A Not So Miserable Old Cow

To everyone else she was a miserable old cow, the old woman that sat in a chair behind the lace curtains of her front room, watching the world pass her by, but to me she was the woman who saved my life.

That she wasn't what her exterior told the rest of the world, was indicated by her cat that sat on her lap whenever she took up her position in her front room. Cats simply do not tolerate miserable old women, she was more than a convenient lap for her cat to occupy for hours at a time, she patted Randolph and he purred his appreciation and contentment.

Granny provided me with accommodation while I worked my way towards a degree in Environmental Science. My father objected to my choice of degree, it could have something to do with his company's attempt to destroy the country with its fracking projects. This had led to some heated arguments between us. His final decree on the subject was to tell me that I would not receive any financial support from him, and I could find somewhere else to live if I intended to pursue that degree.

Granny stepped in and invited me to live with her for the duration.

At first I was hesitant, after all I had, for reasons that became obvious once I'd moved in, little contact with her up to that time. There was something going on between my father and his mother and I meant to find out about it.

"What's going on between you and Dad?" I asked not long after moving in with her.

"My dear, you do not want to hear your Granny swear do you? You are not ready for me to release the skeletons of my relationship with your father from where they are hidden." I left it at that, at least for the time being.

Granny surprised me. I had moved my stuff in, and was in the process of setting up my computer. "Granny, I'll need for you to have the internet so that I can do my research and submit my assignments. I'll help you set it up once you have connected to the NBN."

She took a pen and scribbled something on a page of a notebook that she had in her pocket. "That's the WAP key for my WiFi connection. You just click on the WiFi symbol on the task bar and type that in when prompted."

"What?"

"Don't stand there with your mouth open, I live in this world of technology the same as you, why should this come as a surprise to you?"

"But, but, I don't know, all the oldies I know wouldn't know what a computer is."

"Step aside, let me show you." She switched on my computer and when it had booted up, she attacked the keyboard and mouse with a speed that I found impossible to believe, and in a matter of seconds my internet connection had been established. "Come with me." She led the way to a room at the back of the house that turned out to be her office where she had her computer set up.

"What, why, this is something that I didn't expect."

"I might be and old fart, but I'm not dead yet. I have an insatiable desire to keep abreast of what is happening in the world. I don't spend all of my time watching the world go by. I need to keep track of my investments, you never know when I might need the money."

"If you don't mind me asking, how much money do you have?"

"More than enough, that's all you need to know. I have set up a fund to cover your tuition, so you don't have to repay any of the cost."

"But, I'm confused. To look at this house you'd think that you don't have enough money for routine maintenance."

"That's the outside, the bit that the world, and your father sees. I bet that he's hoping that I'll struggle with the cost of keeping you here."

"But isn't that counter-productive? After all I assume that he's going to inherit the place when you die."

"In his dreams." She left it at that and didn't say more.

I had unpacked my clothes and books and was seated on my bed taking stock of my situation. Here I was, Sinnead McDermott, all of eighteen, just, recently graduated from high school and heading for university to get the qualifications that I'd need to save the world from arseholes like my father. I have never met a man so self-centred, so tunnel-visioned when it comes to his work, that he had no time for the less important things in his world, like my mother, or me for that matter. His treatment of my mother bordered on neglect, she has to beg him for money when she needs to buy new clothes, not because they are out of fashion, but because they have worn out. When it comes to spending on himself, he has no such qualms, it doesn't matter how much it costs, he has the money for that. I used to have to beg for the money to buy text books and pens and stuff.

It all came to a head last year when she eventually got him to allow her to see her doctor. She had been telling him for ages that there was something wrong, she was in constant pain and found it difficult to sleep. That they was sleeping in separate beds meant that her tossing and turning had not disturbed his sleep. She was diagnosed with an advanced and aggressive cancer that could have been cured if caught in time. His reasoning revolved around the fact that the doctor's visit was going to cost him money. His reaction, on discovering the extent of her situation, did nothing to improve their relationship, or mine. He raved on about the cost of palliative care and the fact that her carers thought that he should have provided them with meals, an add-on to the cost of her care.

Finally, she had decided that enough was enough. It was while he was visiting the latest fracking site that she 'borrowed' his new Mercedes and drove it at high speed through the guard rail at a lookout, plummeting some fifty metres into the sea.

The police arrived and told me about it. "It would appear as if she took her own life."

"Why would you think that?" The sarcasm was lost on them. The news hadn't come as a surprise to me, I knew that her condition was terminal and that she was planning something spectacular. I was in no way inclined to stop her.

"Do you mind if we have a look, we expect that she would have left a note."

I took them to her room, there was no sign of a note there, I then took them to his office. There, propped against his monitor, was an envelope, written on it with a Sharpie, 'TAKE THAT YOU MISERABLE BASTARD'. Inside were several typewritten pages. The police took the papers with them so I didn't get to read what she had written.

"I think that we need to speak with your father."

"Good luck with that, you'll have to contact his office and get them to relay a message to him. They know the number of his satellite phone, he refused to tell my mother, or me, what it is. He's somewhere up North."

