All Comments on 'A New Toy'

You switch inconsistently between first and third person. With the addition of confused pronouns and sloppy grammar, it was a tough read. In theory, a good premise; try asking someone to proofread if you aren't great at it (no worries, we all have our strengths). :)

The small errors take away from what could be a truly awesome story

Or have someone else do it. It’s got a great premise, but the execution is severely lacking.

This was a really old one I fired up without checking - when I get time I’ll go back and edit it.

Hey, I really liked where you were going but there were times the story felt hard to get thru. I saw the other comments and i have to agree with them. Please don't give up writing, since clkearly you have some interesting ideas for stories and plot twists. But really, if you're not a good proofreader or know someone who is - Use a grammar/style checker to review your future stories. I recommend any version of MS Word you can get your hands on! I had used many versions of that software and it does help. When you've been typing for hours and can't read any more, this program will look thru your writing and point out what doesn't appear to be correct or what technically is wrong with a sentence and let you decide whether to fix it or leave it up to the program to suggest a fix or even let you manually override it to leave your writing as it is!

Good stories but especially the hypnotism stories.

I loved this story. I'm hoping you continue with this and other like-stories. I have to agree with other commenters about the minor stuff however I hope you continue writing....great ideas!!