A New Allison

"Sex can be anything you want it to be," Lauren pointed out.

"I know. I believe that. I don't know where this comes from. I had good sex ed. I had liberal parents. But this hang-up has always been there. As long as I can remember. I'd love to get over it. But I'm prepared for my old self to try to win while I'm there. I'm hopeful it doesn't."

"I hope so, too. Any other questions?" Lauren asked.

"Have you had sex at a sex club?"

"Of course I have," she answered.

"And?"

"And what?" Lauren asked innocently.

"Um... like... how was it?" I finally stammered.

"I'm teasing you, Allison," Lauren laughed. "My best story is the time I went when I was in a polyamorous triad with this couple. Wound up in a ten-person orgy. That was a fun night."

"Jesus."

"But that's not going to happen to you, unless you want it to. Just remember that. Consent is huge, and you set the boundaries. Go in with an open mind and see what happens."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Any time."

How are you and Sean?" I asked.

Lauren stayed silent for a long time. "We slept together," she finally said quietly.

"What?!"

"Yep."

"I thought you were just friends!" I was shocked.

"Yeah, well, apparently once we've both admitted to each other that we've always loved each other, we couldn't prevent it from happening."

"How was it?"

"Sean's an incredible lover. I was expecting some of the best sex I've ever had, and it was. He somehow managed to exceed fifteen years' worth of high expectations. But it's been weird between us since it happened. I don't know how to feel about it."

"Did you want it?" I asked.

"Yeah, I did," she said quietly. "It was pretty mutual, but if anyone started it, I did. The whole week of the cruise, I was pushing the envelope with him, and he kept fighting me off. I started pushing again the other night without really realizing what I was doing, and before I knew it, he was inside me."

"Jesus."

"After we'd both cum, we just lay there awkwardly. I thought it would be loving and affectionate between us. But it just felt so strange. He was so quiet, and he wouldn't look at me, like he was feeling some kind of regret. I got up to get dressed, panicked, and bailed out. I'm staying at a friend's place right now."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know." Lauren paused again.

"Do you love him?" I asked point-blank. I had no idea what she'd say.

"I think so," she answered after a long silence. "And I know he feels the same. But all I keep thinking is that I've ruined the most important relationship in my life because I couldn't keep my dick in my pants."

I laughed despite myself. "Your dick, eh?"

"You know what I mean."

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Yes, but not as his girlfriend." She sighed. "I've spent my entire life running away from long-term relationships, and I don't want that with him, either. I just don't want anyone else to have him. I don't want to share him. I just want for us to be together like we always used to be."

"Is that possible when you've both admitted how you feel about each other?"

Lauren again stayed silent for a long time. "I wish I knew," she finally replied.

"And how do you think he'd feel?"

"I think he'd be mad at me right now. I've been ghosting him since the night we slept together."

"Oh, Lauren," I scolded.

"I know! I know. I know I have to go talk to him again."

"He deserves better than this," I scolded. "Imagine what he's going through."

"I know. I'm a coward."

"Do you want me to text him?"

"No!"

I waited.

"I'll call him," she finally said. "I know I have to. Next Sunday, you're going to call me and tell me how your fetish club was. And I'll have an update by then."

"Okay. Good luck."

"Thanks."

I moved to hang up.

"Oh! Allison?"

"Yes?"

"Have fun at your fetish club. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I laughed. "I doubt I'll have any particularly interesting stories for you, but I appreciate your encouragement. I'm not as scared as I was."

"There's nothing to be scared of, girl. Kink makes you wet, right?"

I was momentarily taken aback at Lauren's bluntness. "You know it does," I finally said sheepishly.

"So? Go get wet. Dive in and enjoy it."

I nodded to myself. "Yeah. You're right. Thank you. Call Sean."

"I will. Don't push me."

"Talk to you later."

"You too."

I hung up the phone and exhaled. I was both shocked and not at all surprised to find out that Lauren and Sean had slept together -- shocked because of how definitively they'd both told me that they were just friends, but not surprised because of the easy chemistry and closeness they'd shared. I'd never have guessed they weren't a long-married couple if they hadn't told me otherwise. I hoped they'd sort out their differences, though -- I liked them both and I wanted them to be happy. They'd both done so much dragging me out of my sour mood on vacation, and they were completely responsible for introducing me to Oliver.

