All Comments on 'A Promise Unforgotten'

A great, well-written story. Excellent dialogue, characters and plot.

I liked it but you could use an editor or, at least, a spell checker.

Hot lesbian action, right on topic for the Valentine's Day contest, and it has a happy ending. Outstanding!

Good descriptions and build-up (but not too much). Nice twist at the end. I liked it. It gets a 5 from me, thanks for not wasting my time.

This was very well done. Based on the strength of this alone I'm going to add you to my favorite authors. Please write more.

I liked the story very much. I would like for it to be continued.Hopefully it will.

Sex happens a little fast for my taste; I'd prefer a longer buildup and teasing, but nice nevertheless.

But...

Interest gets PIQUED (sharpened) rather than PEAKED.

Breasts would better be described as bountiful MOUNDS, rather than MOUNTS.

...coded by certifiable illiterates, computer functions that auto-replace words are all homophon-phobic.

Punnies and malapropisms and other compositional grotesqueties imagineered, with the inadvertent or deliberative abuse of the English Language, are charmingly artistic.

When "charmed" enough these quirks can metamorphize, like a "spindizzy", into colorful "quarks".

People don't realize there is an art to writing short, hot erotica. I thought you did it perfectly. The emotion was there, the characters, and very well-written hot sex. Couldn't be more perfect. Everyone has proofing errors, who cares. Good job!

That was really hot. Ummmmm

glad to see this didnt turn into a rape story like others have done.i have read a few were the lesbian friend was wanting the lesbian in hiding friend and that friend brought in a male friend thinking that the les friend just could find a guy.this was much better and deserves another few chapters

I don't usually find myself wishing I was in a story, but oh my god do I want to be Alison. Very, very hot.

I have a problem with this story ... 5 is not enough stars. Romantic and hot at the same time.

Is there a better word than excellent, stupendous, sexy, erotic - if so, that's what this story is - Bravo!!!

Awesome sauce! Very nicely done, Mwaah!

The writing was incredible, the sex hot as hell.

And now I understand why women like going shopping so much!

Very well done. Your talent is showing!

Great story. It seems it was well thought out or came very naturally.....hmmmm. Either way it was a wonderful read. Just what I come to expect from u. Keep up the great work.

Masterfully written. Makes the reader feel like they are there. Wish I could have been there

Short and sweet - a great contest entry! With a standalone short story and only two characters I think you should consider the first-person narrative next time. This is just an opinion, but the story would have been even hotter and more suspenseful in first-person.

Very lovely short story and wonderfully hot.

This was a fantastic story! I loved the build-up, Alison's timidity, the growing tension and attraction between the two. Short stories are not easy to do. You wrote an awesome one, and did so with talent.

. . . of how easy you made it seem to write a short story with nice characterization, a sweet seduction, and some blazing hot sex. Sometimes shorter is better. Terrific V-Day story, and well worth the 5.

This is so hot !! Try first person next time :)

A love for women, a true reverence, will always stand out in stories like this. You've got that and it shows. It's in the details, the cut of the clothing, the sway of the hips. Hobbyists paint broad. The Devil is in the details, and you're right there with him, putting your lens (and that pointed tail) in all the naughtiest places, tongue out and ready. There's no substitute for passion.

You've got a nose for sex and a knack for description. Great combination.

I thought you had one of the best opening scenes out of anything in the 2015 Valentine's Day contest. One of the hardest things for writers to do is set up what their characters look like for the reader without making it sound like height/weight requirements for a casting call. You did so playfully and with heat and uncertainty - sometimes it seemed Renee must know she was flirting, sometimes it seemed unclear, just like it did to Allison.

I agree with other commenters that this may have been stronger and more intimate in the first person, but a fun, sexy tale any way you slice it.

Completely hypnotic from the first sentence to the final period. Like the action in the story, once you start you just don't want to stop...you CAN'T stop...you wouldn't allow it! ;-)

Excellent characters and with extensive enough descriptions you can see them, but without the mood-killing laundry list of numbers and predictable phrases. Fast moving, but you made it work perfectly. A really great shorty that makes me wish I could write ones like it as easily (and well!) as you do.

