All Comments on 'A Painful Situation: Mark and Carol'

It's that it's a boring jumbled mess. Boring and unimaginative.

The guy just stood around and did nothing for three pages. That was enough for me. Dry as dust. Two stars because I couldn't finish.

You really only have 4 or 5 pages of content.

Also, I don't get it... you have an MC that acts foolishly for the first 5 pages... and then acts silly the rest of the time. And somehow day trades options and makes a half mil in 2 months? Really?

silly.

Mark started out okay but turned into a real asshole and finally drove his wife away. Then more insanity as he actually believed his daughter would choose him while he was acting out and having tantrums. Then he really went off the deep end and ruined his daughter's life by destroying the mother and her boyfriend. That's when I lost the last shred of respect for him. My friend would say he was "showing his ass".

Then the miraculous happened and he became fabulously rich by day trading and trading options. Yeah, right! At least he didn't gave any Navy SEALS for friends.

The story had some potential as it trod the well worn path of Literotica BTB stories, but not many stories succeed when the hero is such an immature jerk with no impulse control.

R.

Yep, long and boring with a rushed finish. 1*

Without the extended depiction of the marriage breakup, Mark would seem like even more of a psycho than he already does. Maybe it should have been two chapters.

Mark's rise to success would have been more plausable if he'd gotten a new and better job, perhaps with someone who became his mentor in the investment world.

Wow, lots of angst. But there was an inordinate degree of disrespect. A double betrayal like that is especially difficult. There were a few times after he made his feelings clear that he came off as weak, but I kept wondering if it were I, what would I have done? Short of going straight for the divorce, I'm not sure what he else could have done. They were undermining him at every turn. In another author's story, I suppose he might have revealed the situation and asked for help from family, but unless he had been able to prove outright infidelity, it would have been too easy for everyone to rationalize and sweep it under the rug. Women are always great at minimizing situations so they don't look so bad, the usual cheaters' defenses. And other women in the family are often pushing the couple back together for the sake of the family, expecting the husband to swallow his pride. If only he could have been as imaginative in breaking them up before the divorce as he was in delivering his retribution. But he was in denial, in pain, and busting his ass to lay the bills. After the divorce, he had more time on his hands.

I guess because of all the retribution he ultimately delivered, he was able to make peace with his wife for his daughter's sake. So, it seems she was just another woman who married for security, for stuff, for the ability to show herself off. Love and sex are good until the bank account starts dropping. No wonder he's not with another woman at the end; it would too easy for him to be suspicious, now that he has more money than ever.

But why do these guys always keep the sleazy track record of their best friends secret, and expect that they will never go after their wives? Are they afraid the wives will think less of them for hanging around guys like that, or are they afraid what will happen, once their friends' reputations as seducers are known? Do good guys like this husband really have such Casanovas as best friends? They really shouldn't be inviting men like these into their home to begin with. I guess that's the moral of this story. (Of course, in a voluntary cuckold story, these are JUST the kind of men you want to invite into your home.)

The only problem I had with the story was believing a guy could go to jail on the weekends after being convicted of attempted murder.

1--At least one adult character has to be remotely likable, and Mark, Carol, and Jim are all pretty damn unlikable characters. Hell I would go so far to say that Mark is the most fucked up of the three, and that's saying something because Carol and Jim are pieces of shit. He seems like the kind of asshole who hunts down someone who cut him off in traffic so he can cut their brake line.

2--Like 2 pages were devoted to Mark still not understanding what was going on with Carol and Jim when Carol was doing everything short of coming home with cum splattered on her face and "property of JIM" tagged on her ass in magic marker. After that long winded waste to start the story, it is then given a way too brief giftwrapped conclusion, complete with the highly improbable wealth gain.

The difference between a well written tale and a heap of garbage that wasted many minutes of peoples lives. Seriously pathetic. Doesn't even deserve a one star rating but sadly all the other losers will give it a reasonable score and it doesn't deserve that either.

. . . until Carol had already decided to divorce him that Jim had cheated on his first wife? He had plenty of reason to think Jim was after Carol, and should have used that information much earlier on.

There were some significant plot holes. Why would an accountant with such a strong concern about his family budget have bought a home with a mortgage that was a risk if they ever had financial problems? The way Mark was written made me think that was out of character. How does a supposedly good and careful account have such a petty and vindictive personality; those two things do not go together. How does such a small minded character, one who was so obsessed with money, have the discipline to make such a success in the stock market? How does a man so obsessed with finances destroy his own home’s value, just to get back at his ex? And how does a man who is, at the time, not making that much money, and being unable to afford two $75 a plate charity dinners have enough cash to present Carol with a check for four years of child support plus a partial payment for Jenny’s college fund? At just $100 per week child support — a very low number these days — that’s $20,800 just in the child support department, and an accountant would have known that he’d have had to pay it through the court, or Carol could have still demanded the child support payment every subsequent month; a notation on the ‘for’ line would not have been sufficient.