I shivered at the memory of Oliver. I wish he was coming with me, I thought, and immediately an image entered my mind of Oliver standing over me, dressed in leather, his cock erect, his hands pinning my wrists above my head. In my mind's eye we were transported to the fetish club. I thought about him entering me as I slid my hand down between my legs and found my clit. Soon, my mind had us in front of an audience of men and women, all touching themselves to the show we were putting on.

After I'd cum, I lay there wondering why I could get off to fantasies about being at a sex club, but the idea of doing it for real had me so nervous. I couldn't figure it out. Maybe I can do this¸ I thought, trying to convince myself. And then, for the first time: This might actually be fun.

The next couple of days passed in a whirlwind of anticipation. I went alone the next evening to a kink-friendly shop recommended by Brianna. Between Lauren's help and a friendly, non-judgmental saleswoman, I eventually settled on a glossy black vinyl skirt and matching bralette that showed off my cleavage but still made me feel comfortable. Lauren assured me I looked 'sexy as fuck', and for the first time in my life, I agreed.

Saturday night came before I knew it. Brianna was meeting me at my apartment and then the two of us were going to get dressed together, pre-drink to rest my nerves, and then head to the club around 10.

I was just finishing washing dishes after supper when the apartment buzzer went off. I immediately felt a surge of anxiety, then calmed myself down and buzzed Brianna in. A few minutes later, she was at my door, wearing track pants and an old Maryland Terps soccer jersey and carrying an overnight bag. In that moment I thought she looked like a blonde, short-haired version of Sporty Spice. She had arranged to sleep on my couch that night unless she went home with someone from the club.

"Hi Allison," she smiled. "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I admitted.

"Good." She moved into my apartment, heading over to the window and looking out at the view of the Inner Harbor. "Nice place," she commented.

"Thanks, I like it. Would you like a drink?"

"Very much."

I opened a bottle of white wine and poured us each a glass as she sat down on the couch.

"Cheers."

"Cheers. To new experiences." Brianna smiled ear-to-ear, showing off a row of perfect teeth.

"I'll drink to that. I'm going to have to drink before that." I took a big swig of wine as Brianna laughed.

"So, how's your sister?" she asked.

"I haven't talked to her," I admitted, "but they're back from honeymoon and back home. Weddings are really nothing more than an expensive, fun party when you're already living together."

"True enough."

"How's Lena?" I asked.

"She's good. Have you talked to her?"

"A little, but only to hear she made it home safely."

Brianna nodded. "She's not very good at long-distance friendships. It's nothing personal, I just think she gets very focused on her life immediately around her. I hear law school is tough anyway. But after we dropped you off that night, she kept talking about how much she liked you. I'm sure we'll all hang out again next time she's back in town."

I beamed inwardly. "That's nice of her. She's such a cool chick. I really liked her, too."

"She is that. She can be a firecracker, but she's a good person to have on your side."

"I saw her Mama Bear side the night of the wedding. For such a tiny girl, she can be intimidating as hell," I remembered.

Brianna nodded knowingly. There was a sudden silence as we eyed each other. She had such a cool, confident air about her that I envied. I couldn't imagine anything bothering her or getting her down.

"So, any questions about tonight?" she asked nonchalantly.

I nodded. "Basically, just tell me what to expect?"

"Okay. The club is set up in an old theatre. They still host concerts and stuff there when us perverts aren't using the place. The main floor where all the seats used to be is now the dance floor. There's a bar, and a stage, and otherwise it's just a nightclub like any other. There'll be a DJ, and apart from the people in fetish gear and possibly the odd demonstration of rope bondage or whatever, it's not going to be any different from any other nightclub you've ever been to."

"That sounds safe enough," I said, surprised.

"There are two balconies," she continued. "The lower balcony is set up as the play area. There'll be a lot of harnesses, benches, paddles, and other equipment that's free use. Gym rules apply, just wipe it down afterwards if you use something, and obviously bring your own equipment if you're going to use something in a more... personal way."

"Okay. Should I bring any equipment?"

"Up to you. Do you want to see what I've got?"

I nodded.

