A Safe Haven

"No. You're right. I've become a little too comfortable, um, hiding out I guess - at least emotionally. In fact, this is the first time I've discussed any of this with anyone."

"Thank you for feeling you could talk to me; and I hope I haven't brought up things that are too painful, too difficult to discuss."

"Not at all. Actually, it's kind of cathartic to talk with you about it."

"Well, I know what it's like to keep things bottled up and have no one to share them with."

I took advantage of the opportunity to change the subject, "Then, if you are comfortable doing so, why don't we discuss what you've been going through. I could use a break from talking about me."

"Sure, but is there any more hot cocoa?"

I smiled, "I made a batch. Who can have just one hot cocoa?"

"Right!" she smiled brightly.

When I returned with our refills, Emma started her story.

"Gary and I graduated from college together. We were well acquainted but hadn't dated. Long story short, he approached me about going into business with him. He had plenty of seed money - his parents are well-healed. He appreciated my 'acumen' as he called it - we were third and fourth in our graduating class. So, one thing led to another and we started a firm together. The firm took a while to get going, but once it did, it really took off. At first, we didn't even date, but when things settled down in the business, we started going out, and after a few months, we got married."

"I didn't hear anything in there about falling in love."

"Yes, I guess that was an issue from the start. I mean, we got along well and were attracted to each other. He was, is a handsome man. We had most of the same likes and dislikes, so a lot in common, except when it came to fidelity...But you're right; I can't say I 'fell' in love with Gary, and I'm certain he never loved me, at least not in the romantic way. Anyway, after nine, almost ten years of marriage, I discovered he was banging our receptionist, and here I am, dealing with a divorce, my aunt's estate, and what I'm going to do moving forward."

"Well, I can help with your aunt's property. I know a very good real estate broker in Missoula. And I can help with anything that needs fixing up at the property."

"Thank you, Angus. I really appreciate everything you've already done for me, and I'll take you up on that offer. I need the help."

I noticed it was getting late, and Emma had yawned a couple times, so I decided to call it a night.

"I know you're tired, so I won't keep you up. Why don't you get a good night's sleep, and we'll tackle things in the morning."

"I am beat, and I think you're right, though I have had a wonderful evening. Thank you for the hot cocoa, and thank you again for everything."

"Pleasure was mine. Goodnight, Emma. If you need anything..."

"I'm all set...and call me Em."

"Well, good night, Em. See you in the morning."

"Good night, Angus."

"Call me Ang," I joked.

"Really?"

"No, just kidding. My brother used to call me 'Gus', in spite of me pounding him for it. But, these days, I just go by Angus."

She laughed and surprised me with a light hug, "Goodnight, Ang!"

She smelled lovely, very feminine, but nothing overpowering; and I noticed she was almost as tall as Maggie. I like all kinds of women, but especially tall ones.

III. CONNECTION

I awoke early, as is my habit, and checked the weather. According to the weather guessers, no snow was due for at least twelve hours. I checked outside and there were only a few inches. There would be more up the mountain, so I decided to take Maggie's SUV. It's all-wheel drive, but has dynamic traction control. It's better on slippery roads unless the snow gets too deep, then I chain up the truck and throw some seed bags in the back.

As I busied myself in the kitchen, a freshly scrubbed Emma joined me, wearing jeans and a sweater top. The blue and brown-heathered sweater fit her nicely, showing off her feminine form. I noticed her nice legs and firm derriere in the snug-fitting pants. Her long, blond hair was still damp from the shower and I could discern no makeup on her face. She looked radiant, better than I remembered last night. I noticed her eyes - a vivid blue, and her mouth with it's perfectly shaped lips. I almost burned the bacon. You'd think I hadn't seen a beautiful woman in...well, yeah - and certainly not one I was attracted to...'attracted to' - that was new.

"Morning Angus. Something smells delicious."

"Good morning, Emma...Em. It's just bacon, fried potatoes and scrambled eggs. I have orange juice, and I didn't know whether you liked coffee or tea, so I haven't made either one."

"Tea, if it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all, especially since you're going to make it," I grinned.

She smiled brightly, "Point me in the right direction."

"Tea's in that cannister - loose leaf, if that's okay. I have some tea bags..."

"No, loose leaf is perfect."

