A Simple Life Ch. 60-71

Her nose twitches and she hops into the tavern, every inch of her soft body rippling as she lands. As every eye in the place turns to look at her she announces loudly. "My name is Hoppy Bunbun!"

"Hero?" The barmaid calls.

"That's meeee!"

"Right here." She points at the table with Althea.

"EEEE!" Hoppy Bunbun hops her way over to the table, her scant outfit utterly defeated in its task of covering her bouncing private bits. "Hi Avery! Did you see my tail?"

"Ahem." Althea squirms. "I'm Althea. We don't know each other yet."

"Oh yeah! Ha ha ha! Hi Althea. I like your bird."

From the top of the stairs leading to the rooms for rent comes a deep and luscious voice as smooth as silk. "Wellll, what have we here?"

Turning to look the two women see the lithe figure of a red-skinned demon looking back down at them. His eyes were gold, his long braided hair silver. From his back sprouted two bat like wings. Swaying snakelike behind him was a long sinuous tail. And crowning his forehead were a pair of small onyx horns. Outside his hellish features he otherwise appeared to be a dashing man in his late twenties. He wore a ruffled purple shirt of silk, tight black breeches that seemed designed to draw attention to the prodigious bulge at his groin, and a pair of black books made from the supplest of leather. At his hip he carried a dagger and on the other jingled a coin purse. Staggering down the stairs in front of the demon are two women and a man with tousled hair and disheveled clothes, all of them with the silly smiles of drunkards on their flushed faces though not one of them had had a drop to drink.

With the grace of a cat he slinks down the stairs and approaches the table. "I see you two have one of those trinkets as well." Appearing in his hand from nowhere appears another of the iron tokens. He grins a devilish grin as he looks over the the two beautiful adventurers. "Lucky me. Horny Fucker at your service fair ladies. Truly, at your service."

"Pfft! Horny Fucker?" Althea giggles.

"I am and I do." He bows deeply then glides into the open chair between the two women.

"Stay the hand demon." Comes a whispered voice from above. "Or I shall stay it for you."

All three look up to see the graceful form of an elf materialize out of the shadows and pad silently across the beams of the rafters toward them. His dark skin was mottled with lighter patches that brought to mind the dappled light cast on a forest floor. His short trimmed black and brown hair had a similar natural camouflage. The man had on well worn leather armor. On each hip he wore a short sword and across his back is a bow. His intense chestnut brown eyes were currently focused from above on Althea's waist.

Looking down Althea finds Horny's fingers resting upon her component pouch. "Oh!"

Horny pulls his hand away and gives Althea the guiltless grin of a fox spotted running from the henhouse. "I just wanted a peek."

"Hmmf!" Althea skitters her chair away from the light fingered Incubus.

"Get down from there!" Calls the bouncer. "Where'd you even come from?"

Without a sound the elf drops from the rafter to land as light as a falling leaf beside the table. He stands to his full height, tall for an elf, the lean muscles of his arms looking as firm as oak. Both Hoppy and Horny gaze at him admiringly.

"Let me guess." Horny deftly flips the token through his fingers. "You've got one of these?"

"I do not." The elf says curtly. Turning to the other elf he bows his head. "Miss Althea. I am Hunter Raevis O'Regal and I've been sent by Archmage Shaeladrine to join you on this endeavor."

"My grandma?" Althea says. "But I was sent here by my new Mistress, Lady Ara."

"But you are still the fey speaker of our clan and the archmage's favorite apprentice." He says. "And I am here to ensure that you return to us unharmed."

"Gay what?" Mutters Horny. "Do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Nope!" Smiles Hoppy. "He's hot though."

"Indeed." The demon grins. "You can tag along if you wish, elf, but...no token, no cut." He slaps the iron token onto the table. "A fifth portion was not a part of the deal."

"Ooo! You're good at this." Whispers the werebunny healer.

"Thanks." Horny winks at her. "I'm also a greedy fucker."

"He he he!"

Raevis' jaw clenches. "Very well. I am not here for a reward."

Before the Incubus could come back with another droll quip the front door bursts open. The sky is split with a flash of blinding lightning and a roaring clap of thunder shakes the inn to its foundation as the largest humanoid creature to ever step foot into Rudolf's Rest squeezes its way inside.

"Wasn't it sunny when I showed up a second ago?" Wonders Hoppy.

"Shhh!"

