A Love That Never Dies

It was the first time that our family had been challenged with a trauma and we withstood the test, but we were all devastated. We all cried many more tears over the next two weeks.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Connie woke up at 4:30 am and she immediately woke me to complain that she felt absolutely awful and she had cramping in her belly. I rushed her to the emergency room and, within minutes, a flurry of activity resulted in her having IV's started and a fetal ultrasound exam. I was soon telling her "I love you" as she was being rolled down the corridor towards the surgical unit.

I had awakened Sally and she had accompanied us to the hospital. I didn't want to leave her alone and, as always, I didn't want to make her feel left out of anything that was important to our family. Sally and I waited in the family lounge outside the surgical suites. I called Doreen to have her cancel my appointments and to reschedule a hearing. Sally and I waited, and we waited. About two hours later, Dr. Walters emerged from the surgery center and he came over to talk to us.

"The hospital called me as soon as you arrived and I rushed over to take care of your wife. Connie was cramping because the baby was already gone. We've delivered the fetus and Connie is still sedated and sleeping. Connie will be okay - physically - with some time to recuperate, but psychologically, something like this leaves deep scars. Tom, the woman isn't the only one who is scarred when this happens; it hurts her husband, and," he added, looking at Sally, "it hurts the other children, also. Don't be afraid to talk to each other about this and maybe even have some counseling if you think you need it, and . . . if there's anything I can do, please let me know. Sometimes, as a doctor, I feel absolutely helpless, and this is one of those times. Words just aren't enough, but it's all I can offer you. I'm so sorry for your loss."

We stayed at the hospital that day and Connie was finally awake in the early afternoon. She already knew what had happened and she was upset. After all of the tears we had cried over the past two weeks, you might think there couldn't possibly be any tears left in us . . . but there were.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Connie was discharged from the hospital the next day. Her mom had flown in to Gainesville as soon as she could and she stayed with us for the next week. We didn't see Connie's parents very often since they travelled frequently, but I always got along well with them. I was glad to have her mom with us at this time. There are some things about women, and particularly about women and pregnancy, babies, etc., that us men can never understand (just like women can never understand what it feels like to get kicked in the balls.)

* * *

Connie was depressed for a while and I would not have expected her to respond any differently. She gradually seemed to come out of her shell and she started interacting with the world again. She returned to her job and she seemed to be returning to her old self.

We didn't have sex for more than a month after the miscarriage. I knew she needed time to heal - both physically and mentally - and this was time for me to focus on her and not on myself. However, I must admit that I was becoming quite horny. Doreen prancing around the office in her short skirts and low cut blouses didn't help, but I had no desire to dishonor Connie, myself, Doreen, or my vows.

I never said a word about sex to Connie. I never complained about my state of deprivation and I never hinted about wanting to resume our sexual relationship. I simply "took matters into my own hands" for the time and counted myself as lucky to be married to such a wonderful, wonderful woman.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Connie called me at work around 4:00 to tell me that Sally would be spending the night with Bethany - one of her friends - and they were leaving around 7:00 to go to dinner and then to a movie. "I thought maybe we could have a couple of margaritas, do some steaks on the grill, and then get in the hot tub," she suddenly lowered her voice to a whisper, "naked!"

"That sounds good to me," I said, not wanting to sound overly eager, not wanting to sound too hopeful, not wanting to do or say anything that might make Connie feel guilty about my state of horniness.

"You've been as good as gold since everything happened - well, you're always as good as gold - but, anyway, I realize that you've been a bit neglected in some areas recently and I owe you . . .."

I interrupted that thought. "You don't owe me anything. You're the best wife in the world. I've just tried to give you what you need, just like you'd do for me. When you're ready and you want to get physical, we'll do it, but I don't want you doing it just because you think you owe me."

"Tom," Connie responded, "I need it as much as you do. I need to love you and I need to be loved by you. I need my world to return to something that seems normal and making love with you is a normal part of my world, so . . . if you can stop at the store and get a few steaks - and give me five minutes warning - I'll have a margarita waiting for you when you walk in the house."

