A Promise Made, A Vow Broken - Traci's Story

Steff sat me down, and in a quiet, calming voice said, "Let's see what it is." But again, her voice held only pain and no surprise.

We opened the envelope, and I pulled the documents part way out. But that was all I needed, as at the top of the first page the words 'Dissolution of Marriage' stood out like neon-flashing lights. My world collapsed and my first thought was anger. Why was he humiliating me like this? My anger rose, and I grabbed my coat and car keys. He was going to get a piece of my mind. I practically ran out of the office. I did not want to look at anyone, but I could hear Lou's wife crying. I was going to kick Bobby into next week.

I got into the car, and literally tore up the tarmac getting out of the parking lot. I angrily pressed the call button, and when he answered, I screamed, "I'm on my way home now, you bastard, and when I get there I'm going to kick your balls all the way to next week."

Bobby's sarcastic response was a gut punch. "My money was on contrite and tearful. Just goes to show you what I know." He then hung up. Surely, this was not serious!

I pulled into the garage, which was open, slammed the door, and entered the house as I normally do. I was expecting him in the family room, and that is where he was, sitting in silence. As I came in, I was ready to give him everything, both emotionally and physically.

He stood up, and took up a stance like a fighter.

I would normally have laughed at him, but that stance said he would actually hit me, if I tried to hit him, and the look on his face was one I had only seen fleetingly over the last few years, but now it was out in the open, and it had no love at all in it.

I started to cry and fell on the sofa, the words just flooded out of me like the tears and it hit me-- this was all about Jay. He had never forgiven me.

"I thought we were good. I thought we were good," I said through the sobs, meaning he could hardly hear. "You never said anything in all these years about divorcing me."

"You were good, so you assumed we were good." His voice was so icy, that I knew this had been planned.

"But I kept my promise to you. I haven't slept with anyone since Jackson at the lake. And I wasn't going to sleep with anyone else ever again." And it was the truth.

"You did keep your promise. But sixteen years before that, you made me a vow, which you just tossed in the garbage can that night. I told you then, not to do it, but you were going to do it anyway, and threatened me with taking away my kids. I couldn't let you do that."

That was the final knife. He believed I would have taken his kids away from him and he didn't trust me at all. Five years of hurt and anger were in that statement, and I hadn't noticed any of it. How had I been so blind?

"And you had me served at the gallery, in front of Lou and all of my co-workers? Could you get any more cruel?" I was hoping to play on what was left of his love for me, and the good that was in him.

His reply was cold and left me destroyed. "I felt having Lou there, just completed the circle you started at the lake house six years ago," he said. "And as far as cruel... your Sunday morning fucking, with all of us in the house, was the single-most-humiliating moment of my life. You bet I was getting my revenge!"

My sobs increased, as I watched him walk out of the house. I wanted to say so much more, I wanted to plead with him, but I knew it wouldn't be enough, and the words just wouldn't come out.

I lay there for an hour, then went up to our room as the crying eased. I knew what I would find, but when I opened his closet to find it empty, the tears flowed again.

I gradually got it together. I knew he still loved me, so I needed a plan. I needed to get everyone on my side. The first call was to the children. I called them on a group chat, and they both answered with, "Hallo, Mother."

The words were hard, and then it dawned on me, Bobby had already spoken to them.

So I started, "Okay, you know what your father has done, now we need to start a program to get him to stop it as soon as possible."

Melissa spoke up first, and her response was devastating. "Mother, dad told us what you did at the lake house. Neither Terry nor I are going to take sides. He has made up his mind, and to be honest, his anger is so great, there is no way he will change his mind. It would be easier on everyone if you signed the papers."

Terry grunted his agreement, then added, "Mom, if you force us to take sides, I will side with dad. I don't want to lose my relationship with either of you, so don't force it because you were definitely in the wrong."

I quickly hung up; this was not what I wanted, or expected. I phoned mum and dad next, and when mum answered the phone, I said, "Bobby is divorcing me!" and the tears began to flow again.

