A Marriage in Trouble Ch. 02

(Writers note: This is from the wife's point of view. I have tried to write how the wife's character tries to convince the husband it was a one time mistake and more importantly it will not happen again, also the wife explains some of the reasons why she did what she did.)

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Gary,

First of all I want to apologise, I will keep on apologising for as long as it takes for you to forgive me. I'm sorry for causing all this mess, over the past six months I have wanted to say sorry a thousand times. I didn't set out to cheat on you, I didn't set out to hurt you, but unfortunately I did both.

I am very sorry I lost your respect and trust, it was really stupid of me to think you would accept sharing me, I really should have known better, you have told me many times you are not into sharing or Swinging or Cuckoldry.

Why I ever wanted to be involved with someone else is something only I can answer, and truthfully I really don't like the answer.

Just so you know it was not because you don't satisfy me in or out of bed, you do both.

You are a patient, loving kind and gentle lover, but of course when the mood takes us we both make the house shake.

So, once again your prowess at making love to me is and will never be in doubt.

Are you mean spirited? Do you abuse me in private or public? No you don't, you have never made me worry about you abusing me, you are I admit the strong silent type, you don't always know what to say to other people when we go out to work parties.

Actually quite a few women at work have mentioned your stoic, silent, contemplative persona they quite like it, they also say I'm lucky I have such a caring kind loving husband.

And Gary my love, I am lucky to have you, you would win husband of the year. You are also a good Father you have looked after our children, you always took them to football practice, you always made time to be with them and sort out their problems. You were the dad taxi when they both started dating.

I have told you everything you know about how I feel about you, never for one second think I stopped loving you, even if it appears like I did.

I thought of myself as being a modern intelligent working woman. Over these past six months I have thought long and hard about our marriage, about our relationship, about our family and friends and even my work colleagues.

Karl, the man in question, is definitely not you, you are totally different people. You are the strong silent type, Karl won't shut up. He talks about himself endlessly, but I stress this at no point in our conversations did he ever mention his wife, he doesn't where any rings, he was clever enough to keep quiet about that.

He has no photos of his family at work, and he never talks about it. As far as most of us at work were concerned he was single with not many friends and no family to speak of. He was very good at keeping some things secret.

He is a skilled seducer, he knew all the right things to say, he even tried the disrespecting you thing. You know how that worked out, the trouble was I started listening to him, instead of talking to you, he did almost convince me I could probably get away with being married to you and having him on the side.

But as you know I finally found my conscience but for whatever reason my brain really did shut down, I can only assume I went completely ga ga for a short time.

Why the fucking hell would I even think you would allow me to fuck someone else its ludicrous. I knew the answer even before I said it. If you had said "Yes dear go ahead." I think I would have divorced you for being so stupid.

By the way sorry about Karl barging into our house I didn't know he followed me to our house, I must admit seeing you cold clock him did make me happy, first it meant you wanted to fight for me and secondly you really scared him.

Of course having that fight with his wife was not what I wanted. First of all finding out he was married was a massive shock to my system. I realised then what an absolute stupid fool I have been.

Yes Gary, so many times I should have told you about Karl, so many times I should have thought about us not just me, and this is what might, just might, give some clue to why I went on those stupid three dates without telling you or giving you first refusal.

Deep down I am a selfish person, I have the perfect husband and companion, many times over the years I have told anyone and everyone how good you are at being the man you are, I have told all my friends and colleagues I would die for you.

But my love maybe for some really stupid selfish reason deep down I wanted to test you, really test you try to shock you out of your calm English exterior, let's be honest you do infuriate me when I'm screaming at you about something and you remain calm and collected.

Maybe in my addled brain I wanted to see how far I could push you, I will state for the record I would never have had sex with Karl, long before that I would have told you about him and me.

There is one thing I know that really annoys you, the subject about people in the swinging and cuckold and sharing lifestyle, you do not understand how any husband or boyfriend could agree to sharing there partner and stay married your argument is why get married in the first place? I have to be honest I don't get it either.

You have told me many times the idea of sharing me is a non starter, you would never consent to me looking elsewhere for sex.

So, yes I realise now how stupid this sounds and how much I risked in doing this really stupid idea.

But I did do it didn't I? I allowed another man to come between us, I gave Karl more attention than I did you for a short time, yes I can hear your mind turning over this statement.

No I would never have had sex with him, I know its easy to say, but you know how feel about sex, I firmly believe you have to have an emotional attachment to someone to have sex with them. Sex with you is so good with you my love because I love you.

So this is all well and good, I have tried to explain why I did this really stupid messed up idea, and I hope I have convinced you enough to take me back as your wife. For the record if I ever do something so stupid just shoot me.

Once again I am so very sorry for hurting you and for being so selfish and for being really stupid. Just one other point, I can assure you the only dick that has got near me is that dido you bought me for when we are apart for more than a couple of days.

You know me and trust me, we need to buy a new one. I have worn it out. Gary, I love you as simple as that. I will always love you it doesn't matter what you decide. Gary, my love I hope you can forgive a selfish messed up woman who loves you forever.

I will do anything go anywhere with you I just want to be with you. I promise you I will never take you for granted ever again, if you let me I will spend the rest of my life helping you trust me again.

You are a good man Gary, I hope I can spend more time with you. It would be better if we could talk face to face, I really have missed you, I also miss my connection with our children, but you come first.

Okay, my love Gary, I have stated my case. I admit I am an idiot, I am also very stupid and I am probably going mad, however, I love you forever and I promise with your love and guidance I will seek professional help and find out why I did such a thing. I will understand if my mistake is a mistake too far, but I also hope you will be fair to me and hopefully give me a chance to gain your trust back.

And just one more time. I'm so very sorry. I hope to see you soon,

Love you forever.

Luisa