When I got home, Connie was waiting for me with a margarita, a smile, and a very sheer negligee that gave away most of her secrets. She greeted me with a hug and a kiss that told me that my Connie was coming back.

We had a few drinks before dinner and then we had a soak in the hot tub. We fooled around some while we were enjoying the warm water and the cool evening, and then we went inside and made love. It wasn't wild, kinky, oral, anal, toe-licking sex. It was slow, gentle, and filled with love. I sucked and licked on her nipples like I worshipped them. I massaged her clit slowly, patiently, not wanting to make her cum too fast. I put my finger inside her and felt for the spot that always gets her aroused when it gets massaged.

She finally had gotten as worked up as she could handle. "I need you in me now," she said. "I need you so bad!"

I got between her legs and pointed my hard rod at the slit between her wet lips. As I plunged forward she brought her legs up and wrapped her ankles around each other while her heels rested on my ass.

"I love you so much! I've missed you and I've missed us and . . . I need to cum inside you so bad!"

"I want to feel you cum in me. I need to know that I can still make you cum!"

"You're going to make me explode," I said as I started thrusting faster into the wet walls of her entrance. "Are you ready?" I asked.

Somewhere between my balls and my ass, I felt a swelling sensation, a pressure that I needed to release. It grew stronger and then it felt like it was travelling though my dick. When I felt the sensation near the end of my manhood, I began spurting globs of cum into her horny, waiting receptacle.

"You feel so damned good!" I moaned as my body was driven by the force of my orgasm.

"Fill me up, Tom!" Connie demanded. I felt her pussy squeezing on my dick and I knew she was beginning to experiences the throes of her own orgasm. "Pinch my nipples!"

I reached between us and took her nipple between my thumb and forefinger and lightly pinched on the erect point of her boob. Immediately, I felt her pelvis thrusting back and forth, squeezing the cum from my dick, and she moaned every time my chest hairs rubbed across her breasts. As my dick stopped pumping man juice into her pussy, her breathing slowed down and she stopped bouncing around on the bed.

"I needed that!" she said.

"Me, too!" I agreed.

We both slept very well that night.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Connie and I were lying in bed at the end of the day. She was in the midst of her monthly malady but she knew I was horny so she had satisfied me with her expert oral skills. I have had oral sex with many women and many of them refuse to let me cum in their mouth. I understand that they think it's disgusting but, when I give a woman oral sex, she usually cums and releases a flood of juices that I eagerly lap up. Finishing with my tongue while she's cumming makes her orgasm even more intense and being able to give such pleasure to a woman makes me feel good about myself as a man. So, when a woman doesn't want me to cum in her mouth, I understand, but I also feel that it's a matter of inhibitions interfering with enjoyment.

Connie had been raised to be a prim and proper young lady. Based on her upbringing, you would expect her to be somewhat inhibited and very much limited to vanilla sex, but you would be wrong. She begged me to cum in her mouth, telling me how much she likes the taste of my cream and how much she needs it.

So, since we were lying there with me in a state of post-orgasmic bliss, I could not have felt better.

"Tom, I want to try again," she said.

"Oh, honey, you'll need to give me a few minutes. I'm afraid that you drained everything I had," I advised her.

"No, not that, silly - although, if you want me to do it again, you know I will. No, I mean I want to get pregnant again, and we'll just need to get some genetic testing to make sure it doesn't happen again," she said.

"I love you dearly, Miss Connie, and I want to give you whatever you want. But I hope you don't want this just for me, like you think you owe me a baby. You don't owe me anything," I declared.

"No, Tom, I want a baby, and you do too, right?" she asked.

"Yes, I'd love to have a baby, but . . . I don't want to jeopardize your health. I could live the rest of my life without having a baby but I couldn't live the rest of my life without you." I meant every word of what I told her.

"Everything'll be fine," she tried to reassure me. "I love you and you love me and we'll be great parents together."