A truly believable BTB story is hard to write.

Why would anyone trust an accountant who couldn't mange his own finances? And who has a "friend" over and allows them to stay during sensitive discussions? No one does that.

And why wouldn't they have had more children since she was only working part time at an art gallery and how could Jims wife have taken he to the cleaners if he ALWAYS HAS MONEY?

There were too many plot holes to really enjoy this story.

I thought it was a very good read**** l found your characters actions to be realistic. I am also glad that you took the time to develop the storyline.

Thanks again:)

So, the only way I can make sense of this is to assume that everything up until the divorce happened, and then everything afterward is the delusional ramblings of a guy who just had a psychotic break and is hallucinating how he wishes his life would go.

It's unbelievable that someone as passive and ball-less as Mark could spring into relentless action like that. I mean, I literally don't believe it. If he had spent the tiniest fraction of the energy he spent on getting revenge, on instead saving his marriage after the point where any rational human being would understand that it was in trouble, he could have avoided everything.

That this is the rambling of a madman also explains how Mark made sure to include attempted murder in the charges against Jim, and Jim being sentenced to weekends in jail after being found guilty of that, neither of which make the slightest amount of sense, as well as a broke guy suddenly having enough money to pay years worth of child support at once (and, for some reason, just handing his ex-wife a check rather than any of the more intelligent ways of handling it).

There's not really any sympathetic characters here. Given how the story wallowed in how blatant it was that she was cheating on him, Mark came off as too stupid and willfully blind to sympathize with. That he then overcorrected and turned into a raging asshole made it even harder to care about him.

One thought you wrote Mark was clueless or nieve as Jim was slowly seducing carol , who loved money and the good life over for richer or poorer in sickness or health. Jim as a so called friend was a real sleaze bag with no moral compass. Mark had to know what was going on and let it go till it hit him the face. Nothing Mark would have done would have worked with Carol.The revenge was done beautifully ,Carol deserved it. His daughter didn't. His financial rebound was really not a normal happening. In the end he gave his wife more than she deserved .she was not a nice person selling out for money. As we know our leaders and those in power sell out to money and powerful men take what they want.

It was long, but I skimmed a lot of it. Got the gist of the pre divorce stuff. As to why he waited so long yeah that was rough, but a lot of the stories in LW section do that so I can't fault that.

I liked how he went about getting his revenge, that was pretty ruthless. Wasn't really all that bad either. Pretty legit.

As for what Valint is saying, maybe he did have money, but just wanted to save because he knew they couldn't keep on this trajectory. Sometimes it takes an event to get someone to change or into action, in this case the divorce. I skimmed the first 4 or 5 pages so I can't say for sure.

Very entertaining read. Revenge was unique. I'll go back and fully read it again sometime.

You need an editor. There's simply way too much extraneous stuff in this story that really had nothing to do with the story and just served to "fluff" it out. Why bother? This isn't some site for journalistic wannabes. It's a porn site. The sooner you figure that out, the better the readers will like it.

Good plot and flow to develop the conflict and emotional responses. Husband’s reactions were irrational and emotional from truly painful experiences the wife inflicted on him.

We all want to think that faced with similar we

A) would not be surprised or react to avoid experiencing such humiliation. Or

B) react cool collected and brilliantly while planning revenge wit our ex-SEAL buddies of course we are secretly a wealthy genius...

Back to reality the drama and conflict that make this a good story are the characters’ imperfections.

The writing was very good with good plot and interesting flawed characters that I would have scored 5 stars until hubby gets rich and all revenge (unbelievably weak that would have sent him to jail or Jim brilliant for 2/3 of story would have reacted to mitigate) works to leave hubby with happy ending.

The amount of pain in this story does not lead to a happy end for anyone.

Clinical chickened out and went for easy feel good ending.

No husband or wife would believe this shit!

You need a life and do us a favor and stop submitting this shit.

In divorces where one spouse leaves the other, unless the spouse being left is an abuser, children will tend to blame the spouse who leaves. Carol was depicted as a shallow, money and status grubbing harpie who ended up whoring herself to the more well-off Jim, but Jenny's reaction to the family's money problems and his attitude about them was always to ask her dad for an explanation; she was not shown to be like her mother at all. So it would have been more likely for her to reject any attempt Carol and Jim might make to buy her loyalty and choose her father in the divorce. She might have changed her mind later, though, when Mark started to go into psycho-revenge mode.

