All Comments on 'A new, balanced man.'

Incoherent, confusing border to boringville.

Do us and yourself a favor and stay in your category.

Incoherent babbling

If I had to say one thing it would be, your writing is just like the paintings you talked about, all in your mind. After seventeen stories, I would have thought you would do better research before writing another story.

You wrote, 'Jake hadn't been laid in eight years, his therapist said it was abnormal as she handed him over her warm colored eggs hatched by her cooped chickens.' Just a little time on a farm or research would have told you eggs are laid and chickens are hatched. It should have read, 'Jake hadn't been laid in eight years, his therapist said it was abnormal as she handed him over her warm colored eggs laid by her cooped chickens.'

Not really bad, not really good. Just not much of anything.

Elements of eroticism in place but a little truncated - clever

an illiterate attempt at rabbit reasoning (I mean hippity hop).

Intellectual to those who don't know the meaning of WORDS

Lame; trite; incomprehensible...

Smokepole

You need an English teacher and a swift kick in the pants! You exhibit what I call "false literacy". You are trying to impress us with your knowledge but as a result your prose is disjointed, pretentious babble.

1. Use standard English.

2. Outline the story before you write.

3. Settle on one idea of story subject.

4. Cease the odd references and comparisons. "Fuckable Jello" is a good descriptor while references to Picasso are not and derail the story line.

5. Use simple declarative sentences. "The second iced tea was laced with gin." Not whatever you said. "He watched her ass ripple as he slammed into her doggie style." "He was relieved that her husband wouldn't interrupt their fucking."

6. After you master storytelling in Standard English, you can branch out.

R.

They said the same thing about Faulkner. I am flattered.

Faulkner had talent, and wrote well.

per popular demand. I will write a new story without any craziness.

Why the anger? I mean if you don't like it after a few sentences, move on. But I have a present for all of you. I have recently studied the simplicity of Charles Bukowski. I bet everyone one of you, this story does super well and I shall post it in a few days. It is so erotic and delightful. It is like drinking wine in the summer sun while the hottest gal in town nibbles on your feet like coy.

Can someone please explain this muddled load of garbage to me please?.

Whimsicsl nonsense. Couldn't get past the eggs.

This is all very William Kotzwinkle and all, and I love stream of consciousness writers as much as anyone, but this lacks the consistency of voice and syntax of those writers who are doing solid experimental texture. Combine that with the numerous typos (which are clearly not Joyce-esque in nature) and it becomes even more difficult to suspend disbelief. Perhaps you should start by just focusing on writing a decent traditional story, and only then add the flourishes that can turn it into literary porn.

Was this a sex story or an acid trip?