A New Side of Justin

Look, the suburbs are pretty fucking boring. That's why, when a new friend from my book group invited me to a party at her allegedly palatial home, I didn't hesitate to say yes. Despite being divorced and having a number of men often at the ready for spur-of-the-moment dates, none were available this time, so I asked my son, Justin, if he could come along, just to keep my company. At first he waffled -- I get it, what 19 year old wants to go to a party with his mom? -- but I told him I'd have to cancel on my friend if he didn't change his mind. My friend lived a few towns over so neither of us would likely know anyone and he wouldn't have to suffer the grave embarrassment of being seen somewhere socially with his mother (as I teased him).

This was the summer Justin was staying at home with me after his sophomore year. He was a tall, handsome kid, with bushy black hair, olive skin and a shy but devilish smile, and was already getting plenty of attention from girls on the sly. I got plenty of attention from guys on the sly, but at 46 I had never been able to sustain an actual relationship with a man after Justin's father.

Anyway, the party was at a house on a cul-de-sac in a development that, while not as new as the one where I lived, was still within the last few years of being built. The driveway was full of cars and when we got out of ours, I saw that the house was indeed as described: palatial.

Justin gave me a look of dubiousness as we walked up the steps. He was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a fresh white T-shirt. As for me, I was in fairly tight black capri pants, a pair of ballet flats, a jean jacket and a black tank top. My hair was up in a messy bun. My party look, I guess.

We went inside, put down our things and went straight to the kitchen to grab a drink. The house was packed. In the living room, people were drinking and smoking and talking.

The kitchen was relatively empty except for a couple standing by the sink, kissing. The woman looked to be in her late twentiesー a little older than me ー and the man was maybe a few years older than Justin. They had their hands all over each other and were making out like there was no tomorrow. I was definitely no prude, but it had been a number of years since I had been to this kind of party. When I thought about Amber, my new friend, on second thought I wasn't that surprised by it.

I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and Justin started to grab a soda but hesitated, and then went for a beer as well. I gave him a look of mock shock.

"You know you're not of age," I said, teasingly.

"I'm not?" He cracked a smile and then leaned in a little closer to speak in a lower voice. "Nobody here knows that."

I shook my head in joking disbelief. "I can't believe this from you. Good heavens!" He had stepped away, but I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him into a quick hug. "You're growing up so fast!"

He closed his eyes and hugged me back. "I'm not fifteen, you know."

"So you keep telling me. But damn, you're getting tall."

"I am not!"

"You are!"

He laughed and then stepped back, taking a drink of the beer he had grabbed. I was still rubbing his shoulder when I

heard someone clear their throat behind me. I turned to see Amber, standing there with an amused smile on her face.

"Hey lady," she said. "I didn't know you were bringing a date."

Justin stifled a laugh with a cough. For some reason it felt weird to explain to Amber that I brought my 19 year old son to her party, so I played along, like in some sort of sitcom.

"I didn't know either until I saw him standing outside," I said, with a wry smile.

"Well, I'm glad you did. And I'm glad you brought him. He's very handsome. I didn't peg you as the cougar type," said Amber with a wink. "But I guess age is just a number, right?"

I shrugged playfully despite blushing a little. Oh lord! I was never going to hear the end of this later.

"Well, I don't know if that's entirely fair," I said, leaning into the awkward prank. "I mean, I am practically old enough to be his mother, after all."

"Ah, but you're in great shape for it, hon. Just saying. So, avoid the margarita, huh?"

I nodded with a smile. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to make a fool of myself."

"Okay, I'll let you two get back to it. I'll talk to you later," she said and walked back over to talk to some other people at the party.

I turned back to Justin who was fighting back another laugh. I punched him on the gut and said, "I can't believe you! You should have said something!

"What are you talking about?" he said playfully. "She's your friend, why am I supposed to be the one to say something?"

"Ugh, you are so impossible," I said, shaking my head.

"I try," he said with a smile.

We stood there for a few more minutes before he drained his beer and grabbed another one.

"Woah there, tiger," I said, putting my hand on his arm. "You're going to get drunk."

"I'm not drunk," he said, pretending to slur his words for comic effect.

"Yeah, you are," I said, laughing. "Let's get you out of this kitchen and move to the living room where it's more comfortable."

