by ladybabelady
Well described, kind of repetitive, but overall a very hot BJ story and you should continue to write.
I liked it ofc dear, but then again i am rather biased ;), will see you soon, keep up the good work love.
Finely written, but the ending seems hurried. To make it more erotic, I expect much more of a buildup to the orgasm, and more about what happens during the cumming, as well as more description about the aftermath (some "clean-up" touches would be nice).
I enjoyed this story -- up to a point. The topic is good; it's short and to the point; it makes a decent story.
But I was very turned off by the mechanical mistakes. The first paragraph seemed the most in need of attention. When I read "barley covering the tips of her breasts," I had an uncontrollable mental image of oats on her nipples, and that was not-so-strangely off-putting. *Please* edit more carefully (you can arrange for that through Literotica if you like), and then your stories will be hot indeed!
Well written and described... let this not be your last!