All Comments on 'A Long Night's Run'

she needs to be bitch slapped

Then he tied her up and force fed her shit coated coffee grounds.

Because it's only a quarter of a story. Far too short.

I like your style and your concept. However this isn't a story of anything but embarrassment, and I hate nothing worse than a short prequel. Give a full story with this start and I'll love it.

There is no sex and no incest in this story, this is about blackmail and forcing someone to do something against their will. This belongs in the non-consent category unless there is another chapter. It was an ok read but it was to short and other than the park run did not go anywhere. I gave it a "2" because it started good but then fizzled at the end. Now if the girls in the park had decide to have their way with him...

not enough backstory,as to why she wanted him do a nude run,also the nude run was stupid,

(the girls stop him get a quick look and let him pass),the sister beats him home but still lets him in,even thou bet was he'd be locked out(which in itself is a stupid bet,)

also where's the sex

hope there's more to come because this was a useless waste of time

Just as a few constructive comments, if you are writing in the perspective of the opposite gender, it may be useful to keep feelings and emotions as if they are coming from that person. In looking at the last few paragraphs before the final dialog it seems that the emotions and feelings are open ended and not necessarily what the male character is feeling. It seems more of an observation. Quite a few of my stories I write or have elements in a female perspective (the opposite). However, it requires a lot of thought on the emotions. It helps to have some idea of different ways people think within gender boundaries in order to make it possible. This is helpful even when you mostly write from within your own gender. You might be pleasantly surprised how rewarding it is to understand the feelings on the other side too.

.....and Andy went to daddy's study room, picked up a gun and shot himself........ a week later, late at night, Andy's ghost possessed their dad. He woke up from his bed, as their mom is watching and proceed to Lania's room. There, he started to fuck Lania with both Lania and mom in shocked..... words got out and Lania was known as an incestuous slut in the whole neighbourhood. The end.

I enjoyed your story!

You did a good job!

I really hope it continues?

Thank you!

First let me say how glad I was that there were no small penis jokes,then may I add that perhaps the sister could of had a reception of her or their mutual friends waiting

for him when he got home.Again let me compliment you on a good story and no

small penis jokes.

Enjoyable story, not perfect but I'd happily read another chapter. Considering this is two years old I'm thinking you may not post another chapter, but when his sister told him this wasn't a one-time thing, I'd really like to see more. Four stars.

They worry he might be in trouble, he says his sister forced him to do this, and they immediately jump to accusations of incest? Did you intend those girls to be bi-polar or was that just bad character writing?

Week plot; still a good blackmail fantasy. Though if he has to do it again, makes it boring. End it where it is with the hint that she might have him do it again. In all stories like this, if there is a ch #2, the brother should get some revenge. Since this story is over 9 years old, a second chapter is not forth coming.