Maybe if Jenny had chosen to live with Mark and Carol had been the one to vindictively cut her off, father and daughter could have suffered their ruined family and lack of income together. Removing Mark's rejection of Jenny would make him seem less psycho, and their angry feelings toward Carol and Jim could have fed off each other and driven them both to become co-seekers of revenge...

Love the story, strikes a little bit of reality in some people, keep writing maybe a little long but it makes the point well. I was amazed at how were the roads my senses all of them and I believe that your story line was amazing not that I don’t enjoy erotica in three Paragraphs, yours was much more of a real story. Keep it up!

Except for the miraculous day trading success, this story is very realistic. Jim is lucky he didn't get his arrogant ass shot. Appropriate that Mark didn't take the whore back. Story is long, but when you are stuck in a situation like Mark's it is like you are stuck in a never ending nightmare.

finally one where the good guy wins and the other is a real loser

Chur bro awesome story

But a few things I think Mark should have done differently like when Carol was devastated by Jim's cheating and Mark invites her and Jenny to stay with him he should have told her it's not imposing but there will be conditions. We won't be getting married again but, you will fuck me until Jenny goes off to college and then we'll re-assess our situation. After all she is broke and working at Denny's without a wealthy supporting fuck buddy like Jim (oh that's right he's not wealthy).

Just a small comment - at first, Carol said they didn’t want anything from Mark, but then took half. I assume that was seen as payback for the punched nose, but that should probably been made more obvious. Otherwise, great story!

it was too ott, i know its fiction but there were too many times the main character appeared too gullible to be true and childishly vindictive.

good plot (with a few holes) some of the dialogue was excellent and some was not so good but overall a pretty good story and good length too.

thankyou.

It may have been long but I was enjoying it, until he helped his ex wife out. Why? She should have been left to stew in her own juice, after what she did.

I'm envious of your writing skills. Someday I hope to be as good as you are. Very well written!

You dragged it for a while, but I like how you turned dimwitted naive turkey into

HELL KNOWS NO FURY! type of guy.

Well done!

The characters are overwritten and don't carry their characterizations through the story. Mark has balls in the beginning and Carol seems reluctant to cheat but then she goes "schizo" and starts bad-mouthing him during arguments that she (by reference) should have been sheepish about.

The friend who he KNEW was a liar and cheat is his "bestest and most closest buddy". Who would allow such a "person" NEAR his family? That is just stupid beyond words (read: just BAD writing).

This is an overlong and overwritten work that could be cleaned up and written in about 3 pages without missing any important issues. The child abuse could have been left out, but when overwriting, it is in the "bad author's handbook" to include some form of emotional trauma against a minor, if only to provide a shining knight ending that isn't deserved.

Finally, we all know the market and wage rates charged by accountants versus "car salesmen" (especially ones who are paying maintenance to ex-wives). How the "high-life" can be experienced and how a man allows his family to get out of control are totally unrealistic portions of this story.

Maybe try outlining the story first. If it seems too stupid to write about in outline form - DON"T DO IT!

Smokepole - writing nazi

the wife was a heartless evil gold digging CUNT and he was a clueless idiot. At least he finally woke up and got rid of the CUNT. But it was painful to read.

The idea of the story, while not original, was not bad. But the writing was not that great. And the author's knowledge of finances was truly bad. Jim was a car salesman, but somehow he was almost rich. Car salesmen don't make that much money. I would imagine even a good one might make $100,000 at best. Meanwhile Mark is a CPA and he's glad that he is finally making $10,000 a month working 14 hours a day. That's definitely like no CPA I've used or known. Second, understanding how to play options takes years to get good at, not a course or two which are usually scams that only the course sellers make money.

You need to get more concise and precise in your writing. Long stories are great if there is a reason for them. This story could have easily been written over 3 pages and much better, with better dialogue, better everything. The first two lines before your story every began about complaints regarding your stories being too long ended up being the best lines of the 9 pages.

I know your trying to build up a story but it could have been shorter.

Cinical,

I thoroughly enjoyed “Mark-and-Carol”. I can really relate to a cheating wife and a rages-to-riches recovery after a divorce. It’s a shame that some women (and I suppose some men too) can’t appreciate a hard working spouse trying to provide a good home and college educations for the kids. Relieved of the burden of keeping up with kids activities and supporting expensive tastes it’s amazing how much a guy can amass in just a few years. This story needed all 9 pages to tell and I hope you aren’t discouraged by some of the comments. Thank you.

Very beginning of the story tells me it's going to be a disaster right on page one. So Mark and his wife are discussing the husband's best friend. But somehow even though they are having numerous conversations about Jim he never brings up why Jim got divorced. That is just patently absurd and there are no marriages like that.

once the wife began to get focused on Jim even if it was initially for good intentions and they were having many conversations about him... Any husband would have said something to correct the wife's misperceptions about who Jim was and what his current mental state was.