Filling the entry space with its bulk, its black mohawk brushing the rafters, is a creature of nightmares. It had the gray skin, heavy jaw and thick limbs of an ogre but the orange eyes, pointed ears, and long arms of a troll. It was clearly some sort of crossbreed between the two races. It seemed to have breasts which indicated that it was a female but the long nose hairs twisted and bent to form a mustache confused the issue. Wrapped around its shoulders, torso, and arms was a long, heavy chain the ends of which were spooled at each forearm. On left end was a bulbous round mass of metal and on the right a wicked looking hooked blade. The chain looked to act as both armor and weapons for the beast. The only thing keeping the inn from descending into chaos was the glowing holy symbol of the spirit of justice it wore proudly around its tree trunk neck, a symbol recognized by all as a beacon of goodness and safety.

"BEHOLD...SCOURGE!" The thing's rumbling voice rattles the cutlery. "Rager of the Far Mountain. Paladin of right. Master of chains. Sworn destroyer of the unjust."

"Broken as fuck." Quips the bar wench under her breath.

"Excuse me?" Asks Althea.

"Nothin."

Holding forth a triangular token between its massive thumb and index finger. "I seek the bearers of these. Show yourselves to Scourge, NOW!"

The bar maid glances at Althea. "Friend of yours?"

"Uhhhhh...yes?" Althea gulps. "I hope!"

As the rest of the tavern sits in shock Hoppy Bunbun is merrily waving the behemoth over. "Here we are! Yoo hoo! Right here! Hi Scourge!"

***

Chapter 63

The new Mayhems had assembled. Once gathered around the table each of the four chosen heroes place the token given to them by their sponsor in the center. There on behalf of the Order of Justice sent by Sister Mary Motherfucking Massblaster was the mighty Scourge, half-ogre/half-troll Paladin-Berserker. Chosen by Super Ninja was the sly, sexy, and seriously hung Incubus Scoundrel Horny Fucker. Carrying the token of the Mayhem's original anonymous benefactor was the werebunny acolyte of The Great Lepus, the healer Hoppy Bunbun. And representing the mysterious Lady Ara was the nature mage Althea, fey speaker of the elves of the West Wood. At her sides her raven familiar Touka and the most promising of the novice Hunters of their clan Raevis O'Regal.

Each member pushes their triangular token to the center of the table where the four quarters create a single square. There is a soft glow of blue and then they are fused as one. Once connected what was once four bits of plain iron now appeared as a tiny square door half a foot to a side

"Cool." Says Horny.

Cautiously he unlatches the hatch and opens it to reveal a space within that should not be there. Every member leans forward to peer inside. There they find an area roughly the volume of a quarter cask. Confused Hoppy looks under the table to see no such space protruding through. Inside they find a bundle of three scrolls. The first was the contract which laid out the details of their agreement to give the original group a fifth of all monetary profits gained while under their banner. The contract already had each of their signatures. The second was a powerful magical scroll which would bring one person back from the dead if cast within an hour of being deceased.

As Horny unrolls the final scroll he sighs with disappointment. "They could have sent us some start up money at least."

"What is it?" Asks Althea.

"A job." Horny's gold eyes pan across the script. "There's some goblins causing problems. Kidnapped some local noble's son. Demanding ransom. The noble has no reason to believe the goblins will hold to their word if he pays up. He believes that the only hope of seeing his son alive, assuming he's not already dead, is for a rescue." He rolls up the parchment then coolly slides on a pair of red tinted spectacles. "That's where we come in. It's hero time folks."

"Rrmf!" Grunts Scrouge to the discomfort of everyone except Hoppy. "Unleash the Scourge and they shall be ended."

And just like that the group was off on their very first adventure. Once in the general area the goblin lair is easily found by Raevis' skilled tracking. As they near the mouth of the cave they could hear the nasally growls of an unfamiliar language from within. Creeping forward and peering through the opening they see a group of the ten small green humanoids distracted by a game of dice.

"Perhaps we draw them into the daylight." Whispers Raevis. "We'll have the advantage."

"But we risk them alerting others. Look, the cave goes deeper." Horny points. "They might kill the noble's son."

Flipping through her spellbook Althea sighs. "I don't think I've got anything that can get them all at once."

"Ooo! There's more of them than there is of us." Hoppy frets. "We should run away."

"Just goblins." Snorts Scourge. "Scourge will destroy."

"Wait." The healer says. "I've got a better idea. The Great Lepus instills in us werebunnies two primary instincts."