I drained the last of my beer, too, and took a heavy pour of some red wine. I didn't want to go overboard with Justin there, of course, but I kind of wanted to be a little buzzed and enjoy myself for once.

I led Justin to the living room where we took up a seat in one of the overstuffed chairs by the large ornate fireplace. The in-ceiling speakers were pounding some strangely familiar techno song and I felt Justin's eyes on me as I jumped lightly to the beat and tapped my toe.

"You know, I think I like this from you, Mom," he said, leaning into me.

"What?" I said in a playful tone.

"You being a little carefree for once," he said.

"Carefree?" I said, quirking an eyebrow at him. "I'm never carefree."

"Yeah, you are," he said. "You're always working hard, taking care of everyone. It's nice to see you let loose a little."

"Thanks," I said, touched by his words. "I guess I needed this."

"Hey, I'm glad I came," he said.

"Me too," I said, with a smile.

I reached over and hugged him tightly. I was so grateful for him. For everything he had done for me.

"So, where to now?" he asked, breaking free from my hug. "This place seems absolutely huge, a lot to explore, eh?"

"I know," I said. "Let's check out the basement. Amber mentioned they just renovated it."

The basement was just as huge as the rest of the house, with a full-sized gym, a home theater, and a billiards room.

"Wow," Justin said, looking around in amazement. "This is wild."

There was a liquor cabinet down here, too, and a wet bar stocked with anything you'd need.

"Let's get a drink," I said, suddenly feeling spontaneous, grabbing a bottle of vodka from the cabinet.

"Sounds good to me," Justin said with slightly puzzled delight, following me to the bar.

I mixed us each a drink and we sat down on the stools.

"Cheers," I said, raising my glass to him.

"Cheers," he said, clinking his glass against mine.

We took swigs of our drinks and I let out a little sigh as the liquid warmth of the vodka spread through me. Justin shuddered as he downed his, which made me laugh.

"Not a vodka guy?" I said with a grin.

"I'm just not used to it," he said. "We drink beer at school."

I took another sip and the alcohol warmed my insides. I felt the stress of the day easing up. I was glad I had brought Justin along, glad he was here with me, glad to be able to have a fun experience with my son.

"You want another?" I said, signaling to my drink.

He nodded, and held up his glass. I poured another round and we both took a sip.

Justin burst out laughing, "Okay, okay, this isn't so bad, you know."

I laughed, too. I felt a little tipsy at this point. We both took another gulp from our glasses and as I swallowed, I realized something. I'd just realized that I was at a party with my son in a gorgeous mansion and that made me feel really warm and happy. I had raised a good guy, and frankly I deserved a fun party from time to time.

"You know what?" I said, leaning towards Justin. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Hey, me too, Mom," he said, grinning at me.

We finished our drinks and I looked around, wondering where else in the mansion there was to explore. It felt like some sort of funhouse, in that way.

"Want to go look around some more?" I said, standing up and feeling a little tipsy.

"Yeah, sure," Justin said, standing up and grinning at me. "Let's do it."

We made our way down the hallway and I could tell Justin, probably a lightweight, was getting tipsy, too. We headed into another room, a much smaller one with a leather couch and black leather recliners.

"Oh, just what I need," Justin said, plopping down in one of the recliners.

I laughed and sat down next to him. We were both facing the TV, and I could see that it was turned on but the sound was turned off.

"I love parties like this," Justin said, his eyes scanning the room and the hallway. "It's like a million different little parties at once. You can kind of disappear into it."

I took another sip of my drink. I was feeling pretty tipsy myself at this point. I took a gulp and looked at Justin.

"Tell me a truth," I said, sipping my drink.

"What?" Justin said, turning to me. "You want me to tell you something about me? Like that I love you, even though you're a busybody and a pain in the ass?"

"Nope," I said, licking my lip, "I want you to tell me something nobody knows about you." It felt a little weird to ask Justin that kind of question. It almost seemed flirtatious, though of course that's not how I meant it.

"Oh... okay," Justin said, looking around, "I guess I do have something on me that nobody knows. Are you sure you can take it? It's kind of a big truth."

I nodded and took another sip, feeling the warm buzz go through my body.

"Well... I've never had sex before," Justin said, looking at me.