The second pile of shit which consists of this idiotic story happens on page 2 and page 3. Not only does the wifrv show staggering disrespect for a husband by bringing Jim into the conversation about the charity ball.... Then tries to involve her daughter to put pressure on husband.... The one she comes home in a drunken State she wants to fuck jim in their own living room.

the husband actually sees his wife grab another man's cock and tries to pull him into living room to fuck him. At that point why is there a marriage

instead we get the typical boilerplate bulshit oh well things were Frosty in a house for the next week or so.

even worse he's now over hearing conversations with the wife talking to Jim or one of her friends about how she really wants to fuck jim and how she doesn't care about her husband. So why is there a marriage after page 3?

great story, 5 stars. This happens all the time. Once a cheater,,, you know the rest

What a whining, miserable, self-centred loser. And stupid. It takes him 6 pages to work out what is apparent on page 1. Do you seriously expect us to sympathise with this appalling specimen?

and the broken circle can not be fixed, TK U MLJ LV NV

when there is no respect the rest follows naturally, TK U MLJ LV NV

Tales from my moms basement.

Except that it's 9 pages.

Seemed even longer. I read it all. Not sure why.

Do I get a prize?

I could not empathise with this character. He came across as a dim witted whiner, who took too long to realise what was going on, and was too indecisive in his actions. I had no sympathy for him whatsoever.

Too long, but good until the end. If I had a billion dollars, I wouldn't have helped Carol out. After the cheating slut dumped him for Jim, he should have burned her ant then buried the ashes. She made her choice, let her live with it.

and pushing the ?really? limits. Many areas are over the top and none of the characters are lovable (except maybe the dog. Oh yeah...no dog!) 3*

It has all the parts of a real story in the right places, but its reads like some sort of plot outline, where you fill in the blanks with some names. A very basic formula with very little suspense or drama. We knew what was going to happen by the middle of page 1, so I just skipped to page 8 and missed nothing but the predictable formula details. The only surprise was how this loser kept letting his wife, then his ex-wife, take advantage of him. And it was all about money? And he married this mercenary bitch anyway?

He got exactly what he deserved. The reader got a cafeteria meal out of a can.

And it took you 9 pages to warm this up and dump it on a plate?

If you keep writing I hope you get better at it.

I agree with the "why take Carol back" question and I can only think of one good reason (temporary reason) and that is to lesson the pain on his daughter. The other reason I can think of is to take her back to use sexually and lord it over Jim for awhile and then dump her after Jenny graduates from college. Carol didn't give one lick about Mark except for his perceived wealth at the time she graduated from college and that deteriorated because he was being a responsible adult while she wanted to consume each and every paycheck for her fun and glory. I'd like to see Mark goat Jim into assaulting him again and have Jim do hard time in prison and after Mark finishes with Carol she can be Jim's pen pal while he's doing his 10 - 20 year term.

couldn't stop reading . keep doing what you are doing. loved it.

The protagonist is very weak in his responses to the attack on his wife. She did seem too stupid to realize that he was doing all I could and needed her support. His buddy

got what he deserved. I said that he was weak because he was slow to react and never got back off the floor. No energy.

but couldn't finish it

He should have punched out Jim on page 3 or 4 and filed for divorce then.

3 stars for the good start

So what it is so long. I liked it. No I loved it. I loved the way he turned everything on them and took it from them. I love stories like this. Too bad other authors don't get it. The cuckold fetish is just downright aweful. And for anyone to keep writing it is hot is just simply terrible. I wish they would not allow such stories here. I actually read one I thought was going to be a btb and was so furious afterward I emailed the author and told him I would never ever read another one of his stories. I haven't even though he tried with some stories with titles with BTB in them. Once the trust is gone I can't go back. Vandemonium1 is probably the best author on here for staying true to his principals. And now Cinical seems to be the same way. I will read all of his stories until proven otherwise.

The plot was quite good, but you kept making the points over and over again. Could easily have dropped off 3 or 4 pages. It seemed that Mark was aware of an unsavoury relationship developing between Carol and Jim, yet did nothing about it. I mean Mark went on several rants but never followed up with any action. He really should have gone the divorce option after the Charity Event. Some of the revenge ... emails, posters and those (I'm so wealthy now) luxuries was infantile. I'll give you 3*s

i'm not downvoting it or anything like that....but my honest opinion besides every user pointing out the rambling length: there was no growth.

the characters didn't grow. the husband, now ex husband, carried on like he was in love and married the entire story. the wife, now ex wife, got burned by her lover and learned literally nothing. the daughter is happy to have her parents living together? okay? the seducter/secial cheater man in the equation went on to seduce and fuck more victims/adulterers.