She rolled over onto her side and I spooned behind her, going to sleep with her held as a willing captive in the arms of my love.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

We went to mediation on the medical malpractice case which had occupied much of my attention over the past 1½ years. Hospitals rarely admit their liability but their insurance companies are realistic, and in this case, they knew that a jury would find them responsible and could easily assess damages at $5,000,000 or more. The case involved a baby which had been in fetal distress while the mother was in labor and the hospital staff had ignored what experts agreed were the obvious warning signs. Instead of taking mom to surgery for an emergency C-section, the baby had stayed inside mom for an additional 14 hours, and the prenatal hypoxia had resulted in significant brain damage. This baby would never be able to care for itself and would need attendant care for the rest of its life.

At the end of the day, the hospital's insurance company agreed to pay $3,500,000 by the end of the year. Out of that amount, I would receive $1,000,000 in attorney's fees. Placed in a reasonably diverse and secure investment portfolio, this would provide more than enough for a very comfortable retirement at age 55.

My client was happy with the settlement and I felt a sense of financial security that I had never felt before. By the end of September, the settlement details were all resolved and I had received the funds from the hospital's insurance company. I disbursed my client's portion to them and then paid a visit to my financial planner and CPA.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

More than a year after we again had started trying to get pregnant again, we had no pregnancy, no bun in the oven, no baby in waiting. A few times, Connie had some suspicions that we had made a baby - perhaps nothing more than wishful thinking - and we had sat waiting for the home pregnancy test results a few times, but the answer was always "no, you're not pregnant."

Connie scheduled an appointment with Dr. Walters. I went with her to the appointment so that I could ask questions and Connie would not need to remember all the details to repeat to me later.

Dr. Walters took some more detailed history about Connie's prior pregnancies. He also ordered some tests for both of us. Of course, they wanted to make sure that I wasn't shooting "blanks." Connie asked about the possibility of having another baby with left heart hypoplastic syndrome. He cautiously told her that he couldn't promise that it wouldn't happen again and, in fact, since it was believed to be a congenital defect, we had increased odds of having a second baby with that condition. However, he believed that it was unlikely that it would happen again.

I was glad to learn that my sperm count was normal and my sperm motility was good. Obviously, we had a problem and a low sperm count would have been an easier problem to fix, but . . . no man wants to hear that he doesn't have enough boys in the boat . . . or that his boys don't know how to row the boat.

A month later, Dr. Warren ordered a test for Connie - hysterosalpingography - which revealed that she had an anatomic irregularity in her fallopian tubes, apparently an inherited condition which affected both fallopian tubes, and which made it difficult for sperm to enter her fallopian tubes and fertilize her egg. The answer to this problem was a visit to a fertility clinic which specialized in in vitro fertilization. In a nutshell, the plan was to get Connie on a diet which favored egg production, combined with some injections which trigger the ovaries to release several eggs at once, then to surgically remove those eggs, fertilize them with my sperm in a test tube, and implant a fertilized egg in Connie's uterus.

It was a lengthy plan and the initial step was for Connie to start on her diet and some hormones. As she said, while we were waiting on this process, there was no harm in continuing to try to have a baby the "old fashioned" way, and I saw no reason to disagree with her. I needed the physical closeness with her and, obviously, it felt damned good to make love with my beautiful wife.

Married life - despite the fertility problem - was wonderful and my practice was growing. I hired an associate to help me with the workload so that I could devote some more time to my family. Sally was 17 years old and the belle of the ball wherever she went. She had a driver's license and a new car, which she had received on her birthday. We cautioned Sally that the car would be taken away from her if her grades started to slip, but the warning was unnecessary.

Sally had a boyfriend, Brad, with whom she was spending time - I thought too much time - but Connie did not want to impose any restrictions unless they were necessary and, at this point, Sally was attending school, enrolled in honors classes, and maintaining her 4.0 GPA. She also assured Connie that she was still a virgin and had not engaged in sex with anyone. Nonetheless, Connie did take Sally to see Dr. Walters and get her started on birth control "just in case."

