All Comments on 'A River's Bluff'

By using such long descriptions of the scenes and what was taking place, readers (at least I did) get lost within the descriptions. The story was hard to understand because of how much over-describing you did. My suggestion would be to rewrite it using less high end wording, and more common words that most are going to be able to understand quickly as they read it.

I agree it is wordy, but I enjoyed it anyway. Thank you for posting it here although it may be better suited to a more sofisticated venue. It's almost too wild to be true but I'd like to think something like this could really happen. I'll be hot thinking about it the rest of the day!!

Why, thank you both commenters. I will take your words and thoughts under advisement and do appreciate that you took the time to read of it. While I had hoped for less 'lost' and more 'absorbed', it does gratify that some read it also. My initial attempts so not expecting much. One stickler for me though is losing my command of the language in order to keep the focus attuned. Are there the likes of different "sophisticated" venues as you allude, anon #2?

Thank you for posting this, Zackjack.

Your story appeared to have much to recommend it; wilderness, camping, hiking, summer fun, and sexual high-jinks throughout.

I wanted to like your story.

I REALLY wanted to.

Unfortunately your overly 'elaborate' (for want of a better word) descriptions got in the way. To the point that I couldn't finish even the first page of your story. It was as if you were trying to impress the reader with how erudite you are, hit them over the head with your vocabulary, and your actual *story* was pushed aside in the process.

If you are trying to emulate the 'intellectual style' (if you will) of William F. Buckley, you have well succeeded, but at the cost of the reader's enjoyment of your story - at least *this* reader's enjoyment of your story.

Were you to take some cues from Ernest Hemingway, do away with the 'intellectual style', and use simpler sentence structure, you story would be much more readable and enjoyable. This coming from an anonymous Internet reviewer.

Please take these humble comments as encouragement and the (hopefully) constructive criticism they are intended to be.

That is all.

Sign me as;

Anonymous #3.

I am appreciative of the critique and will take it under advisement. Yours is not the first comment alluding to these points. As a neophyte in the genre there is a learning curve.

If you find your way to reading any other posts hopefully you will see an improvement. Buckley is not a writer I would purposely emulate...

My regrets that you didn't finish.

Zackjack.

...with the earlier comments. I can understand that you want to present a certain writing 'style'. However, I was sadly unable to locate the story amongst all the flowery descriptions and ultra-long sentences. The story would be improved with the addition of further punctuation and structure, and the subtraction of the thesaurus and most superfluous adjectives.

Good luck in the contest.