Brianna opened the bag, moving aside her clothes to reveal a set of furry handcuffs, a ball gag, a couple of riding crops of various sizes and shapes, and a hot pink rabbit vibrator.

"You're bringing all this with you?" I asked incredulously.

"You can check it with your coat until you need it," she revealed. "So yeah, everything but the vibrator is coming with me. The vibe's for afterwards if I don't score tonight."

I laughed. "Remind me to leave you a towel."

Brianna shook her head dismissively, but for the first time since I'd met her, I thought she might have been slightly embarrassed. I appreciated seeing a slight chink in her armour -- maybe she wasn't as perfect as I'd thought.

"As a novice kinkster, I'd recommend you spend time up there watching some of the couples tonight," she continued, changing the subject. "It's totally fine to stare, whatever you want. It'll be a good opportunity to see what people get up to."

"Sounds... terrifying. But sounds good, too."

Brianna laughed. "You'll lose that fear after ten minutes inside. It's fear of the unknown. I was nervous my first time, too."

"What's the second balcony?" I asked.

"Sex," Brianna said matter-of-factly. "The balcony is set up as wide-open space for exhibitionists, and then the lobby area behind the balcony is set up with some more private space where people who want to get it on in private or semi-private can go. It's almost like cubicles. If someone wants privacy, they just pull the curtain, and you're not allowed to open it. Otherwise if someone's in a cube with the curtain open, it means they're fine being watched. Some people are fine with exhibitionism but don't want to fuck in the middle of an orgy. People are pretty accepting of doing your own thing. And the nice thing is that because the sex room is all way up at the top of the building, you can't accidentally see it. If you don't want to see people having sex, don't go up there and you won't."

"That actually makes me feel a lot better," I admitted. "It'll be nice to know it's not so in-my-face if I'm feeling overwhelmed."

"So, the plan for tonight is we show up, I show you around, you meet the gang. Then we dance, we drink, we have fun, and then at some point you either decide you're okay with playing or not. If you're not, no judgment, and I know a lot of people who go to these kinds of things, so it's not like I'd leave you alone. You can stay dancing with my friends, or you can just call it a night and cab home. If you want to play, we'll partner off and go from there."

I nodded. "That sounds awesome."

"How are you feeling about all of this?"

I swallowed. "Nervous, anxious, and horny."

Brianna laughed. "Sounds about right for your first time. You're submissive, right?"

I nodded, unable to look at her. "How about you?"

"I'm a switch. That means I can be either submissive or dominant, depending on the person I'm with."

"Cool."

"You don't have any experience with kink?"

I shook my head. "Not in real life. How did you get into it?"

"Well..." Brianna took a drink from her wine glass. "The short version of the story is my first fetish night was with an old ex-girlfriend, and I really enjoyed it and kept doing it."

"What's the long version?"

"I can trust you, right?" She looked me right in the eye.

I nodded. "I've already decided to trust you, or you wouldn't be sitting in my apartment right now."

Brianna took a deep breath. "I've always known I've been kinky. My first sexual fantasies usually involved being tied up or forced to do something, and that desire has always been there. But I grew up with a very conservative, religious family, and if you couple being into BDSM with being into girls, you've got an atmosphere where it feels extremely unsafe being sexual in any way, particularly as a woman.

"I mentioned at the diner that I'd had sex with a guy once. I don't like to talk about it, but I lost my virginity to a guy back in high school. I kept trying to convince myself I was straight and that I didn't have these kinks in me, and I actually convinced myself to go all the way with a guy I didn't have any feelings for in order to 'prove' to myself I wasn't what I knew I was.

"I didn't sleep with a girl until I was in college, and it was like coming home. As soon as I was out of the closet, it was like all this repressed desire went off in me like a bomb. But it wasn't just about sleeping with girls. It was about trying everything I'd always told myself I wasn't allowed to like. I had a couple of really wild years in the sorority, and while I've slowed down a little now, I still don't have any real desire to settle down in a long-term lesbian relationship and buy the required two cats and a Subaru."

"So how did you get into going to a club like this?" I interrupted.