There were a lot of things the wife or husband at the very least could have learned about themselves/each other. Am I wrong here? Either an exciting burn the bitch/bastard story, or a growth story. Even mild RAACs and BTB stories have elements of character growth.

Longish maybe, but reasonable that an average guy could be reluctant to actually believe his marriage was toast. Seems like nothing was attempted though, to improve things. Perhaps because she had her foot out the door.

Truly one of the best stories I have ever read on this site, and I have been regularly reading loving wives stories for over 15 years. I thought it was perfect. 5 stars; would give more, if I could. I can't offer any useful criticism, so I'll just say thank you for posting, and please post again soon!

poorly written, rambling, redundant, shall I go on ....,

How fucked in the head do you have to be to find this story even the least bit enjoyable? The only people who would even remotely enjoy it are sad little men who lost their own wives and now are living vicariously through this very bad an unrealistic character. I'm sure they were probably beating their dicks to every little thing he did to his ex and her boyfriend. God, that's just sick.

This is supposed to be an erotic literature site, yet there is absolutely zero eroticism in this story. It would take a very deranged mind to find anything here enjoyable.

Once again you have the standard BTB scenario where a goofy, ignorant husband finds out his wife is cheating and then suddenly becomes a different person. While he continually kept stating that the other character Jim could never change. And please, when he started to watch some videos and suddenly he becomes Warren Buffet in the stock market. No in the least bit believable and totally destroyed any chance at this story being good. I will never understand why most authors who write these stories have to suddenly turn an average guy into either James Bond, or some other super human being to try and justify how they can destroy their wife's life. If revenge is the desired story, then please, make it believable. It's the equivalent of a wife who goes looking to cheat and magically finds the guy with the huge 12" dick. Keep things believable and it might have been a better story.

It's illegal to cut one's salary doing the same job they were doing. Even in a recession. Most accountants I know are salaried but the way he described his position makes me think he was hourly so they didn't really cut his salary just his hours.

Emailing the world wouldn't fly as most people who hear about a couple divorcing would take this as him just trying to get some revenge and ignore it weather it was true or not.

Him becoming super rich by trading options in such a short time? No.

Weekends in jail for attempted murder? No. 3 months total jail time? No

There's more i could i bring up but it's late and I have to go to bed.

This story lacked focus, which ultimately made it unsatisfying. I think these kind of cheating wife stories work best if you stick to your guns throughout. Either write a BtB story, or a reconciliation one, but fluctuating between the two makes it a difficult read.

It was obvious that Jim and Carol were either having an affair or about to have one by the first page. After the party where she was all over Jim, it was inevitable that they were heading for a divorce... Mark had pictures of them kissing and heard Carol begging Jim for sex! For Mark to agree to go to Jim's party after that was bizarre! Dragging it out for 6 pages just made Mark look like an indecisive loser, who finally just let Carol end their pitiful marriage.

Having Mark walk away from the daughter when she picked Carol and go nuclear on the cheating couple was novel, and having him buy Jim's old house and winning Jenny back was good. But then you had him falling over himself to help Carol! She moves on with a new guy and he's left a sad old man, too broken up by her betrayal to have another relationship... pathetic and depressing.

The relatively low score reflects the wishy washy nature of the story, which is a shame as it's 9 pages long and must have taken you a while. My advice for the next one is go for either of these:

1) full BtB leaving the ex-wife and her lover miserable, then a happy ending for the betrayed husband

2) the reconciliation route and have the wife make some serious effort to atone before they have a happy ending with no divorce. (Just don't make her cheating so bad that it's unforgivable!)

That's the route to higher scores, which ultimately reflect a tightly written and enjoyable story.

So Mark and and Carol had a good marriage that lasted fourteen years. Then Mark became an clueless, irrational, spineless idiot. Carol turned into a flighty, opportunistic, gold-digging cheater.

Okay, maybe you forgot to mention the interdeminsional doorway that switched the characters with their doppelgangers. The ones that act completely different, lol❗❗

This turned into a laughter 😂. Was it satire, hmm🤔.

I found it funny and gave you 3*s.

Thanks for the change from your usual style Cinical.

I am

AMerryman

P.S. The original, lol !!!

and the immaturity of the husband, him losing his cool at least verbally time after time, just doesnt endear him to the reader. Sure the wife was a treacherous slut, but he didnt act with composure or dignity. I like his revenge, although a bit farf etched.

Somewhat enjoyed the story thus far (don't know how anyone can throughout enjoy a story about marital betrayal... but hey - it's entertaining), but there was something bothering me about the whole thing, something preventing it to sounds plausible. But then, when the narrator said to himself "The conversation was weird", it fucking damn on me:

Mark is a complete retard.

Based on how Cinical wrote him, anyway.

A retard. A moron. An imbecile. However you want to say it. He's dumb.