I don't remember much else, until mum was standing at the end of the bed, comforting me. She must have come straight over. When I came down, dad had made coffee and we sat down. I explained that I had had sex with another man five years ago, but I had talked it through with Bobby, and that he had not objected. They said they would talk to him, but I said, "NO, I want him to come back on his own. Just be with me when I fight this."

I took the Friday off, to get myself together, and I was sitting staring at the wall trying to work out what to do when the phone rang. I looked at the number, and it was Jay. I hadn't heard from him in years, so I answered with, "Hallo, Jackson."

He was no longer 'Jay' to me. His scheme of getting me into bed, and using the children to blackmail Bobby into staying with me, had blown up in my face. I saw him for what he was, and I blamed him for the mess I was now in. If he noticed my change of tone to him, he didn't mention it, and he went straight to the point.

"Lou called me and told me what happened. I know a good divorce attorney to help you fight it. I'll send you over his details, and he will keep the charges down. By the way, I got married six months ago."

After we exchanged a few pleasantries, and I congratulated him on his marriage, he hung up. A few minutes later, he sent me the attorney's details. I wasted no time and phoned him. He said he could see me over lunch, as a favour to Jackson. I was washed and dressed in record time, and I rushed out, hoping the attorney would be able to talk sense into Bobby.

The meeting didn't really go well. The attorney explained we lived in a no-fault state. That meant that if one spouse wanted a divorce, there was nothing the other could do about it, but ... "Do you think your husband will give up, if we put as many roadblocks in the way as we can?"

I thought about it. Bobby always deferred to me when the going got tough. "Yes, he would."

"Great," was his response. "Let's get the fight underway."

I gave him a rundown on the what had happened, sparing nothing of the details. He looked at the timeline, and said, "It has been over five years since your affair; we will make an application that your husband accepted it and therefore the divorce should be put on hold, while he give reasons for the delay. If we get lucky with the judge, we might even get him to delay the application, and order a period of reconciliation for at least as long as his delay. During that time, he will have to live in the house and any attempt to leave the marriage will be contempt of court. We can force marriage counselling for the full time of the delay. That assumes your husband did nothing at the time."

I looked at him, while I thought back. "No, I don't think Bobby did anything. There were no charges on our account for advice, and at the time he was angry, but would do nothing to lose the kids."

We made an application to have the divorce papers rejected, and an enforced period of reconciliation of three years. Now that the kids were gone, we disclosed everything on my affair, and said my husband had accepted it, due to his delay in filing. My attorney was very confident of at least a twelve-month period, where Bobby would have to act as my husband.

My attorney presented the petition, focusing hard on the five years that had passed without any objection from Bobby. Then Bobby's attorney, Marcus Rothstein, stood up and blew us out of the water.

He produced a letter dated 10th July, five days after we returned from the lake house. It detailed what had happened, what I had said about turning the kids against Bobby, the cost of a divorce with the kids in the house, and a recommendation that Bobby wait until Terry was eighteen, then issue proceedings. The shock that Bobby had taken advice on divorce at that time was overpowering, and I fled the courtroom in tears. My attorney explained later, that Bobby had also notified his attorney that I had threatened to take other lovers, if he didn't perform his 'marital duties' Our petition was thrown out and the initial divorce hearing was set for thirty days later.

The first divorce hearing went well. My attorney asked for counselling, and the judge ordered three mandatory sessions, with more to be ordered if the counselor thought we were making progress. It was the best news I had had since the papers were served. The judge ordered us to use the counselor my attorney had on his books, who was known for pushing the husbands to forgive.

The first session was a single session with me. The counselor, a young woman in her late twenties, needed to put together a full file, and work on a strategy to get Bobby to forgive me. We decided on a strategy to get Bobby to explain why he was divorcing me was best. We could then pick holes in it, and force him to rethink.