"What?" I said, laughing. "No, you haven't."

"Yeah," Justin said, shrugging and blushing a little, "I just thought you should know. I've never had sex before."

The alcohol was really opening him up; we were very close but never had this kind of conversation, usually.

I leaned back a little in my chair and looked at him, still grinning.

"No way," I said. "My little gentleman."

"I know," Justin said, shrugging again. "It's pretty lame, but that's just how I am."

It was a little weird, but admittedly a tiny bit thrilling, to be talking about Justin's sexual history, or lack thereof. Sure, every parent wonders, but more in the abstract.

"Have you ever... done anything?" I said, feeling a little bolder now. "With someone?"

"Mom!" he said, looking at me with mock offense, "I'm not going to answer that question."

"You're just full of secrets, huh?" I said, grinning and taking another sip.

"Yep," Justin said, nodding with a slight smile. "I'm like a big mystery."

We both laughed, but I couldn't help but feel a little curious about him now. I mean, not like in a weird way or in detail, he was my son after all. But still, it was kind of interesting to think about who he was when he was away from home.

"So what about you?" Justin said, as if reading my mind. "Any big secrets you're keeping from me?"

"Nope," I said, shaking my head. "I'm an open book."

"Are you sure about that?" Justin said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep," I said, nodding again.

"Well, I just thought you should know," he said, teasing, "You're surprisingly boring."

"Thanks," I said, chuckling a little.

"I'm just kidding," Justin said, reaching over to give me a hug. "You're the best mom ever. Okay, speaking of boring, I think we're basically done with this room, yeah?"

"Yep," I said, standing up and stretching. "I think you're right. Let's go tackle the next one. Whatever it is."

"Okay," I said, "What's next?"

Justin shrugged, still looking a little lost in thought. "There's gotta be like, another bar somewhere around here, right?"

I nodded, thinking that sounded like a good idea. We both turned to head back out into the main party when we heard a loud noise coming from one of the side rooms. It sounded like music, but it was so loud and distorted that it was hard to tell.

"What the hell is that?" Justin said, looking at me in confusion.

"I don't know," I said, feeling a sudden twinge of curiousness. "Let's go check it out."

We followed the sound down a long hallway and up an open staircase. We came to a hallway with a bunch of side rooms that a handful of partygoers were passing in and out of, and it was here that the noise was loudest.

"Can you even hear yourself think in here?" Justin said loudly.

I nodded, laughing, because it was true. The blaring, pounding music was impossible to ignore. The music was a mix between house, electronic, and dubstep, with a heavy bass beat that was rattling my bones and making my chest feel warm.

"Wow," I said, shaking my head in disbelief. "They're really laying it on thick in here."

"Well, I guess we found the party's guts," Justin said with a laugh. "So let's see what's going on in there."

We walked into the first side room. It was a large, kind of open space, with an elevated DJ booth up front. The sides of the room were lined with couches and lounging chairs, and the back part of the room was filled with a few tables and a bar, but everyone was too busy dancing to sit down.

"Oh wow," said Justin, as we made our way into the middle of the dancefloor. "This is some party."

It was true. The music was totally on point, and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

"Oh yeah, definitely," I said, nodding, as I drank it all in. "This is where the real party is at."

"You know, it really is," Justin said, smiling. "And, I'm really glad I came with you tonight."

I smiled back at him, feeling warm and giddy inside. I had forgotten just how much fun it was to hang out with Justin. I'd missed that since he went off to college.

We walked around and danced for a while, drinking another beer or two each. Then we started to get curious about the other rooms on the hallway, which also had the driving beat playing through overhead speakers. In the next room, it was a little bit more mellow. The music was slow, synthy, and funky, and everyone was just standing around, talking and drinking.

"You know what," I said to Justin as we walked in. "I think I prefer this one."

Justin grinned. "Yeah, I was thinking the same thing."

I had to admit we looked good dancing beside each other. Justin's snug white tee really brought out his eyes, and I looked cute in black. It didn't take long for a guy to come up to me, introduce himself, and ask me to dance.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I'm here with my boyfriend."

I heard Justin sputter into his drink. The guy kind of frowned, nodded, and took his drink and disappeared into the crowd.

"I can't believe you just did that again," Justin said, laughing, once the guy was out of earshot.