I read my share of tales about clueless husbands around here, and yeah, those poor bastards rarely saw the betrayal coming, even when it's pretty obvious, but, see, the major difference between those guys and Mark is that he has ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS being clueless.

Seriously, there's no fucking way, after everything Carol and Jim did to him so far in that story, that he could remotely trust those two of not putting the horns on him. Hell, how he could managed to stop being angry at them after all the bullshit those assholes put in through so far is beyond me. But, to actually think that Carol isn't cuckolding him? After the night of the Charity? After seeing the pictures? After what they tried to pull at Jim's party?

C'mon, author. Nobody is that goddamn stupid, unless he was bored mentally deficient. Which would explain why Carol seems to truly believe she could get away with it, given how spectacularly brazen she is about it.

And yeah, sure - no doubt will a light bulb will eventually pop up in his head and finally clue him in about the sad state of his marriage, bit it's still inconceivable for any spouse to still trust their partner THIS MUCH after ALL THE SHIT that went down between them.

So no - not at all the reaction of a man currently in a bad marriage. Unless he's a retard. Not writing this to be mean, Cinical - you just can buy that someone could be this stupid.

What a waste of time that was. Bleat, bleat, bleat...

And , why didn't he demand that his daughter should live with him ?Pretty weird her living with a slut for a mother / not much of an education the mother HAS A HISTORY OF BEING A SLUT.. has no morals and he's so wimped out (must be the reason his daughter stayed with the mother,,,

He knew they were cheating he never called her on on her overheard calls . 99 out of a hundred the wife is awarded the kids and it doesn’t matter if she is a married cheating whore. Obviously she is hot and will alwYs find it easy to land on a dick but why is he having a problem finding someone. He has a good job , money , a nice house and I’m sure plenty of people in his age group in similar situations. Me if my friend was showing up at my house and this was before any issues started more than once or twice even if I totally trusted my wife I would have it looked into . Also I’d tell my friend it’s not common to have men friends or not home with my wife when I’m not there . As for the escalation with him chiming in and her going to a party with him would’ve had to happen with me dead or in jail. That dress would’ve been ripped to shreds and let’s just say they went but came home drunk and obviously fucked grabbing his dick would be the end instantaneously. He’s an accountant, money would’ve been moved to the kids name for school and huge withdrawals from the jobs 401 with trips to the casino when she went out or to work to show that money was used but it was really being hidden. I would’ve made her feel like I was ok with everything and talked her into a refinance so they could keep up there life style as things adjusted and fake use it at the casino so it’s documented and than let it all play out as she continues to cheat than get ready to leave for divorce. At that time it would be a financial issue. Let the house sell with no real profit and the would be no cash around to split and your child’s college would be covered and he could still sabotage their life after that. Cheaters shouldn’t get off as easy as the system lets them.

Your stories are too long. Fairly decent story. But, my goodness, did you have to make Mark such an idiot? Jim only had to serve time in jail on weekends for a felony assault (that resulted in his victim being hospitalized) and felony attempted murder? Oh, they are going to love him in prison.

Better this time but sometimes the drama gets drug out far too long for no material value to the story.

That aside the characters you portray are all pieces of shit human beings which you describe very well.

Sorry, you do not use your children in any way shape or form. The only concessions I would have given would have been 1) DNA testing showed she wasn't his, 2) He'd tried to play ball but got fucked over once too often.

His daughter needed him so he should have been a man, sucked it up and been there for her. It would piss Jimmy off seeing him and hearing about him and would be a constant reminder to the slut what she gave up, plus all the chances to water those seeds and no chance for her to truthfully tell Jenny her dad doesn't want her.

But he should have put his big boy pants on got over his confrontation issues and slapped Jim down the 1st time he sided with Carol and told her what a cnut he was (they both were) to Martha and finally called his wife on the drop off, the phone calls and all the other shit. 'I can't stop you, but there will be repercussions'.

Or just shoot Jim through the dick, possibly while she's blowing him....

But it is what it is, well done, shame mark had to go through so much pain but it wrapped up ok, yup well done I repeat

This is one of the very best stories. It's got that "ring of truth/ring of realism" that a lot of stories don't have.

Carol felt attracted to Mark because he was already working with a well paying job while she was still a student and he treated her like a little princess. Life was good until Mark did some belt tightening to manage their income to provide for the future. Then his "buddy" Jim moves in for the kill to impress the gold digger Carol. It didn't take too long for Carol to set her sights on the wealthier Jim after all she was moving up. OK, long story of cheating, betrayal and divorce with Mark being the humiliated loser all alone. Fast forward some time and Mark get's his emotional and financial revenge against the cheating pair while amassing his own fortune. Good so far and Mark even get's his head out of his ass to re-engage with his distraught daughter. All is good so far BUT, after Jim cheats on Carol you have Mark move her to his house and help her get re-established so that she can go out and find the love of her life again - WHAT? Carol up until Jim cheated on her displayed total lack of respect and even hate toward Mark, Is Mark totally delusional? Even though this story is long the ending would have made more sense if Mark took his daughter in and let Carol sort out her own troubles.

