All Comments on 'A Mom's Help'

Would have liked more details about the sex

Didn't seem to have a good build up. Very short

This submission contains a great deal of no imagination, vanilla descriptions, cardboard cutout characters, and simplistic writing. It basically lacks everything needed to make writing worth reading unless you are reading a newspaper, and even a newspaper article is usually more interesting than this.

This is not writing; this is just typing. I come here to read writing, so this was a total waste of 90 seconds.

Needs more buildup and details, fantastic start though

Take more time and think it out

Your on the right track but you need work. Erotic stories are best with longer build up, you give the reader a little bit more and more as the story goes on leading up to the final act which is usually vaginal sex. When you get to the act you dont need to write the all the details but let the readers know whats going on, dialogue between the lovers is a great way to fill that time out when you dont want to be too discriptive. The ending needs to be a bit more drawn out establishing the key notes of what happened and what to expect going forward. In this story you basically went from a bj to and they lived happily after fucking each others brains out.

With accident stories I recommend detailing out this type of information.

-what happened that caused the character to be injured

-what was injured and how that effect the character every day life that resulted in special circumstances to be made

-have the character and their caregiver talk about how the care to be given will be approached and set boundaries(basically your making rules that you will break)

-create the atmosphere and some anxiety about whats happening,

-have the characters try to reason out why they are breaking these boundries(sometimes telling the story from multiple views will further push these details)

Look, it isn't very good. But you gave it a try so there is that. It lacks some very necessary things in a creative writing. Clearly you lack the knowledge to include them but that too is okay. Construction of a fictional tale look up how to. You will see that fleshing out a character takes time. You may want to try using the outline method at first to be able to understand how to progress the story. Same with how stories are told. Something sadly lacking in most of the authors here. Stories are told in a time line front to back, back to front or from the middle out. I'll let you research that construct but save it for a little more advanced story. Stay away from the grand descriptions for every character, less is more when it comes to engaging a reader. Same for over setting the scene. Unless it is a vital component to the story. A beach is good enough maybe it's tropical or a summer haven which might serve to again draw a reader in. Telling them the height color and density of the sand on the beach is deconstruction which unless it is necessary don't. The sand was cold and clammy on her almost naked flesh as her cousin covered her with the shovel. Playfully acting as if he would pour it over her head before dropping the crystals over her thighs. Her nipples hardened both from the cool damp sand and the sweaty manly chest of her cousin Keith. The description is necessary to fill the readers eye. Nothing of her body type or his but I assure you I just sent tingles into the loins of any women just read that because they either can identify or wish it's happened to them. Play to your intended audience. If the narration comes from the male or female write to tantalize the reader of intent. Set the point of time in their mind. Having spent the last few months aboard a cruise ship Keith was extremely ready to unwind. Crew doesn't get any time aboard to relax or decompress so when his cousin Angela invited him to the beach there wasn't a single moment to waste in his mind. They'd spent a lot of summers at the family cabins on the lakes of northern Minnesota and he always had a thing for her however taboo it might be. Packing took nearly no time after he replied to her text with a happy emoji followed with I'll be there tomorrow. Booking his flight for the earliest time the next day to maximize his time with Angela.

Dual narration is a wonderful tool to fill out the story.

Angela couldn't help but be excited at Keith's acceptance of her invitation. She was dreaming of some alone time like they spent in their younger years. Now that she and he were adults by all standards it was time to see if she had the guts to act on her fantasies.

Likely this might be a great deal to absorb here. Hopefully the message and examples soak in.

Good luck.

Swing and a miss...

Looks like you've already got good advice. One more - never give up! I look forward to the next one.

Average story there's not much to it not enough sex and to short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!