At first I thought that she was just thinking of herself when she took her own life, but no, the driving force was revenge, revenge for her lifetime of subservience to the self obsessed person that was, is, my father.

My father became insufferable when the police contacted him. He attempted to coerce me into giving evidence to the Coroner that his life with her had been perfect in every way.

I refused and the document that she left was presented in evidence at the Coronal hearing.

The first witness at the hearing was the Forensic Pathologist. "Death was consistent with the trauma caused when the vehicle that she was driving impacted with the water. She was not wearing a seat-belt at the time and the deployment of the airbag striking her forehead caused a fracture of the C1 and C2 vertebra resulting in the severing of the spinal chord. There was a secondary impact caused by her being forced past the airbag and striking the windscreen. Toxicology showed a level of pain medication consistent with her advance Carcinoma. The was no evidence of alcohol or recreational drugs present in her system. My assessment is that the victim was in full control of her faculties and that her actions were premeditated."

The next witness was the person that examined the wreckage of the Mercedes. "This vehicle was in perfect working order. The condition of the braking system was indicative of a well maintained vehicle, as was the steering and suspension. The tyres were, according to the sticker on the windscreen, less than one thousand kilometres old and were a high performance road tyre. All four tyres were inflated in accordance with the manufacturers recommendations. This would indicate that vehicle malfunction was not the cause of this incident."

The court appointed Forensic Psychologist was next to give evidence. "My initial assumption was that the victim chose to end her life when the pain associated with her illness had become to much for her to bear. But, on reading the suicide note and the attached documentation, I am now of the opinion that, while pain was a motivating factor, it was not the not the driving force behind her actions. The attached documents indicate that revenge was the strongest motive. Revenge against her husband for his, as she described it, the most degrading humiliation of her over a period of twenty years. That she wanted to end her life in this fashion was to draw attention to the continual abuse by her husband and which, she had observed, was now being applied also to her daughter, Sinnead. In this way she decided, she could free her daughter from being subjected to a similar fate."

"Mister McDermott, I do not normally read the contents of documents associated with a suicide, in your case I find it necessary."

"Your Honour I object most strongly."

"Mister McDermott, I am of the opinion that it was your continued treatment, or in this case mistreatment, of your wife that was directly responsible for her taking her own life in this dramatic manner." He began to read; 'If you are reading this it is because I have reached the decision that I can no longer live as I have been. I am taking my own life. My marriage to Thomas McDermott has, for the past twenty years, been one that I can no longer bear. I have been subjected to the most degrading humiliation and abuse, and the only reason that I endured it for as long as I have was to protect my daughter Sinnead. I use the term 'my daughter' deliberately for he had a very minimal input into her life. She has been subjected to, in a small way, the same deprivations as have I, having to beg for the money to purchase books and office supplies that she needed to pursue her studies.

In the attached documentation I have outlined in detailed the suffering I have endured at the hands of this self-absorbed person who thought only of himself with no concept of the suffering that I and my daughter have had to endure.

1. All money that I used to purchase food for our family had to be accounted for. I was allowed no financial autonomy.

2. Wherever possible I was to purchase generic food items and, if none were available, I was to buy the cheapest and those on special.

3. I have recently discovered that whenever he and his PA have lunch it is at a five star restaurant and only the best, most expensive wine is drunk.

4. I was not allowed to purchase new clothes until the existing were no longer wearable, except in the case of clothes to wear to any function where I was to accompany him.

5. In the case where he purchased something that he thought that I needed, his expectation was for me to thank him, regardless of whether I ever used the item or even needed it.

6. In matters of major item purchases, his decision was final. He chose, without consultation, what car to buy, the same went for major household appliances, regardless of that item's suitability or ease of use.

7. I was, at all times, to agree with his opinion. I was never to voice an opposing opinion on any subject, even in private.

8. I was to accompany him to the church of his choice and to follow the teachings of that church. If he chose to move to a different church I was to follow him without question.

9. If I were to attempt to leave the marriage I would not get any financial benefit from such an action and, if I were to encourage Sinnead to accompany me, she would also receive no financial benefit.

10. If he were to pre-decease me I would receive no benefit from his will. The title for the family home had been transferred to his company and it was to be sold and all monies from the sale to be deposited into his company accounts.

11. The company would continue under a new administrative structure and I was to receive no financial benefit from the company.

12. In addition to these financial constraints, I was continually subjected to psychological abuse such as being talked down to, humiliated or ignored in public.

13. I was allowed no friends of my own, even at church.

14. I was never allowed to get involved in church activities.

15. The icing on the cake was to discover that he has already made plans to marry his PA when I have died.

Ten years ago he came home drunk and in a foul mood. He forced himself on me and, the resultant pregnancy I chose to terminate, rather than subject another child to the treatment meted out to myself and Sinnead.'