I don't think so. When the divorce was final, all responsibility for the whore was off his hands. No real man who had been stabbe in the back so badly would give that skank so much.

An I've never heard of someone being convicted of attempted murder and only getting weekend jail. That kind of thing gets you hard time, which with witnesses, Jim woud have deserved.

To happy an ending forCarol. Better to have had hubby take Carol back finally taking everything from Jim. Then refuse to remarry her have he sign a pre relation contract that he would be able to kick her to the curb at any time and she would leave with only the close on her back. His argument would be that in that way her life would depend on how well she treated him. His revenge on her would be being able to do anything he wanted and she would have to do anything and everything to make him happy even if it was something she hated. He could make her life a life of walking on egg shells.

Watching him for the first half. I think that's why others think a story seems too long: You just keep cringing at the otherworldly behavior of the protagonist and then, instead of coming to his senses, some other person takes over his body.

Well told stories actually feel too short, for what it's worth.

obviously written by a wimp. 3 pages is all I Can handle.

cuck a doodle doo

1 satar

It's good to see a guy who is fairly average. That being said and yes, money being tight, he still should have tapped her phone and got a GPS app for it. He doesn't have to be James Bond or a spec ops guy. This would have clued him in much sooner. Probably wouldn't change anything, but he would know for sure. Usually like a more dynamic character for the revenge. But what do you do when you're a stereotypical accountant. He's kind of painted into a corner. Ambushing a drunken Jeff in a parking lot is a nice thought, but without an airtight alibi he's going to jail. Too bad. He doesn't seem to know the right people to get the job done the way most of us would want to see it. As much as it pains me to say it. He did just about all that he could with what he had. Of course it would have been nice since he had all that time off, to get to the gym and start getting in shape. Doesn't have to become a martial arts expert. Though that would be cool. Just takes too long. At least then he'll feel better about himself at the end. Yeah, not sure about how well he treated the ex. But hey, She's not living in our houses, so she's not our problem.

Decent, kind of fizzled a bit at the end. But didn't see it coming.

you write this shit about some sissy ass man of a hubby and own and own.six chapters of b/s.whore wife shit on the hubby and he don't do a dam thing,but b/s.loss respect after the second chapter.

Rescue the daughter, but to hell with the Ex -- she made her choice

I sincerely hope this is a satire of the BTB genre'. If not it's just a really bad story based on many-times done plot devices but poorly done. There are no sympathetic characters at all. Not even close. There are the three(3!!!) overheard phone calls that were blatantly obvious about the wife's intentions and actions but dear hubby doesn't mention anything, attempt to check on her, or confront her. Sure, like that could happen. There's the illogical daughter's actions, no mention of the reason behind Jim's divorce. The absolute stupidity of the weekend jail time for Attempted Murder, etc, etc etc. Oh, on length. It's not just too long, it's too boring.

The husband has the IQ of a sack of rocks. I had it figured his wife and best friend were fucking around by the end of the first chapter. But ol wimp ass, cry baby, I am so in love with her, pathetic, pitiful hubby took forever. He is not just dumb, he is a total idiot. Just once, would you so called authors just have the husband MAN UP!!! PITIFUL PITIFUL PITIFUL

Cinical

I for one quite enjoyed your tale. Yes, I also worked out in advance that hubby was going to be screwed by wife and best friend/lover. However, I still think you did a great job in sustaining reader interest. Hubby did not let himself be defined as a cuckold by the actions of his wife and her paramour. He kept his balls and still managed to reap a modicum of sweet revenge. He ended up with a good relationship with his daughter and a civil truce with with ex. His fucktard of a "friend" was revealed to be the untrustworthy two-timing bastard that he was. What was there not to like in this tale. I look forward to more of your submissions

Anonymous is synonymous with useless!

Surely a statement like that should be followed by your name and home town.

Really needed some ninjas fighting pirates down on the docks to break the tedium of someone with no testicles pretending to be a man while investing in something that wasn't a life.

The truth is that you have no plot to justify stretching you lousy writing. Reading so many pages of literal junk is a waste of anybody's time. 1 star for garbage.

However, they are well written, and grammaticaly correct. Nevertheless, in this story there is really no one to like, frankly the husband is the least likable to me. No one can treat a wife like he did and not risk having her stray. The “friend” apparently didn’t do anything to wifey for quite some time while hubby continued to not even do the little things that women like. Ultimately he got what he was unknowingly asking for.

