All Comments on 'A New Song'

Beautiful story.Thank you very much.

Beautifully done. The back stories really added to the depth of the story and made it much more interesting and more credible. Thoroughly enjoyable.

Thank you

Thank you

Is it possible for the author to write a sentence containing more than 6 or 8 words? I couldn’t read more than about 6 paragraphs, I felt like I was sitting in stop and go traffic.

To echo others, this is beautful story.

Thank you. 5*

I'm sorry, I could not read past the second page of this story. Every sentence seems to scream of the eventual makeup of Leigh-Anne and the narrator.

"caused a stir as I was caught with an escort in an Edinburgh hotel." - what????

Felt like the first part was very rushed and only half explained due to all the very short sentences. Pretty heavy on the therapy as well. Ended very nicely though.

Excellent story with great characters!

5

Really good story.

Found it tedious.

I really enjoyed the story, but you need to work on your writing style. Quite a bit of repetition and reads more like an outline than an actual story in places. You should probably seek out the services of a good editor. 4*

It was a good story told badly. Worth a high rating of 4*, but as others have commented, you badly need an editor since it is obvious that you haven't either the discipline or the skills to edit it yourself. It's likely my own problem, but I really had difficulty keeping track of all the people with the names constantly being casually mentioned and hard to remember their function in the story. I also found the idea of Elizabeth only having David as her lover even after they broke up to be ludicrous. My picture of a dissolute show biz world overpowers the claim that David was her first and only lover. I, too was astonished about the escort in he hotel until I realized that David and Elizabeth were just acting out one of their fantasies as prompted by Sarah in her new role as sex therapist. Her skills as counselor, hypnotist and sex therapist are surely well beyond the capabilities of most of the mental health professionals in the field, but why not - we are in Fantasyland, aren't we?

Short recap

Everybody cries and writing is horrible

I thought it was a great story. Your characters showed depth.

5stars

Perfect? No.

Really, really, good, emotional and fun? Yes!

Keep up the good work.

Love it when I need to stop reading for a bit and wipe my eyes.

Thanks for this story.

*****

Some of the plot lines were overplayed a bit but overall a great story - 5*

Great story line with excellent character development and back stories. Please learn when to use to versus too. A couple of places with long repetitions of what had just been written. An editor will really help you.

Like the songs you wrote about, your story made a strong connection with this reader. Very emotional. Very engaging. Beautiful sex kept integral to the story. I'm looking for stories like this. Five stars.

I'm sorry but how was he "screaming with pain" over being bullied and losing his mom at 3? Weeks of hypnosis _everyday_ to unravel his "trauma"? I am so tired of these stories where the characters _have to_ be together. It isn't romantic to force two people together in a story anymore than it is in real life. People/characters need to move on and not dwell on one person.

This was a bit much. There were moments but it was so over the top. You used melodrama in the story, this is more and extremely saccharine at the end. Just my feeling. Some restraint of the emotions would haven't detracted

First off, not a bad story, quite enjoyed it BUT!

The story is about a song writer and like songs stories must flow to keep the story line alive.

You need to get yourself a "good" editor who can organise your story line and correct your grammar, as it come across that English is your 2nd language.

Thanks

5 stars…

Unable to get invested in the characters at all because we were told everything without feeling. I gave up after page 2. Maybe it improved but I couldn’t be bothered.

Sorry. I was invested with and emphasized with the male protagonist. But the singe? BS. I don't care what psychological issues she had, she did NOT truly "love" him like she claimed, if she disrespected, abused, and backstabbed him "because Jones fed me hash brownies". That's 80th level BS. No, she just didn't truly love him. Even if she believed anything bad, if she loved him she would AT BEST gently break up with him, NICELY. Not be a complete and utter bitch. She didn't deserve him or his love.

/

And yeah, this writer desperately needs a good editor. They are literally using same templates from story to story all the time (hypnosis stuff) - it's OK in one story if properly done, not in 10. Repeating same exact phrases and passages 20 times in same story. etc...