"Mister McDermott, I have no hesitation in ruling that it was your continual mistreatment of your wife and daughter than was the motivating factor behind her decision to take her own life. The fact that you had ignored her request to be allowed to seek medical treatment until it was too late is bordering on culpable neglect. You sir, should be thoroughly ashamed of your behaviour. But, I feel that I am wasting my breath telling you that. Death was not caused by vehicle malfunction, therefore I rule that the deceased took her own life. I have also decided to forward my findings to the Public Prosecutor's office to ascertain whether or nor a charge of culpable homicide is warranted."

This led to the beginning of the disintegration of our relationship, not that it was ever close.

"Your life with Mother might have been perfect for you, but it was a disaster for her," I shouted at him. "what with having to plead with you to give her money for essentials like new clothes. Even when it came to food, you'd check the cupboards and, if she hadn't bought the cheaper generic brands, you would yell at her. What kind of a life is that?"

"I will not be lectured by you about my relationship with your mother."

"Someone needs to tell you that the world does not revolve around you. I bet that you treat your employees better than you treated her?"

"This discussion is over." He turned his back on me.

"That's right, you can't stand criticism, can you? You're always ready to hand it out to her, or me, but as soon as it comes back to bite you, you turn your back on it. That's the problem with bullies, as soon as someone stands up to them they become cowards." I no longer cared what he did to me, he was no longer my father. My voice rose at least one octave and a couple of dozen decibels, I was now fully into my self-confident stride. "You are a coward, and the sooner that you come to terms with that the better." It was my turn to turn my back on him but, in my case, I left the room. 'Come back here." He yelled at my back. I ignored him.

I didn't think that it could have sunk any lower than that, but it did. It all came to a head when I announced that I had been accepted into the Environmental Science degree course. That was when he issued his decree, after first punching me several times, not about the face, that would show in public, about me not getting any financial help from him.

"Welcome to my world. His father, my husband in name only, treated me in a similar way. I was stronger than your mother, something that your father took notice of and made sure that he married a timid woman so it never happened to him. I developed my own life, a life where I worked hard in the corporate world, behind his back of course, to ensure that I established an investment portfolio that would allow me to enjoy a comfortable retirement. That portfolio provides me with an income greater than my needs, so I have invested that in a variety of projects such as financing your education."

"I'm glad that I don't have that financial burden to worry about."

"You do know that there is a legal battle happening as we speak. When your mother's will came up for probate it seems as if she left a sizeable amount to you. Your father is contesting that, he's claiming that, as he supported her, it should revert to him. He's in for a shock."

"I confess that I was unaware that Mother had any money of her own."

"I gave her some money when I became aware of the meanness my son showed towards her. I gave her a portfolio and invested it for her. It was to become her 'silly money' account, money that she could call upon in emergencies, and there were many, like the abortion that she had rather than allow another child to experience what you were going through at the time. This child was a product of him drunkenly forcing himself on her one night. She could have accused him with rape, but that would have been impossible to prove."

"Why am I only finding out about this now?"

"He wouldn't tell you, even if he knew about it, he would never admit to any wrongdoing."

"That's it. I'm passionate about the whole climate change and the use of fossil fuels, I'm making this promise, I will fight this whole fracking industry until it is no longer allowed. I don't see the need for this when there is so much proven and untapped natural gas available in capped wells all over the country."

"Rather than fighting this industry you should be focusing on renewable energy sources until the fossil fuel industry is no longer financially viable, things like tidal energy, channelling the monster tidal movements in areas such as the Kimberly coast's horizontal waterfall where many hundreds of gigalitres of water are funnelled through a very narrow opening twice a day."

"Such projects are all very well in principle, but they will never get the go ahead, or government funding, while the government relies on financial contributions from the fossil fuel industry to fund other projects."

"That's a defeatist attitude."

"No, it's reality, and until we can change reality, or at the very least the perception of reality, that's where it stays."

"Enough! Come on, we're going shopping." She picked up her purse and I followed her to the garage and yet another surprise, not the staid vehicle that I expected at all, there, gleaming in its silver splendour was a Subaru BRZ."

"Wow! I never expected this."

"Don't stand there gawping, get in." The surprise didn't end there, her handling of this 2 door coupe was nothing if not sporty, no trickling down the road at a sedate pace for her, she kept just under the posted speed limits. "Got to watch myself, I can't afford to lose any more demerit points."

"I'm continually confused."

"What's confusing, I bought this car because I liked it, and having bought it, you don't expect me to drive like an old person, do you?"

"I guess not."

"That brings me to another suggestion, I think that you should get yourself something a little less like an old fart's car."

"That was all that I could afford."

"Well, now you can afford something better. I'll take you shopping for a new car."

When we arrived at the dealership where she had bought her Subaru the reception was weird. I would half expected the sales staff to fall all over her to ensure that they got a sale, but no, I noticed a few of them made themselves scarce, leaving only one assistant to serve us.

"How may I help you today? I hope the BRZ is going well."

"It's still going fine, I have no complaints."

I could see the relief written all over his face. If I didn't know better I'd think that Granny had given them a hard time when she bought her car.

"Then what can I do for you today?"

"My grand-daughter is in the market for a new car, maybe not one like mine but something like an Impreza or even a Liberty (in most other places this model is a Legacy)."