"Diffuser and teapot are in the cupboard above. There's the waterpot."

"I'm on it. Do you like it strong or mild?"

"However you like it."

"Strong okay?"

"Absolutely."

After breakfast, we bundled up, got in the Forester and headed to Aunt Emma's. The closer we got, the deeper the snow, but still manageable. When we rounded the last curve on the lane leading to the house, Emma gasped.

"I wasn't expecting such a big place!"

"This was the younger Hecklers' oldest son's place - there were four generations of Hecklers here, and still a few around. As I understand it, Aunt Emma bought his place when he moved to Spokane ten years ago. I've been in it a few times and it's quite a house, almost palatial, but on the rustic side, very log-cabinish; lots of pine paneling, log beams, heavy wooden staircases. Not my taste, but beautiful, and quality construction. When you go to sell it, the right buyer will pay you a pretty penny for it."

When Emma opened the door, the place was cold and dark. I flipped a couple light switches, but nothing.

"I'll grab a flashlight and check the breaker panel. Also, I'm gonna check the water. Without the electricity on, there'll be no pump, so you can't leave water trickling to keep things from freezing up. If the power's off, I'll do what I can to winterize the place - check the pump house; open faucets and spigots to drain the lines as much as possible; empty the toilets and such. 'Bout all I can do. This will take a bit. Why don't you get in the car and start it up; keep the heat running."

She nodded, and I headed for the electrical panel. I determined the power was shut off; no surprise. I did what I could, then returned to the SUV.

"Power's off. I don't think you'll be able to tell much without it. I'll call the electric company when we get to my place."

"How long will it take to get the power turned on?"

"Not sure. They have to come here, and depending on the weather...tomorrow at the earliest, probably later."

"Can you put up with me till then?" she asked, smiling sweetly.

"Judging by how much you ate this morning, I may have to do some more shopping, but sure."

She playfully punched me my arm, "I didn't eat that much. Besides, it was awfully good. You know your way around a kitchen."

"Yeah, if Maggie had one fault, it was that she wasn't much of a cook...Let's get going, so we can call. I don't know how long the weather is going to hold out. They're expecting more snow later."

We headed to my place and I called the power company. They didn't know when they could get there. Right now, they were busy dealing with emergency outages. They didn't say so, but I could tell a vacant house wasn't going to be a top priority.

"Em, I need to stock up on a few things, in case it gets bad. I want to run to the grocery store down the road a ways. It will take about an hour or so for the round trip. Why don't you stay here out of the cold. Maybe make lunch?"

"Love to. What would you like?"

"Up to you. Just help yourself to the fridge and the pantry."

"I'll surprise you. Actually, I'm a pretty good cook."

"Great. I'll see you in a bit."

By the time I returned, it had started to snow again, just some light, fluffy flakes, but the sky was darkening in the west with heavy clouds moving in. We were probably in for it. I took the supplies inside and the house smelled wonderful.

"Smells delicious, kind of like chili."

"I found some canned pinto and kidney beans, and diced tomatoes in the pantry and a package of hamburger in the fridge, and since I knew you liked chili, I figured that would work - not like from scratch, but should do. Oh, and I couldn't find any corn meal, so is bread and butter okay?"

"Sounds great. I'll be back in a few. I need to check the generator, propane, and the pump house; and put out some feed for the wildlife. We might be in for some serious weather."

When I got back inside, Emma had the table set, and we settled in for a hot lunch.

"This is really very good; nice and spicy," I remarked.

"Don't sound so surprised," she grinned, "I told you I could cook, and I knew you liked it spicy, so I put in extra chili powder, a bunch of diced onions, and some salsa I found in the fridge."

"Well it's fabulous. I can't believe it's 'quick' chili. Thank you, and you're hired," I kidded.

"So I pass the 'short-order cook' test?"

"Flying colors."

As we ate, I apprised her of the situation, "Okay, the power company isn't going to get to your aunt's place till after this storm passes, which could be a day or two, or several. A foot to a foot and a half of snow is predicted, but with the weather-guessers, you never know."

With concern in her voice, she asked, "What do you think?"

"Experience and my gut tells me more, and a lot more up at your aunt's."

"I only allowed three days for this."