Add five more big stars to your total because this one certainly deserves it.

A delicately teasing start that ended with a literal pop of a paddle. That caught me off guard and even with the hinted fantasy of being tied down I don't see that one till just before the paddle landed. Excellent work.

Critique: Several readers sited you on spelling, ignore the bile learn from the comment, but also remember most of the big name authors have a good half dozen people go over their stories and still misspelled words get through.

For a story this short the build up, the gradual heat, and then the sex have to be in careful balance and you nailed that spot on. You might could have slowed things down a bit with a thousand words more and achieved that same effect, without it being noticeably longer, but with a slightly easier reading pace.

All in all a very good story, perfect for the contest and deserving of an excellent score. I do hope you got your desired comment from the dedicated-to 'anonymous' author you mentioned. Wondering just which of the comments above might could have been that author added to the fun of this story.

MST

A wonderfully written and sensual journey of two women who secretly lusted after each other. A read which captivated one from the beginning and enthralled them right to the end. So sexy in the Victoria Secret's store and the diversion in the food court and on to the local bar, knowing that eventually it would lead to some form of intimacy, but wondering just how it would play out. So sensuously written in the description of their eventual coupling. Hopefully this will just be the beginning of

Alison and Renee's adventures together. One must wonder if this author draws from

real life experiences or just her fertile erotic mind? Perhaps an extension of her existing lifestyle. Oh yes, her other stories are fabulous too. Must reads!!

great story, and I wouldn't mind hearing more of allison and renee either :) keep up the good work!

Superb. Great character development. Thank you, Bruce

This was a truly charming love story that developed from Renee & Alison's deep friendship, but it could have backfired if Alison did not respond as Renee had wished. Anyway, I hope the ladies live happily ever after.

it started out good until the bondage can in then it went down hill from there, I am not a big fan of bondage it has no place in sex, and anyone who thinks is does is out of their mind.

not a fan of bondage myself, but it's disingenuous to give a poor review (and I assume rating) to a story that features the practice. It's not only tagged correctly it says what it is in the description.

Equal parts ourageously erotic, playfully sensually endearing, with remarkably fleshed out characters for such a short piece. Yeah, yeah, there were spelling errors, & a few grammatical fuque-upz, but nothing that made reading the story a distraction. This was lovely, sweet. There were only two people that objected, prudishly/intolerantly to the light bondage. Well, since you specifically wrote & addressed that in your intro, I would totally ignore their prejudice. They're entitled to their bias, but to complain about a story fully knowing it had light bondage is unfair & unwarranted.

My only gripe is that the sex was nowhere near detailed enough, but...that's just me.

Ignore the nay-sayers. They're just jealous!! Keep writing!

Beautifully written, the fact that it’s so sensual & heartfelt really ramps up how hot it is, Alison & Renee are fully-rounded characters even in such a concise story. Really enjoyed it!

I don't understand why so many writers on this site write lesbian stories were the main character is a submissive person, not to mention panicky and has a lack of confidence.

Confidence and being bold in a main character is sexy, yet so few on this site write with that in their main character.

Would greatly enjoy the next chapter of this story

I know I am late to the party, but this story was great and i hope you don't listen to any of the "but first person" crowd. First person can go suck somewhere else, your perspective is perfect.

To 'Annoying Anonymous': Easy to understand - because of the surprise element of this story. Alison didn't know what would happen, because swearing to the secret meant she would never make a move. The reader is best put in a position of not knowing what Renee will do, in order to share in the surprise. If the story is told from Renee's POV, the story would be too predictable, because it was her plan to seduce Alison.

To the Author: Well done, I'm still salivating!

Perfect Valentines Day story.

That was a real Valentine’s present …. Love delivered and personally handled over ….. just lovely

💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝✨☘️