I sat in the counselor's room waiting for Bobby. I had only seen him at the first hearing, and when he walked into the room, my heart skipped a beat. Then I remembered why we were there, that he was trying to leave me, and that I needed to harden up if I was going to get him back. The counselor went straight in, demanded to know why he would not forgive me for just one indiscretion. He looked at her and asked if she was married. When she refused to answer, he just got up and said, "That is the wrong answer," and walked out, leaving us both dumbfounded.

A couple of days later, my mum phoned and I knew by the tone of her voice, that it was not good.

She said, "Traci, why did you lie to us about what happened at the lake house? We spoke to Bobby, and we know you did not talk to him about going outside your marriage vows, and he certainly didn't agree to it. Traci, we think you have blown it with Bobby, you need to let go and move on."

Now, even my parents were on his side. I was devastated. How was I going to get him back, if there was no one to fight in my corner? The next piece of news was even worse. Bobby's attorney had applied for the counselling to be cancelled, on the grounds that the counsellor was not acting as an honest broker. The judge looked at the notes, and agreed.

We fought on, but it was clear Bobby would not withdraw, and eight months after it was filed, the divorce was granted with the final decree issued ninety days after that ruling. That day was the worst of my life. Only Steff phoned to give me comfort. The attorney sent me his fee invoice. Even though he hadn't charged me the full amount, it still cost me about half of my Maui Special account balance.

The absolute worst came when Steff took me out one night. She said that I needed to get out. We had a nice meal and went to a bar. I walked in, only to find Bobby dancing with another woman. I ran out crying, as soon as I saw him. I couldn't bear the thought of him being close to someone else.

I still held out some hope, even though I knew Bobby was dating other women. When the children were home, I asked them how he was doing, but they avoided the subject. I knew he met my parents for dinner, but they always withheld information. I had not dated since we split, hoping beyond hope, that he would learn just how much I loved him.

But then, I got a phone call from my mother. She told me Bobby was engaged to someone called Angelique. I was beyond devastated, as I knew then, that Bobby was never coming back.

I met Ronny at the gallery about a week after I heard about Bobby's engagement. He bought a number of pieces from me and asked me to dinner one night. I accepted and before I knew what was happening, we were lovers. Ronny could have passed for Bobby's double, and three months after that dinner we were married. I knew the next day, I had made a mistake. He was nothing like Bobby, and we agreed to file for divorce before the honeymoon was over. Even though it was uncontested, it still cost me another chunk from my Maui Special account.

I met Angelique at Mellissa's wedding. Bobby could hardly speak to me, but she was very nice, even pushing Bobby up to dance with me for the parents of the bride and parents of the groom dances. Neither Bobby nor I could dance, but we used to mould together on the dance floor. But for this dance, I could feel him being stiff and remote, and he held me at a distance. Even at this, I loved it, but he left me as soon as he could, and I never saw him the rest of the night.

About a month after the wedding, I was feeling terrible, and Steff took me out. That night, I met Robert (not Bobby). He swept me off my feet, and every mannerism was my Bobby to a tee. I tried to keep a level head, but one day he got down on one knee in the gallery and proposed. Despite my reservations, I said, "Yes."

We were married six months before Terry was due to marry. Life was okay, but then we went to Terry's wedding, and once again I danced with Bobby. Again, I felt the distance and when he left and kissed Angelique, I had to walk back to Robert. I realised I was with second best. The next morning, I found a divorce attorney and filed for divorce. It cost me the rest of my Maui Special account, but I had to do it. If I could not have the original, I didn't want to be with anyone.

Since then, Angelique has kept in contact with me, phoning regularly and even going to lunch once in a while. I like her, but Bobby always keeps his distance, saying as little as possible to me. We meet at events for the grandchildren, but you would think we were strangers.

So here I am today on my sixty-seventh birthday. My parents died a few years ago, and the children live out of state. What is worse is Bobby and Angelique have gone to Maui to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary. I had it all and I threw it away... for what? I don't remember. Now, I am looking to go into a retirement home because I have nothing else to look forward to. The only thing that made me smile was finding out Jackson got divorced. Apparently his wife cuckolded him! Payback was a bitch.

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