A love story

Slowly you get up. Lie down next to me. Stroke my chest and kiss me lightly. "Thank you, that was wonderful. Now I just want to lie here next to you. Feel your body against mine. Sleep, hold each other. Maybe make love one last time in the morning. Want to own you these short hours left of the night".

***

I feel it starting to seep out of me, our shared fluids. Now I just want to lie down, feel good to hug this amazing man. A few hours before morning. Then we must part, not see each other again. I want to save this evening in my memory, be able to bring it up when I'm alone, feel the warmth, the love, inside me. I don't want to forget, but I have to. Listen how I tell you that I want to lie next to you, sleep, feel your body against mine. All night long. Then maybe make love one last time.

I hold you; I don't want to let you go. It feels like you want the same. For a long time, we just hold each other, until we both fall asleep, close to each other. How wonderful.

***

When I wake up in the morning, I'm alone in bed. A moment ago, you were there beside me, wanting to hug me and feel me. Now you are gone, empty. I feel that there is a wet spot on the sheet. Looks like sticky semen. I get up, need to pee. You are nowhere to be found in the apartment.

Then I remember. After I kissed you, you put your head in my lap for a long time. Then you got up. Looked at me. Then you said "this has changed our relationship. We can't be close friends. I like you a lot, but it's not possible. I have to go home now". Then you put on your jacket, hugged me and went out, closing the door behind you.

Was it all just a dream? I don't think I've ever had a dream like that. Will always remember this dream.

***

I walked slowly home through Stockholm. Had I done the right thing? I want to kiss you, I want to make love to you. But it's wrong. I go and lie down in my own bed. I sleep uneasily.

Wake up in the morning after a dream where I stayed, undressed, took charge and made love to you. We fell asleep tightly entwined, it was magical. Feeling a little in the bed. A wet spot where I slept. An intense dream.

If we meet again, it will only be as classmates, a superficial hug. A few words about how we feel. Can't, mustn't, be anything more, my love.