"Well, if you need to head back, you'll have to go now; otherwise you won't be able to. And by the time you got there, the 90 could be closed over the mountains. I don't advise leaving, especially in that sedan. With this front, temperatures are going to drop and going over the pass, you could hit ice. I would worry you might have trouble."

"You would worry about me?"

"Of course. Look, if it's pressing that you get back, I could take you. As long as the pass is open, I can get you to Seattle."

"Oh, goodness no...You would drive me all the way to Seattle?"

"I'm retired...and we could play 'I spy' on the way," I joked.

She laughed, "We can play that now. I spy a very sweet man. Who is he?"

"Stop it. You'll make me blush."

"I guess if you'll have me, I'll hole up here till the storm passes, then take care of my aunt's house and head back. I just have to make some calls. How's your cell reception?"

"Decent, but when the storm hits, it will be non-existent, so go ahead. I'm going to fetch some firewood and give you some privacy."

When I went to the wood shed, the snow was starting to come down in bigger flakes and in greater volume. I took a couple wheel barrow's full of wood to the mud room. My heat is propane, so I didn't expect any issues there, but if we got a lot of snow, I didn't want to be trudging back and forth; and if we got snowed in, the fireplace is a nice fall back if all else fails; and I love the ambiance of a fire. When I went back inside, Emma was waiting with a smile on her face.

"Get everything worked out?" I asked.

"Better than that. I talked to my lawyer; and my husband, soon to be ex-husband, acquiesced and made an offer that I can live with, so I told my lawyer to get the paperwork going. Everything else is taken care of. So, I guess you're stuck with me for the duration."

"I can think of worse fates," I kidded.

She smacked my arm and remarked, "I hope so! And if you're a little nicer to me, I saw a roast in the freezer. I could thaw it for tomorrow's dinner."

"The freezer's in the mud room. Were you snooping around while I was gone?"

"Yup. Now I know where you keep the bodies."

"Well, if you don't tell, I'll make tacos for dinner."

"I've never had tacos, except at Taco Bell."

"These are nothing like that. You'll love 'em. I'll make as many as there's hamburger for.

"You're going to make me fat before I leave here."

"Nah. You'll get to work it off shoveling snow."

"I don't 'shovel'; I'm a genteel lady," she joked, grinning.

"Not out here in the backwoods; the women folk pull their weight, or they don't eat."

"So you're going to make me fat or starve me. I wish you'd make up your mind."

"I don't think I can win this argument. Come on, let's raid the freezer."

We pulled out the roast, some pork chops and another package of hamburger. I made a bunch of tacos, and Emma loved them, even my homemade salsa, which is right hot. After dinner and clean up, we retired to the living room and I started a fire.

"I feel like a cold beer. Would you like one, or some wine?"

"You said you have a red?"

"Yes, it's a Bordeaux; one of Maggie's favorites."

"Lovely. Maggie had good taste...in more than just wine," she said the last a bit coyly with no explanation.

I headed to the kitchen to get the drinks, "Be back in a sec."

"Um, do you mind if I get comfortable?"

"Of course not. Go ahead."

I returned with our drinks and sat by the fire. Emma came down in a robe again.

As we sat and chatted, Emma asked, "You said Maggie was tall. How tall was she?

"An inch or so taller than you."

"Do you have a picture I could see?"

"I have tons of pictures. Be right back."

I brought back a couple pictures I kept on my office desk, one from our wedding and one taken just before we discovered her illness.

"Oh, she was beautiful," she remarked.

"Yes, she was my perfect angel..." I choked up.

"Angus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"No, it's okay; really. I, um, I guess I will always have those feelings. She's still an angel; just in a better place..." I had to quit talking about her. It was too emotional.

Emma surprised me. She got up from her chair and came over to the couch, sat beside me and put her arms around me, hugging me close. I lost it, and started crying. I felt like a fool, but nothing to be done for it; I couldn't stop. She held me till I calmed down. I hadn't cried since the last time I held Maggie.

"Sorry. I guess I've kept a lot inside for a long time," I finally managed.

"No apologies," she said softly.

Quietly, she asked, "Angus, do you think you'll ever move on...move forward?"

"Someday...For now, I guess I'm drifting, hoping to find a safe haven."

Even more softly, she responded, "Keep your eyes open; one may be closer than you think." Then with her free hand, she turned my face to hers, leaned up and kissed me ever so gently on the lips. It sent chills through me. Then she laid her head on my chest and held me for the longest time, neither of us speaking.