"What? You wanted me to dance with that creep?"

"No, I didn't care. I just can't believe you were actually willing to say that."

"Okay, okay," I said, grinning. "I was only kidding around, obviously. But seriously, I'm here with you. The fact that I'm your mother doesn't change that." I meant it in a completely innocent way but it felt a little weird coming out of my mouth.

"I know, I know," he said. "Well, time for another drink methinks? I'm a little thirsty."

I nodded, and we went up to where a girl was holding out a silver tray filled with bottled beer. We each took one, and I caught myself thinking about how nice it was to be out having fun with my son.

I looked around and thought about what a great space this in-mansion club was. It was dark and sexy, with pulsing music and a wild, frenzied crowd. I felt a little drunk and happy, and I wanted to thank whoever had invented clubbing. It was the perfect way to let loose and have some fun.

"Here, Mom," Justin said, flicking some water at my face. "Your eyes were drifting off into space there. You've been pretty quiet tonight."

"I know," I said, giggling a little. "I'm having a good time."

Justin took a sip of beer and looked around, smiling. "Me too. My first time at the club with Mom." He burst out laughing a little drunkenly.

I laughed too. "You're a little drunk, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but in a great way. I'm having a good time, and I feel like I'm hanging out with a friend, not my mom."

I smiled and took a deep drink of beer. I didn't know what to say, but I didn't want to think of myself any other way.

"So, you wanna go dance?" Justin asked.

"Sure," I laughed. "Let's go."

Justin grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to the dance floor. I was tall, but he was taller, and I had to admit he looked really handsome as he led me through the crowd. I had never seen this side of him, and it made me glad I was here.

We made our way out onto the dance floor, and the music was so loud it filled my whole body with a pulsing energy. We started dancing, and Justin wrapped his arms around me, pulling me a little closer but not uncomfortably so. We danced like that for a while, and we started to subtly drift closer and closer with our bodies. At this point I was probably drunker than I'd realized, because it was just so easy to let go with him.

We moved our bodies to the music, gradually getting closer and closer. I was starting to feel something inside, a kind of heat that I hadn't felt in a long time. I felt like a teenager again, or something. It must have been from all the attractive people around us, the novel setting, the hypnotic music.

Justin's body was so close to mine that I could feel the warmth emanating from him. There was nothing too weird about that, right? We were family.

But then his hand grazed mine, and something electric shot through my body. Suddenly all at once I was very aware of him as a young man, not just my son. His eyes met mine, and I felt like he could see right through me. It was a little scary but also exhilarating.

I tried to shake the thought away, but I just couldn't.

"Um, why don't we get some air for a second. It's getting a little stuffy in here. And noisy."

"Sure," he replied. "I was getting a little warm."

We walked back out to the hallway, where the music was also pounding, but a little less loudly. I closed my eyes and let the sound wash over me. I turned to Justin, and he was already looking at me.

"Wow, Mom. You honestly look really nice tonight."

I blushed, flattered by the compliment. "Thanks, Justin. You're looking pretty handsome yourself. Like a real grown-up."

I didn't know whether it was the alcohol or the effect of his closeness, but suddenly I felt young again. I wasn't prepared for what I was feeling. I'd never even considered anything off-color like it before.

I tried to throw mental cold water on what I was feeling. Drunk thoughts weren't real thoughts, right? Maybe I just needed to sober up a little.

"Thanks. I've been working out a lot at school, actually."

I couldn't help but notice his intense gaze as he looked at me. I felt hot, like I was burning up. Suddenly I wanted to feel his hands on my body.

No, I couldn't be thinking that. This was not me. I was a good mother, someone normal, not... whatever this was.

"Yeah, you've got a great body," I blurted out. "It's very nice to see you looking so well."

He looked at me, a little confused. "Um, okay, Mom."

I looked at him, feeling suddenly a little awkward standing here in this weird hallway.

"Well, should we go back in?" I asked.

"I guess," he replied. "I guess so."

We walked back in to the room with pulsating dance music, and I got another drink. It was clear that I was going to have to have a lot more alcohol in me if I was going to not feel so awkward. The only way out is through, sometimes. I trusted myself not to get too weird. I didn't want to make a fool of myself -- especially in front of him. He was a good boy. My baby.