 15 days I start to lose interest.

It's just so silly and unrealistic that she would react in that way. A random guy comes up to her and sprouts a bunch of generic babble based on an unexplained knowledge of her past and her reaction to this is agreeing with him and basically going "you're right, I'll be a good person from now on!". Don't make me laugh. The only way any sane person would react in that situation is screaming for help because this guy is clearly a stalker and a pervert with some kind of white knight complex.

that have no sex this far in, I'm sure it's coming eventually, and they were well worth it in the end.

Intricate story-very curious where you're going with it.

The fact that his new girlfriend is a head cheerleader big titted bitchy stereotype kind of discredits the believability or that he is somehow being an altruistic white knight. No girl in her shoes would be of the mindset "oh why me," when offered a free education. Shes already used to the idea of getting men to pay for her affections. You even mention another character, one of his only friends, that regularly gets beat by his father but that story line gets dropped right away. Instead he's helping the girl that was trying to ruin his life, with no deterministic motivation other than her attractiveness. It would be a significantly better story if her physical appearance was flawed, a bully who actually has reason to doubt her attractiveness or worth.

Thank you for your comment Dazboot. This is the first time I know for a fact a commenter didn't read the work they're criticising. I used to think I wrote something too vaguely, or something, but now I see that it's not me, it's you. ;-)

I urge you to actually read this installment. Mayhaps, you'll find a rather large section devoted to the main character's first clairvoyant experience. I can't imagine writing the main character's motivation regarding the girl more clearly. Her looks are completely incidental.

An excellent rebuttal, Sycksycko. Speaking for myself, I'm finding the story quite enthralling thus far. Hopefully the succeeding chapters will be similarly edifying.

That said, I caution you as a friend not to feed the trolls. If you acknowledge them, they win by default. ;)

The restaurant scene - somewhere in there there's a stake that should be a steak.

You kept me hooked. Really mesmerizing.

I've read like 14 pages in a row now. It's 4 a.m. and I started at 11 p.m. lol that means this story is too damn good

Great story so far!

But 5 hours to read 14 pages...

More like 2 hours!

Fuck, and I bet it’s worse in real life. It always is.

There go I but for the grace of the goddess.

That’s a sad Mia backstory. I hope it wasn’t written from experience.

Incredible story. I started and now I cant stop reading it.

I hated the bitch until her life was revealed then all that changed. I hope now that they somehow find a happy ever after together.. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️