All Comments on 'A Present and a Deal Ch. 01'

keep going lets see what happens

An excellent start! I like the story idea and I can't wait to see where you take it. (If only the airlines would make a similar exchange for bonus miles!)

Moses was old enough to grow his

The concept has been used before, but in literature, as in movies/tv/all forms of entertainment, similar concepts get used and reworked many many times. Even Shakespeare's stories weren't original concepts in most cases. That doesn't mean they weren't good. And the same applies here. The story is well written, and has potential. I think that based on the point system that was established in this chapter, that it will be difficult to remain consistent with that format in future chapters, but I reserve judgment on that until I see where the author takes it. Again, well written, if a little short and somewhat anti-climactic (was expecting an escalation after that much work), and I look forward to reading the next chapter.

More mom's should help their son's out. Mom's can get good behavior as in this story from their sons. This is a wonderful story that has realistic elements.

good beginning..but have dad participate with mom including some dad-son bi play with mom directing

More please.

This story was pretty good. Maybe just keep and eye on where your characters are during the story like for a example in the final part you have them doing it on the couch( "I quickly stripped off my clothes and sat down in the middle of the couch)then at the end they some how end up on a bed("I suddenly remembered my dad standing at the foot of the bed.")

The premise of the story is good but the story itself would have been much better if you had have fleshed it out more and given the reader more build-up. Don't be afraid of writing a story that's too long.

Great story! Well written erotic and caused a nice reaction.

That's a good way to keep the son out of trouble.

A good start, thanks

Great Present and Fantastic Incentive to do some extra chores that will help out everyone in the household. I’m betting that Dad is also getting some benefits from the present and deal.

So far so good. Hopefully, the author will develop the background of the husband and his mother. Although fiction, can you iimagine what life woukd be ilike in a real world family if each individual had the self-assurance, self-confidence, solid ego and id to allow something like ths story to happen. Members could discuss their wants and needs without fear of embarrassment. Likewise, there is no positional play; no fear or threat of emotional abandonment; and no threat or fear of physical abuse. Finally, it is the parent's responsibility to teach their children about the ins and outs life, personal interactions, sex, personal responsibilities, and setting realistic goals.