All Comments on 'A Loving Family Ch. 01'

Beware of confusing characters, ie Katrina is on him but next paragraph it's Becky riding him. Plus you spelt Katrina , Katina once. Just need to read through it slower after writing it

My best advice is: write for your enjoyment, not to impress others. Create and explore other opportunities for this couple. Maybe a holiday of four? Stuff like that. Keep writing.

on the list to read, would be great to see some common tags added

If Kev has a hair trigger, and want to helphim last, they are going the opposite way.

Becky needs to learn to suck his cock til he cums, then get him hard for another go at fucking.

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I got so caught up in the story I didnt stop and think some things through.

I have already for chapters 2, 3 and 4 ready and I think I will go back and make some edits.

They need to get Kev involved and switch partners for a good family orgy.

I think for a new writer you did really well. Granted I think a slower proofreading after the story would help you and your readers, but I don't think any minor mistakes took away or distracted from the story.I think it was a good story overall.

Kev need to be a fluffier LOL