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I was in my office on a Thursday morning, reviewing some documents which I had received from opposing counsel in a high profile divorce case. Doreen buzzed me on the intercom to tell me that my wife was there to see me. Connie had not mentioned stopping to see me so I was a bit puzzled.

I went to open my office door and Connie strode directly into my office and asked me to shut the door. As soon as the door was closed, she put her arms around me and started crying.

At first, she didn't say anything and, though I was anxious to learn what had her so upset, I patiently waited for her to become a bit calmer.

"I had my annual physical this morning with the new primary, Dr. Winters," she began. "You know, the whole nine yards, especially with the IVF thing going on. That included a mammogram that was done last week. The doctor says that there's a suspicious finding on the mammogram and I need to have a diagnostic mammogram now. So that's scheduled for tomorrow, but I know. It's breast cancer. It got grandma, it got Aunt Bonnie, and now it's going to get me."

A good attorney is rarely at a loss for words, but I had no idea what to say. I certainly didn't want to make any funny comments just to make her stop crying. I didn't want to tell her everything was going to be okay, because I didn't feel too confident about that statement. Instead, I started crying. I put my arms around my wife, I hugged her tight, and we cried.

* * *

We talked about not telling Sally what was going on but we soon decided it would be impossible for us to hide this from her. I cancelled my calendar for the rest of day and went home with Connie.

When Sally came home, we sat and explained the news. We explained that nothing had been confirmed but that there were suspicions of breast cancer. We also explained about the family history of breast cancer. Sally started crying and the three of us hugged and cried.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Friday morning, Connie and I went back to the mammography center for the diagnostic scan. We were told that the results would be available by noontime and immediately would be faxed over to Dr. Winters' office.

We had lunch at a little sandwich shop but neither of us was really feeling hungry. We had a 1:30 appointment with Dr. Winters and he called us in early.

"Tom, Connie, the results aren't what we hoped for. The mass in your breast - it's the left breast - looks too suspicious to ignore. That doesn't mean that it's cancer but it's a strong possibility. The next step is a biopsy and a referral to an oncologist. Mike Williams over at the university is a great oncologist - excellent, world renown. I'll personally call over there and ask him to see you as soon as possible. I'll also make sure that the biopsy gets scheduled as soon as possible."

As you can imagine, the weekend was horribly somber. I did call John to let him know what was happening and to ask if he had any objections to change the summer visitation schedule. I didn't think that Sally would want to leave her mother in the midst of all this chaos and John agreed. I don't know if John really cared about what was happening but I do know that he understood that, if he made Sally come to Birmingham for the summer, she would make his life miserable. He was smart enough to not make that mistake.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Driving to the hospital, Connie and I were quiet for most of the ride. As we neared the campus, I asked, "Do you remember our first car ride together?"

"Of course," she said. "You picked me up and took me out to dinner on our first date."

"Okay, okay. I should have said, 'do you remember our second car ride together?'"

"Yeah, you were taking me back to the house and we both knew what was going to happen when we got there, and I was kind of nervous and excited and, I didn't show it, but I was just a bundle of nerves."

"You're right, you didn't show it. We didn't talk most of the time. I was worried about whether I would be able to please you, because you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression."

"I would have fallen in love with you if you had pulled out a limp noodle that night," Connie laughed. "I don't think you really understand how smitten I was with you."

"We were meant to be, weren't we?" I asked rhetorically. Of course we were meant to be together. I had found a personal paradise but all of that was being challenged now. We parked the car and held hands as we walked in to the imposing edifice built by dollars gleaned from all the poor slobs of the world.

The biopsy require general anesthesia but Connie said it was a painful procedure. I had taken the day off from the office so I took her home and did whatever I could to make her comfortable. The results would be available the next day and we had an appointment with Dr. Williams on Thursday.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Our immediate impression of Dr. Williams was that he was an extremely kind and caring person, but he wasted no time on pleasant introductions.