Could you write a stupider protagonist?

This, actually all your stories have dumb as fuck husbands.

I am full blown kill the cheating cunt kinda guy.

But I make an exception for your stupid. I mean STUPID husbands. They deserve every ounce of pain an suffering they get just for being such dumb fucks.

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I appreciate your efforts. I admit I didn't care for the plot line but I admit it took the trope of the struggling family in a new direction. Creativity is always risky. In this case it didn't work for me.

Where was the story's climactic moment? The denouement was neat but missing something. The character development was shallow. Perhaps to allow our imaginations the freedom to fill in the blanks? And perhaps I missed the part where the protagonist is introspective to figure out what he could have done to avoid the divorce?

Even for 9 pages it was quite interesting. Not like the other 90% loving wife stories which are just jerk of situation for cuck authors. You made it without filling an empty plot with cheap sex which you would expect from a really cheap porn movie ... big pumping cocks ... yes cocks everywhere and sperm and ...

No pages filled with a husband feeling sry for himself. In my opinion ur story is pretty close to the reality

I thought this was going to be another drab LW story that ticked me off. It was a slow start but you eventually found a good pace and made this into a very good story...a little long but still good. 4*.

Wow. Mark is a class A pussy wimp.

Mark was as brainless and gullible of a person as I've seen in these stories. His stupidity just made the storyline unbelievable and ridiculous. The guy had no sense of what was going on around him and his wife controlled him like a marionette. He could see what was going on around him but just ignored everything. It became laughable. 1* for this waste of time.

I can manage to believe a man can be that stupid as to allow such a slow betrayal but the writer should know that fairy tale ending is a complete nonsense with ridiculous "day trading get rich" and "posters-emails" revenge.

You should also trim the story, it is way too long for the meager content you have in it.

I am going to give you 1 star not because it is a wimp story but because it is a lousy written one.

Your stories are too long. But more to the point, they’re too long-winded. You tend to ramble on and on and on before you finally get to the point of the situation. I know, you pay no attention to such “negative” criticism. But maybe you should. Maybe it would make you a better writer. Maybe.

Nine pages? Yeah that’s a lot to read especially if you like the slash and burn kind of cheating wife story. This one created a detailed life altering experience that forced the reader to acknowledge the weaknesses of all parties. Those who call Mark a wimp are probably right; he gave Carol everything she wanted and created a self indulgent bitch. Of course Carol didn’t help their marital problems by not contributing to their financial needs. With the money she kept for her needs they could have enjoyed the dinners and dancing that she came to expect every weekend. Buying that LBD with her money just added to his feel of inadequacy. She wanted to maintain her social image more than her marriage so Jim’s money, with her lack of love for Mark it was inevitable that she would go to Jim as soon as he offered her a shoulder to cry on after his divorce. Plus, he had the money for the things she deserved. The day trader making big money ending was a real stretch of reality but this is a fictional story, right.

I'm only two pages in and this story makes no sense whatsoever.

His wife TOLD him that she was going to be their friends whore for a $150 dinner. So what happened when he found the friend face to face and told him that if he's ever even in the same room with his wife again, he would take a pipe to his knees?

Oh, he didn't do that.

What happened when he went and saw the divorce lawyer, started splitting up assets and asked her where she wanted to be served if she went through with this?

Oh, he didn't do that.

At least he realized that he may as well spend money from their 401k to hire a PI since the chances were likely they would be divorced soon and no longer retire together.

Oh, he didn't do that either.

Well, thankfully he started to question why she had been so concerned about their friends emotional state and why his wife was so close to this man and began wondering if she was already more than platonic.

Oh, yeah, not so much.

As soon as she said the date wouldn't be platonic, any reasonable human being would have started to take action.

I've seen less passive characters who've undergone lobotomies.

Up to page three now. He has photos from the event. He does... nothing.

He hears her phone conversations. He does... nothing.

The man he should be getting ready to put in the hospital if not a grave invites them to a party at his house. He... says okay.

The daughter, at age 14, heard her mother say that the date wouldn't be platonic, heard the argument on the doorstep and does... nothing.

If I make it past page four, it's due to morbid curiosity.

To long and the husband done nothing about his wife and friend he should have kicked her out the first time she took Jim's side of things

I read the whole thing before i commented. The first 5 pages were excruciating. The fact that his wife was grabbing jims cock to fuck him on like pg 3 should have started the revenge and divorce proceedings on page 6. But it did end ok with the cheaters destruction and he ahould have kept it going with jenny his daughter, but the ho should have been allowed to suffer the continuing consequences of her cheating.

In the universe of LW's stories, this author has his own unique approach. I enjoyed the drama and tension as this marriage went to hell in a handbag. An appropriate ending. Sad but appropriate. *****