"Fight or flight?" Asks Althea.

She shakes her head. "Flee or fuck."

"Pfft! What?"

"It's the way of the bunny." Hoppy says, her long ears perking up indignantly. "I'll ask you not to laugh at my culture and religion thank you very much."

"Sorry." Giggles the mage.

"I'll distract them. You guys go ahead."

Before anybody could react the healer had already stepped into the mouth of the cave.

"Hoppy! You idiot!" Hisses Horny.

All ten pair of goblin eyes turn to buxom bunny who had just stepped into their midst.

"Hey boys." Hoppy says in a sing-song tone. "What do ya think of these babies?" With that she pulls her top apart to reveal her bountiful boobs.

***

Everyone at the table sits and stares at Riley who stood mimicking pulling her blouse apart, her chest thrust forward between her hands. She looks around at us. "What?"

"Um..." Winona looks down and rustles some papers behind the screen. "Uh..."

"You said I could do anything in this game." Riley grins proudly as the rest of us begin to snicker. "My Bunbun's a lover not a fighter."

"Alright Riley." Winona says as she tries to figure out how to go with it. "Uhhh...give me a Charm-Active roll."

***

To the group's amazement the goblins do not react with aggression but instead sit bewitched by werebunny's incredible rack. Loving the attention Hoppy strides forward, her wide hips rocking seductively, until she gets to the wall on the opposite side of the cavern as the entrance. She turns around, winking and blowing kisses at her diminutive green audience, then removes her clothes completely. The illumination from the entrance acting as a spotlight Hoppy begins to dance erotically. The goblins are hypnotized by her big round swaying ass with its adorable puffball tail, her soft tawny fawn flesh that looked so smooth and warm, and those full, heavy breasts with their big pert nipples that just begged to be squeezed and sucked upon. A few of them had already flipped up their loincloths to start jerking off.

"Way of the bunny?" Whispers Horny. "I'm not a religious man but...hmm." He puts away his glasses. "I'm not going to let our dear friend stand alone against this menace. I'm going in."

"No!"

Before they knew it the Incubus had joined the voluptous healer and begun stripping as well. Horny's sensuous movements were as smooth as warm honey and every bit as alluring as one might expect of a man of his demonic heritage. His beckoning dance, his smoldering gaze, his lithe body channeled the essence of carnal passion itself. He was masculinity and femininity in one. To those attracted to the male his slender physique was sex incarnate. To those attracted to the female his androgynous curves enflamed forbidden desires. And so, while initially his appearance had caused a stir, it was not long before goblins fell under his charms as well. There is actually a round of applause when his huge red cock is unveiled.

Together Hoppy and Horny dance...and kiss...and grope at each other's naked flesh. At this point all of the goblins were fapping to the show...but that wasn't enough for these performers.

Turning to the audience Hoppy whispers. "What's the matter boys? Afraid we'll bite?"

Seconds later the pair is swarmed by ten horny goblins and the orgy was on. Hoppy has a little green dick in every hole, two in her pussy, as she jerked off another pair, one in each hand. Meanwhile Horny is railing another one who had died and gone to anal heaven as he sucks off another and has another eating out his asshole. The final goblin stands huffing and jerking off as the demon's tail plunges in and out of his ass.

As distractions go it was a ten out of ten, if only the Mayhems could have acted. In a state of shock at the pornographic scene unfolding before them Raevis and Scourge stand open mouthed as between them Althea is seized to the point of helplessness by a fit of the giggles.

***

Back in the real world Riley was bouncing on her chair, riding it really, while making the lewdest noises as she pretended to give furious handjobs to either side of her face. "Ohh yes, yes, yes!" She cries, easily loud enough to be heard by all of the neighboring units. "Gimme all those cute little dicks! Gimme all that hot gobbo-goo! Gimme a bunny bukake! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

Across from her Kayla was on her feet in the throes of giving it to a goblin doggy style. "Fuck yeah!" She holds to imaginary hips as she plows the monster silly, slapping its ass every few thrusts. "Take it! Take that big demon dick you green slut!"

Between them sat a wide-eyed and red faced Briar looked back and forth between the two wild women flanking her. The tiny woman is as much at a loss as her titanic min-maxed character as to what to do with this situation. They didn't cover this in the books! Across from me Cain was looking at his girlfriend as if she'd gone mad, though the grin on his face giving away that he was loving every second of the erotic theatrics. Meanwhile myself and Brayden from his spot over on the sofa are absolutely killing ourselves with laughter, which only inspired Kayla and Riley to become ever more outrageous.