"Patience", Brianna laughed. "I was dating a girl called Sydney in my junior year and she was a veteran of the scene. She knew I was kinky and was determined to get me there, to meet other people who were like me. It took some convincing, since my conservative background took time to shake off. But when I went for the first time, I felt like I belonged. It was like coming home."

"And does your family know you're out? I'd have to imagine the pink triangle tattoo is hard to hide."

She nodded. "My mom in particular took it hard, but yeah, they all still accept and love me, even though they're still secretly hoping I wind up pregnant someday. They want grandchildren, and my brother and I both are letting them down in that department."

"Is he gay?"

"No, he's an idiot." She laughed. "He's a 25-year-old weeb, still lives at home, never had a job, hasn't been in school in years. He has no friends that I know about and no hobbies except watching anime. He's not exactly the kind of guy who's out there impregnating fertile young women."

"Yeah, no thanks." I'd known loads of guys like Brianna's brother. "I think my parents would like me to settle down with a husband someday, and I know they want grandkids too, but I've never felt any pressure from them. They're good parents."

"They seemed like it at the wedding. Your Dad was really cool. Very welcoming."

"He's great," I agreed.

"I wish I'd had parents as supportive and understanding as you and Andie have. Don't take them for granted."

"I won't." I made a mental note to call Dad tomorrow night, as I hadn't talked to him in a couple weeks.

"Do you want kids?" she asked.

"Someday. It's still a long way off. You?"

"Obviously, I'd have to go the artificial route if I was going to get pregnant," she revealed, "but yeah, I'd like to have them someday. I'm still not ready to settle down into a long-term relationship, but I can see it happening once I meet the right person. Though if I'm being honest, I'd rather not be the one to get pregnant. Maybe I'll marry a bi chick and let her have a hall pass for breeding."

I laughed. It had taken time, but I was growing more and more comfortable with Brianna.

"So, how did you figure out you were kinky?" Brianna asked.

"If I'm being completely honest, porn and Literotica."

Brianna cracked up. "Typical Millennial."

I shot her a look. "You're four years older than me."

"I'm a typical Millennial too." She winked.

"My first and only boyfriend, Keith, was my loss of virginity," I continued, ignoring her. "Sex with him was really good once we figured out what we were doing. He was a total sweetheart. When we first got together, he really wanted to learn how my body worked and what to do, and he treated me so well. He never left me unsatisfied or pushed me to do anything I didn't want to do. But if he had any kinks beyond penis-goes-in-vagina, I never found out about them. Sex with him was... I guess the word would be routine. Same handful of positions, same time of day. I never had interesting sex until Oliver, on the cruise."

"I remember you saying that."

"So yeah..." I trailed off. "Oliver was my first step. It's not even like it was real BDSM, I just totally got off on him being in charge, and I'd like to at least see what else is out there."

"Kickass." Brianna drained her wine glass and refilled it, then topped me up. "Why did you and Keith break up?"

"We hit the point where we'd been together long enough that I figured we should either get engaged or break up, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see myself with him forever. He was too safe and too boring."

Brianna nodded. "Most high school relationships are like that. You haven't figured out who you are yet, so how would you know what you want in a partner?"

"Exactly."

"Did you break up on good terms?"

"Not really," I sighed. "He took it hard. I always knew he loved me on a level I never loved him. I mean, I loved him. But he was so... hopelessly devoted, I guess. I never felt that depth of feeling for him in the same way he felt it for me. People say you just know when you've found the right person, and I never felt that way about him. My ending it came out of nowhere for him, and he blocked my number once I'd moved out of his place. I miss having him in my life a lot, but I have no regrets about the decision."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but that sounds very mature of you," Brianna approved as she checked her watch. "Should we start getting ready?"

We spent the next hour getting our hair and makeup done and continuing to drink. Once we were finally about ready to go, Brianna opened her overnight bag, pulling out a bright red spandex catsuit. I stared. "That's a hot outfit."

"Thanks. One of my girlfriends calls it the 'camel toe'. I basically can't wear a bra or underwear under it." She giggled, turning to face me. "What did you get?"

I went to my room and dug out my newly purchased black vinyl bralette and skirt, showing her.

"Fantastic choice." She smiled. "It's sexy without being super revealing, and it'll show off one of your best assets." She gestured at my chest.

"That's kind of what I was thinking."