Afterwards, she released me and smiled, "I could use another glass of wine."

"Oh, um, sure," I managed, a bit discombobulated. The intimacy of the moment overwhelmed me, and I was at a loss to process my own emotions. I let it go for the time being, got myself a beer and poured Emma another glass of wine. I sat back down, sipped my beer and stared at the fire.

"Angus, you can look at me. Please don't be embarrassed. I am touched and grateful you were able to let your emotions out like that. I'm not put off one bit. I know we don't know each other that well, but at the same time, I think we do."

I looked at her, gazed into her beautiful blue eyes and nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak.

Emma stood and walked to the big picture window in the living room, looking out at the snow as it passed through the outdoor floods.

"It's really coming down. I think you were right. It looks like it's going to be a lot."

I joined her at the window, sipping my beer, "A year after we moved here, a winter storm came through and it snowed over two feet. We were caught off guard and almost ran out of food. We hadn't filled the propane, and it ran out; we lost power, and the generator failed - dead battery. If it wasn't for the fireplace, we'd have been in a fix. Since then, I get the generator serviced regularly, keep the propane tank full, and keep plenty of food on hand."

"Then we'll be okay?" she asked.

"We'll be fine," I assured her.

She slipped an arm around my waist, I wrapped mine around her small waist, and we stood in silence for a long spell, watching the snow fall. When we called it a night, the snow was still falling, but lighter.

IV. EVOLUTION

The next morning, it was overcast, but no snow. While Emma made breakfast, I took the opportunity to shovel paths to essential areas outside and pulled both vehicles in the garage. And no, I didn't make Emma shovel snow.

We had soup for lunch, and afterwards I made hot cocoa and we sat by the fire. It looked like the front may have done its worst. Emma wanted to look at some more pictures, so I pulled out a couple picture albums. As she perused the albums, she asked questions about Maggie, and about our lives together. At first, I really didn't want to talk about it, but as we looked at pictures, I recalled happier times.

"How did you two meet?"

"I went to work for her father right out of college. He had an architectural firm in Boise, which I eventually took over when his health became an issue. Maggie worked there as a draftsman, and when she found out I was a runner, she and I started running together, and dating. We pretty much fell for each other right away, and got married in the spring."

"And her father?"

"He's still alive; still lives in Boise. Though, if it's possible, I think Maggie's illness and death devastated him even more than me. I know other people have said it, but when he said it to me, 'Parents should never outlive their children', it broke my heart."

By the time we were done talking and looking at pictures, it had started snowing again - with a vengeance. By dinnertime, there was over a foot and a half of accumulation, and it wasn't letting up. We were in for it.

I decided to bundle up and recheck the heater in the pump house. That was the only vulnerable point in my water supply, and the only thing left that I was concerned about. The water line was buried below the frost line and well insulated in the utility basement, so I wasn't worried about that. After checking the heater, I returned to the house, shucking my outerwear and boots in the mudroom. That done, there wasn't much more to do but hunker down. The propane tank was full, I had more than enough firewood, and I had tested the generator and it was good. When I got back inside, Emma was getting dinner ready. She had made a beef stew out of the roast and had it cooking in the pressure cooker. She was in the kitchen, singing softly, slicing and buttering bread.

She explained, "A roast would have taken longer, so I decided to make stew. It will be ready in about 30 minutes. Hey, you look cold; let's get you by the fire," she remarked, "and I'm going to have some hot tea. Join me? The water's preheated." I nodded and she told me to go sit while she brewed the tea.

She brought the tea in, sat down and cozied up to me. I automatically put an arm around her shoulders. I can't tell you how natural it felt. Before, I'd been feeling guilty about our intimate moments, but now, I didn't. That had to mean something. And I had to admit, I felt more than just a little something for Emma.

When the stew was ready, we set the table together, and it felt like we had done it a hundred times. I had a déjà vu moment with the unsettling feeling of doing this with Maggie, now with Emma, and having trouble separating the two. On top of that, Emma was humming to herself; something Maggie used to frequently do. It was at once disconcerting and comforting.

The stew was fabulous, which I immediately commented on, "Short order cook and chef! You might be a keeper," I joked. She gave me a warm smile and a perplexing look.