Behind the screen Winona is shaking her head in disbelief and muttering. "What in the hell have I gotten myself into?"

We had just begun but I could already tell that this was going to be a group unlike any other.

***

Chapter 64

The orgy commences and after a few moments to get over the shock of the scene the remaining members of the Mayhems are able to sneak past to delve deeper into the goblin's cavern. There are traps and puzzles and fights along the way but thanks to the wizard's cleverness, the hunter's deadly precision with a bow and tactical nous and the holy brute's devastating combat ability they eventually find their way to the heart of the lair. Just in time they are reunited with their healer and scoundrel, who had left ten very happy and very exhausted goblins behind them, and all together they charge through into the chieftain's throne room.

They skitter to stop when they notice the one thing they hadn't been expecting. No goblins. The vast cavern had a cracking cooking fire, bed piles aplenty, rudimentary tables and chairs, and even a throne at the far end made from bound together horns and tusks. On the tables meals lay half eaten and the water from a tipped over vessel still dripped from the edge of the table upon which it was spilled. The only signs of life that could be seen were a few blooms of cavern fungus that grew around the edges and the lone figure behind the crude throne.

A human man matching the description of the noble's son hung dangling from a chain that was attached to the ceiling. His wrists were bound by a rope which was hooked onto the iron meat hook at the end of the chain. He hung there naked, in front of him laid out on a rough stone table were the tools of an abattoir. A saw, two carving knives, a cleaver and a sharpening steel sat in a line, all caked with gore but still looking plenty sharp enough for butcher. Below the suspended human was a great basin clearly placed there to catch blood. All five members of the Mayhems breath a sigh of relief when the battered man groans through his cloth gag and looks up to his prospective saviors.

"He's alive!" Hoppy claps and bounces excitedly.

"And he's cute." Grins the demon as he looks up and down the young man's powerfully built body.

"And naked!" Hoppy licks her plump lips.

"And rich." Horny's tail begins to wag.

"I call dibs!"

"Hey!" Protests Horny.

"Wait. Something's not right here." Raevis says in a low tone as his keen gaze sweeps back and forth across the cave. "Where did they go?"

"Run away." Grunts the ogre-troll. "Want no piece of Scourge."

"But run away where? This is the only exit."

"Who cares. I'm just glad they're not here." The healer says with beaming optimism as she strides fearlessly forward. "Hold on there noble boy. Bunbun's comin!"

"Hoppy wait!" Raevis rushes to her and gets to her a step too late. The net trap is sprung and the very next instant both the werebunny and elf are scooped up in a great bundle to sway from the roof like a pendulum.

The other three rush in to help and as they look up it becomes clear where the inhabitants had gone. Lost in the flickering shadows of the central fire were three recesses high up on the walls. As Hoppy screams and Raevis scrambles to draw a sword to saw at the ropes that held them the chamber echoes with the cruel laughs of the waiting goblin mob.

Boom!

A heavy wooden wall of lashed together logs crashes down behind them, covering the only escape.

Back to back to back Althea, Horny, and Scourge stand ready as the green horde stream down the walls to surround them. One of them stands out from the rest thanks to its greater height and the ratty feathered robe that it wore. It is no surprise to any of them when it was this one that went to stand at the throne. When it raises it's rattling staff the other goblins fall silent. It looks at the group with a broken toothed smile.

Unfazed Scourge squares up to it and smiles the mad smile of a zealot With a flick of each wrist she releases the ball and bladed hook. Gripping the chains she begins to swing each in slow circles. "Scourge bouta kick some..."

The goblin chieftain cackles and rattles its staff and says something in an unfamiliar tongue.

"...bouta...bout...a..." The paladin-rager's voice fades and her arms suddenly slump, her heavy weapons clanking to the floor.

"What are ya doing?" Prods Horny. "Kill it!"

Slowly Scourge's huge mohawked head turns to look at the incubus, her eyes shimmering with a magical energy. She blinks and her muscles tense again. Once more with spirit Scourge says. "Scourge bouta kick some evil ass!"

"Scourge?" Horny peeps. A moment later the bludgeoning end of the berserker's chain comes swinging down, missing by a scant inch, to smash into the earth with a thunderous thud. The scoundrel springs away but his friend remains after him in hot pursuit. "Kill him you idiot!" Horny wails, pointing to the chieftain. "NOT ME!"